Unrealistic Expectations - Men - What are they?

[mies]

Ok ladies... tell it like it is...  what do you see as the unrealistic expectations men have? 


This should be an interesting "sister" thread to the concurrent women version... 

Imho, unrealistic expectations are commonly observed among men.
Such as:
- ideal woman exists
- I can get something for nothing (improve my life by adding an "ideal woman" to it, and don't have to do anything in return
- if I have not met ideal woman, the problem is in women around me
- i know i deserve and am entitled to have an ideal woman,
- when I will meet my ideal woman - she will undoubtedly feel the same about me (will be eager to comply with all my multiple expectations/demands of her).
- i can buy a "high quality" woman cheap in some other country
- if I will buy a woman, she will love me

and so on.

[mies]

Okay but what if she is a professional dancer and makes a good career out if it? This profession does not really depend on her Engish. To me, this would not be an unrealistic expectation to count on a good income with a partner whose professional skills do not depend on the language.

how many professional dancers do you know who are making decent living off their profession? I am naive and  curious. For me "professional dancer" in 98% of cases (stars are in a different group) always was a synonym to "not much money but relative freedom and fun."
How, technically, she will start a dancer career in USA? Will she join a group of performers? Whom will she replace then in this group? Will she be an individual dancer? How will she find venues to perform? Will she be teaching dance? How long will it take her to find a school which will give her a job? Or will she have money to open her own studio? Will she live in city where there will be demand for professional dancers, or she will live in the woods with 1h drive to the nearest shop, and 2 hours flight to the nearest theater? Doesn't she need to know at least some English to be able to negotiate about job and salary? For teaching dance she will need to know English much better.
Many questions, many variables on the way to successful career of a professional dancer.

[Lily]

Exactly mies, many variables in the profession, just like in every other profession that we know.
I just used the example in order to show that it is not unrealistic for a RW to find a job in the U.S. It may be tough, or it may be just pure luck, but I would not say that this is unrealistic.
How easy would it be to find job in Canada for a Russian qualified lawyer without additional studies? Perhaps not that easy, right? However, your obedient servant is someone that did exactly that. My job is one of those that belong to the legal profession but not require local license. Not realistic again?

[Darth_Budda]

Exactly mies, many variables in the profession, just like in every other profession that we know.
I just used the example in order to show that it is not unrealistic for a RW to find a job in the U.S. It may be tough, or it may be just pure luck, but I would not say that this is unrealistic.
How easy would it be to find job in Canada for a Russian qualified lawyer without additional studies? Perhaps not that easy, right? However, your obedient servant is someone that did exactly that. My job is one of those that belong to the legal profession but not require local license. Not realistic again?

Sorry, I just got to ask is Lily a common Russian or Ukrainian name?

I named my daughter Lilly,,, I think it's a lovely name... 

[ML]

I think a good argument it good for the relationship as it vents/blows off steam as long as it doesn't get into threatening divorce/break-up etc.

I don't like to argue, even a little; and won't continue in such a relationship.

I can lay out facts, logic, and alternatives; and likewise listen to the other person's.

[steste1122]

Sorry, I just got to ask is Lily a common Russian or Ukrainian name?

I named my daughter Lilly,,, I think it's a lovely name... 

No, but Lilia is.

[Muzh]

With all due respect to the ladies, drama is one thing, stupidity is another.


I want to second Mies excellent assessment.

Like the woman with a flat head, etc. Right guys?

Others prefer their wives to be dressed in a French maid costume all the time.

Imho, unrealistic expectations are commonly observed among men.
Such as:
- ideal woman exists
- I can get something for nothing (improve my life by adding an "ideal woman" to it, and don't have to do anything in return
- if I have not met ideal woman, the problem is in women around me
- i know i deserve and am entitled to have an ideal woman,
- when I will meet my ideal woman - she will undoubtedly feel the same about me (will be eager to comply with all my multiple expectations/demands of her).
- i can buy a "high quality" woman cheap in some other country
- if I will buy a woman, she will love me

and so on.

[mies]

Exactly mies, many variables in the profession, just like in every other profession that we know.
I just used the example in order to show that it is not unrealistic for a RW to find a job in the U.S. It may be tough, or it may be just pure luck, but I would not say that this is unrealistic.
How easy would it be to find job in Canada for a Russian qualified lawyer without additional studies? Perhaps not that easy, right? However, your obedient servant is someone that did exactly that. My job is one of those that belong to the legal profession but not require local license. Not realistic again?

In my view of  the world, the chances of something happening in the future are distributed continuously from 0 (never happens) to 100% (will definitely happen). My definition of "unrealistic" includes both zero probabilities and very low probabilities of something happening - so low that I would not bet on it if I were to make the choice. It's akin to gambling as the only source of income. Possible? Maybe, some people manage to do it, at least for some time. Realistic? No. If you take any random person almost surely they will not earn anything in gambling.
When I am saying that finding a job for a Russian lawyer, doctor, or anybody else in USA within a short period of time and without local training is unrealistic - I do not mean that this never happens, and I do not mean that they should not try. I only mean that it is unrealistic, and these individuals should not place all their bets on the scenario "I will find the job immediately and will make a great career." They should study alternative scenarios, and consider what resources they will need to achieve their goal, and how much time it can take.
For the record, I never said it is unrealistic for a RW to find job in USA. But if you add extra details, such as "is it realistic that a Russian doctor will get a medical job in USA within 6 months of arrival on a fiance visa?" I think this is unrealistic. Maybe some people still can do it, but most - can't and won't. Same with dancers. Are there dancers who found a dancing job almost immediately upon arrival to USA as fiances, wives, or J1 summer workers - quite likely there are such people. Will a specific woman be able to find a dancing and well-paying job if she lives in not very central location with no dancing venues, and local economy on decline? - i think this is next to impossible.

