Just because I can, should I? 20+ year age gaps

[pitbull]

 
Why would it be easier to satisfy sexually a RW?   I went to a couple of banya sessions in Russia.  In the hot room RM seem to have on average a larger penis than AM, especially considering that not a small number of AM have the "Irish curse. "  When splashing cold water on each other there was no noticeable difference if anything was noticeable.      Nevertheless, the largest sexual organ is the brain.  Seriously, are WM better lovers than RM?   RW are neither better nor worse lovers than AW,  IMO.
 
Maybe you were thinking that the average RW whom an AM can date has a better body than the average AW he was dating.  That is true.   So maybe he is more aroused physically in the FSU.  And as reported notably at RWD,  some AM are generous in using their discretionary spending reserves to buy vibrators and sex toys for their RW.     

Well, the whole point is that an RW is not easier to satisfy than an AW. However, due to the nature of these relationships (little face time, much faster path to a marriage, the fact that a "blue passport" often compensates a large age gap and makse RW look away when undesirable qualities arise in their AM), the low libido and other sexual problems can be successfully hidden until some time into marriage.
Guess what, the newly divorced, single and dating RW swear that would never date a much older guy, look for their age or younger, and do make sure the guy is good in bed
 

[Gator]

Guess what, the newly divorced, single and dating RW swear that would never date a much older guy, look for their age or younger, and do make sure the guy is good in bed

And so would I if I were in my prime sex years.  In fact I did.  Then one day you meet someone who not only has what you crave but has so much more and suddenly you see life in Technicolor.   

[IAmZon]

TIME OUT!  A splash reality please ...  there is 25 year old, fast, hard, pounding, selfish sex.  That is not nearly as pleasing and fulfilling to the woman or man as the deeper, longer, more relaxing and communicative type.  Again, I do not want this thread to de-generate into a "How to give an orgasm that lasts for 4 hours". But, here we go again suggesting that the birth date on the driver's license means things that it does NOT!  Which, ironically is the theme of this thread.

Generally speaking beauty is wasted on the very young.   Generally speaking the passion and "newness" of life peaks at the age of 21.   But much is possible.  And, it seems to me that this forum is made up of men (mostly) that are trying to play the cards that God dealt in the best manner possible.

That being said, there are things we can control and things we can not - understood.  But, if you concentrate on that which is controllable, your choices generally expands.

And, for the record, I, for one, am much better in many categories today than I was 20 years ago.   Life is not a straight gradual line ascending (wealth, status) or descending (beauty, health) as most people assume ... or, at least it does not HAVE TO BE.  I think I am OBJECTING TO THE STEREOTYPES OF AGE/GROWING OLD rather than LYING TO MYSELF about the fact of aging.    I deliberately choose to live a more challenging, youthful life - even if it is less "comfortable."  So, keep that God Damn free membership to AARP away from my A$$ - I want no part of the pre-nursing home culture.
===

I am on the back side of 40 - that's a fact. But, I do not look, behave, or have the desires or habits of a man in his 40's (!!now listen to me for a moment before you jump on me as a guy that is just having a hard time growing old!!).  Has anyone noticed that we are a part of the first generation of human beings that are not aging hard and fast due to a very tough life?!?!?   We also have the benefit of health knowledge and medicine that suspends / stretches time and youth (at least a little 10 - 20 years).

Why is there a natural tendencies for men who are capable of doing so, to date/marry women 15 - 20 years younger?    At the end of the day, I think the answer is BECAUSE WE CAN.

[GoodOlBoy]

 

I am 47 and in, or near, the best physical shape of my life now.   

Sorry guy, but you are what we call here in the GoodOl' USA: "On the backside of 40"  (AKA...a few breaths away from 50) 
 
Good family genetics, vitamins, push-ups, running 20 miles a day, ain't going to change that fact.
 
You are what you are sir, approaching 50 years old.
 

But, I do not want this thread to become a BillyB thread....

I wouldn't be to concerned about this, unless you try to turn this thread into a  "schooling" episode on how to "groom" and marry teenage Russian girls. 
 
GOB

[Darth_Budda]

TIME OUT!  A splash reality please ...  there is 25 year old, fast pounding selfish sex.  That is not nearly as pleasing and fulfilling to the woman or man as the deeper, longer, more relaxing and communicative type.  Again, I do not want this thread to de-generate into a "How to give an orgasm that lasts for 4 hours". But, here we go again suggesting that the birth date on the driver's license means things that it does NOT!  Which, ironically is the theme of this thread.

