Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[Slumba]

  I'm not even sure if i ever wanna have a job at all But that's just not realistic in these times. WTB a ticket to the 50's (america plz, Russian 50's are depressing    )

What?!  Life in 1950s Russia was not like it was depicted in "Karnavalnaya Noch" ?

[newjason]

What a thoroughly depressing topic!! Situation seems so dire everywhere   I know a girl here in Belgium, she was on local dating sites when she was in college. She said she sent out a lot of letters, and she only got 2 types of response, 1. "I'm not interested in a student (no income person)" 2. "Go away bot/man/scammer, obviously you stole these photos". or she just got ignored. Horrible horrible. And you are echoing the same for american men now. They all want a woman to work like a horse bringing in the cash. Who is gonna watch the kiddies then?
   I'm not even sure if i ever wanna have a job at all But that's just not realistic in these times. WTB a ticket to the 50's (america plz, Russian 50's are depressing    )

It will become clear one day that using the internet for arranging dates and stuff is not such a good idea for some people.  Either that or  we all just become so lazy and just use the internet for everything, it will be too much trouble to date in reality.   LOL. 

[Gator]

st more varied.

(not worth retyping)

[Belvis]

What?!  Life in 1950s Russia was not like it was depicted in "Karnavalnaya Noch" ?

It was like in the movie. But with no Internet the life was truly depressing 

[Vasilisa]

They may also act weird because they are married.  I remember reading a statistic a few years ago which stated something like 60% (can't remember the exact figure, but do recall that it was surprisingly high) of men on dating sites are married, pretending to be single, and are looking for either phone/fantasy sex or real life encounters.


Seems RW on their local FSU sites have similar complaints.  Perhaps WM, overall, aren't as different as we like to believe..

I don't think he was married, his message was rude in my opinion, he mentioned a lot of things the women shouldn't do in his correspondance with him and other men.

[Vasilisa]

Perhaps your expectations are unrealistic?

Well, we have already discussed my expectations and figured out that they are quite realistic besides I meet a lot of nice married men in every day life and they have wives who are average women so I don't thinik that my expectations are not realistic. It's rather I am not looking in the right place
I am not going to marry a stupid a redneck and go through hell every day just because these expectations are realistic.

[Vasilisa]

I don't think so.. When i was talking to men, with some people it was a misunderstanding after misunderstanding after misunderstanding. And with others there was 0 misunderstandings or very minor ones. I dunno how to explain that, just differences in perception i guess. It's just annoying if there are too many misunderstandings from the very beginning 

I agree.

[TheTraveler]

I meet a lot of nice married men in every day life and they have wives who are average women so I don't thinik that my expectations are not realistic.

problem is... in searching for a man, here you are basically going to get advice from the fish on how to become a successful fisherman.
 
the 'average women' that you mentioned -- the ones that have found and caught a man -- they're the ones you can learn the most from.
 

[ML]

the 'average women' that you mentioned -- the ones that have found and caught a man -- they're the ones you can learn the most from.

I have my doubts about this . . . 'found and caught' idea.

Thinking back to my younger years when it seemed that many of us were getting married right out of high school or a couple of years later, or after graduating university . . .

The young men knew nothing about attracting a mate.
The young women knew nothing about attracting a mate.
I don't think either the men or the women tried (or had to try) very hard to find a marriage candidate.

The hormones just took over, and we started pairing off.

Now 20, 30, 40 or whatever years later; many (most) of these people are still married.

They know no more now about how to attract a partner of the opposite sex than they did when they got married.

They may however, know quite a bit about how to keep a partner.

[Vasilisa]

What a thoroughly depressing topic!! Situation seems so dire everywhere   I know a girl here in Belgium, she was on local dating sites when she was in college. She said she sent out a lot of letters, and she only got 2 types of response, 1. "I'm not interested in a student (no income person)" 2. "Go away bot/man/scammer, obviously you stole these photos". or she just got ignored. Horrible horrible. And you are echoing the same for american men now. They all want a woman to work like a horse bringing in the cash. Who is gonna watch the kiddies then?
  

Aloe, the surprising thing is that 90% of the men who wanted "equal relationship", "partnership" and "a working horse bringing cash" discussing women the way : "women wanted to be independent and that was what they got now, why are they complaining"  have been losers and men with low income and lots of financial problems.
Another 10% are just greedy.

Most generous guys with no financial and living problems don't care how much you earn and if you are a student or not. But they may have other kind of problems. (gambling, drinking, partying, immature personality, etc) but  most losers have them, too.

To be honest to me the phrase:"I want to meet an independent woman" sounds like"I don't want any kinds of problems, commitments and obligations and  I am not ready for a family, but I don't mind having a convenient roommate to pay the bills and have sex with".

