Unrealistic Expectations - Men - What are they?

[Daveman]

Ok ladies... tell it like it is...  what do you see as the unrealistic expectations men have? 


This should be an interesting "sister" thread to the concurrent women version... 

[pitbull]

Ok ladies... tell it like it is...  what do you see as the unrealistic expectations men have? 


This should be an interesting "sister" thread to the concurrent women version... 

Easy... Go read the opening post from the "sister thread" 

[Valkyrie]

There is an old thread I read when it was posted.  I agreed with everything Boethius said in that thread and I think this is a mentality of many men looking for RW -

I read this thread to my husband (a Ukrainian citizen).  He was silent and looked down for a moment.  Then he said "They are looking to buy a cheap cow.  It is extremely upsetting in a way.  They are going to purchase the cheapest product.  It has nothing to do with $700.  They don't even understand this.  For them, it's normal.  It is like going to a sale.

If someone had done the same to his daughter, or his sister, he'd be singing a different tune.  Did he care about her?  No, he came to buy meat, and when it's expensive, well, it's a bad sale."

(full quote, or rant, if you will).

[Daveman]

There is an old thread I read when it was posted.  I agreed with everything Boethius said in that thread and I think this is a mentality of many men looking for RW -

So what would be the man's unrealistic expectation that you see from this situation?  That he expects to find a wife "on sale" (cheap cow) by not having to buy a $700 coat?     


Would you say it's reasonable to conclude that a woman tends to feel more valued in by a man in proportion to how much he spends on her?

[Vasilisa]

Ok ladies... tell it like it is...  what do you see as the unrealistic expectations men have? 


This should be an interesting "sister" thread to the concurrent women version... 

Well, the thing that always kills me in the men's profiles is the fact how they describe a Male as their perfect partner.
For example when they start describing a lot of things that mainly men are interested in or when they write :"I don't want drama", ok, become a gay then.
Women who are not on any kind of medication ARE into drama often because of their hormonal changes and the level of estrogen, women female hormones which they are given together with the genitals they have cause women being dramatic from time to time.

When men write: I don't want any drama it means that they either want a guy with a high level of testosterone or a woman who is on a pretty serious medication or a robot.

When men who are in their late 60-ies are writing about being equal in everything concerning financial thins with a single 40-year old mom from abroad. Put away the country thing, because you are not going to live with the country, you are gong to live with the person. Now look if you can find the partner in your country in their 40-es who would love to live, love leaving everything behind and be equal with you and look at the quality of this person.

The same thing concerns everything, put away the country thing in your relationship and imagine you are dating a local. If you can't imagine the  local going through all what she has to go living with you it will be the question of time when the foreign wife escapes (even if she comes).

[Vasilisa]

That's an unrealistic expectation. 
This  may work if you have money or live in a very prosperous country, but then the girl is a CGC or a gold digger.

[steste1122]

Vasilisa, from the number of gay guys that I know, I would have to say that the level of drama is equal to or greater than what would be found in a traditional relationship (5 years in the theater department taught me this).  But you are right about the rest of it.  Drama is ok, the only men who say they dont want drama is the men who dont know how to deal with it.  Which is sad because with the right attitude you can really get a womans attention this way.

 I cant comment on whether or not other mens profiles describe a male as their perfect partner as I dont read them. My own profile only has information about what I think I am like, and only in communication do I tell a woman what I am looking for.  If she is interested she will continue to communicate with me, and if not well I can always continue searching.  And I am only 30 and only seeking a mate that is plus or minus 5 years my own age so cant really comment on the rest either.

The part about imagining you are dating a local is actually pretty smart.  I made a mistake early on by innocently asking the lady I am now visiting why she was looking for a husband abroad. She was a bit upset and said she does not look for a husband abroad, she looks for husband.  And then I felt like an idiot because really, it is as simple as that.  It is no different than any other online dating service like eharmony or match.com, except the distance is further and the women are more attractive.

[XMan]

Well, the thing that always kills me in the men's profiles is the fact how they describe a Male as their perfect partner.
For example when they start describing a lot of things that mainly men are interested in or when they write :"I don't want drama", ok, become a gay then.

Women who are not on any kind of medication ARE into drama often because of their hormonal changes and the level of estrogen, women female hormones which they are given together with the genitals they have cause women being dramatic from time to time.

