Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[GQBlues]

Exactly. They look like "rednecks" in their worst meaning. I don't understand how they can look for the women who are interested in golf,  opera and classical music. To me it looks like all they need is a gallon of beer, a couch, TV and a loud fat woman with a crude sense of humour.

A social misfit is not gender specific. If you're only attracting 'rednecks', I suggest looking into a mirror.


You're not any different than any other men who cruise by here using the excuse there's only fat women left to date for them in the entire USofA, hence they search halfway around the planet for women.


Search Mamba. Use Russia's social networks and get yourself a Russian man...why complicate your life so much by wasting your time using a venue that you already know persistently fails your self-professed superiority?

[Misha]

Exactly. They look like "rednecks" in their worst meaning.
I don't understand how they can look for the women who are interested in golf,  opera and classical music.
To me it looks like all they need is a gallon of beer, a couch, TV and a loud fat woman with a crude sense of humour.
How could Match link us?!

Are you basing your selection process solely on what the men look like? Perhaps you should meet at least one of them.

[JohnDearGreen]

Are you basing your selection process solely on what the men look like? Perhaps you should meet at least one of them.

Maybe the guys in the sweaty undershirts, faded jeans, and white sneakers are the rednecks she is referring to.
Something like this:

[ML]

Yes, but it is only acceptable to dress like that if you own the championship  basketball team.

[Gator]

Maybe the guys in the sweaty undershirts, faded jeans, and white sneakers are the rednecks she is referring to.
Something like this:

One aspect most men appreciate about RW is how well they dress.  RW expect the same in their men.  However, even a RW might bend her rules knowing this man's net worth.

[Muzh]

Gator, you are right, I am obviously doing something wrong.
I mentioned all my educational degrees and hobbies and my desire to find a serious guy with great family values but it doesn't work for some reason.
I obviously need to write something funny and not too "scary'

It don't seem to be working for the obvious reason.


You change your approach then you are settling for the gristle instead of the steak.

Don't complain later that it is not to your liking. 

[Muzh]

Yes, but it is only acceptable to dress like that if you own the championship  basketball team.

He is still an asshole.

[Misha]

It don't seem to be working for the obvious reason.


You change your approach then you are settling for the gristle instead of the steak.

Don't complain later that it is not to your liking. 

The problem is that both the steak and the gristle also have a say in the matter...

[vwrw]

Maybe the guys in the sweaty undershirts, faded jeans, and white sneakers are the rednecks she is referring to.
Something like this:

The guy on the photo above does not look like a redneck. His clothing is causal but flattering. Everything fits perfectly and is of appropriate style ( no a superman picture on his tee-short).

The redneck looks like a redneck even wearing a business suit which usually have weird pattern on it, or the sleeves are short or it will be too big in shoulders..or all the misfits together.  However, clothing is not the most unpleasant part about the rednecks, their facial expression usually is. Their faces and eyes often appear empty, indifferent and clouded. Brrrrr...

[vwrw]

Or he might be somewhat shy and introverted 

The OP is interested in smart guys in their 40. By that age, smart guys, regardless of whether they are introverted and shy or extroverted and outgoing, usually have [/size]understood that it is better to get contact info from the lovely woman if they want additional chances for continuation of communication with her. They usually  have a strategy to employ in the cases they meet somebody they like. They might be shy to straightforwardly ask you for the [/size]contact info, yet during the conversation, they will look  for some reason to contact you later. For example, they may offer to email you some information or help you in some way... anything that would legitimize their asking your [/size]contact info.

[vwrw]

[size=78%]There are many successful men who are not the Alpha Male types when it comes to dating. They are the ones who will find it difficult to figure out if a woman is interested, who will be too shy to ask even if they think she is interested.[/size]

I do not like the Alpha male types. I like men who are caring, considerate, polite, giving, like my husband. From my experience, such men are pretty good at understanding your feelings because they are outward focused. I think among the NOT- Alpha male types, there are as many men who will find it difficult to figure out if a woman might be interested as among the Alpha types.

[Misha]

[size=78%][/size]They usually  have a strategy to employ in the cases they meet somebody they like. ...[size=78%][/size]

I wouldn't be so certain about that. Let's image the 40-year-old, recently divorced who dated a handful of women before getting married. They may be as clueless when it comes to dating as the shy 17-year-old IMHO 

[Misha]

I think among the NOT- Alpha male types, there are as many men who will find it difficult to figure out if a woman might be interested as among the Alpha types.

Will they ask her out? Especially if meeting at a social gathering that is not specifically for singles to meet and find potential dates 

[GQBlues]

If you don't have what it takes to meet people in your society at large, and, you haven't had much success dating online, and speed-dating is not your cup of tea. Then scrap the Match/eHarmony bookmarks off your computer and try the very latest in social venue...TableForSix.

http://tableforsix.com/

If this still doesn't work for you, might I suggest the following:


1. A convent
2. Men Behind Bars
3. Go to India
4. Rent-A-Dreads
5. Botox 2.0

[Vasilisa]

Maybe the guys in the sweaty undershirts, faded jeans, and white sneakers are the rednecks she is referring to.
Something like this:

Ok, I know who this guy is, the fact that he has a lot of money doesn't mean that I'd like to date him and create a family with him, ok .

You can wear a T-shirt and jeans but enjoy the things that I like.
And who said I judge the book by its cover: I didn't just look at the photos, I actually read the profiles. "they look like" actually meant I read the profile and look at the pictures.

