Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[LAman]

Imagine that you are having  a date on a cold and yucky rainy day, you came  all cold, hungry, wet and tired and after having a look at the guy all you want is to drop the umbrella with the purse on the floor and run  without looking back or having a warm cup of tea.

What would you recommend to do?

Welcome to the world of internet dating.....
Sometimes to good to be true...is too good to be true!!!

[LAman]

I don't understand how that date was hilarious....you must have not been there!!! I doubt if Vasilisa went home busting up with laughter!!!
Best to learn from mistakes...
I don't ever remember any of girls I dated from match to ever look like pics.....seemed it was well known never to expect it to happen...so expectations was low. Never dated a man so i don't know if it is same for women!!!
I checked out match yesterday......seems a ton of people are either $150K+ or 'i'll tell you later.....who knows how honest any of them really are!!!! What a crap shoot!!!!
Vasilisa, I honestly hope you have some close girlfriends and can meet guys while in your friends company!! Good luck anyway!!!

[Vasilisa]

Thank you for your support, guys.
LAman, I am fine, I can laugh at the situation, but I was totally exhausted, because it had actually been a pretty busy day and after that I had  that so-called date. For some reason I am sure that the guy also lied about himself, he also told that he had been born in the US, I doubt that. If he had been born here he would have acted in a different way, at least smiled, he had good English, but with an accent and his behavior was weird, unless he is on some sort of  medication that makes him totally emotionless like a robot. There was a couple of things in his speech about himself that didn't match the whole story.
 I walked there because it was about 10 minutes' walk but it was raining cats and dogs and in the rain like that I'd offer a lift to a stranger.

[Patagonie]

Imagine that you are having  a date on a cold and yucky rainy day, you came  all cold, hungry, wet and tired and after having a look at the guy all you want is to drop the umbrella with the purse on the floor and run  without looking back or having a warm cup of tea.

What would you recommend to do?

First you don't have to come hungry, wet and tired because it is not the way to prepare a date and have good chances on it.

Second if you didn't like the guy.
 Two possiblilities
.A/  He has lied about his profile. I mean 15 years of difference between profile's photo and him, the guy say he is 80 and it's obvious he is 120. Just tell him that he absolutely doesn't fit his web profile and you don't want to loose your time, wake up and leave.
B/ you don't like him because... It's why it's wise to start by having a drink in a public place. Never start by a restaurant : you will be stucked. After 30 minutes you can tell him that you have an appointement, it was just a first contact and you leave. In extreme case you simulate an incoming call and explain that your job called you and you need to quickly return to fix a problem, problem with a relative .....
Not too complicated...

[Patagonie]

I don't understand how that date was hilarious....you must have not been there!!! I doubt if Vasilisa went home busting up with laughter!!!
Best to learn from mistakes...
I don't ever remember any of girls I dated from match to ever look like pics.....seemed it was well known never to expect it to happen...so expectations was low. Never dated a man so i don't know if it is same for women!!!
I checked out match yesterday......seems a ton of people are either $150K+ or 'i'll tell you later.....who knows how honest any of them really are!!!! What a crap shoot!!!!
Vasilisa, I honestly hope you have some close girlfriends and can meet guys while in your friends company!! Good luck anyway!!!

This is the hypocrysis of the western world in internet dating. Because women expectations are high men must cheat about their wage, their job and many things like this. Just to pass the minimal requirements and to get just a date. And as you say yourself girls cheat a lot about (age, weight ...). It's a fierce and hypocrite market. But i think it's more crazy for men than women because of numerals. Clearly in favor of women.

Sorry for you Vassilia, just be patient. You can also ask during the correspondance : if i meet you, would be exactly like your profile ? It's a good question, if you don't have a frank and accurate reply, better to drop this one.

[Darth_Budda]

 I walked there because it was about 10 minutes' walk but it was raining cats and dogs and in the rain like that I'd offer a lift to a stranger.

be careful about rides from strangers... At least that is what my mom used to say. 

