AM and RW ... are we compatible?

[Doll]

Let's stay positive and hope it will never happen.

[Daveman]

To which part?

Ahhhh, just trying get back into the spirit of incompatibility... 


Okay, so, do you really not believe that by growing up with the influences of your family that you had a deeper understanding of the culture and mentality at the time you met your husband to be than say, the average western guy heading over yonder for the first time?


 

[OlgaH]

Василиса, ну его- пусть. Понятно, что Ольга понятия не имеет о реальной жизни тут, потому и нравится маЛчикам местным (форумским). Гуд им лак, как грится, только потом больно будет фейсом об тейбл, если РЖ окажется не-Ольгой и заартачится, не захочет петь эти песни.
Оставь эти споры.

Doll, what real life you are talking about? 

[Daveman]

Hmmm, I think Nichka turned out the lights and tossed in a pomegranate!   

[Doll]

Hmmm, I think Nichka turned out the lights and tossed in a pomegranate! 

Grenade! Pomegrenade is a fruit! They throw grenades!

[Daveman]

Grenade! Pomegrenade is a fruit! They throw grenades!

   made you look!

[Boethius]

Ahhhh, just trying get back into the spirit of incompatibility... 


Okay, so, do you really not believe that by growing up with the influences of your family that you had a deeper understanding of the culture and mentality at the time you met your husband to be than say, the average western guy heading over yonder for the first time?

The culture, yes.  The mentality, no.  My mentality was never a Soviet mentality.  It was always a Western mentality.  In fact, my husband says "You think like a Westerner".

Soviet mentality still predominates in the FSU, though it is changing.  But, at the same time, my husband grew up in a family that was a "class enemy", one which the authorities enjoyed humiliating.  He said he tried to become Soviet, but he couldn't.  He rejected it, and he faced the consequences of that choice willingly.  I do not think we would have been compatible if he'd had a Soviet mentality.

I understand most, but not all, of it from living there, but, as I posted, there were always things that were "normal" there that were perplexing, or shocking, or sometimes repugnant to me.  There are male posters here who do not find some of these things, particularly the seedier ones which most Westerners would find disgusting, so and, in fact, even enjoy them.  So, to each his/her own.

[Anotherkiwi]

Hmmm, I think Nichka turned out the lights and tossed in a pomegranate! 

Nichka went offline as soon as she sent Post #10, and hasn't been back.  She obviously realised that she was opening a huge barrel of worms, not just a can.
 

Dears, please calm down, please!
I understand that sometimes Russian language affords for more exact meaning of what you want to say, but please respect those who does not understand Russian. Online translations would not allow for an adequate translation anyway.

Very true - I'm not sure how rude Gator was trying to be, especially as he says he doesn't speak Russian! 
 

It's a free country. We read enough Spanish or Italian here, so let us be us.

Sorry Doll, but you've lost me - what do you mean by "here" - the forum or the USA?  The only Italian I can remember seeing on RWD is from Sandro, and he always provides a translation.  I can't remember seeing any Spanish.
 
I'm not going to get involved in the various fights that are going on, although some are slightly entertaining.  Returning to the actual topic, it's blindingly obvious that there are SEVERAL posters here who are not compatible with each other (and I'm sure that they are all very happy/thankful that they haven't even met  ).  However, I tend to agree with the poster (I think it was happyandstable, but it was about 5 million posts ago) who said that any couple may be compatible (or not) - it has nothing to do with ethnicity, location or anything else.  The chances may or may not be better if you stay within your own culture, but there is nothing to stop anyone in this internet age exploring other options.

[Lily]

It's a free country. We read enough Spanish or Italian here, so let us be us.

You are right about being true to ourselves, but it is not a good practice to use the language that a number of others can not properly understand, especially if this language is used for personal attacks as it seems to be now.

Everyone please kndly abstain from using comments that target the other members personally. If there is nothing to say on the topic or for a meaningful reply, please don't post.
 

[Donna_Pedro]

I agree, when you marry a foreigner respect her or him and be ready to be integrated into her or his cultural things, too. If you live in a nice place and that's him who can't find a decent job there and makes you relocate because of him that's at least strange if he is making you to relocate and to  integrate for his convenience, too.

My point its I respect my husband, not necessarily his country. And if I heard this kind of “requirements” it would be a big red flag for me, because next thing would be  drop everything Russian – traditions, holidays etc and become American and this would not be acceptable for me. I am not American. I am a russian person living on american soil.  Imagine this – 10 years into our marriage and my husband called me first thing this morning with Христос Воскрес in perfect Russian and asked to save him an egg and a piece of Easter cake. He completely ignored Catholic Easter a week ago. I had him baptized into Russian Orthodox church. We selebrate Catholic Christmas, Russian Christmas and New Year russian style.  He is integrating in to my culture as much than I am integrating into his. That’s what I call partnership.

