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Author Topic: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?  (Read 51037 times)

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Offline 2tallbill

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #150 on: April 09, 2012, 03:02:54 PM »
Maybe  I am missing something?

Jason


Jason, 


There is a button on the bottom corner of every single post. The
button says [size=78%]"report to moderator" If you press that button and nothing [/size]
[size=78%]happened then you [/size][size=78%]have a [/size][size=78%]legitimate point to bring up in a thread like this. [/size][size=78%] [/size]


However I would never post a thread about moderation in the
"Questions to Russian Ladies" section. That section would be for
let me think..................... oh yes questions for Russian Ladies.


You didn't press the report to moderator button did you?


Having said all of that, I think the forum is quite lucky to have so
many of the lady members participating. They are a great resource! 




 [size=78%] [/size]
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Offline Daveman

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #151 on: April 09, 2012, 04:19:32 PM »

...and whenever I asked my husband if he likes the food he would say "hmm.. its interesting". Several years has pasted before I finally figured that the word "interesting" in his interpretation means "this is OK, but i would rather eat something else". And its all because he grew up in oh so polite non-confrontational southern culture. Everybody smile all the time. Even when they fire you - they smile. Another example - you need to torcher  my husband with a hot iron to have him pronounce a phrase "this dress makes you look fat". I want an HONEST opinion and instead I get a smile and a suggestion to visit yet another store. It has got loads better now, after years and years of training, but still at times it drives me out of my mind.


LoL, Welcome to my world too..  My HONEST other half just doesn't get the Southern Gentleman concept.. that people really *are* that polite on a daily basis.. opening doors for complete strangers, carrying a package out for an elderly person.. expecting nothing more than the good feeling it brings inside to just be *kind*.   We've had some wild discussions about my *dishonest* emotions because I don't say EXACTLY what I feel/think with zero filter between brain and mouth.  sheesh...
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Offline Darth_Budda

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #152 on: April 09, 2012, 04:26:05 PM »

LoL, Welcome to my world too..  My HONEST other half just doesn't get the Southern Gentleman concept.. that people really *are* that polite on a daily basis.. opening doors for complete strangers, carrying a package out for an elderly person.. expecting nothing more than the good feeling it brings inside to just be *kind*.   We've had some wild discussions about my *dishonest* emotions because I don't say EXACTLY what I feel/think with zero filter between brain and mouth.  sheesh...

I am glad I am not the only one that opens doors for other people and Says thank you to the people in the convenience stores...

I usually try to tip good at restaurants also, I was a bus boy in high school and understand how bad the pay is....

In the North we call that being polite..  ;)

It all really comes down to the saying,
"Treat other people how you want to be treated"
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Offline Donna_Pedro

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #153 on: April 09, 2012, 04:53:21 PM »

That is not Southern code.  He is just polite.  Oddly, my Cossack woman says exactly the same about food she does not want.  She did it even when she knew only 200 words of English.   For example, "pivo not interesting."

Donna, how many times did you hear, "Yer not from around here, are ya?"  :)   By the way, that is an impolite expression.  A kinder expression would be:  "Bless your lil' heart."  Does you husband ever think you become ornery at times (not to be confused with horny ;) ).


Yer not from around here, are ya? = "Bless your lil' heart?????  How so?
What is wrong with "You are not from here?" Why is it rude?  Believe it or not "bless your lil heart" to me comes across as  a bit condescending, while "Yer not from around here" is merely stating a fact. OK, I am not from around here. Ornery? My husband asks me every day after I come home from work "So, whom did you insult today?" ;D Fortunately in my company most people are from all over the world, so everybody is in the same shoes as me and locals are a minority, so they have to get used to occasional unintentional clumsiness. Btw,  I have trouble with my "bubbly" female boss, though. She tells me all the time that she loves me and tries to hug me. (She has a husband and 3 kids) I know this is unprofessional. But she is my boss  and every time I hear "I love you" from her I feel to run away crying. How do I deal with it? Is she hugs me one more time I will quit. :D
Well, I don't think my husband was questioning Soviet leaders' level of upbringing.  He was commenting on the lack of manners he witnessed, both in the leadership and in the public in general.



 
Quote
Yes, your husband's "code" about "interesting" would've been apparent to me right away.  So, it's just getting used to a different way of communicating.  But, instead of training, why not learn that Southern "code"?  It will be useful in general.


You know I can learn the phrases and parrot them back, and I do it, but  it makes no sense to me and is so against my personality, that  I can not ever fully accept it. I smile and do small talk at work, but I consider this a part of professional behavior which I am (among other things)  being paid for. I do what is expected of me on social functions etc, because it is important to my husband. But at home I want to be relaxed and have a opportunity to say what I want and how I want.








Kaplah!

Offline Vasilisa

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #154 on: April 09, 2012, 05:07:52 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.