[Misha]

I know a girl here in Belgium, she was on local dating sites when she was in college.

Would raise a lot of red flags. Young women in college are surrounded by young men, though increasingly in much smaller numbers. You would not expect an attractive young women in college to have any problems finding any dates, thus a man would be wary if contacted by such a woman.

[size=78%]They all want a woman to work like a horse bringing in the cash. Who is gonna watch the kiddies then?[/size]
   I'm not even sure if i ever wanna have a job at all But that's just not realistic in these times.

The problem is thus: two (equal) incomes  means invariably twice the house, twice the cars, twice the vacations... Though there will be extra expenses of course. The fear, I expect, from the men would be that they would be expected to keep up with the neighbours, while having half the income.

WTB a ticket to the 50's (america plz, Russian 50's are depressing    )

Lots of women worked in the 1950s in the USA. From what I have seen, roughly a third of women aged 16 and older were in the workforce.

[Misha]

It will become clear one day that using the internet for arranging dates and stuff is not such a good idea for some people.  Either that or  we all just become so lazy and just use the internet for everything, it will be too much trouble to date in reality.   LOL.

All the internet does and should do when on a dating site is to help you find someone willing to meet you on a first date.

[Misha]

Oops, hit the wrong button 

[Patagonie]

I have my doubts about this . . . 'found and caught' idea.

Thinking back to my younger years when it seemed that many of us were getting married right out of high school or a couple of years later, or after graduating university . . .

The young men knew nothing about attracting a mate.
The young women knew nothing about attracting a mate.
I don't think either the men or the women tried (or had to try) very hard to find a marriage candidate.

The hormones just took over, and we started pairing off.

Now 20, 30, 40 or whatever years later; many (most) of these people are still married.

They know no more now about how to attract a partner of the opposite sex than they did when they got married.

They may however, know quite a bit about how to keep a partner.

+2

[Vasilisa]

As I was removing my profile from one of the websites today found something in my mailbox. Just to give you an idea what men write to women.

That is why I hate the profiles and letters when the men tell a lot of stuff about how gentlemen-ish they are remembering the saying that these are the actions but not the words that make the Man.

[Daveman]

Not sure I'm following.. were those two different messages from the same guy?

[Vasilisa]

Not sure I'm following.. were those two different messages from the same guy?

Exactly, I didn't answer the first one as I didn't visit the website for a while. I feel lucky now.

[LiveFromUkraine]

As I was removing my profile from one of the websites today found something in my mailbox. Just to give you an idea what men write to women.

That is why I hate the profiles and letters when the men tell a lot of stuff about how gentlemen-ish they are remembering the saying that these are the actions but not the words that make the Man.

Yikes!  Unfortunately, that doesn't surprise me.  I would bet this guy ends up on this forum talking about how bad/entitled American women have become.   

[Vasilisa]

People here discuss women often: the pictures, fake profiles, scammers, but I'd like to ask the question about why  so many men lie in their profiles. What is the point of creating the  profile which describes a completely different person? Just to attract the better category of women?!

But what kind of women would like to start a productive relationship with a liar?

I have already described the profile of the guy who forgot to mention he is 10 years older than what his profile says and there is no way to change it now, somehow the system put the picture of him where he looks like he is 20 years younger than what his profile says and he also lives in a different city and doesn't know how to change it, he also put "single" instead of "divorced" by mistake.

Ok, completely fake profiles like that are rare masterpieces but other men do the same, too. I can't count how many men put pictures of other people or their own pictures from the 80-ies or early 90-ies where they have a lot more hair or where they still have some hair or where they are 100 pounds lighter than they are now.

Another ridiculous thing is that some of men foreget to mention that they are criminals and can't even afford bringing a RW from Russia.

A friend of mine who lives in Ukraine was contacted by a successful doctor from California, he was going to visit her there, after a conversation with her I was concerned because according to his profile that guy was a really nice doctor, etc, his letters were nice but it was almost impossible to speak with him through skype as he spoke almost zero English and understood nothing, but he never used her name calling her "beautiful", he was making a lot of promises and compliments and wanted to marry and start a family as soon as possible and visit Colombia, Mexica and Brazil.
I googled his name and we found his profile on the "mugshots" website which said he had been arrested before for battering and controlled subtance posession, medical activity without a licence and a lot of other things. Also his age according to the "arrested guys" website was different from what his dating profile was saying. After we contacted the website administration and showed them the mugshots website they changed his age but didn't remove the profile.

Ok, now there is a question, what are these men hoping to get and what is the percentage of men like that vs decent men on the dating websites, you guess?!

[LAman]

   Ok, now there is a question, what are these men hoping to get and what is the percentage of men like that vs decent men on the dating websites, you guess?!

