Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[LAman]

If they don't wish they don't love. As soon as they take the scale out and start measuring on much they give and how much  they receive  and all those debit-credit accounting things it means they don't love anymore. Because when you love you look for the reasons to stay, when you don't love you look for the reasons to get out. When you are in love you are doing a lot of illogical things.
Source: been there- done that

Are you saying......love is blind!!!!

[Darth_Budda]

When you are in love you are doing a lot of illogical things.
Source: been there- done that

I know what you mean...

[Gator]

If they don't wish they don't love. As soon as they take the scale out and start measuring on much they give and how much  they receive  and all those debit-credit accounting things it means they don't love anymore. Because when you love you look for the reasons to stay, when you don't love you look for the reasons to get out. When you are in love you are doing a lot of illogical things.
Source: been there- done that

Yes, you are correct.  However, the context is not about "in love" vs. "not in love."   It is about allowing love to happen. 
 
IMO  AW tend to withhold expressing their feelings if they like you, and it is probably a defensive mechanism because many AM are the same (so I have been told).  So one person has to take the risk and say "I like you" and stop dating others. 
 
In contrast, one knows when a RW likes you, and if so she does not want to date other men and she certainly does not want you to see other women.   You are hereby "claimed" as hers. 

[OlgaH]

In contrast, one knows when a RW likes you, and if so she does not want to date other men and she certainly does not want you to see other women.   You are hereby "claimed" as hers.

RW are women like anywhere in the World, and there are also women among RW who will date several men at the same time. I remember how one member wrote that his RW was honest  telling him that she had affair with another man while was dating him, their marriage did not last long when he brought her to the U.S.

[Vasilisa]

Today I've realised that I got tired of everything and miss home.

[LAman]

Today I've realised that I got tired of everything and miss home.

I think you are just unhappy.....with??

[Vasilisa]

I think you are just unhappy.....with??

People around me here, just feel lonely.

[LAman]

People around me here, just feel lonely.

Then a trip home would do wonders for you!!!! At least it would give you time to think.... 

[Lily]

 
IMO  AW tend to withhold expressing their feelings if they like you, and it is probably a defensive mechanism because many AM are the same (so I have been told).  So one person has to take the risk and say "I like you" and stop dating others. 
 
 

How are the AM usually feel if it is the woman who initiates talk about the exclusivity of dating?

[Aloe]

What an interesting topic! Vasilisa, plz write more

People around me here, just feel lonely.

That sucks.
Could it be you just feel disappointed, as a result of not having your expectations of finding a life partner fulfilled? If that's the case, maybe lower expectations and take stuff as it comes to you. It is hard to have expectations and to constantly not get them realized. I'm not saying lower your standards in men, no, but just stop waiting for it to happen; and at the same time try to create more opportunities for it to happen like join a hobby club, while not specifically expecting anything to happen?
I know, easier said than done..
You are lucky to have so many hobbies, so you have so many opportunities to socialize And that in america they just love creating clubs for all kinds of things.

[Shadow]

How are the AM usually feel if it is the woman who initiates talk about the exclusivity of dating?

If I have to believe TV, they feel like a rabbit when staring in the barrel of a gun...

[Misha]

How are the AM usually feel if it is the woman who initiates talk about the exclusivity of dating?

Depends. If a woman starts planning the wedding after the second date it might be creepy, unless she is really, really attractive the all bets are off 

[Gator]

How are the AM usually feel if it is the woman who initiates talk about the exclusivity of dating?

Interesting question.   In summary, such talk tends to get to the heart of the matter, one way or the other.   I can explain only myself.  And will give two examples.
 
No. 1.   After my long marriage ended, I got involved with an interesting and fun woman.  It went on for months, and I dated no other women.  It seemed fine; however, she complained that the relationship was not progressing fast enough as she had children and wanted a living together relationship.  I explained I was not ready, suggesting "Let's continue to date to see what happens."   She walked.  A couple of months later, she called me and we started again with eventually the same ending.   She called a year later and I politely declined further dating.
 
 
No. 2   After her I soon met a much younger woman with no children.   We had been dating for a couple of months and even went to Jamaica together.  We were having a lot of  FUN!   She was smart, energetic and witty.  Then I made a mistake.   I started to develop strong feelings for her.    It was not a question of exclusivity as she and I did not date others.  Nevertheless, I felt it important to share my growing feelings.     Her eyes grew big.   After discussing it with me and her family and friends, she ended our relationship.  She explained she needed to get serious with a younger man as she wanted marriage and a baby (I did not).   She pursued a singing career and eventually did marry a MD and have a baby, 8 years later,   She is happy.
 
Then I went to the FSU where dating follows a fast track process and feelings are expressed early. 

[calmissile]

Visalisa,

I have been very tolerant of your posts that are offensive to some of us.  I respect that you are very sensitive to criticism while your language/culture allows you to by very direct!

My suggestion to you is to either accept the American culture and American men or find what makes you happy.  America ( or any other nation) is not going to adapt to your culture.  You are confined to where you live.  It is that simple!

If you choose to adapt to the culture you are in and accept it for what it is, you can experience all tahe wonderul things that a culture has to offer you.   IF you contine to live in the FSU culture, you are expecting something that is not going to happen.   You seem to be a very sensitive woman and I am sure that if you try to accept the culture you are living in, you will find a AM that you will be compatible with and find true love.