In extreme case you simulate an incoming call and explain that your job called you and you need to quickly return to fix a problem, problem with a relative .....
Not too complicated...

Very good advice!!

[SANDRO43]

-  Statements like "you should learn English better because all you're trying to say has no sence at all"...

...sexual harassment in pubic

Some WM do have a point, though . 

[vwrw]

be careful about rides from strangers... At least that is what my mom used to say. 

Yes, it is a very good advice indeed!! The man already showed signs of weirdness. It would be a reckless act to get in his car. What if he had a gun there..he could take you to his underground "slave room" and keep there for years. Since you do not have your family here, you might be an attractive catch for weirdos of thas kind.  Because it is usually the family who motivates police to act, act, act. 

[Avis]

LAman, I said that with irony, sorry my smiley was misleading 
Still I believe the situation is not tragical, it's just an experience Next time will be better.
Thanks to Visilisa for sharing, it's very interesting to read

[Vasilisa]

First you don't have to come hungry, wet and tired because it is not the way to prepare a date and have good chances on it.

I wasn't like that when I left the house, I was by the time I reached the place.

[Vasilisa]

be careful about rides from strangers... At least that is what my mom used to say. 

Well, I don't think I'd have got in his car, that was weird that he didn't even offer that in the weather like that and later sent a letter inviting me for dinner tonight. But thank you for the advice anyway.

[Manny]

You need to be more specific in what you are seeking in your profile. You will get far fewer replies, but those you do get will be of higher quality.

Do not be shy about saying you are NOT looking for a beer-swilling redneck with a racing car fetish and a gun rack on his pick up truck, etc. Stress that intelligence, humour and other things on your check list are a must. It works.

Back when I was internet dating in the UK, I had a line that went something like: "Women over a size ten, usually clad in sweat pants and flat shoes with a selection of children by multiple fathers need not apply."

For sure, I would get hate mail from fat women with bunches of kids, but I also got to meet quite a few nice women who totally got where I was coming from.

If you are slim and good-looking, you have choice there. Sounds like your profile needs a tweak and without seeing it or the accompanying photos, I couldn't speculate if there was anything in there that might put the chaps you seek off.

[Misha]

Well, I don't think I'd have got in his car, that was weird that he didn't even offer that in the weather like that and later sent a letter inviting me for dinner tonight. But thank you for the advice anyway.

Perhaps he didn't ask because most women would assume that he must be a psychopath for asking 

[Misha]

you came  all cold, hungry, wet and tired

In rereading the post, the one thing that clicked is that all of these are things which your date had no control over, but they were things that you yourself controlled. Sure, maybe he was far from the one, but imagine if he had been the "dream" guy. You would certainly have been projecting a lot of negative energy and that would have soured any date, even if you had been into the fellow 

[Gator]

Vasilisa,
Don't worry about a thing.  You are doing fine and experiencing nothing that other divorced RW have not gone through.  Some have had more trouble than you in finding someone to love.   And some have found a man quickly yet discover the new American boyfriend is far from ready to marry.

If you live in a large city, I am sure there is a RW social network.  Here in Tampa the list supposedly includes more than 250 RW.  Most of these RW are married, yet they know single men in their other social .   

I don't want to microanalyze your dates, yet I can't help but ask if you had some misgivings about this man during your telephone talks.  I always felt it mandatory to be attracted to someone's telephone demeanor before meeting them.

[Lily]

Vasilisa, I'd have one constructive suggestion for you. Why wouldn't you send a PM to the several forum members with a direct link to your profile with photos? This way you could get some targeted advice and recommendations!

[ML]

Vasilisa, I'd have one constructive suggestion for you. Why wouldn't you send a PM to the several forum members with a direct link to your profile with photos? This way you could get some targeted advice and recommendations!

I can understand why Vasilisa would not want to do  this.

Many of us here prefer to remain completely anonymous. While unlikely, those here who might view her photos, etc., might recognize her as their neighbor, co-worker, job applicant, etc.  In that event, when she is just 'blowing off steam here,' those words could later be used against her in a social or work  situation.

