Special K and the Yankee ~ Cloggie

[SMS60]

For what it is worth via Skype she has tried to push me away and told me to look for some one else.

And again, as someone showed  this up thread.

You will wish you had taken the blinders off and pulled the cotton out of your ears in the very near future.

What do you think she was saying. How did you interpret this?

Find someone who is interested in you.

[JR]

Excuse me where did you grow up. Perhaps in a cave and you whack the woman walking about and drag her off to your lair? (No but I like the idea, mind if I borrow it?))))

From your comments you seem to know as you indicate little, for the record I flew about 2.5 hours. (Congratulations)

In my book you should apologize. (Not gonna)

Yes I have seen this quality and it is present in both sexes. But to assume this regarding someone who you do not know and has few posts here makes you little more than a petty amateur with a mean spirit. (You know me soooo well, I'll get therapy!)

For the record I dislike horses and horse back riding also this will not be healthy for some one with a spinal issue so please get of your horse. (Real Men ride horses)))

I make observations based upon what posters post. I usually don't "point out" an individual, when I do I try to call them out by name.  I don't know you, I can only comment upon what you present. If you say you have no "Hero Complex" (a desire to be needed and respected) then I'd say you may not be a man. Men have these tendancies and it is only natural. The thing about such tendancies is to not let them control you or your decisions. From what you present (regardless of denial) it is easy to surmise that said tendancies do indeed play a role in your decision making process.
Am I a Neggy Viber? Maybe, maybe not, but I have seen far too many men close their eyes and charge blindly into battle only to have their asses handed to them because they chose to play delusional games with themselves. All I ask is that people don't kid themselves about why they do things.

[JR]

JR,
 
Three corrections to your posts:
1.  BdHvA wrote that he has met his woman before.  So something has already happened between them.
2.  BdHvA also said he was against the knight in shining armor approach (so maybe your comment was to educate the newbie lurkers).
3.  I don't believe that BdHvA has a problem with Special K having surgery.  My Christian Scientist fraternity brother explained that CS believers are not prohibited from seeking medical treatment.  However, they do not practice CS healing and medical treatment simulataneously.    Also, IIRC, they do not pray for God to intervene with a miracle.  It is far more complicated than that.
 
Anyway, I thought BdHvA's question was not about the treatment but the attitude of Special K that he should just go away.  Is that Slavic culture?

1. Thanks Gator, but it doesn't change my position.
2. I would say I was against it too. But how he presents himself tells differently. He presents as willing to attach himself with her even if she becomes bound to a wheel chair. I don't believe (even if he's met her before) there is enough between them to warrant that kind of committment. 
3. I would say he does. Can't formulate to what extent but it's in the mix in some amount. If it has zero influence  he would not have mentioned it.
Playing with peoples hearts is a serious matter, especially when they have serious medical issues. She is pushing him away for some reason. Maybe she is noble and does not want to burden him. Maybe she does not see in him the strenght she needs from a man and is afraid he'll bolt when she needs him the most. Who knows? I don't, all we know is what he posts.
I do wish them, especially her the very best and hopefully they will spend many, many happy years together without a wheelchair.
And yes, most of what I write is for general consumption and not really directed at individuals. Again because I don't know the individuals.

[Gator]

JR,
Good answer.  And serious too, not your usual motif.   
 
Nevertheless, we do not know the depth of their relationship.  BdHvA may not be a hopeless romantic, and his intentions may be reasonable.  Also, BdHvA is justifiably stressed about his woman's health.  So maybe we should give him a break. 
 
After the surgery I hope he returns and writes us about how it went. 
 

[BdHvA]

Hi & an update.

SpecialK has a lingering cold and the doctors have postponed the surgery by a week.

She has returned to Zhytomyr and at present I am in Connecticut. The plan is over three weeks I will return to Amsterdam and most likely on to Ukraine.

Just to add as for Christian Science, yes the description that Gator gives is accurate. There are many things with CS that are admirable. But as way of background I contracted polio, in a school for Christian Science students. This happened when I was 15 years old. As I indicated before in my opinion SpecialK is following the correct course and she has my full support. As a follower of CS or just a garden variety friend you can pray for her and in fact for the surgeons carrying out the operation.

For now I am only interested that she come out healthy and hale. I would point out that it was via Skype she pushed me away after our initial meeting of just over an hour. One possibility is she wanted to see what the depth and sincerity of my interest in her is~was. When we were together last we considered everything and SpecialK was very open to a possible relationship in the future. But she to wants to focus her energy and effort on the surgery now. In the future we will see what form our relationship takes.