[Donna_Pedro]

DP, the first step in integration is learning the language, which I am guessing you have done?

  As for the rest of your comment, fine by me.
 I am happy you have found the other that would tolerate and accept you as you are, I wish you both nothing but the very best in life.

 
Well.. I  started integrating into American culture at age 7 then… some 30 years prior to coming to this country…   And thanks for best wishes. I have been happily married for over 10 years now and I need all the good wishes I can get.
 

[OlgaH]

 He is integrating in to my culture as much than I am integrating into his. That’s what I call partnership.

One of my requirements was "he had to know Russia by his own experience", in some way already integrated.

[CG7]

 
Well.. I  started integrating into American culture at age 7 then… some 30 years prior to coming to this country…   And thanks for best wishes. I have been happily married for over 10 years now and I need all the good wishes I can get.

 You are welcome.

[calmissile]

I wonder how many newbies will read the threads of the past week and decide they no longer want a FSU wife?  It certainy has painted a different picture of what we have read over most of the past year.  It's also a different picture of what the tour guides, wingmen, etc. have painted.

[Daveman]

I wonder how many newbies will read the threads of the past week and decide they no longer want a FSU wife?  It certainy has painted a different picture of what we have read over most of the past year.  It's also a different picture of what the tour guides, wingmen, etc. have painted.

My guess would be about zero.. maybe less..     

[Spoon]

I wonder how many newbies will read the threads of the past week and decide they no longer want a FSU wife?  It certainy has painted a different picture of what we have read over most of the past year.  It's also a different picture of what the tour guides, wingmen, etc. have painted.

As they say, forewarned is forearmed Better they find out now and decide, than 5 years down the track.

A little off topic (but has been covered in this thread) but I think a FSUW who leaves her home country to relocate will certainly leave behind some fondness for her former lifestyle and no doubt there will be things that she will gladly be rid of.
The same will apply in her new location, there will be aspects that she not assimilate with too well and  (hopefully) there will be other factors that she will relate to and enjoy.

I'm fortunate that my RW and myself are both living in a Country independent to our respective home Countries, so we are immersing ourselves together

[Vasilisa]

My guess would be about zero.. maybe less..     

I agree, I wish some of them would change their mind though on realizing the fact that people are people everywhere. That would save them a lot of time and money.

[Daveman]

I agree, I wish some of them would change their mind though on realizing the fact that people are people everywhere. That would save them a lot of time and money.

but we all have a dream to chase...       sometimes I think it is the chase that may be the dream..

[Vaughn]

I'm fortunate that my RW and myself are both living in a Country independent to our respective home Countries, so we are immersing ourselves together

I find that situation fascinating as I've thought about it many times. Tell us more, Spoon, if not here, then in a new thread - about the dual-immersion into language and culture. I assume it would be a very bonding thing to share.

[Vasilisa]

Calmissile,
 
This is just another condescending comment about a woman from you! Vasilisa is perfectly fine just the way she is,there is no need for her to become "just like" OlgaH.

Pitbull, I'd recommend him to stop his search, but I know he won't, maybe he will read Indian or Thai girls are better and start looking there. I don't know what he has been doing till the age of 70.. honestly: riding a motorbike dating pub girls?! He doesn't know basic principles of treating decent women: NEVER compare one woman with another one, this principle is INTERNATIONAL.
 
 I've heard of the stories when some AM were trying to send their wives back to Russia  telling them they would file a divorce later, but those ones at least had a romantic stage in their life:romantic phone calls, flowers, etc.

Calmissile STARTED his search with attemps of accusing women of unrealistic expectations and sending a permanent resident  who he hasn't even met back to Russia just because he didn't like what she said. I am afraid to imagine what the end is going to be if he finds an RW , brings her to the US and she says  him something he doesn't like.. it's up to your imagination to guess. My imagination is giving me pretty sad pictures which are not good either for calmissile or the lady.

Calmissile, again: Most Russian women are not sweet and smilie. Because it's not a cultural thing to smile all the time. They can be nice if needed to please someone or if they are happy but it's not a cultural thing to look artificially positive all the time. Taking antidepressants is also not common in Russia, most people either drink or eat much when they are stressed out. That's it. Yes, the economy is worse than in the US, but it doesn't make them stupid. Many RW have a higher education and know and understand a lot more than you can imagine and have read a lot more books by the age of 30 than you have for your entire life. what it means?! It means that if you bring a nice and educated one to the US and treat her like she is your slave and is obliged to you she will pack her bags and move to another guy sooner or later.
I don't know what your biography is , but if you have had problems with dating teachers, engineers, etc in the US it will not work with the russian teachers , engineers, etc.