And if I don't feel sexually attracted to the guy, don't consider him to be even a little handsome but rude, messy and wearing baggy clothes why to give another chance? He is happy the way he is now, let him find the one who is the same, I don't want to change anyone. I have an image of the person I'd like to have a family with, he is not perfect but has high moral values, he is neat and respectful towards the others. If you decided to create a family and put the pictures of yourself on a drunk party hugging another girl or 2, it's ok, you are just not my type.

[Vasilisa]

The guy on the photo above does not look like a redneck. His clothing is causal but flattering. Everything fits perfectly and is of appropriate style ( no a superman picture on his tee-short).

The redneck looks like a redneck even wearing a business suit which usually have weird pattern on it, or the sleeves are short or it will be too big in shoulders..or all the misfits together.  However, clothing is not the most unpleasant part about the rednecks, their facial expression usually is. Their faces and eyes often appear empty, indifferent and clouded. Brrrrr...

I agree.

[Vasilisa]

Another thing I discovered on Match today after reading one of the profiles is that some of the profiles are actually not created by paid members. In other words they can't read the letters I write to them. Visually there is no difference between a paid member profile and an unpaid member profile, they don't mark them at all.

[LAman]

Another thing I discovered on Match today after reading one of the profiles is that some of the profiles are actually not created by paid members. In other words they can't read the letters I write to them. Visually there is no difference between a paid member profile and an unpaid member profile, they don't mark them at all.

Vasilisa, the terms used by match is member(non paying) and subscriber(paid member). True they cannot read your letters but they can see and send winks and get texts alerts for letters received. You have NO idea if reason a guy does not contact you is because of noninterest or not subscriber.. BTW....anyone can post a profile for free.....i did....

[Vasilisa]

A social misfit is not gender specific. If you're only attracting 'rednecks', I suggest looking into a mirror.


You're not any different than any other men who cruise by here using the excuse there's only fat women left to date for them in the entire USofA, hence they search halfway around the planet for women.

Ok, I am not saying that "there's ONLY" redneck guys there, there are plenty of the ones I like, for some reason I have problems (or they have problems) contacting them.

I have already followed the idea of "give it another try", "give this man another chance", "noone is perfect, you must have misunderstood something because of the cultural differences" philosophy and was ignoring the red flags, and you know what, they didn't vanish, the situation got worse and eventually led to a divorce.

I am not looking for a 100% match in everything, but if I don't like the picture at the very beginning (I am not about the photos), I don't see the reason to give it a try unless I want to have another bad marriage.

[Vasilisa]

Vasilisa, the terms used by match is member(non paying) and subscriber(paid member). True they cannot read your letters but they can see and send winks and get texts alerts for letters received. You have NO idea if reason a guy does not contact you is because of noninterest or not subscriber.. BTW....anyone can post a profile for free.....i did....

What is the point of sending winks to each other if it can't go to a next level?

[Daveman]

Ok, I am not saying that "there's ONLY" redneck guys there, there are plenty of the ones I like, for some reason I have problems (or they have problems) contacting them.

I have already followed the idea of "give it another try", "give this man another chance", "noone is perfect, you must have misunderstood something because of the cultural differences" philosophy and was ignoring the red flags, and you know what, they didn't vanish, the situation got worse and eventually led to a divorce.

I am not looking for a 100% match in everything, but if I don't like the picture at the very beginning (I am not about the photos), I don't see the reason to give it a try unless I want to have another bad marriage.

Unless you are extremely lucky-- the more picky you are, the longer your search dating phase will take.  That seems common sense, no?  I'm not saying that you are too picky... the last thing in the world you want to do is to settle for someone you really don't want to be with.   It's good you are not heading in that direction.  It's quite ok to be single.  Enjoy your life, and continue to make yourself available... before you know it you'll cross paths with Mr. RightNonRedNeck....  whether on Match, at the bowling, ooops, er... opera, or plowing the field into the back of his car on Main St.


Life *always* delivers opportunities.. be open enough to recognize possibilities and potential and ready to go for them when they arise. 

[Daveman]

What is the point of sending winks to each other if it can't go to a next level?

You may be surprised...  a guy will join a site when/if someone really grabs his attention.   My membership to Elenas had expired and I had no plan to rejoin... that is... until I saw "her".   You get the idea... 

[Vasilisa]

Dave, I know what you mean.
I have always been like that trying to see the best in people, unfortunatley my experience shows the opposite: if it looks like it's bad and something is wrong it never is good, but either wrong or even worse than I expected.
Right now I'd rather be picky to find the right guy or to stay single forever than to marry a wrong one and to go through all that dissapointment and pain again.

[ML]

Right now I'd rather be picky to find the right guy or to stay single forever than to marry a wrong one and to go through all that disappointment and pain again.

This is just another variation of the theme that is often repeated here:

"Be sure of the gal before . . . be sure you can trust the gal . . . be sure to choose the right person . . .  etc., etc., etc."

Dreams live on.

[Misha]

I have already followed the idea of "give it another try", "give this man another chance", "noone is perfect, you must have misunderstood something because of the cultural differences" philosophy and was ignoring the red flags, and you know what, they didn't vanish, the situation got worse and eventually led to a divorce.

I am confused. Have you actually gone out on dates with men from the site? From what I understood, you were ruling out all the men writing to you before going out on a first date. Before giving a man a second chance, you have to give him a first chance