Realistic Expectations

[pitbull]

Personally I don't apply and determine a *universal* definition of love if you read my posts. I simply gave my understanding of love. And I said personally I would not marry a man if I would not love him.

If the idea  of entering into marriage with "heads cold and love-free" and not being in love suits you and your wife that's fine and you can beat your own drum trying to justify it. Personally I don't want a loveless marriage with cold heads and wait for love after wedding ceremony. I'm just not able to live with a man I do not love or I'm not in love with him, and yes, I beat my drum 

Olga,
 
I'm with you in this topic!
 
I would never agree to marry a man (leaving my country, family, friends and career to boot), if I didn't love him. Also, I don't understand why some posters presume that there is no reason where there is love. I was looking for a man compatible with me on many different levels (character, education, life goals, lifestyle choices etc.) All these things were discussed extensively before a meeting. My criteria were very strict and narrow. I wouldn't meet with an uneducated loser or a guy with kids from previous marriage. But all the rational compatibility wasn't enough without the key ingredient - I had to love him to marry him. I believe love is what holds people together during the difficult times, gets them through arguments and disagreements to finding a compromise, gets them to stick by their spose when they are sick and grumpy. The simple "we are rationally compatible and I like him and he is well-off" wouldn't do it for me.
 
Furthermore,  love is a wonderful and deep emotion that grows and changes with time, and enriches one's life enormously. And (and it is my humble opinion) those who enter a loveless marriage of convenience rob themselves of a key ingredient of human life, of what it means to be human. We only have one life to live, why knowingly make it so much less full?
 

[chivo]

 
Do you not find it odd that the people who constantly preach about marital bliss and happiness come from people who failed in their own relationships? Like you..
 
That's like Obama preaching about Hope and Change, yeah?

GQ, really did someone piss in your cornflakes bro? You're f'n up a pretty good thread for some reason or another. Seriously, you're way out of line with this garage sale nonsense.
 
Take a deep breath, back away from the computer, go play golf (or clean your balls  ) or do some other stress reliever but by all means ...LET IT GO.

[OlgaH]

We will never be happy if for that we need to share our views on the cost of the clothes as Olga says. But we have understanding 

It is easy for people who do care about each other or love each other to find understanding and compromises.

Again, I don't impose my definition of love on everybody, but to me "knowing each other" and "have mutual understanding" is indispensable conditions for "falling in love" and "loving each other" and without it I would never fall in love with a man.

[BC]

My criteria were very strict and narrow. I wouldn't meet with an uneducated loser or a guy with kids from previous marriage.

Interesting thought to explore..  Is it posible that men are more amenable to marrying a woman with kids than the other way around?

[Jumper]

Women are competing for good men and I got tired to compete. I want to live in a society where women have thrown men off the pedestal.

This does not actually answer WHY RW often feel there are so few good RM.
Neither does Mafia wars..
 
It's a macho society,and culturte, chivo alluded to the dealbut dinrt expounsd..
 you are bioth in in a position to enlighten readers,, lets enlighten them
,not blame mafia and drinking ,wehen the root cause of that is something else entirely.
 
They are raised by russian mothers..why arent there enough good family RM?
 
 
Anyway, so  you choose not to compete anymore.
and it could easily be postulated thats what the western man is doing when looking east.
 
Not the best of scenerios, but as long as happiness occurs ..
 

 
   

Some of you, especially the newbies have no idea what it's like to be a RW in Russia. The competition for men (among other things) is fierce. Certainly much more competitive than anything I've seen in the States.

It's not that i doubt these statements, having lived in similar cultures,. I know them to be basically true.
 
But I'd like someone to define why.(in the FSU)
its an age old question on the boards that noones made a good answer to.
 
The surface things like smoking ,drinking,hard life, or  shorter life expectancy arent
that valid in the mid thirties/ fourties *family man* demographic
 
Whats the root cause for the shortage and resultant competition..?

*shrugs*

[Jumper]

Interesting thought to explore..  Is it posible that men are more amenable to marrying a woman with kids than the other way around?

BC,
 I would say that absolutely western women ,without children,
are generally more felixble in this regard than single ,childless RW.
(or even one with her own children)
 
Not sure why, but it is certainly my experience as a single father.
You would think that being a single father, would be some indicator of a family man,
but is not generally the case.
 
Additionally I do think western men are far more open to truly accepting a womans previous children ,as his own.
 
 
Anyone has their individual given critreria, absolutely nothing wrong with that.
just pointing out my experiences as related to differences culturally.
 