Generally speaking beauty is wasted on the very young.   Generally speaking the passion and "newness" of life peaks at the age of 21.   But much is possible.  And, it seems to me that this forum is made up of men (mostly) that are trying to play the cards that God dealt in the best manner possible.

That being said, there are things we can control and things we can not - understood.  But, if you concentrate on that which is controllable, one's choices generally expands.

And, for the record, I, for one, am much better in many categories today than I was 20 years ago.   Life is not a straight gradual line ascending (wealth, status) or descending (beauty, health) as most people assume ... or, at least it does not HAVE TO BE.  I think I am OBJECTING TO THE STEREOTYPES OF AGE/GROWING OLD rather than LYING TO MYSELF about the fact of aging.    I deliberately choose to live a more challenging, youthful life.  So, keep that God Damn free membership to AARP away from my A$$ - I want no part of the pre-nursing home culture.

===

I am on the back side of 40 - that's a fact. But, I do not look, behave, or have the desires or habits of a man in his 40's (!!now listen to me for a moment before you jump on me as a guy that is just having a hard time growing old!!).  Has anyone noticed that we are a part of the first generation of human beings that are not aging hard and fast due to a very tough life?!?!?   We also have the benefit of health knowledge and medicine that suspends / stretches time and youth (at least a little 10 - 20 years).

Why is there a natural tendencies for men who are capable of doing so, to date/marry women 15 - 20 years younger?    At the end of the day, I think the answer is BECAUSE WE CAN.

Time out,,,

Not every one enjoys the same kind of sex. Sex is best when it's done in different ways at different times.

Some people just like it a little rough sometimes.
Other times people want it slow and romantic.

I will go back to something I stated earlier.

Their are 3 versions of every person.

1) How you view your self.
2) How you think other people view you.
3) How the other person really views you.

[GoodOlBoy]

...Why is there a natural tendencies for men who are capable of doing so, to date/marry women 15 - 20 years younger?

Rivardco, define "natural tendencies" for us (if you don't mind).
 
JMHO...but I would consider this type of behavior not "natural" but rather abnormal?
 
GOB

[GoodOlBoy]

Guess what, the newly divorced, single and dating RW swear that would never date a much older guy, look for their age or younger, and do make sure the guy is good in bed

+1
Hello Pitbull.
You must be reading the same RW forums that Marina and I do? 
 
GOB

[IAmZon]

Rivardco, define "natural tendencies" for us (if you don't mind).

That which appeals to the body, inspires or motivates the mind and spirit.   OH!  I don't mean the answer to sound like a prayer ... it aint that complicated - makes your penis hard LOL

I guess all this is a matter of preferences?!?   But, given the chance would you rather drive an old 1974 Chevy, or a brand new corvette?  even if you know the maintenance and insurance costs were higher?  Perhaps this metaphor misses the mark

[Ranetka]

And here is another one "I look and act 20 years younger" looking for justification. Just date who you like and can, bear the consequesnces and stop asking questions. xxx
 
P.S. Suggesting that 40 years old will be more readily date a man 20 years her senior than 20 y.o. is plain ridiculous sorry. Just the other way around.  40 y.o. has less time in life left to experiment and knows about it.

[Ranetka]

Guess what, the newly divorced, single and dating RW swear that would never date a much older guy, look for their age or younger, and do make sure the guy is good in bed

+1. Been there, done that. Only dated men -10 to +5 after my divorce.

[IAmZon]

[size=78%]And here is another one "I look and act 20 years younger" looking for justification. Just date who you like and can, bear the consequesnces and stop asking questions. xxx[/size]
 [size=78%]P.S. Suggesting that 40 years old will be more readily date a man 20 years her senior than 20 y.o. is plain ridiculous sorry. Just the other way around.  40 y.o. has less time in life left to experiment and knows about it.[/size]

That is easy and convenient, and perhaps the quiet thoughts of most people.  There is no guilt / worry in my question.  I CERTAINLY would not bring this up socially:)    On one hand I don't care and try to live in the moment.  On the other hand, it is wise to see a train coming down the track.  Both statements are true.


The genders have different viewpoints on this, of course.  I take it you are female? 

Been there, done that. Only dated men -10 to +5 after my divorce.

   OK I see

Been there, done that. Only dated men -10 to +5 after my divorce.