[JR]

Thanks Gator, I'm a bit of a smart ass (doesn't show does it?) and I have very little time here. When I have to choose between spending time with my daughter, cleaning the bathroom or posting here I always choose teaching my daughter her abcs n 123s or taking her to the beach so my posts tend to be short and to the point.
My concerns about this situation are only strenghtened by BdHvA's last post. He spent one whole hour of face time with her and decides to commit to her thru thick or thin.....to me that smells of self servitude and not a deep understanding of and committment to the other person. "I see a need, I shall rush in an meet it." The OP had polio so he can relate to having a serious medical condition and understand the need to have someone near you while going thru it. But does he "know her?" Will he be there in her hour of need?
I don't know them and they don't know each other. Perhaps I am wrong and I hope I am but from what is presented I have serious concerns, especially for the woman. I don't see much to warrant that level of committment. Only BdHvA knows, he is the only one here who is "on the ground" doing the footwork. I hope he makes wise decisions.

[BdHvA]

My initial "date" and introduction with Katerina turned out to be over an hour, the other meetings with women were usually less than 30 minutes. In Zhytomyr and Berdichev to the south we met some 9 women that were written to. My subsequent trip to Ukraine was to spend initially two nights and three days with Special K it became longer because I canceled my appointments in Kiev. I will make these up in March.

We met for lunch and dinner each day on my last trip as well as sometimes for coffee and breakfast. For SpecialK it is most important that she be healthy for surgery. She was fighting a cold when we were together which resulted in the surgery being pushed back a week to give her more time to recoup.

We both agreed to meet each other again in March. For now I see the relationship as friends that might grow into something special. I will get to know her better. There is no now commitment so we shall see over time what can develop and what form the relationship takes. I also have been clear that because of her character, sensitivities, beauty and compassion I am interested in spending more time with her.

NB: JR, I would use a different adjective to describe your self.

[JR]

NB: JR, I would use a different adjective to describe your self.

I'm sure you would Probably something along the lines of a$$ hole....
But hey, I get that, I'm raining on your parade, too bad you forgot your umbrella )))
I do wish you well and hope it turns out to everything you could ever hope for and even more.

[BdHvA]

I do wish you well and hope it turns out to everything you could ever hope for and even more.

I live in Amsterdam and do not own an umbrella! I do not need to own an umbrella the rain stays away or it does not bother me.

But thanks for the wishes - time will tell.

[JR]

I live in Amsterdam and do not own an umbrella! I do not need to own an umbrella the rain stays away or it does not bother me.

Well that answers a lot!

[BdHvA]

An update the surgery was in Kiev yesterday and today per SMS I have heard from Special K that all has gone well. Yes I am happy! for her and for the fact that it seems I am the first to know.

So know 2 to 3 weeks of psychical therapy and rest than anther 4 weeks of rest at home.

I am planning on going back to Ukraine in 14 or so days to be with Katerina.

[BdHvA]

2.III.12

Today I fly to Kiev meet with Special K and go to L’viv where we will be together. Will this be a good time – yes. I have always wanted to see the city. But even more to spend time Katerina. Will this be the first and last city we see together is what we will discover?

That I think we will find out over this weekend the answer to this.

Could I ask the moderators to rename this thread Special K & the Yankee ~ Cloggie and I will update as things develop.

Thanks.

[BdHvA]

In L'viv, with Katerina while damp and cold, think Amsterdam ~ the time together is very nice, I will continue to spend time with Special K and see if we can cross other hurdles before us. AvHdB

[Chicagoguy]

Good Luck !!!

[Gator]

Katerina and you sound like the making of a good story.   Believe it or not, many of us here at RWD like good stories. 
 
Wishing that all goes well in L'viv.

[ML]

For breakfast cereals, I like Special K Vanilla and Special K Chocolate. 

Surely that fact is relevant to this thread.

[BdHvA]

Special K & chocolate now there is a fantasy 

Anyways she has returned to her sick daughter and I am alone in Kiev*

L'viv was amazing and we realized what the future difficulties to deal with are. So (I hope) we will see.

DdHvA

*I will behave.

[Hammer2722]

Special K & chocolate now there is a fantasy 

Anyways she has returned to her sick daughter and I am alone in Kiev*

L'viv was amazing and we realized what the future difficulties to deal with are. So (I hope) we will see.

DdHvA

*I will behave.

Ah, Lviv.... One of my favorite cities to visit!!!!! 

[BdHvA]

At my request I have asked this report that started with a question to women from the former Soviet Union to be moved, eventually if the members here and myself find this useful I would request that it be renamed.