 
 
 

[Misha]

Insult him?!? Hardly. I think it's wonderful there are folks who do that. But like you said, you're not one of them and I'm not either. Read below...

I have to say, you are showing all the classic characteristics of a schoolyard bully.

[Misha]

Interesting thought to explore..  Is it posible that men are more amenable to marrying a woman with kids than the other way around?

Depends on the man, depends on the woman. Each defines their own "deal breakers" and what it simply means is that the farther one strays from the "ideal" the harder one has to look to find the person who matches our criteria and likewise ensure that we match theirs.... Sure, the handsome, twenty-something, educated, with a good career, and no children or prior marriages will have an easier time than those who do not quite fulfil all these criteria, but then again these individuals are less likely to look overseas IMHO...

[Gator]

Interesting thought to explore..  Is it posible that men are more amenable to marrying a woman with kids than the other way around?

Some RW were interested in my sons.  Others were disinterested (and many of them had their own child/children).   
 
Why?  Everyone is different.  This was an important issue to me so I paid attention.  Here is my opinion of about 15 RW with whom I spent adequate time.  YMMV:
 
  -  Some in the "disinterested" group thought based on my sons' age that they were adults and should not seek nor need their father's time.
 
  -  Those without children tended to be in the "disinterested" group. 
 
  -  The RW in the "interested" group had strong family values and came from functional families. 
 
  -  Perhaps most important, obvious "givers" and "balanced" were mostly in the interested group and "takers" in the disinterested group.  This last distinction spills over into many aspects of a relationship.
 
  -   To be fair,  I must assume some in the "disinterested" group were not sure that they were interested in me.    
 
 

[Gator]

Whats the root cause for the shortage and resultant competition..?

Jumper, you know the answer, but for some others:
 
1.  With regard to women, RM are more clever while AM are more PC and PW.
 
2.  RW have 5% of the money and 100% of the kitty-cat, while AW have 50% of the money and 100% of the kitty-cat.     


 
 

[Donna_Pedro]

  He could afford way nicer things though (before he met me lol )
And when we met he had 30$ watch...OMG...to me man and watch is a a big deal, just like a woman and a purse. But well he simply didnt think so. He used to say 'You know what 30$ watch do just as well as 300K $ watch do? - tell time'

Thats exactly my situation 100%. Before my husband met me he wore $30 watches,  bought half of his wardrobe in Walmart and thought that jewlery was for faggots. I introduced him to a nicer and a quality clothing, worked on style a little bit, bought him some nicer watches and even a couple of pieces of jewlery, that he actually likes. He even talked like your husband - a shirt is a shirt, so why would I pay $100 if I can pay $7. Now people actually comment how nice he dresses and co-workers routinly inquire brand of his sport jackets.

[clancyhound]

No one buys watchs to tell time, at least not for me, now it's a 100 % a fashion accessory.
My favorite is Chronoswiss Opus.


Cel phone is for time.

[sniper]

Thats exactly my situation 100%. Before my husband met me he wore $30 watches,  bought half of his wardrobe in Walmart and thought that jewlery was for faggots. I introduced him to a nicer and a quality clothing, worked on style a little bit, bought him some nicer watches and even a couple of pieces of jewlery, that he actually likes. He even talked like your husband - a shirt is a shirt, so why would I pay $100 if I can pay $7. Now people actually comment how nice he dresses and co-workers routinly inquire brand of his sport jackets.

YeS exactly! Im still working on him but we started from 'only faggs have gucci watch'

[Vincenzo]

Young Americans also want to leave the country.
http://online.barrons.com/article/SB50001424052748703827804577056023254214872.html

Nearly 40% of young Americans 18 to 24 are thinking about leaving the U.S. to seek opportunity abroad.

Indeed! You cross the Mexican border and girls smile and want to chit-chat. It's a different culture where girls want to kiss, marry, and have fun together.

[OlgaH]

Interesting thought to explore..  Is it posible that men are more amenable to marrying a woman with kids than the other way around?

BC, among my acquaintance in Russia are 4 women who married man with children and 1 who did not make it to marriage.

Two marriages where husbands were widowers with small children (3-7) did not experience too much problems . The other marriages were in some way or another impacted by children (about teen and teens age) behaviors and an active involvement of ex-wives who actually constantly set up their children against women.

One woman could not make it to marriage. And personally I don't blame her. Her German boyfriend had a 14 y.o. daughter. During her visits his daughter demonstrated very aggressive behaviour. So her last 4 month visit was really last. Though she is a very patient and understanding person.  The daughter would go through her clothes and makeups damaging it right in front of her eyes, she called her "Russian whore", when the daughter had her periods she demonstratively was leaving her bloody napkins everywhere and sometimes throwing it on the kitchen table when the woman was cooking. But the most important when she asked her boyfriend to talk to his daughter he was just making a helpless gesture saying "what I can do she is just a child."

