AM and RW ... are we compatible?

[Shadow]

They were certainly rude, and I would certainly never invite them to my home ever again. IMHO, one can set rules for one's house. I wouldn't allow people to smoke in my home either 

Except the firemen.

On the topic of shoes: by keeping the shoes very visible near the door people might take the hint faster.

[ML]

  They are a guest in your home and it's your rules.

But again, you must give some forewarning to people about these rules AND you must furnish slippers or roomy socks.

Without forewarning, gals may come with nylons and heels.  They take off the shoes and risk ruining the nylons when they walk on rough tile, etc.  It can also screw up their entire 'look.'

And some men wouldn't want to risk leaving their $400 pair of shoes unattended.

[happyandstable]

Everyone,
Thank you very much for your participation.
To be honest, I am newbie at this forum, therefore I am a little confused as of why instead of helping each other and exchanging with opinions and experiences of  AM & RW compatibility, along with the problems that you had run into with your foreign partner etc  many of you just arguing  and trying to prove each other who is better or smarter. Let’s just give each other an opportunity to share its own opinion, ups and downs in his cross-cultural relationships? How about that?
For example, I was thinking, what was making me crazy while I was dating AM?! Hm, probably, when he would come into my house and wouldn’t take his shoes off. In Russia it will be considered being disrespectful to woman and her attempt to keep her house clean.

   Nichka this is perhaps the most intelligent thing I have seen in any forum post ever period. I share this sentiment with you whole heartedly. As far is not taking off your shoes at the request of the home owner that is just plain rude and I would not waste my time with people like that if I where you. If on the other hand you did not let it be known these are the house rules then you need to explain it to them. Again if at that point they give you any kind of excuse for not removing their shoes politely show them to the door and say nice knowing you. It is your home you have a right to have things the way you like it plain and simple. So when you invite me over I’ll know to take off my shoes.

[nichka]

ML... here is another one with smoking policy , ML.
For instance, the majority of FSU population is smoking. Smoking in the bars, restaurants ( less these days) , etc. It is probably cultural thing. I don't mind myself not to smoke in smbdy's house , but outside/on a balcony/etc ... absolutely. If I cant enjoy my evening up to full extent , in my case, I need to have a cup of coffee and a cigarette, I simply won't go.

[Miri22]

This is America, not Asia. When people dress to come to my home for a wine party I wouldn't dream of asking them to cheapen their look because of my hardwood & stone floors. Honestly, the host is more rude by asking people to do something they aren't comfortable with. And smoking? If its outside who cares?

[nichka]

Thank you , Happyandstable.
Here is my response ... Being RW I would assume that is just a common sense to take shoes off when coming at smbdy's house.  Hospitality of RW would not let me be same rude to my guests and show them the door once they ignore my request. I prefer to not destroy party and make everyone comfortable, but at the same time it bothers me. I respect tradition of many  American people to not take their shoes off, that is why I am not judging here , but just outlining the difference.

ML, I would not have guests over my house who would be afraid to take off their 400$  shoes in my house. People with whom I have no trust are simply not welcome.

[Miri22]

No trust is what Nitchka? Jesus, call the contractors to have your floors buffed out. If you have the amazing floors & are entertaining already, STHU.

[Misha]

And some men wouldn't want to risk leaving their $400 pair of shoes unattended.

Do Americans routinely go and steal shoes when attending a house party 

[Misha]

asking them to cheapen their look

Living in the land of ice and snow, we have to take off our boots much of the year otherwise there would be pools of water and slush all over the house

[Miri22]

I mean what the hell is this? "oh I am poor Russian woman who scrubs floor on my hands & knees but please have some wine & cheese".. Passive aggressive much?

[nichka]

Miri,

Individuals who are afraid that their shoes worth 400$ will get stolen in my house - are not people  who will be invited. Strangers are ussually not getting invited in my house. My friends though would never think of anything like this.

[Miri22]

First of all no one thinks their shoes are being stolen from your house, again this is America. Hire housekeepers. Good lord.

[Miri22]

Jesus woman, do people steal expensive shoes from a house party in Russia? That only happens here in the ghetto.

[nichka]

I mean what the hell is this? "oh I am poor Russian woman who scrubs floor on my hands & knees but please have some wine & cheese".. Passive aggressive much?

Miri,
I am not going to argue with you.  Neither am I trying to say that “I am a poor woman who is scrubbing the floors...”  In my opinion, taking off your shoes - is simply an indication of respect to a woman.
Once again, back to the original post, that is another cultural difference. In FSU it will not even be discussed or questioned.

[Gator]

Miri22,
 
Removing shoes at the door is very practical due to dirty streets, dirty corridors, and slush and salt in the winter.  While practical, it has become an almost religious ceremony such as giving the sign of the cross upon entering a church. 
 
That is the way it is.  You will lose this argument with most RW.  So be sure to write in your profile and correspondence "This man does not take his shoes off for anybody."
 

[Gator]

nichka, 
 
Thank you for blessing our forum and demonstrating that many RW are not argumentative.

[nichka]

Jesus woman, do people steal expensive shoes from a house party in Russia? That only happens here in the ghetto.

Please keep up with the logical thread of the  forum  correspondence. You totally missing the point here as well as  you are not following who is  writing what.  I would appreciate you be  respectful and at minimum get your  attitude a bit adjusted.
All I am trying to say here is that we do have certain differences , and if  I can give a heads up to at least one AM who is planning to date RW  and he would consider taking his shoes off when visiting her ... I'd be happy.

[nichka]

nichka, 
 
Thank you for blessing our forum and demonstrating that many RW are not argumentative.

Thank you Gator.  I can't say I am not argumentative, indeed I am and very, but only to  things that arev really important and worth arguing. I am the woman, therefore should be smart and patient.  Some might not appreciate it, but I can care less. I was raised this way and that is who I am. I have my rules in life, others have theirs and if we can meet somewhere in the middle with the "Respect to each other" being a foundation, I can say my life is good.

[nichka]

Do Americans routinely go and steal shoes when attending a house party 

LMAO Misha

[Miri22]

If you're that "smart & patient" you should hit your man up for housekeepers. That's smart.

[Gylden]

Good to see that some are of the same thinking as us. We don't wear shoes in our house either, but it is customary here in Norway to take off your shoes in the entrance room.
Here for the moat private parties in the home are more intimate and people are friends, so there is no need to impress everyone with your style. OTOH larger parties with more people are often in rented halls or such and then no one takes their shoes off. We have grown accustomed to this and I feel now a little uncomfortable not taking off my shoes when visiting friends in the US.

[Shadow]

I mean what the hell is this? "oh I am poor Russian woman who scrubs floor on my hands & knees but please have some wine & cheese".. Passive aggressive much?

So if you hire cleaners it is ok to make the floors dirty ? Slaves will clean the mess, no worries...

[Miri22]

Gee, let's see.. She's the one who wants to come here to USA for a better life because apparently people in Russia steal shoes at wine parties.

[nichka]

So if you hire cleaners it is ok to make the floors dirty ? Slaves will clean the mess, no worries...

I am with youi shadow. Besides the fact that wearing shoes will make floors  dirty, bring germs ion the house where kids might be ... It is simply being respectful, having good manners
  Same as if you are invited to the house with ther small kids, you will not come empty handed and bring kids toys and treats

[Shadow]

Gee, let's see.. She's the one who wants to come here to USA for a better life because apparently people in Russia steal shoes at wine parties.

In Russia they do not steal shoes. They just forget at which party the left them.