   OF COURSE!  And, you are in the USA now, I presume ... what else would you do?   In the USA, people, men and women, CONSUME - shop, buy, eat, drink.   If I were a woman in the USA, I would pick a man that was as physically tolerable as possible, who I enjoyed as much as possible, and who provided me with as much stuff - material and psychological as possible.  In the USA, life is more of an auction than a casino.

[Ranetka]

The genders have different viewpoints on this, of course.  I take it you are female?

Indeed, more so I am 40 and still remember the times I was 20 :-)
 
While in my 20 or 30 I would not mind and indeed had relationship with a man 20+ my senior nowadays it's only men my age or younger :-)
 
 

[Misha]

I am not a boy learning with a girl ... I am a man guiding / teaching ...

Shades of BillyB

[Misha]

Guess what, the newly divorced, single and dating RW swear that would never date a much older guy, look for their age or younger, and do make sure the guy is good in bed

The question I would have is how many of these men will become husbands and whether those marriages will last    The same is true for the OP's question: yes, you can date and even marry a woman 20 or 30 years younger, but will it last?

[Darth_Budda]

The question I would have is how many of these men will become husbands and whether those marriages will last    The same is true for the OP's question: yes, you can date and even marry a woman 20 or 30 years younger, but will it last?

I am starting to think that's not what he is asking.

[BC]

[ECOCKS]

My opinion has changed drastically on this issue.

If you think it is right for you and are prepared for the consequences then go for it.

Anyone that tells you what a fool you are, just smile back and say "Yep, probably, but it's what we both want." Then get on with your life.

The only caveat I still have is that you shouldn't expect a whole lot of sympathy from the world when it goes south on you.

But HEY, you're a big boy, shrug it off and plan your next step and the heck with everyone else!

[IAmZon]

My opinion has changed drastically on this issue.


If you think it is right for you and are prepared for the consequences then go for it.


Anyone that tells you what a fool you are, just smile back and say "Yep, probably, but it's what we both want." Then get on with your life.


The only caveat I still have is that you shouldn't expect a whole lot of sympathy from the world when it goes south on you.

But HEY, you're a big boy, shrug it off and plan your next step and the heck with everyone else!

Nice to see you ECOCKS!   Quick question...  you say your opinion has changed (I remember you did not think large age gaps was healthy in the past).  Then you say "when it goes south" NOT "IF it goes south?   HAHAHA  Is that intended?

[ML]

P.S. Suggesting that 40 years old will be more readily date a man 20 years her senior than 20 y.o. is plain ridiculous sorry. Just the other way around.  40 y.o. has less time in life left to experiment and knows about it.

Ranetka, if you were referring to my words, here they are a little closer to examine.

- - - - - - -

1) The age of the woman.  As others have mentioned here and in earlier threads, the younger the woman, the more the likelihood of future problems with a large age gap.  From  this perspective, your dalliances with early 20 somethings is doomed from a long-run viewpoint.

2) Health and fitness.  Some guys are just naturally more fit than the average guy and will have a much longer life span accompanied by good health and extraordinary energy.  These men should also avoid the 20 somethings;  but these men have a good chance for large age gaps if they are with women aged 40 plus.

- - - - - - - - -

As you can see, I did not discuss anything about the women's 'readiness.'

But, to address that issue, I disagree with  your statement.

And I have much proof to support the opposite of your statement, both from my own experience and from that of dozens of other guys that I know personally and from those who post here.

What we have is the typical situation where either:
1) a person is an exception or
2) they post what they wish would be true, rather than what is true.

i.e.  When a 40 + woman posts that she only dates men +5 to -10 years her age; then either she is a true exception or she hopes it could be true.

On average, a 40 + woman  who will only date +5 her age will have few and far between dates.  She can wish otherwise; but only a very few of her sisters can attain otherwise.

On average, a man can have a steady stream of dates with 40 year old women when he is 20 years their senior.

Dreams and wishes and proclamations do not change facts.   

[ECOCKS]

Nice to see you ECOCKS!   Quick question...  you say your opinion has changed (I remember you did not think large age gaps was healthy in the past).  Then you say "when it goes south" NOT "IF it goes south?   HAHAHA  Is that intended?

Yes, it's intentional but please don't think of it as sarcasm.
 
 I don't believe it will work but also believe  that as long as you are not going to whine about it or make people listen to excuses about why it should have worked then that is A-Okay in my book.

To illustrate, I feel the same way about abortion. I believe it is murder, pure and simple. Yet my belief is based upon faith and I recognize that not everyone views it that way so support the right-to-choose even though I believe it is wrong to do it. (That help any or confuse you even more?)
 