You need to shed your FSU culture and expectations and instead, seek a man that will want a faithfull wife regardless of your country of origin.  It seems to me that you are hanging on to FSU mentality and expecting AM to find that attractive.   Not likely going to happen.  If you want to be an American, then act like an American.   If you do not want to, then you know the options.

There are only a few reasons American men are looking for FSU wives, in spite of all the rhetoric on the forums.
1.  Beauty compared to American women.
2.  Family values for raising children and having a close family.
3.  An age difference that is not considered unusual for FSU women
4.  An attitude difference between the feminists of American women and the genuine love for family of FSU women.

It is simple as that!  If you can let go of your artificial expectations and are only seeking love from a suitable American man, you will be able to find it easily.  Please understand that your posts do not relect a woman that is wants to give love as much as expectations as what she will get in return.  I hope you can adjust to the mindset that is necessary to find true love wherever it might be.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Man Cal, I really feel for the woman you bring over.  There is a high chance she will have some major culture shock and I doubt you have the capacity to help her through it.

[calmissile]

Man Cal, I really feel for the woman you bring over.  There is a high chance she will have some major culture shock and I doubt you have the capacity to help her through it.

And what specifically do have reference to?  Have you been to Ukraine?  Are you married to a Ukraine women?  What expetise do you have to bring to the table?

[LiveFromUkraine]

And what specifically do have reference to?  Have you been to Ukraine?  Are you married to a Ukraine women?  What expetise do you have to bring to the table?

Lived in Ukraine, married a Ukraine woman and brought her back to the states.  I pretty much bring everything you are trying to attempt to the table.

[calmissile]

So what about my post do you find offensive or not realistic?

[LiveFromUkraine]

So what about my post do you find offensive or not realistic?

Doug, I don't find any of your posts offensive.  I think your hard rule of take it or leave it is not realistic.  It will definitely lead you into trouble with any woman you start a relationship with.

I don't think you fully understand culture shock.  I also think the women you are trying to teach know more about how this all works and you should stop talking and start listening.  That is if you want a better chance at success and I certainly would like to see you succeed.

[missAmeno]

... seek a man that will want a faithfull wife regardless of your country of origin. 

If you want to be an American, then act like an American.

Calmissile ... Mercy! Please! My jaw starting really hurt

[Misha]

There are only a few reasons American men are looking for FSU wives, in spite of all the rhetoric on the forums.
1.  Beauty compared to American women.
2.  Family values for raising children and having a close family.
3.  An age difference that is not considered unusual for FSU women
4.  An attitude difference between the feminists of American women and the genuine love for family of FSU women.

It is simple as that!  If you can let go of your artificial expectations and are only seeking love from a suitable American man, you will be able to find it easily.

Doug, are you saying that you believe that FSU women do not consider a large difference unusual?!? I hate to disappoint you, but if you actually read Russian and read and hear what women say on sites that have nothing to do with foreigners or marrying foreigners, you will see that most FSU women see an age difference greater than 5 years as being unusual, and more than 10 years would be seen as very unusual. If I am correct in reading what you wrote and if you do believe that FSU women do not consider a large age difference as unusual, then perhaps you should be reevaluating your expectations as well   

[calmissile]

Misha,

I can only relate to my personal experience and what I am told by women it chat and emails.  Either they are liars, or they will accept an age difference.   IT does not matter to me.  I do not care what age a women is,  if I am physically attracated to her she could be 19-80.   For the most part the women that respond to me are in their 40's.  Who cares?  Why is it anyones business?  I could just as easily fall in love with a women from 40+ to 60+.   If it is the right personality age makes no difference.  So what is the big deal that everyone has about age?   It does not matter to me, why is there so much interest about peoples choices in life?

Fortunately, I am not going to make a choice for a wife based on age.  I am open minded.  I have many choices of marriage in the USA including my former wife.  I am seeking a women that is full of life and never wants to get old and sitting in a rocking chair.   When that day comes we will deal with it.   In the mean time, lets party and enjoy our life together.   

[Misha]

Misha,

I can only relate to my personal experience and what I am told by women it chat and emails.  Either they are liars, or they will accept an age difference.

Yes, some women will accept a large age difference, but they are the exceptions. The way you presented it in your fours points was as if it was the norm.

[Misha]

Lived in Ukraine, married a Ukraine woman and brought her back to the states.  I pretty much bring everything you are trying to attempt to the table.

Same here. My wife went through all the stages of culture shock as outlined here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/dna/place-lancashire/plain/A2848359

[Gator]

Visalisa,

My suggestion to you is to either accept the American culture and American men or find what makes you happy.  America ( or any other nation) is not going to adapt to your culture.  You are confined to where you live.  It is that simple!

A few points:

1.  I believe each AM-RW couple can and should incorporate parts of Russian culture in their life together.  When I travel in the FSU, I am still an AM and I do not transform into something intrinsically different.  So a RW will still keep certain parts of the mentality imprinted from her life before she met you.

2.  Every AM is different.  Most will not understand much less appreciate parts of the so-called Russian mentality.   Yet others will be curious and even intrigued.  Vasilisa needs to keep looking for the latter.  Such men are out there.

3.  The compatibility of two people depends on many factors such as shared values and spontaneously having fun together.   One very important concept is respecting each other's differences and somehow accommodating them in a positive manner.