When you marry a person with children from previous marriage I think it is very important to make it work with his/her children before marriage and it is important to be on the same page with your partner to make it work. Step parenting is not an easy task  especially in international marriages.

Personally I understand people, men and women, who would like to eliminate potential problems in advance during their search. Some people are not ready to have even their own children until 30s. But it doesn't mean they are potentially bad parents in the future of not family oriented.  Some people after 30s and more over after 40s don't want to have any more children, and they would prefer to find their life partner without children or with adult independent children. I see nothing wrong with that.
 

[oldernotwiser]

Thats exactly my situation 100%. Before my husband met me he wore $30 watches,  bought half of his wardrobe in Walmart and thought that jewlery was for faggots. I introduced him to a nicer and a quality clothing, worked on style a little bit, bought him some nicer watches and even a couple of pieces of jewlery, that he actually likes. He even talked like your husband - a shirt is a shirt, so why would I pay $100 if I can pay $7. Now people actually comment how nice he dresses and co-workers routinly inquire brand of his sport jackets.

Sounds like you and Sniper are whipping your men into shape, good job.  I am sure they look very nice now that they have some adequate jewelry. 


I suppose we all may have a little snobbery in us, but for some it is so on the surface. 

[Donna_Pedro]

Sounds like you and Sniper are whipping your men into shape, good job.  I am sure they look very nice now that they have some adequate jewelry. 

We have a saying in Russia..I am not sure if I can translate it correctly, but in so many words it boils down to - the first impression is always made by appearance. On a certain level it becomes a necessity. It took us a while before my husband himself was able to realize it.

[Daveman]

YeS exactly! Im still working on him but we started from 'only faggs have gucci watch'

Absolutely true...


Real men wear Breitling!


You want a real over the top status fashion statement... get your man a Patek    ..

[Donna_Pedro]

get your man a Patek    ..

 Patrek can not come alone. It requires Bently, Vertu, row bespoke etc.  So I will wait until my child becomes a rich attoney. He is my only hope for my husband's Patek&co.

[GoodOlBoy]

I suppose we all may have a little snobbery in us, but for some it is so on the surface.

Agree.
 
When GOB reads this incessant "unhappy" meowing    from RW concerning their AH's, he can only think of RWD Commandment #7:
 
7. Always be yourself. Show the ladies the real you. Be truthful. Use current photos.
 
Obviously these RW don't appreciate the "real you" of their husband's. 
 
GOB

[sniper]

You want a real over the top status fashion statement... get your man a Patek    ..

Currently A lilbit out of budget, just got new Bentley

We have a saying in Russia..I am not sure if I can translate it correctly, but in so many words it boils down to - the first impression is always made by appearance. On a certain level it becomes a necessity. It took us a while before my husband himself was able to realize it.

Thats right! Or as I always say you dont get a second chance to produce first impression

[sniper]

Agree.
 
When GOB reads this incessant "unhappy" meowing    from RW concerning their AH's, he can only think of RWD Commandment #7:
 
7. Always be yourself. Show the ladies the real you. Be truthful. Use current photos.
 
Obviously these RW don't appreciate the "real you" of their husband's. 
 
GOB

Theres always a little room for some improvements 

[OlgaH]

 Patrek can not come alone. It requires Bently, Vertu, row bespoke etc.  So I will wait until my child becomes a rich attoney. He is my only hope for my husband's Patek&co.

Dona_Pedro, I wish your son success, sincerely! 

Here is a good article.
http://www.chron.com/business/article/Salary-reality-Many-lawyers-don-t-earn-big-bucks-1841042.php Though it is written in 2007 but it is timely nowadays.

[sniper]

Dona_Pedro, I wish your son success, sincerely! 

Here is a good article.
http://www.chron.com/business/article/Salary-reality-Many-lawyers-don-t-earn-big-bucks-1841042.php Though it is written in 2007 but it is timely nowadays.

Yes sounds like its still true. But there s way, go get engineering degree(preferably MIT), then law degree(preferably Ivy League) and become a patent lawyer. Best case scenario - you start from 100K and make big bucks, worst - you cant find such a job and you are 500K in debt lol

[OlgaH]

In reality there are more lawyers that barely make $60K-$150K per year than real Mastodonts.

Sometimes the too silliest and ambitious to support their image of success get themselves in such debts.