AM and RW ... are we compatible?

[Kokopelli]

LOL

That's one new thread that will be very interesting  to read for sure.

If they are, may god have mercy on their souls.

Mercy on their souls... the men or the women? Both?
Your reaction is a little worse than that of my friend in Rostov. He says he could never date an AM and wonders how I can. I told him I used lots garlic. 
Anyway, during my meanderings through the world wide web I have met a few RM/AW marriages. I only got the woman's viewpoint, they were very happy. They were also very interested in Russian culture and enjoyed going there.

[Vasilisa]

Vasilisa, as usual your own imagination prevails 

that what Calmissle said

So, what is that, what you showed, you want to say that the idea sending me back and offering to collect the money was the product of my imagination?!

In another thread started by me he also mentioned that what I am looking for is kinda unrealistic, too:"you are living in a dream world", so there have been at least 2 womEn with unrealistic expectations he has met so far.

[Kokopelli]

The "core" is probably different for different couples, because different people have different values.  For me, the core was attitude toward family, raising a family, and God.

Like this:
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Or am I misquoting another Russian author? 

[Misha]

Like this:
"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Or am I misquoting another Russian author? 

You are misquoting the opening line from Anna Karenina

[OlgaH]

So, what is that, what you showed, you want to say that the idea sending me back and offering to collect the money was the product of my imagination?!

Vasilisa, he asked a question 

Vasilisa,

All of your complaints about the US and US men in particular, makes me wonder.  Why don't you go back home and enjoy the men and culture of your own country? 

Do you see a difference between question "why don't you?" and a statement "you have to..." or "we have to send you back"    BTW  Did not he apologize to you?

If you saw his idea of sending a bride or a wife back to Russia you are very welcome to show me his post 

In another thread started by me he also mentioned that what I am looking for is kinda unrealistic, too:"you are living in a dream world", so there have been at least 2 womEn with unrealistic expectations he has met so far.

Vasilisa would you be so kind to give me a link to his post about your unrealistic expectations?

[Kokopelli]

You are misquoting the opening line from Anna Karenina

Merci beaucoup. 

[Misha]

Merci beaucoup. 

De rien 

[Spoon]

I find that situation fascinating as I've thought about it many times. Tell us more, Spoon, if not here, then in a new thread - about the dual-immersion into language and culture. I assume it would be a very bonding thing to share.

Vaughn, Anotherkiwi is correct, I moved from NZ to Australia 4 years ago (mainly for work) and my wife has been here only 6 months.
It's true that there are a LOT of similarities between Australia and NZ and it's very easy for me to adapt (although where I work the summer temps can be 45˚C for weeks on end, so that was something new ).
My wife lived in the States for 3 years, so she too understood 'Western' life.
The 'bonding' experience comes from sharing new adventures, in a new country, that, although we both now call it 'home' is not where our roots are from.

Although I would say my RW is considerably more 'westernised' than many, she still retains a lot of those quintessential Russian qualities, that I wouldn't consider asking her to drop for a second It's more about adapting together - I will endeavour to adapt to some of her ways and vice versa.

[Vasilisa]

Vasilisa, he asked a question 

Do you see a difference between question "why don't you?" and a statement "you have to..." or "we have to send you back"    BTW  Did not he apologize to you?

If you saw his idea of sending a bride or a wife back to Russia you are very welcome to show me his post 

Vasilisa would you be so kind to give me a link to his post about your unrealistic expectations?

Olga, I know you are trying hard to suck out more or less logical explanation to make it look not the way it was and  this looks pathetic.
Especially because everybody knows that the idea was and that was why another thread was started. 

Ok, Calmissile , that was a great start!
Olga, feel better?!

[OlgaH]

Olga, I know you are trying hard to suck out more or less logical explanation to make it look not the way it was and  this looks pathetic.
Especially because everybody knows that the idea was and that was why another thread was started. 

Ok, Calmissile , that was a great start!
Olga, feel better?!

Vasilisa, with you I don't need to try hard or put to much effort 

Your posts reminds me a joke about "women logic"    and to me, using your own words if you don't mind,  it  looks pathetic. 

The more I read your posts the more I wonder about a real cause of your divorce. Could that cause be your own imagination? Maybe. But what ever you say about your divorce I will take it as it is from your own words     Again I wish you a good luck in dating and in finding your life partner. Just don't relay to much on your imagination       I have read the thread about your "divorced RW experience of dating in the US" and guys gave you some good advice.

[Boethius]

There is a world of difference between forums and the real world, Olga.

[calmissile]

Vasilisa,

You certainly do have a vivid imagination.  It seems you know very little about me other than my age.  Your comments about me having problems dating local women (engineers,etc) are totally out of line and characteristic of your attacks on people when you know nothing about them.

There are at least 3 women that would marry me in a heartbeat, one of which is my ex-wife.  She is Brazilian but has been in the US for more than 20 years.  I would think that an ex-wife would be a good recommendation if she was wanting to remarry me.   You really don't have a clue about me or my personal life, so get off your bashing kick.  Your making yourself look foolish.

Furthermore, for your information I have no interest in dating or marrying someone in the age range you describe, so your comments are off base there also.  Furthermore, it is none of your business what ages people are seeking each other.   Get it!  If you focused on your own life instead of sticking your nose in everone else's, you might have better success in your own endeavor.

I am sorry I was absent for a while, as I had to get some work done and was not available for your entertainment in real time.

[Boethius]

Vasilisa, I understand your attitude toward calmissile, based on what he posted to you.  However, I think each of you and calmissile are reading more into each other's posts than what is written.  From his perspective, calmissile is throwing out ideas in an attempt to understand what he will face.  It is not about finding someone compliant, but whether, culturally, he will find someone compatible.