While having my  ......I would think the percentage of fakes to decent is 2/3 to 3/4 on the bad side. There is a reason many are there...and usually it is why they are single/divorced and still looking.
As far as pics....goes both ways, just as many girls with pics from many years back, never once did the girl look anywhere near her pics..
And as far as lies...that goes both ways dear!! Have to remember the guys see the problems with girls on sites...and the girls see the problems with men on the sites!!!
 
What are men hoping to get? .....a girl that is willing to give him a chance..... to see though the white lies and fall for his wit, charm and personality!!
 
 

[jone]

Here is the stupid part:  The risk is all the man's.  Assume that he convinces the lady that he is sincere about visiting her in an FSU country, and goes to see her, the first thing she is going to do, if she is smart, is ask to see his passport.  That will identify where he lives and what his age is. 

To preclude this issue from ever happening with me, I pull out my passport immediately so a woman can confirm who she has been talking to. 

But assume that he is lying.  (Most men embellish to some extent.  I like to underplay things.)  The first thing she is going to do, upon discovery, is throw him to the side of the road.   So all of that money he spent to see her is gone and he has nothing to show for it.

The only women who don't care if you're telling the truth are the ones you wouldn't want to be with in the first place. 

How stupid we all are!

[Vasilisa]

It is just very sad that the women that have never been in the US and are not concerned about minor details that  people living here would  notice will waste their time corresponding with the guys like that for months, maybe years. For women 35+ willing to have a family with kids this can be really bad.

[ECOCKS]

Here is the stupid part:  The risk is all the man's.  Assume that he convinces the lady that he is sincere about visiting her in an FSU country, and goes to see her, the first thing she is going to do, if she is smart, is ask to see his passport.  That will identify where he lives and what his age is. 

To preclude this issue from ever happening with me, I pull out my passport immediately so a woman can confirm who she has been talking to. 

But assume that he is lying.  (Most men embellish to some extent.  I like to underplay things.)  The first thing she is going to do, upon discovery, is throw him to the side of the road.   So all of that money he spent to see her is gone and he has nothing to show for it.

The only women who don't care if you're telling the truth are the ones you wouldn't want to be with in the first place. 

How stupid we all are!

I would be taken aback if a woman asked to see my passport at the airport and probably during most of the first or second date time. I guess there are certain situations where it would seem natural to look at each others passport as part of a larger conversation about travel, experiences or general discussions about visas and that sort of thing though. Maybe some are able to maneuver the conversation to that natural point, but it strikes me that if the woman is feeling like she needs to see it there is a big red flag on her side.

I don't know if it would be red flag for me if she asked to see mine but it would be a yellow.

I remember one Russian woman's passport I saw and flipped through (she offered it to me on the second date we had). It was nearly full of stamped pages including 7 trips to the US and a couple of dozen to Africa, the UK, SE Asia, even SA. Startled me but it had nothing to do with her bona fides, just establishing a conversation.

[Marian]

Maybe they are doing it to have comfortable search capabilites.Or their self-esteem isn`t the best.
I think itīs diffrent.It depends on what I search.To lie on a real marriage -dating site or to lie on a simple Dating site,where ppl meet only for ONS or having fun with each other.
Of course itīs not o.k to do it.But I think this is the consequence of our "photoshop era".
As long the lies only depend on the looks (a few kilos more or less) itīs not a reason to break up the communication.But if the lies are getting bigger (having kids,divorced 2 or 3 times and stuff like that)it makes no sense to continue the communication.Because he/she will hide even bigger lies.

[Patagonie]

Here is the stupid part:  The risk is all the man's.  Assume that he convinces the lady that he is sincere about visiting her in an FSU country, and goes to see her, the first thing she is going to do, if she is smart, is ask to see his passport.  That will identify where he lives and what his age is. 

To preclude this issue from ever happening with me, I pull out my passport immediately so a woman can confirm who she has been talking to. 

But assume that he is lying.  (Most men embellish to some extent.  I like to underplay things.)  The first thing she is going to do, upon discovery, is throw him to the side of the road.   So all of that money he spent to see her is gone and he has nothing to show for it.

The only women who don't care if you're telling the truth are the ones you wouldn't want to be with in the first place. 

How stupid we all are!

On western sites many men lie, women also but i think a little less.
The problem is that guys continue to lie when subscribing or corresponding with FSU women. With the consequences capably described by Jone.
All my search in FSU i never lie on me, even a centimeter. I also avoid to enlarge any reality of me.

Why men inherited of such bad habit ?
For men the competition is fierce on western dating sites. I don't know you in USA or England but here you have two, three or more men for one woman per site. Guys instinctively try to give them more chance to get the first chat, the first meeting by offering more appealing features.
They have understood that these features are around :
- economical and social status
- physical appeareance
- others things which can give them (stupidly of course) more worth.