We read almost daily about a bad consequence that has occurred from someone's postings about themselves on Facebook,  etc.

So two alternatives:

1) remain anonymous here and be free to 'let it all hang out' in your postings, or
2) reveal one's true identity and then be forced to write as if one is a saint, as is the practice of many here.

[Anotherkiwi]

I can understand why Vasilisa would not want to do this.

Many of us here prefer to remain completely anonymous. While unlikely, those here who might view her photos, etc., might recognize her as their neighbor, co-worker, job applicant, etc.  In that event, when she is just 'blowing off steam here,' those words could later be used against her in a social or work  situation...

Wise words, perhaps, but the membership here is extremely widespread.  Vasilisa lives in Texas, but many of us do not even live in the USA.  She could, for example, send links to myself, Chivo, Possum and Patagonie (all single and highly unlikely to end up anywhere near where she lives), or to married members such as I/O and Kuna in Australia, or Gylden in Norway.  Hopefully at least one could make sensible suggestions about how to improve the profile.  I'm sure that even some of the married/committed RW/UW (e.g. mies, Avis, Pitbull) would also have worthwhile suggestions - they know what worked for themselves!

[Patagonie]

Wise words, perhaps, but the membership here is extremely widespread.  Vasilisa lives in Texas, but many of us do not even live in the USA.  She could, for example, send links to myself, Chivo, Possum and Patagonie (all single and highly unlikely to end up anywhere near where she lives), or to married members such as I/O and Kuna in Australia, or Gylden in Norway.  Hopefully at least one could make sensible suggestions about how to improve the profile.  I'm sure that even some of the married/committed RW/UW (e.g. mies, Avis, Pitbull) would also have worthwhile suggestions - they know what worked for themselves!

+1
Of course, i have strictly no interest in USA. So there will be no problem for you to send your profile, it will stay private.

[Patagonie]

In rereading the post, the one thing that clicked is that all of these are things which your date had no control over, but they were things that you yourself controlled. Sure, maybe he was far from the one, but imagine if he had been the "dream" guy. You would certainly have been projecting a lot of negative energy and that would have soured any date, even if you had been into the fellow 

+1 well said

[Vasilisa]

Well, I've just come back from the second date. It was significantly better, the man was very intelligent and the manners were great, was wearing a suit,  the main difficulties so far is that he has kids and got divorced 2 months ago, looks like he is interested in dating, doesn't look like he is intersted in serious relationships though.


A lawyer (the profile didn't say that)
--------------

Thank you for your help, guys.
About being hungry and tired-it was mentioned mainly as a joke, but I work full time and have a part time job and going to college again soon and I also have seasonal allergies, so it's hard to find the moment when I feel fresh and not sleepy.

[LAman]

Well, I've just come back from the second date. It was significantly better, the man was very intelligent and the manners were great, was wearing a suit,  the main difficulties so far is that he has kids and got divorced 2 months ago, looks like he is interested in dating, doesn't look like he is intersted in serious relationships though.

 

Hopefully this is a start to finding someone you really click with!!! 
Unfortunately for this one...you are the 'rebound' girl.....and not a good postion to be in! Is having 'kids' a difficulty for you?
The more I dated on match...the more i found out that many have underlying issues!! One thing i don't like is drama.....

[Misha]

the main difficulties so far is that he has kids and got divorced 2 months ago

If you are dating men in their forties, I would expect that most men you will meet will have kids and will be divorced or getting divorced 

[Vasilisa]

If you are dating men in their forties, I would expect that most men you will meet will have kids and will be divorced or getting divorced 

I realize that, I'd rather date the man who was married for many years before and has kids than an old bachelor in his 40-ies but my impression was that he is still in after-divorce pain and there's a chance that he may go back.
(he didn't say that, just my impression).

[Darth_Budda]

If you do date a man with kids,, Ask about his custody arrangements.

That can tell you a lot... I don't have much respect when men don't see their kids.
Some times their are reason, Like people moving, or even state laws.

NYS, has equal rights for both mother and father.
I understand not all states are like that though.