Neither of you are wrong, you just have your own views of the world, and what you want.

[OlgaH]

There is a world of difference between forums and the real world, Olga.

Oh, no need to tell me 

[Boethius]

 

[Anotherkiwi]

But what about the accents; and the slang words?  That could take some years to master.  And having to stay indoors until this process is complete.

And what about acclimating to the warmer temperatures?

No probs, cobber - we're flooded with Australian TV shows so, whether we like it or not, we end up assimilating their lingo.  Most of us are fluent (or nearly so) in Australian, and the only people who can tell New Zealanders and Australians apart by the way they sound are...New Zealanders and Australians!  To everyone else we sound the same  , which only goes to prove that most people in the world do NOT use their ears very well.
 
As for the temperatures - definitely a problem for most, as we don't get anywhere near the 40 to 50 degrees that some parts of Australia reach in summer.  A hot day here in Auckland is 28, although parts of the South Island get into the mid-30s.  Even in India the hottest day I experienced was "only" 38.

[OlgaH]

But what about the accents; and the slang words?  That could take some years to master.

I also would recommend to learn some Russian foul language not for use but to be able to recognize it. For example, does it bother you when an AW/WW uses a word f-k or other similar words and expression in every sentence or often in her speech? So, I guess it should bother you when an RW uses a foul language communicating in Russian.

[nichka]

Everyone,
Thank you very much for your participation.
To be honest, I am newbie at this forum, therefore I am a little confused as of why instead of helping each other and exchanging with opinions and experiences of  AM & RW compatibility, along with the problems that you had run into with your foreign partner etc  many of you just arguing  and trying to prove each other who is better or smarter. Let’s just give each other an opportunity to share its own opinion, ups and downs in his cross-cultural relationships? How about that?
For example, I was thinking, what was making me crazy while I was dating AM?! Hm, probably, when he would come into my house and wouldn’t take his shoes off. In Russia it will be considered being disrespectful to woman and her attempt to keep her house clean.

[Misha]

For example, I was thinking, what was making me crazy while I was dating AM?! Hm, probably, when he would come into my house and wouldn’t take his shoes off. In Russia it will be considered being disrespectful to woman and her attempt to keep her house clean.

Did you ever tell the men you were dating this? Honestly, I don't quite understand this either. However, growing up on a farm where we had boots covered in manure, it was a given that we would take off footwear 

[nichka]

Well Misha, thank you for your response. No way I am trying to offend any AM here , but just express what I didn't like.  Yes I did say that I prefer sheos to be taken off , though still after living in USA fior the past 10 years, when I have party in my house and my American guests coming 70% of them would keep their shoes on, saying that  " nobody takes shoes off when coming over smbdy's house"

[ML]

For example, I was thinking, what was making me crazy while I was dating AM?! Hm, probably, when he would come into my house and wouldn’t take his shoes off. In Russia it will be considered being disrespectful to woman and her attempt to keep her house clean.

Nichka, don't be so pleasant here if you want to fit in.  You need to use some cuss words or at least very derogatory words about such men.

But more seriously, this is a cultural difference.  One should not expect that those from a different culture will automatically do things or act the way you expect . . . unless you give some direction.

Actually, I have not allowed shoes in my house since the early days I spent in Japan as a young man.  But I know, since it is unusual, that I must ask my guests to remove their shoes.  I wouldn't expect them to do it otherwise, since it is not common here.  And, I have stopped inviting a few people over the years who have put up a fuss about it. 

Also, I do furnish several pairs of slippers and big roomy socks because many people, including myself, get cold feet without a lot of insulation around the feet.

In short, I think many of the things that annoy people are due to themselves not fully explaining the 'rules' that they expect.  Sure, you can say that others should 'study up' on these rules, but that is expecting a bit much.

[nichka]

Thank you ML.
Just to be clear here , I am not trying to fit anywhere, nor I would use words which I ussually don't use  unless I am pissed off. Hope you understand me here .Thank you

[Misha]

I have party in my house and my American guests coming 70% of them would keep their shoes on, saying that  " nobody takes shoes off when coming over smbdy's house"

They were certainly rude, and I would certainly never invite them to my home ever again. IMHO, one can set rules for one's house. I wouldn't allow people to smoke in my home either 

[ML]

Quote from: nichka on Today at 01:17:04 PMI have party in my house and my American guests coming 70% of them would keep their shoes on, saying that  " nobody takes shoes off when coming over smbdy's house"

They were certainly rude, and I would certainly never invite them to my home ever again. IMHO, one can set rules for one's house. I wouldn't allow people to smoke in my home either 

But Nichka didn't clearly state whether she had expressed her 'strong' preferences to these guests re the rules.  I found that if I didn't word in a strong way, that people would  just assume I was asking them to remove their shoes for their own comfort; and under such assumption would feel free to decline my offer affecting their comfort.

Also, no smoking in my house or anywhere in my presence.
Have lost several FSU gals with this, and annoyed a lot of FSU business people.  Luckily they need me and I don't need them.

[calmissile]

I have party in my house and my American guests coming 70% of them would keep their shoes on, saying that  " nobody takes shoes off when coming over smbdy's house"

I have never experience someone this rude, but had it been my party I would have politely asked them to leave.  They are a guest in your home and it's your rules.

Sometimes removing the shoes is not only for cleanliness, it is also because spiked heels leave dings in wooden floors as well as some mens shoes leave black heel marks.

If you are firm with the first person that does not want to remove their shoes, the rest of the guests will likely comply.