Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[krimster2]

Reno has guys in cowboy hats, not C++ or Python programmers....
the rich dewds in Reno all live up on skyline or at Incline Village
the most misogynistic people I ever met, they freakin HATE women, cuz they've all been scammed by women

OTOH,
Friday's All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Buffet at the Shy Clown Casino
so ya win some as well as lose some livin in Reno

if she wants a job in silicon valley
it ain't "rocket science" with a russki sputnicka
she can actually just get in her car and drive to the bay area from Reno and relocate there (I did!)
and do that anytime, no propiska required

she lives in "the land of opportunity"
and she can't find a job she wants
and she can't find a man she wants

then the blame for that, is 100% her own....
karma is a cruel bitch to cat ladies

OTOH, if you're a young Russian woman living in Reno
and ya wanna escape from "CatLadydom"

what ya wanna do, is drive up to lake Tahoe on a Saturday
to a place called Chimney Beach, which is "clothing optional"
and walk au natural on the beach, until you get "attention"

this is like "Naked Bania*" in Russia/Ukraine
and what's SO GOOD for the American in Russia
can be just as good for the Russian in America

*Naked Bania/Nude Beach is legalized nudity
why mess around with "idle chitchat" in the dugout, instead of "playing ball" like ya want

[olgac]

OMG she drove to CHimneyBeach, she has SUP. Some mexican guy started chatting her up to the point that some american girl asked her if she was OK
Though she was wearing a bikini

We relocated from SF Bay Area to Reno 3 years ago, sold the Bay Area house for a lot of money, bought a house here for cash and had lots of money left over
Bay area is crazy!
Will check out all You can eat seafood. Thanks!

OTOH she is looking for a new job in major cities right now but she first needs to learn test automation.
She is just a manual QA right now, almost no jobs!
I am helping her to learn programming, we will see.
She did talk to a good looking 35 year old Apple Engineer online. He asked her is she wants to switch to being a developer.
She replied she is HOPING to learn test automation and has never heard back from him.
She was kind of pissed off he cares what a woman does for work, she thinks it's only important for a man to have a good job.
I explained that no matter how much a young man makes he wouldn't mind doubling his salary
and told her she shouldn't have used word "HOPING" made her look kind of dumb to be honest

[2tallbill]

And also she doesn't want an overweight or bald man and no man making less than 150K
so that's the problem

That's a big income for a 40 year old man, but it's not as big in the Bay Area where I am
assuming she lives. She needs to find a smart computer nerd who isn't high on his social
skills, reel him in, then improve his wardrobe, etc. (fix him up a little bit).

If she wants looks, age, money, smarts and social skills she has impossible expectations
unless she is a swimsuit photo model. 

Tickity tock and Youtube shorts is mind numbing crack. She should spend that time doing
productive things.

These are only my opinions. I have certainly been wrong many times before.

Udachi!

Bill

[olgac]

oh sorry for confusion, we are all in Reno, NV
My husband and I moved here from Bay Area for early retirement 3 years ago

[olgac]

Oh I just remembered something!
Last year I was volunteering with local Ukranian refugees, teaching a UW to drive so she can get her license.
She is now 41 or 42 and came to US with her son.
So she managed to meet a really good American guy who treats her son as his own, he doesn't have kids, never married.
He is her exact age, and now she lives in his house and they got engaged!
He is a good looking guy but he is not affluent or anything, just a simple blue collar guy with a simple job.
She is also really down to earth and is working herself now that she can drive.

So apparently it IS possible to meet a good guy in Reno

[krimster2]

we are ALL THE SAME
we all have aspirations and dreams
what makes us DIFFERENT
is how we try to achieve them

life is a gamble
the more times you play the game
and the more risks you learn to take, the more odds you have of winning...

fear of losing doesn't make you a winner by default
if she can't improve the hand she's been dealt
then she shouldn't be playing this game in the first place
shoulda swept the sidwalks in Minsk and been happy

chivo? shto atea hirroshi malchick
just a simple blue collar guy with a simple job.

you mean a guy that has TWO CHICKENS in the chicken coop...
wow! how does a guy like that stay single????

you Russians are funny....
and that's why I feel so sad, about what's gonna happen to Russians in the future

[2tallbill]

oh sorry for confusion, we are all in Reno, NV
My husband and I moved here from Bay Area for early retirement 3 years ago

Bill enters into joke/sarcasm mode. Don't get offended.

I wany to play Hockey for the New York Islanders, (unfortunately I never learned
how to skate). I am 62 years old, I don't actually know the rules of the game and
the doctors say that I should not get hit in the head (I recently had brain surgery).
Does anyone think that I should pursue a professional hockey career?