Offline Donna_Pedro

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #155 on: April 09, 2012, 05:14:49 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.


it looks like it is normal. They are very hugly out here.
Kaplah!

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #156 on: April 09, 2012, 05:22:43 PM »
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline Darth_Budda

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #157 on: April 09, 2012, 05:23:37 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.

Not in upstate NY,,, We mostly hug Family or close friends...

But I will say it is more acceptable for a man to hug a women than shake her hand.

That is a hard one? Depends on the group of friends I guess...
I notice the hug more when I first meet a old friend, not when we say good bye?

Got me thinking with that one,,,,

EDIT: Just asked my buddy

no
not unless its a church
or their old
or friends
but like on a date..no
« Last Edit: April 09, 2012, 05:29:56 PM by Darth_Budda »
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Offline Donna_Pedro

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #158 on: April 09, 2012, 06:10:17 PM »
[size=78%]. that people really *are* that polite on a daily basis.. opening doors for complete strangers, carrying a package out for an elderly person.. expecting nothing more than the good feeling it brings inside to just be *kind*.   We've had some wild discussions about my *dishonest* emotions because I don't say EXACTLY what I feel/think with zero filter between brain and mouth.  sheesh...[/size]


I do believe you. What I do not believe is that all people are always polite to each other out of goodness of their hearts.  At work professional behavior is expected of me, which includes politeness.  I shop in the same area as my neighbors and some of my co-workers, me and my husband attend social functions and I need to exhibit a certain image, so out in public I do behave accordingly and smile and do small talk, I am nice and courteous.   But I do not do it all the time because I want to. I do it, because this is expected of me, I am being paid for it or I just do not want to strand out in a crowd. And my experience tells me that other people do not do it all the time out of goodness of their hearts too. Car salesmen are polite, but if my husband was not paying attention we would have been cheated on a deal on my son's car we had bought a few months ago. When my previous company was laying off people, HR personnel smiled and "tried to stay positive" when handing people "good"news. Forgive me if I  am not totally convinced in a sincere politeness of every person who smiled at me or held the door. Sometimes I feel that the filter is way too thick for my likeness.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2012, 06:13:23 PM by Donna_Pedro »
Kaplah!

Offline LAman

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #159 on: April 09, 2012, 06:30:38 PM »

Most of the strongest proponents of political correctness that I knew were not doing it solely to change words. The goal was to change the way people saw the world. To say "policeman" implies that a police officer must be somehow a man. To say police officer could be either a man or a woman. The goal was to make it acceptable for women to work as police officers, to make them equal to their male peers. In other words, though when people think of political correctness, they think of words that were changed, they do not remember the inequalities that brought it about in the first place.
Well maybe the PC's have not gotton to a few other words I'd like to mention ..........was it a woman/women who named this................, menstrual, menapause, menace, menial.
  :cluebat:
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Offline LAman

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #160 on: April 09, 2012, 06:36:58 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.
It is an individual thing. I would be worried if he does this rarely or only with you.
It also brought something up for me...i was brought up with kisses on cheek or sometimes both cheeks. I was told not to do this on a girl in Ukraine, especially on first meeting, for it was not normal.
I always explained that it is normal for me......as a greeting....so i compromised and just gave 'cheek hug'!!
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift

Offline OlgaH

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #161 on: April 09, 2012, 06:59:53 PM »
Well maybe the PC's have not gotton to a few other words I'd like to mention ..........was it a woman/women who named this................, menstrual, menapause, menace, menial.
  :cluebat:

LAman, I guess you are joking  ;D any way  just in case  ;)

menopause -  from Greek men - month and pausis - cessation
menstrual - Latin mēnstruālis - having monthly courses

the origin of other words you can look yourself



Offline newjason

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #162 on: April 09, 2012, 07:08:31 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.

It is Not normal.

If it happened once, then I would say not to worry and just forget about it.

Since it happens "all the time" ,  I can't make a comment without more information, because It would be easy to guess and be totally wrong.
 
So,
Is he , married or single?
Is he older, younger, or same age as you?
In what context do you know him? ( from work, met him at the park, friend of a friend,...)
Have you dated him?

I think you have to use your intuition and go with your feelings.



Offline newjason

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #163 on: April 09, 2012, 07:12:06 PM »

My husband asks me every day after I come home from work "So, whom did you insult today?" ;D


LMAO   


that is Priceless!

Offline newjason

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #164 on: April 09, 2012, 07:25:20 PM »

Jason, 


There is a button on the bottom corner of every single post. The
button says [size=78%]"report to moderator" If you press that button and nothing [/size]
[size=78%]happened then you [/size][size=78%]have a [/size][size=78%]legitimate point to bring up in a thread like this. [/size][size=78%] [/size]


However I would never post a thread about moderation in the
"Questions to Russian Ladies" section. That section would be for
let me think..................... oh yes questions for Russian Ladies.


You didn't press the report to moderator button did you?