When men write: I don't want any drama it means that they either want a guy with a high level of testosterone or a woman who is on a pretty serious medication or a robot.

Not sure what percentage of men say anything concerning "no drama" because I have not read any men's profiles.  Nor do I know what percentage think it but say or write nothing of it. 

But it also depends upon how "no drama" is defined.  There are rough waters at times, and that may be related to work, health, children, etc., etc.  A guy who is thinking "no drama" may very well be thinking, "I don't want to deal with an unleashed roller coaster everyday."  He is not thinking that "I want a woman who never displays any emotional extremes."  Sorry, hormones are not an excuse for a daily breakdown or blowup of some kind.   I have seen both male and female versions of that behavior.

[Lily]

Ok ladies... tell it like it is...  what do you see as the unrealistic expectations men have? 


This should be an interesting "sister" thread to the concurrent women version... 

To me, unrealistic expectations from men towards women would be something like believing that she will be in a great mood all the time, that she will never be sad or upset, never sick, never needs support, never farts, etc.
 

[IAmZon]

Women who are not on any kind of medication ARE into drama often because of their hormonal changes and the level of estrogen, women female hormones which they are given together with the genitals they have cause women being dramatic from time to time.

When men write: I don't want any drama it means that they either want a guy with a high level of testosterone or a woman who is on a pretty serious medication or a robot.

Great comment - thanks for clearing that up:)

[XMan]

To me, unrealistic expectations from men towards women would be something like believing that she will be in a great mood all the time, that she will never be sad or upset, never sick, never needs support, never farts, etc.

That indeed is an unrealistic expectation!

[Krassie]

To me unrealistic expectations are when a woman comes from a non-English speaking country with no English or  very poor English and finds a well paid job to support her new elderly husband. She can rely to get some kind of a babysitting or  housekeeping job for her ex country people.  It's only if she lives in a big city. Otherwise, if she is lucky enough she will find a minimum wage job which is not easy with current american economy. And at the tax season they will pay much more taxes which will not make her husband happy at all.  As a result most of her wage will go to pay taxes.
  Those people who live alone for a long time will have to give some of their space to a new spouse , this makes them uncomfortable and misunderstandings start.
Before even start their search people need to know exactly what they want and need , and what to expect. When we invite someone into our life  giving up something is to expect...
When we are after a middle aged woman kids are part of her life and they cannot be separated. If you live her you must love and respect her kids too. 
Every relationship is a two way road. One cannot be only a giver and the other one a receiver. 
I know a family who does everything together after 40 years of marriage , and their honey moon lasts all those years, their kids grew up, have their own families, and grandfather and grandmother are still honey mooners. What helps them? Communication, understanding, patience and tolerance...

[Lily]

To me unrealistic expectations are when a woman comes from a non-English speaking country with no English or  very poor English and finds a well paid job to support her new elderly husband.

Okay but what if she is a professional dancer and makes a good career out if it? This profession does not really depend on her Engish. To me, this would not be an unrealistic expectation to count on a good income with a partner whose professional skills do not depend on the language.
 

[Daveman]

Here's an interesting short read..


Top five things that drive men crazy





Guess what are the top 2 on the list...   

[Krassie]

Unfortunately, most of people from overseas need verbal communication.

[ghost of moon goddess]

1. To find a Woman giving up almost everything she has done in her life to be with the man she loves while doing all of this on faith that the man she loves is or has been honest with her and really is who he puts himself out to be  - the realistic expectation.

2. To find a Woman sacrificing  some of herself for being with the loved one - the realistic expectation.

3. To find a Woman putting her man's needs before her children - the unrealistic expectation.

Don't believe me? Ask your wives!

[vwrw]

In my opinion, the most common unrealistic expectation that men have is thinking that an unbalanced relationship has a chance on survival.  Men with this expectation believe that a women who satisfies 95% of  their requirements for potential partner will stay with them even though they can satisfy only 10 % of her  requirements for potential partner. This is very unrealistic expectation. A man must have a valuable quality (from the woman's perspective, not his own) to counterbalance  each valuable quality he sees in the woman.

[vwrw]

Women who are not on any kind of medication ARE into drama often because of their hormonal changes and the level of estrogen, women female hormones which they are given together with the genitals they have cause women being dramatic from time to time.