The mentor mentee relationship relies on creating realistic goals. $150k in Reno
is a delusional goal. 

My delusional goal would be to start watching how to play hockey videos on
YouTube.

[krimster2]

if a REALLY, REALLY SMART person goes to San Jose (do you know the way)
they'll find that they can learn to do ANY technical job there, just by doing it!!

if you "talk the talk" managers assume you can walk the walk
ain't no harm in applying for jobs you're NOT qualified for, but are able to talk your way into getting hired anyway
super easy for a nice looking young woman to do this
look how Elizabeth Holmes fooled EVERYBODY!!!!

silicon valley is roughly a 5 hour drive from Reno and once "over the mountain" if I remember correctly, take the I-80
it's 70+ MPH all the way on the freeway
step one of getting a job in silicon valley, is to first MOVE THERE
pack up your "machina" and drive, is all you have to do
but it sounds like she's looking for a DONKEY to give her a ride

she has to decide...
is she going to get ahead through making her own efforts
or find some man to do it for her

if she's smart enough to get over here from Belarus
she's smart enough to figure out her next step

so many people have slogged their way to California on the "Oregon Trail"
that they left tracks in the ground, that can still be seen today
and today, the boomers are all heading in the opposite direction

younger dewds are going to be at a huge financial disadvantage
to provide for her comfort
they will not have a boomer lifestyle

my advice to her...
instead of buying one of those "pure breed" cats
adopt one from a shelter

[olgac]

The mentor mentee relationship relies on creating realistic goals. $150k in Reno
is a delusional goal. 

Well I agree! I didn't present it to her as a goal as such but we computed this is how much would be needed here for a couple as a house here in a hood area costs min 600k.
If she forgets about being taken care of and such and simply finds a man who makes the same, together it would be more that 150 😊

Also she is looking in Chicago, Austin, Bay Area, Denver, Seattle etc.

Or she could marry an older man who might have a house he bought before the prices went up and might be more traditional and willing to take care of a woman who for him is young and hot, not his equal in looks and age.

But she doesnt like this last option

[olgac]

if she's smart enough to get over here from Belarus
she's smart enough to figure out her next step

so many people have slogged their way to California on the "Oregon Trail"
that they left tracks in the ground, that can still be seen today

and the boomers are all heading in the opposite direction

I am younger than a boomer but my husband is 63 so he is a boomer and yes we went an opposite direction 😊
To be fair the job market is really bad now in high tech, much worse than when she won a green card and found her job in early 2022.

There were lots of high tech layoffs and the market is oversaturated with job seekers. And to move there without a job is scary because the apartments are so expensive. There are people now who are looking for 6+ months all developers.

She just recently realized she needs new skills which I am helping her with. But of course her preference is for a man she meets to take care of things so she can take time off and study full time 😊

[krimster2]

Universal Rules of the Game

the longer she waits...
the more her chances decrease...

A russian woman hunting Americans in America
is like a Duck hunter standing by the edge of a lake filled with THOUSANDS OF DUCKS
if she can't get a duck, then it means she's the problem, and not the lack of ducks

it's always the "internal factor" that is the root cause of the problem
and not an "external factor"

she doesn't really want a man
what she really wants is a donkey
to carry EVERYTHING for her
so she doesn't have to do the heavy lifting

she wants a Donkey
but she'll end up with a cat

smatree and vidisch

[olgac]

if a REALLY, REALLY SMART person goes to San Jose (do you know the way)
they'll find that they can learn to do ANY technical job there, just by doing it!!

if you "talk the talk" managers assume you can walk the walk
ain't no harm in applying for jobs you're NOT qualified for, but are able to talk your way into getting hired anyway
super easy for a nice looking young woman to do this
look how Elizabeth Holmes fooled EVERYBODY!!!!

younger dewds are going to be at a huge financial disadvantage
to provide for her comfort
they will not have a boomer lifestyle

my advice to her...
instead of buying one of those "pure breed" cats
adopt one from a shelter

Well yes exactly my point! For her ideal 35 year old 6 feet tall fit man who is making a good money she is at best an equal. Lots of women like her and much younger are after such a guy, so he will not consider her a good catch enough to take care of everything financially.
But say a 45 year old with his own house might think she is a great find and be willing to do much more for her. This has been my advice. Either this or marry your equal and work to build life together

[krimster2]

yes...
I put up with all the aggravation my Ukrainian wife causes me, because she is SOOO good looking...
eta pravda

what Russian women ALL WANT is man who fixes ALL THEIR PROBLEMS
and in return, they will scratch his jhoppa once in awhile and say "Good Boy"

what more do you want out of life
than having a Russian Butt Scratcher

[Trenchcoat]

...But it's an interesting topic for me because my young Russian female friend is dating now and I hear all sorts of stories from her
She is not exactly complaining that men are lying in their profiles, but many men don't specify their job/profession and this is very important to her as she is looking for a guy who could be a provider at least for the period of marriage when the kids are small.