Having said all of that, I think the forum is quite lucky to have so
many of the lady members participating. They are a great resource! 




 [size=78%] [/size]

My intent was not to have anything moderated, So no, I did not press the Button.
I used a couple of specific examples to illustrate my point and to find out what is acceptable and what is not.   As for the rest of the post,  well, I am just a curious guy I suppose. :)

And yes the ladies are a great addition and very much a plus.  :)

Offline Muzh

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #165 on: April 10, 2012, 07:45:14 AM »
Not in upstate NY,,, We mostly hug Family or close friends...


Tell me about it. What a bunch of stiff neck snobs.

Quote
But I will say it is more acceptable for a man to hug a women than shake her hand.


Good man.

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Muzh

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #166 on: April 10, 2012, 07:48:09 AM »
LMAO   


that is Priceless!

I thought the same.  :ROFL:
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Gator

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #167 on: April 10, 2012, 03:54:12 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.

I offer no answers, but give you some points to consider.
 
It seems that you enjoy it.  Perhaps you are loveable.
 
If this is at work, it is a "no no."   That gives you a clue. 
 
There are different hugs, some asexual, some sexual.
 
How do these men behave with other women?   Another clue.
 
If these men are your dates, a hug is a sign of affection, one step below a kiss. 
 
I say enjoy it.  If you do not want to be hugged, stand far away.

Offline XMan

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #168 on: April 10, 2012, 04:05:19 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.

I am from the Midwest originally.
In no way would this be considered normal. 
In fact, it would make most anyone I have ever known uncomfortable.

Offline ML

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #169 on: April 10, 2012, 04:07:23 PM »
For me, two entirely different groups of women.

1. I hug them because they are relatives, or old friends I haven't seen in a long time or won't be seeing for a long time.

2. I find them attractive and this is a way of feeling a nice body in my arms.

When I was meeting individual FSUW for the first time, I hugged about 25 - 30% of them at the instant of our first meeting.  You  can almost get a 6th sense concerning which women would  accept/want such a hug.  Only a couple of times was I wrong and could feel the woman being very stiff.

If a woman doesn't like it from a particular man;  the stiff response will probably insure it doesn't happen again . . .  unless the relationship moves on to another level.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Gator

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #170 on: April 10, 2012, 04:16:21 PM »
 
Moscow women seem to enjoy being touched.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14564.msg293685#msg293685
 
This clip was like bad sex.  I was not getting what I wanted, yet I would not stop.  Should have stopped, as I got all I could stand.

Offline Darth_Budda

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #171 on: April 10, 2012, 05:18:36 PM »
I will be a little bit :offtopic: here, but since we are talking about the manners and behavior and I didn't want to start a thread abou that, is it normal that American men who I am not a close  friend with hug me all the time saying "good-bye'? I don't remember being hugged like that by men  in Russia.

You know maybe the friend is gay....
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Caleb Maupin

Offline newjason

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #172 on: April 10, 2012, 06:42:46 PM »
Dr. Giovanni Tucci of The Tucci-Feeli Institute gives instruction on proper hugging.




Offline Daveman

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #173 on: April 14, 2012, 07:57:44 PM »

I do believe you. What I do not believe is that all people are always polite to each other out of goodness of their hearts.

You got me there.. sometimes  I'm polite JUST to piss off my wife... ;D ...


Quote
At work professional behavior is expected of me, which includes politeness.  I shop in the same area as my neighbors and some of my co-workers, me and my husband attend social functions and I need to exhibit a certain image, so out in public I do behave accordingly and smile and do small talk, I am nice and courteous.   But I do not do it all the time because I want to. I do it, because this is expected of me, I am being paid for it or I just do not want to strand out in a crowd. And my experience tells me that other people do not do it all the time out of goodness of their hearts too. Car salesmen are polite, but if my husband was not paying attention we would have been cheated on a deal on my son's car we had bought a few months ago. When my previous company was laying off people, HR personnel smiled and "tried to stay positive" when handing people "good"news. Forgive me if I  am not totally convinced in a sincere politeness of every person who smiled at me or held the door. Sometimes I feel that the filter is way too thick for my likeness.


Politeness, for me, is similar to respect.. while a deep level of respect is earned between people, everyone, imo, should be *treated* with respect until they have shown they deserve otherwise.  At that point the only thing left is to drag 'em out and shoot 'em on the spot.
The duty of a true patriot is to protect his country from its government. -- Thomas Paine

Offline newjason

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Re: Are Women's Opinions Really Welcome Here?
« Reply #174 on: April 15, 2012, 12:19:57 AM »
You got me there.. sometimes  I'm polite JUST to piss off my wife... ;D ...



Politeness, for me, is similar to respect.. while a deep level of respect is earned between people, everyone, imo, should be *treated* with respect until they have shown they deserve otherwise.  At that point the only thing left is to drag 'em out and shoot 'em on the spot.

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