If you are a lawyer, let me offer you the following example. Imagine, you are advising your client on some legal matter. And saying "there will be new law in 2 years which will solve all your problems." Is it possible there will be new law? Yes, it is possible, we see new laws and amendments to the old laws issued quite often. Is it realistic to expect that exactly this new law will be issued, that it will solve your client's problems? No, it's unrealistic.

[mies]

I don't like to argue, even a little; and won't continue in such a relationship.

I can lay out facts, logic, and alternatives; and likewise listen to the other person's.

you sound just like me.

[Gator]

I remember reading an article about why men hate the phrase "we need to talk" as they see it as women's attempt to attack them and blame them for something.

Usually the man knows the topic, he also knows that he has been doing something the woman doesn't like, and he does not want to change.  So why would he want to talk?

BTW, this is the same in both directions (i. e., the man says "we need to talk").

I also remember reading men's discussions about their relationsips like if the woman was 90%-really great but 10% bad (ie tears, serious conversations-men call this fighting) these 10% was enough to break up.

That would never drive me away.  Each conflict has its sources.  Can those sources be managed better?  However, I really dislike reaching an agreement that change will occur, and then discovering the same behavior again.  If it is just a pet peeve, so be it.  However, if something substantive, I have limits.
 
Speaking of 90-10, a man can give a woman nine sincere compliments, but if he were to make just one criticism, the compliments are forgotten.  This is not limited to man-woman encounters.  This is human nature.  It applies to employee-supervisor relationships.   Negatives always carry much more weight than positives.   

[ML]

you sound just like me.

I know; that is why we love each other.

But let's not tell our respective mates.   

[mies]

I know; that is why we love each other.

But let's not tell our respective mates.   

  ok.
although, my husband knows there are no threats to him because we (meaning my husband and I) are two peas in a pod... true soulmates 

[BC]

ML = Mies's Lover?

[mies]

ML = Mies's Lover?

[Daveman]

I don't like to argue, even a little; and won't continue in such a relationship.

I can lay out facts, logic, and alternatives; and likewise listen to the other person's.

That's fine if you truly never become angry there, Mr. Spock.  Repressed emotions always come out in other ways (you probably just silently and stoically use the Vulcan neck grab without realizing it).  Sure, it ain't healthy to blow gaskets all the time...  but... 


 

[OlgaH]

That's fine if you truly never become angry there, Mr. Spock.  Repressed emotions always come out in other ways (you probably just silently and stoically use the Vulcan neck grab without realizing it).  Sure, it ain't healthy to blow gaskets all the time...  but... 


 

[Boethius]

That's fine if you truly never become angry there, Mr. Spock.  Repressed emotions always come out in other ways (you probably just silently and stoically use the Vulcan neck grab without realizing it).  Sure, it ain't healthy to blow gaskets all the time...  but... 


 

I don't think ML said he never gets angry. 
 
I don't argue very often with my husband.   But I am the opposite of ML.  With me, it's all emotion. 

[Daveman]

LoL! I love that scene... 


So what are some other unrealistic, bizarre, goofball, etc expectations that men have?  So far my favorite is, paraphrasing, "women don't fart"... (refraining from the Putin joke... it's.... difficult... it would be such a gas...  but I'd hate to cause such an international stink..)

[Daveman]

I don't think ML said he never gets angry. 
 
I don't argue very often with my husband.   But I am the opposite of ML.  With me, it's all emotion.

how about upset then? 


I was just having some fun with Mr Logic.. 

[Boethius]

So what are some other unrealistic, bizarre, goofball, etc expectations that men have?

That young women are attracted to middle aged men.  This is often followed with poll examples citing George Clooney and Brad Pitt.
 
Sorry guys, but none of you look like a cleaned up Brad Pitt or George Clooney, nor do you have their cash.

[Daveman]

That young women are attracted to middle aged men.  This is often followed with poll examples citing George Clooney and Brad Pitt.
 
Sorry guys, but none of you look like a cleaned up Brad Pitt or George Clooney, nor do you have their cash.

Maybe not.. but with longer hair and beard I do look a heck of a lot like Charles Manson!





and this helps too...

[Boethius]

and this helps too...

If you are competing with 20-something men, you will need something more powerful than that.  Or, rely on your twenty something male neighbour.

[Ranetka]

The most unrealistic expectation of men in MOB process is that the women would think the said men look or act 20 years younger.

[Gator]

The most unrealistic expectation of men in MOB process is that the women would think the said men look or act 20 years younger.

It seems that some men indeed act 40 years younger in the FSU.  Either that or midlife crisis to the third power.

[Doll]

Imho, unrealistic expectations are commonly observed among men.
Such as:
- ideal woman exists
- I can get something for nothing (improve my life by adding an "ideal woman" to it, and don't have to do anything in return
- if I have not met ideal woman, the problem is in women around me
- i know i deserve and am entitled to have an ideal woman,
- when I will meet my ideal woman - she will undoubtedly feel the same about me (will be eager to comply with all my multiple expectations/demands of her).
- i can buy a "high quality" woman cheap in some other country
- if I will buy a woman, she will love me

and so on.

+1000000000000000000