I suppose the difference between her and a FSU woman who hasn't moved here yet is that she knows exactly what salary is needed for a man to meet her needs. She has a good professional job here herself (she won a greencard and found a job that brought her here) yet she can't imagine supporting an additional adult and child on her salary, so I helped her compute how much a couple needs to make approximately to live in our area and afford a house.

I tried convincing her that even meeting someone with the same income as her would work out because with double income you can live very well, afford a house etc. But she keeps telling me that she wouldn't feel "safe and secure" with a man who expects a wife to pay everything 50/50, and that she is sure she doesn't want to work when pregnant or kids are small.

Kind of hard for me to understand because I have always had good jobs, worked through pregnancy and then hired a nanny because we could afford it with 2 good salaries and we did very well, we could retire early etc. In fact I don't think my husband would have wanted a stay at home wife. But I am older than her, another generation. When I was growing up, most women in FSU worked along with their husbands. It seems the new generation of FSU women have watched too many instagram influencers who preach about a man needed to "take responsibility", "be a provider" etc etc.
So I guess this is wat my friend wants in a man.

We computed the man then needs to make at least 150K to support a family even in our LCOL area.
She is having a hard time finding such a man. Of course she wants a man she is physically attracted to, not much older than her. (Though I told her there are probably many more traditional men who make that much at least among say 45 year old men, btu for her they just look too old)

Would have been really helpful if men mentioned their education and profession in their profile.

So to get back on a topic, she had to stop talking to men (just like trenchcoat mentioned) several times once she found out what they do for a living. Not sure what is going to happen in the future. At 32 she has only so much time to get married and have kids, which is what I keep telling her.

My husband is 9 years older AND we made money together for 20+ years, and we are pretty happy, so I don't know... I guess young kids these days...


Very good story about your sister! My friend is actually only 5'4" so I have no idea why it's so important to have a tall man!
For comparison I am 5'6" and my husband is 5'8" only. I even wear hills when we go out so when I dress nice I look taller than him!

As I am telling my friend, such men are in high demand and they can be picky. Yes she is good looking, but I think 6 feet tall and ready to pay for everything is taking it too far!

I have a feeling this isn't going to end well, so I am trying to do some educating.

It varies a lot these days I think in terms of what FSW expectations are. I had a FSW who didn't want to work and me to do all the working and her the spending (relationship wasn't long term lol). Now I have a FSW in a long term relationship who does want to work and wouldn't not want to work. The former was a big drain on the finances, the latter not without a drain on the finances but long term potentially less so. That said with the latter if she did get a high paid job how would that effect the relationship? Would she then see me on a lower paid job as not good enough, etc? I don't think that a woman working necessarily comes without problems, it varies between people, a lot of career girls for example I find are less wanting or even able to take care of any children as they haven't been taught the skills growing up. Some wish to offload the responsibility onto grandparents or whoever who is willing that they can find

I myself am around 6 feet tall, but I don't have a six figure salary or it's equivalent in the US (I'm a UK citizen). I think though that a lot of females tend to get carried away about how much their prospective partner will need to have a house & children with, they tend to way overestimate it. UK system is of course different to the US as there is a lot of state support in the UK even still a FSW coming here can well overestimate what her partner needs to earn. It's like she wants the dude to work around the clock and gets all silly with what is needed.

I would reconsider again what your friend really needs in terms of the guy earning. To be realistic she may even have to accept a guy who earns way less than her. That can be an issue as a problem when a woman earns good money she tends to set her sights on men earning as least as much and that can narrow down the field too much. Her problem is that at 32 each year that adds onto that is another year that starts to weigh against her heavily in terms of her desirability to men. Once she gets around 40 a lot of men won't be all that bothered with her, she may not be able to have children, her looks will likely be starting to wane significantly and rough sex may be her best hope on a one night stand basis.

For men most men won't want to be upfront about their job and salary on a very fact & figures basis. Apart from the men who don't want to be ruled out from the get go to get a look in the men that do qualify don't want a woman choosing them because of what job they do (how much they earn) and not who they are as a person. If they did it would kill the relationship for them for most of them. They would always be wondering if she was with them for the money and wouldn't be if he didn't have it. Most wealthy guys with any sense would want to hide his income, wealth, etc for as long as possible and even test to see if she was there for that so he could move on (or she would) to a girl who would be more into him as a person.