So I flew from Amsterdam to Kiev and Katarina came to Boryspol with a friend.

After a delay of over two hours we flew back to L'viv staying there from Friday until Monday. The city which is known by multiple names is both beautiful and elegant. On Saturday we wandered about and visited the museum holding a large collection of the sculpture of Pinsel. Amazing, one can compare his work to that of Rodin or other sculptures of the 19th and 20th century. On Sunday we walked the city with a local guide for about 4 hours and than drove around for another 3 hours.

It was an interesting time in this city for us to learn more about each other. Our friendship deepened and I found it very easy to be together with her. At times we laughed together and other times talked about issues trying to find out the feelings and thoughts. If I would go to Lviv again I would visit in the spring or fall. Certainly not winter with temperatures on either side of freezing.

On Sunday night Katarina's mother called and it seemed that her daughter Viktoria was sick with an ear infection. I offered instead of spending the night on Monday with me, return home a day early. So after dinner in Kiev which we had planned long before, she returned to Zhytomyr to be with her daughter.

On Tuesday I spent the night alone and woke up at 4:30 to catch the 6:30 flight back to Amsterdam.

I suspect that we will try to build a relationship together but we both have twice failed in relationships before. We are careful and cautious. One coming problem and we have only discussed in a limited way is how will Katerina gain permission for her daughter to be with her in the West. The father is both active in the daughters life and politician in Zhytomyr. I am open to suggestions and ideas on how Katerina can gain full control so we three can be together.

On the short term I will travel again to Zhytomyr and meet both the mother and daughter at the end of this month.

[Gator]

BdHvA,

How old is the daughter?

Gaining sole custody is a tricky. 

I assume the father is still providing some financial support.  If so, the courts would never grant sole custody to Special K.

A conversation with the father about moving to America is the first step.  Special K should do the talking, not you.  There are cases here at RWD where the father recognized the benefit of a move to America (search archives for posts by Vaughn).

If the father is aggressively active and a politician as you suggested, he probably is not a reasonable man, and a polite conversation will do no good.
That leaves you with paying a bribe - probably around $10,000 to the father.

The question is when does Special K start talking to the father about moving potentially. 
 
 
 
 

[BC]

Of course if the father does not want to give permission and mother wants to stay which is quite understandable for a young child, there is always the option to to move there instead.

[BdHvA]

Of course if the father does not want to give permission and mother wants to stay which is quite understandable for a young child, there is always the option to to move there instead.

True enough and perhaps possible - but than I would rather be some where else than Zhytomyr. If the father is going to be difficult it can run two ways. Perhaps moving somewhere in Ukraine such as Sumy or Ivano-Frankivsk. Ok I know the distance to Ivano-Frankivsk is not so great but the roads will destroy the average car.

[Gator]

Good idea BC, especially if BdHvA can work from a computer.
 

Ok I know the distance to Ivano-Frankivsk is not so great but the roads will destroy the average car.

There is nothing to prevent moving to Kiev, unless he has enough political power  to have connections disrupt your life in Kiev.

[BdHvA]

Why would I move to a city where the balance is in favour of the father.

I had hoped that some members here would have positive and constructive suggestions.

Bribing the father is no problem but will happen in 10 years? His daughter will discover the reality and where will every one stand?


I realize the above may come across as arrogant - yes I could set up a business in Ukraine. Katarina has though worked and lived in Praag before her ex-was called back by the goverment. Katarina has travelled and believes correctly so in my opinion for some as creative and intelligent as her there is a brighter and richer future in Western Europe or The United States.

[Gator]

Why would I move to a city where the balance is in favour of the father.

I thought K was from Zhytomyr and so I assume the father lived there too and was a local politician.  If he is a big politician in Kiev, there is no reason to move to Kiev unless that helps with your negotiations with him (he sees his daughter more than he does now).  We have only a piece of the puzzle.     

I had hoped that some members here would have positive and constructive
suggestions.

I believe  BC's and my posts were intended to give you constructive options about what other AM have done in the past.   

Bribing the father is no problem but will happen in 10 years? His daughter will
discover the reality and where will every one stand?

Any father who accepts a bribe in exchange for not seeing his daughter again is not a father who deserves his daughter's love.

Katarina has travelled and believes correctly so in my opinion for some as creative and intelligent as her there is a brighter and richer future in Western Europe or The United States.

 
In the case of Vaughn's stepdaughter, this is exactly what the father recognized and accepted as beneficial to the life of his daughter.