 In the future I will applaud when I see older guys walking down the street with that 20-something who is all legs & boobs and walk over to the booth to offer heart-felt congratulations when I see him nibbling on her ear in the restaurant.

[Faux Pas]

rivardco

You, your questions and much of the life experiences remind me of a very good friend of mine. I have remained silent in most of your threads for that reason and trying to stay objective. He is now approaching mid-60's. The consummate c**kster, successful in life, business and most everything he does. Full of vigor and the zest of life. He has been chasing 20 year old skirts since he was 20. He's not remotely interested in woman older than 30 and they are a bit old for him.

It's been an ongoing joke for years of his Peter Pan syndrome. He is and always has been a good looking man and quite vain. In the last 10 years (your next 10 years) he hasn't hit the wall but his age became glaringly evident. So much so he had a face lift (in the daylight looks quite ridiculous, in a dark lounge, not so much). The guy has had his choice of women over the years. Likely had and bedded 6 times more women than the above average man. He's now mid 60's and never married. He has searched for perfection (and found it numerous times to others opine) but never pulled the trigger. Now in his 60's has a lot of regret about that. Yet, he doesn't slow down still chasing the 20 year old Barbies and centerfolds to which most now, he's a just fun old guy.

One thing my old friend IMHO never gets is that people, men and women,  grow, learn and evolve. When he finds one he expects them to stay the same, as he has. You seem to share this with him. Your fit and look good now, options are on the table as were his. Then, that window of opportunity started closing. Yours will too, father time will start hanging around your house all too soon.

[Gator]

Rivardco,
 
Your words make you seem fixated on having a very young bride.   Why would someone want to be a full-time teacher?  This is what a professor does, his classes are only 1-2 hours per day,  and the job is usually completed after one or two semesters.    Why would you not want a wife who can teach you some things?   This is just one example on why not to focus on age and physical features.
 
You are analytical, so I have a suggestion in recognition of your forte.   Before you take your trip I suggest that you develop a comprehensive set of criteria about what you want in a woman.   Ignore physical features.   The list should be long and detailed.  A criterion should not be "compatible personality"  and instead break this down into various aspects of personality.  Consider all criteria that are important to your long and short-term happiness.
 
When you take your trip, leave this list of criteria at home.   While on your trip, date women in all age ranges, even in their 40s.   After this dating spree, make a quick intuitive decision about which women were ranked 1, 2 and 3.   I would expect that your intuitive rankings will yield the youngest women.   When you arrive home, retrieve your list of criteria and evaluate each woman thoroughly.     Then go to the top of the mountain and get focused.   

I assert that if you still rank the youngest women as the best, you have wind in the head.   

BTW, you never answered my question about what role you want your wife to play in marriage, although you eliminated one option.  Do you know what you want, or do you just realize something is missing now?   If not sure, you should stay a bachelor.  Young women are easy, all it takes to have one is a little money, far less money than marrying one.   You have been doing this for 25  years.  It was fun, but now maybe you realize something is missing with such a life.  Why is this not fulfilling?  The answers will help define your criteria.     

[IAmZon]

Excellent comments all; especially Gator's. Thanks, sincerely.

In fact, I am not fixated on dating young women - or, marrying a VERY YOUNG woman.   I think 28 - 34 is a good range for me.   I feel comfortable in this range for a number of reasons.  It does not feel like a stretch for me, in truth.  But, that is STILL a 15 - 20 year gap ... so, I ought to have my eyes wide open.

In the book, BLINK by Gladswell, there is a fascinating chapter on nonverbal ques being ASTONISHINGLY revealing and determining long term success in marriage.  The prime factor for failure was when one spouse was seen as unsupportive, superior, or ridiculing the other.  An interesting piece for those so inclined ... 

I tend to think the bottom line on marriage failing in the long term is simply because our modern lives have too many choices and too few lasting traditions/relationships.  In the end, it may not be as hard as it seems - PROVIDING that the two people have good characters and are well grounded.

[Misha]

On average, a 40 + woman  who will only date +5 her age will have few and far between dates.  She can wish otherwise; but only a very few of her sisters can attain otherwise.
Dreams and wishes and proclamations do not change facts.   

You do make a good point. Even dating and marriage are different things. A woman may even date and have intimate relations with a man, but that does not guarantee either that he will marry her.

[Ranetka]

None of friends my age are with older men, they all in managed to find men their own age.
It was my personal experience I was reffereing too, all I can say I had no trouble finding dates. I edited the post as probably too much info.