I cannot agree that being a NOT medicated female entails the proclivity to create dramas. I am a female and do not take any medicine, yet the amount of drama in our relationship is next to zero, approximately one drama per a year. I also know other ladies who are levelheaded and do not succumb to emotions easily.
 
To say that  estrogen makes all or even the majority of women into drama is as wrong as say that testosterone makes every or the majority of males to be aggressive.  I may agree that excess of the respective hormone may make males to be aggressive and females  to be into dramas. Fortunately, the majority of people are not afflicted by this.   

[Vasilisa]

I cannot agree that being a NOT medicated female entails the proclivity to create dramas. I am a female and do not take any medicine, yet the amount of drama in our relationship is next to zero, approximately one drama per a year.

1 drama per year is a drama, it's also interesting to know what some men see by drama. For some men even a simle serious conversation different from a small talk is a drama.

I remember reading an article about why men hate the phrase "we need to talk" as they see it as women's attempt to attack them and blame them for something.
I also remember reading men's discussions about their relationsips like if the woman was 90%-really great but 10% bad (ie tears, serious conversations-men call this fighting) these 10% was enough to break up.

[Darth_Budda]

Okay but what if she is a professional dancer and makes a good career out if it? This profession does not really depend on her Engish. To me, this would not be an unrealistic expectation to count on a good income with a partner whose professional skills do not depend on the language.

Nooooo,, I think most men look to the FSU because they are looking for women who have ethics that would not allow them to be Strippers...

It's really too bad that a lot of women sell their bodies because of economic reasons... My view on feminism does not allow things like this.

[Daveman]

1 drama per year is a drama, it's also interesting to know what some men see by drama. For some men even a simle serious conversation different from a small talk is a drama.

I remember reading an article about why men hate the phrase "we need to talk" as they see it as women's attempt to attack them and blame them for something.
I also remember reading men's discussions about their relationsips like if the woman was 90%-really great but 10% bad (ie tears, serious conversations-men call this fighting) these 10% was enough to break up.

I remember reading something a few years ago (before the economy problems) that in a relationship the top desire for men is actually "Peace", followed by "adventure/fun".   Of course all of the terms are even defined differently by gender and individual. 


I think a good argument it good for the relationship as it vents/blows off steam as long as it doesn't get into threatening divorce/break-up etc.


I can handle serious conversations quite well, even about the relationship. I can handle a little emotional drama.  What I can't tolerate is nagging. 

[Lily]

Nooooo,, I think most men look to the FSU because they are looking for women who have ethics that would not allow them to be Strippers...

It's really too bad that a lot of women sell their bodies because of economic reasons... My view on feminism does not allow things like this.

It is so sad that when you saw the word 'dancer'', the first thing that crossed your mind was strippers...
 

[Daveman]

It is so sad that when you saw the word 'dancer'', the first thing that crossed your mind was strippers...

She got ya there Darth....  your mind a little on the dark side? 

[XMan]

1 drama per year is a drama, it's also interesting to know what some men see by drama. For some men even a simple serious conversation different from a small talk is a drama.

I remember reading an article about why men hate the phrase "we need to talk" as they see it as women's attempt to attack them and blame them for something.

I am not saying they don't exist, but there are no men that I have known in my lifetime who think a simple serious conversation with a woman is drama.  But I can say with absolute certainty that there are things that raise a big, crimson, drama flag:  pouting for no understandable reason, acting as if the man should be able to read their mind, being relentlessly illogical, and related to that, women resorting to emotional tantrums when they are called on their illogical arguments, and blowing a small thing out of proportion.  Now THAT is drama. 

Concerning "we need to talk," I've never seen anything positive come from that phrase, whether it was a man or a woman using it.

[Darth_Budda]

She got ya there Darth....  your mind a little on the dark side? 

Could be,,,, Only "dancers" around here are them type,,, Their are a ton of places in Canada across the border, They lure young girls with little economic opportunity into the business. We just had a young girl from my town "18 years old," fly off to LA to be a Porn star.. I have been bitching about how we need to raise the minimum Age to 23. I have been thinking of writing a letter to the local paper.   

So I guess I jumped the gun their...
In my defense Lily, I am just a dumb guy..
Insert foot to mouth.....

Sorry....