I personally think the whole wealth thing gets overstated at the beginning for women. If they put that aside and concentrate on the guy that they would enjoy being with then to many the wealth thing would become less important in a relationship. Some people as you did can both work to provide a good living, others may be happy with a more simple lifestyle in a cheaper area of the country, etc, some may be willing to work for a while until they are well off enough then chuck the job in or work part time. I've no doubt your friend wants certain things and it costs plenty where she is but to get a relationship done she may have to be more reasonable with her requirements or end up searching for someone who doesn't exist, is already taken, etc until her years run out in a few years time.

Some unlikely combinations are possible in dating and I don't think that drawing up criteria for a perspective partner is necessarily helpful. Ok to have a rough idea in mind which may or may not be satisfied but drawing a line through a whole load of people may end up consigning the line drawer to a life of singledom.

[olgac]

Thank You for Your reply!
I don't think 150K is an overestimation for our area. This is how much you need to buy a house/qualify for mortgage.
Of course if a man bought his house 8 years ago, he could be making less money, but this isn't very likely for men of age she is desiring.
So I think she needs to move up the age bracket for sure.
And yes if she keeps working and even improve her technical skills and earn even more, she can even be with a man who earns less
though FSW don't really like that

Regarding being 40 and older, this isn't what I see with RW/UW I know who got divorced already in US.
If they have a good job and keep their figure they have no problems getting re-married here at all even to younger men.
BUT my friend wants to have children so no she can't dilly-dally wait till she is 40!

[Trenchcoat]

I think you are right in that she should target older guys for dating. Odds are they will have had the time to get into higher salaries or have at least had the time to buy a home of some sort. Potentially there could be those men that are successful, divorced, and on their second time around also. Guys usually want girls that are younger than them or with a year or two usually. Of course all sorts can happen but the higher age groups could be where she will have better odds by far.

One issue with the whole women going after well paying careers is that it cuts down on the number of men with well paying careers since their are only so many well paying jobs so either the man gets the job or the woman does. So if their are 100,000 well paying jobs in the local area for example and women get 40,000 of them then, then that's 40,000 less men with well paying jobs. Of course the woman doesn't ever know for sure if she will get a guy, a successful guy so some wang assurances of their own well paying job to live well, but it cuts down on the odds of women finding successful men to do the donkey for them.

The 40 year age thing is probably more a UK thing, it's the way it is over here that most men don't want to bother with women much over 40, a few will do but a lot of men by then will turn to Netflix, Xbox, hobbies, family, friends, social groups, work even and enjoy complete autonomy. If necessary they will fill in with prostitutes, OnlyFans, AI Girlfriends, etc to stand in where wanted to fulfill their needs in those areas. A sad state of affairs in some ways but better than nothing and if it works then what the hell. I know of guys in their fifties in the UK though who will communicate to women up into their late thirties on FSW International Dating sites but not a lot over, they consider a lot of over forties old hags and not enticing looks wise to get with.

[olgac]

For men most men won't want to be upfront about their job and salary on a very fact & figures basis. Apart from the men who don't want to be ruled out from the get go to get a look in the men that do qualify don't want a woman choosing them because of what job they do (how much they earn) and not who they are as a person. If they did it would kill the relationship for them for most of them. They would always be wondering if she was with them for the money and wouldn't be if he didn't have it. Most wealthy guys with any sense would want to hide his income, wealth, etc for as long as possible and even test to see if she was there for that so he could move on (or she would) to a girl who would be more into him as a person.

I can sort of understand this but let me play devil's advocate for a bit. How would you feel if the woman's profile didn't have photos of her face and her figure? Would you like if women hid those things because they didn't want men to want them just for their looks but instead for who they are inside? Aren't women also afraid that if their appearance changes a man will no longer want them?

Well traditionally looks for a woman is what wealth is for a man. You also wouldn't want to be with a woman if she was fat or ugly just because of her inner qualities , so why would you expect a woman to be with a man who is not a good provider just for his inner qualities?

Yes throughout the marriage everything can happen: a man can lose his job, a woman can gain weight etc. (I have gained then lost weight, and my husband had lost his job and then found another one) But we are talking about initial attraction. Initially men are looking for the women they find attractive and women are looking for men who are relatively successful and ambitious. SO why not show this on your profile and be open about it?