You can also see a lot of nice pictures of happily looking guys and girls, they may look happy but you never know what exactly is behind these pretty pictures, the truth may surprise you. For example on another forum, long time ago I met a guy, he brought a RW to the US, she is beautiful, they have almost 20 years old difference, they guy posted a lot of pictures and  a lot of romantic stories about them and their new born child.

What is behind: the woman lived with another guy when they met, the romantic  letters were not written by her, but by the agency, she didn't speak English at all. He FELL IN LOVE with her, so he decided to rent an apartment for her, so she would move out and didn't live with the Russian guy anymore as they were waiting for the visa. He paid for everything: entertainment ,English lessons, going on a vacation around Europe, laptop for her, etc. Now she doesn't work and going to college (he pays), how did I know all that: I met them in person, when I was talking to her I didn't feel like she was in love with him, why did she have the kid.. well, she said:"I am 35, when to have a kid if not now, besides, it is easier to prove to the migrational service that the marriage is real". When you look at the pictures they look like a loving couple with a child, a perfect one, she never tells anything bad about the US, no wonder, as she came from a very small Siberian town where the quality of life was very low. She is happy about what she has now, but she doesn't love him and remember: she doesn't work, he provides her financially.

My guess is that you have been told that Russian women are kind, intelligent, loyal, etc. they can be, but what you are offering them right now they can find in Russia. If you want young and beautiful you will have to pay a lot like the guy above. If you don't the young and beautiful will move on as soon as she gets a green card.

When people love they do a lot of crazy illogical things, I don't see any signs of love in you so far, you are looking for a convenient girl: no problems, drama free, American patriot, always nice and sweet. If you are not going to pay a lot then at least need to give the same in return, so far it looks like you are very emotional and the smallest thing which you don't like makes you lose your temper.

And you aren't dating yet, it's only a forum, a real life will be a lot more stressful, will you be as sweet and smiley when you don't like the fact that she sets the heater too high or takes a shower longer than you had expected, when she doesn't like the crude joke of your friend or the fact that you are wearing shoes in the house, or when she decides to buy curtains for the house. What are you going to do: yell at her and send her back to "F-king Russia"?!

Think about it.

If you are still interested I'd recommend to look in really small towns somewhere in the Far East, so far all RW I've met from there loved the US and everything in it and were afraid of an idea of going back.

[Vasilisa]

And again: the economy in Russia is bad but it's not that bad as it used to be.
It means to get a better salary the woman doesn't need to leave her country-just move to a different place, like the North of Siberia, where the average salary is almost $2000 per month, she will probably have the guy who she will have equal relationship, too.

When she is looking abroad it means she is looking for something she can't get in Russia: a caring husband who would not tell her she is old at the age of 40, who doesn't cheat, who is a good provider, takes care of the children, etc, if all you can offer to a young, beautiful and educated one is life on a farm in the US and job of a cashier in the store think twice. 

[Donna_Pedro]

My imagination is giving me pretty sad pictures which are not good either for calmissile or the lady.

My imagination is more optimistic. For a RW. As you said,  us RW are anything but stupid. And you are right, we tend to read a lot. The times when RW were immigrating blindly are over. With internet being more widely available women are more informed. They know laws, they know lawyers. If they dont - there are multiple RW forums that teach them how to act in certain situations. So times when a man could send a wife home if he doent like her - are way over too. These women, as I said, are smart. So even if they would go home, they would not do it nicely, like good, obedient girls. I have witnessed it on multiple occasions on RW forums - nice, quiet girls came to complain on how to quietly leave a marriage with what turned out to be an a-hole, changed their minds quickly about "leaving quietly" and more over  received concrete, useful information on how not do it by law. And if a guy is 70 yo, the process of dealing with it, could be harmful for both his health and his pocket. So my prognosis is more optimistic for a RW, but less so for the guy.

[Anotherkiwi]

I find that situation fascinating as I've thought about it many times. Tell us more, Spoon, if not here, then in a new thread - about the dual-immersion into language and culture. I assume it would be a very bonding thing to share.

Vaughn, he's moved from New Zealand to Australia - there's not THAT much difference between the two countries!  We do speak nearly the same language. 

[ML]

Vaughn, he's moved from New Zealand to Australia - there's not THAT much difference between the two countries!  We do speak nearly the same language. 

But what about the accents; and the slang words?  That could take some years to master.  And having to stay indoors until this process is complete.

And what about acclimating to the warmer temperatures?

[OlgaH]

Calmissile STARTED his search with attemps of accusing women of unrealistic expectations and sending a permanent resident  who he hasn't even met back to Russia just because he didn't like what she said.

Vasilisa, as usual your own imagination prevails 

that what Calmissle said

Of the hundreds of women that I have corresponded with over the past year (Ukraine), this was a unique case.  I am wondering how prevelant it is with FSU women.  Your experiences in this vein?