[krimster2]

in a "Free Market" the Market determines the value of what's being bought and sold
and not the seller

if she can't "get her price"
then it's because she's overpriced herself

we've all seen houses listed for a HIGH PRICE that just "sat there"
where the seller wasted time, and eventually had to set it to a lower one

she also has only about 10 years or so to build her life with whatever Donkey she selects
because in about 10 more years, the US economy will bgin to collapse like the Soviet one did
and donkeys will all be turned into "Donkey Burgers" hmmmm...tasty.....

my conclusion:
if you are going to be a "designing woman"
first, you need to make sure you have a "good design"
unfortunately, she has "no plan" just a "wish list"

[olgac]

in a "Free Market" the Market determines the value of what's being bought and sold
and not the seller

if she can't "get her price"
then it's because she's overpriced herself

Couldn't agree more I am working on it. Exaplainign how I worked together and was friends with single successful men in their 30s and how most of them married women in their 20s. Telling her she should raise the age on dating sites and also lower the height. I mean recently she rejected 2 good looking guys from major cities with good jobs because they were 5'10" and 5'11" - I couldn't believe it!

[2tallbill]

Well I agree! I didn't present it to her as a goal

This is what I recommend to men.

Make a list of everything you want in a wife
Make a list of everything you do NOT want in a wife
Make a list of deal killers, things would cause you to reject any woman on Earth. 
Make a master list combining every item from the three lists in order of importance.
You can compromise on anything except for character.

Until you have something written down it's a day dream. Once it's written down it's
a goal and you can start making plans to make it happen.

That's my two kopecks (opinion)

Bill


"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well, you just might find
You get what you need"

Rolling Stones 1969

[olgac]

Thank You, Bill! Very good advice!

[Trenchcoat]

You are still trying to justify your theory(ies) that you can live in some country and live large. Even
though you have close to zero language skills. Imagine if you took various pieces of my advice 9+ years
ago when you first came here. You would be close to fluent, you would be very fit and you would have a
workable plan. Right now you have a somewhat dubious dream/theory.

Is your remodel finished? Your dream theory is predicated on your finishing your multi year
remodel. Renting out your house and having nothing go wrong with your renters while you
live like a rock star in Ukraine (which you won't go to because there is a war on).

Ok so let's weigh up what you suggested against what I did. There is the theory of 'opportunity cost' the cost of forgoing one opportunity to chose another, that applies to what you are saying I think:

1). 2tallbill option, spend my free time learning Russian fluently, working out at the gym regularly and somehow develop a workable plan based on that. No remodel of my house from a one bed house to a three bed, assuming I bought the house in the first place under this option.

2). Trench option, spend my free time instead converting my one bed house into a three bed house improving it's look inside at the same time and increasing internal space a little. So then suitable to rent at least of two of the bedrooms out bringing in perhaps £1k a month. Also learn basic maybe even very basic Russian, try a bit of gym but find I don't really have the time to get anywhere with it until the house remodel is complete. Lastly, a plan to go out to Ukraine living of the rental income and see what opportunities including ladies I can rummage up there. Alternatively if already with a FSW or when with one, have the now 3 bed house there to assist moving forward.


Ok now only one option can be chosen as only so much time in a day and only so much work that can be dobe or money earned. Which option would you guys chose?

Btw the remodel is almost done, within a few weeks it will all be good

[olgac]

Q: why do You want to learn RUssian to go live in Ukraine? They are kind of against Russian these days.
I am a member of a local Ukranian refugee Facebook group (because I volunteered for refugees and they have added me)
and I am even afraid to respond in Russian in that group out of respect to Ukranians. They post and reply only in Ukranian!

The woman I taught to drive was a Russian-speaking from Ukraine though and we spoke Russian

[Trenchcoat]

Q: why do You want to learn RUssian to go live in Ukraine? They are kind of against Russian these days.
I am a member of a local Ukranian refugee Facebook group (because I volunteered for refugees and they have added me)
and I am even afraid to respond in Russian in that group out of respect to Ukranians.

The woman I taught to drive was a Russian-speaking from Ukraine though and we spoke Russian

We are talking going back in time to around 2016/2017 here. Not literally of course though lol. For today's comparison it could be substituted for Ukrainian in the case of someone starting today.

However, the point you make kind of favours option 2, my opinion rather than option 1, 2tallbill's option (ya hearing this Beel ). As Russian wouldn't be a popular choice in Ukraine these days so lessening the value of learning it fluently. Fir those not having learnt Russian or Ukrainian well English is a good alternative in Ukraine these days. Unless Beel is also suggesting that having learnt Russian fluently we instead look to Russia or Belarus (Georgia he found too holier than thou) But of course that will add substantial cost and are a bit risky as a foreigner.

[olgac]

Belarus is pretty much RUssian-speaking, only people in small villages speak Belorussian. Minsk is also VERY clean and safe from crime I found when visiting.