Hey Hey Hey (as Fat Albert would say)

[Mikey]

Hi! 

I've been reading through the forum and it's pretty good stuff. Lots of good info- I wish I found it earlier.
I have lurked on russian women dating sites for a while now- many months. Finally decided I should give it a shot on one of the dating sites and also join up here.

I've already lost some money to the endeavor. I joined AFA/loveme.com. Put up a profile and figured I'll see what happens. Well, no success there- all I got was an inbox full of $6- and I thought email was free    There are supposedly women you can contact directly through the site, but that didn't do me any good. I thought the site was legit, and I'm not saying it's not, just that it was a complete waste to me. At least I didn't start spending the $6 per email. I know they run many tours... In any case, if anyone can defend loveme.com, please do. And sorry if talking about individual sites is not the etiquette here or I missed threads about loveme.com. I'm new

So yeah, who am I and what am I looking for? I'm 28, have had a few good relationships with AW- one of which was long term. Been "in love" (who can define that?) a couple times and hoping to find that feeling again and a lasting relationship. Either a RW or AW. Some of the RW I've met and talked to were pretty amazing. A college buddy married a woman from Lviv (western Ukraine) and I went to his wedding out there. So got some exposure there and maybe you could say I "caught the fever." The accent just drives me wild for some reason. (?)

I'm just hoping to learn from the collective wisdom here. I've been starting to think that maybe the way to do it is just go there (wherever there is) and meet women. Is that naive? I'm lucky enough that I could afford several trips a year and I do love to travel. I also took a year of Russian in grad school, so that could help (even though I've forgotten nearly all of it by now.) Meet women, see if there's any chemistry, and go from there...

I'm looking forward to using this site and maybe I can learn from others' mistakes instead of making them all myself!

Cheers!
Mikey

[Anotherkiwi]

   Mikey!
 

...I'm just hoping to learn from the collective wisdom here. I've been starting to think that maybe the way to do it is just go there (wherever there is) and meet women. Is that naive? I'm lucky enough that I could afford several trips a year and I do love to travel. I also took a year of Russian in grad school, so that could help (even though I've forgotten nearly all of it by now.) Meet women, see if there's any chemistry, and go from there...

I'm looking forward to using this site and maybe I can learn from others' mistakes instead of making them all myself!

Cheers!
Mikey

Do it! Better still!  Even better!  and not "could," but "will."
 
What are you waiting for? 

[I/O]

A college buddy married a woman from Lviv (western Ukraine) and I went to his wedding out there.

Given that, you're about a mile in front of most.
 
28, cashed up, time, desire, hormones prolly running amok? Buy a ticket..!!!

[Faux Pas]

Welcome to RWD Mikey!

You can afford it, you've got the interest and the means, certainly old enough albeit barely  , quit wasting time on the MOB sites. Get your ticket and get going.

The mindset given or developed from the websites is grossly false IMHO. It is however, what it takes for many men to get motivated (for various reasons).

Good Luck

[Mikey]

28, cashed up, time, desire, hormones prolly running amok? Buy a ticket..!!!

Thanks for the welcome message!

Ha,  , maybe that just about sums me up! Maybe not "cashed up", but how about "not totally broke" ?

As for hormones... all men have two heads, I just try to remember to think with the one on my neck. 

Buy a ticket- seems reasonable. As in, pick the time and place and plan around that as opposed to meeting women online with just a vague notion of when I might actually get on a plane.

Time and place... maybe Kiev in August? Should probably give it more thought than just picking a city and month at random.

[Mikey]

You can afford it, you've got the interest and the means, certainly old enough albeit barely  , quit wasting time on the MOB sites. Get your ticket and get going.

Yeah, I'm trying to figure out the whole issue of age. I'm younger than a lot of guys on here, I suppose. That's good/bad depending on how you (or should I say "she") look at it. I understand that age differences of 10+ years are common, but that still doesn't seem normal to me.

The mindset given or developed from the websites is grossly false IMHO. It is however, what it takes for many men to get motivated (for various reasons).

I'm not sure I know what you mean by "the mindset", but I am really curious to know your opinion on this. To me it seems the MOB sites sell a pretty rosy picture of things. As in, if you're a western man with a pulse then RW will be interested in you. So I think sometimes they're just selling a fantasy, but certainly with grains of truth mixed in.

[I/O]

how about "not totally broke" ?

Again, puts you a mile in front of half the penniless whack jobs I've seen over there chasing skirt way too short for them.
 

if you're a western man with a pulse then RW will be interested in you.

My view was and is - as above (WM) you're an 'option', not a priority for the most part.
 
 

[Eduard]

Hi and welcome to the forum!
You shouldn't have any problems with Russian girls. They will love the fact that you are young and if you are good looking, watch out! I was helping a 29 yo guy several months ago and he met some truly amazing girls from both Russia and Ukraine. Beautiful, very smart, well educated and most importantly with very good family values. There is no reason for you to fail if you do things right and use your head.
Ed

[Faux Pas]

I'm not sure I know what you mean by "the mindset", but I am really curious to know your opinion on this. To me it seems the MOB sites sell a pretty rosy picture of things. As in, if you're a western man with a pulse then RW will be interested in you. So I think sometimes they're just selling a fantasy, but certainly with grains of truth mixed in.

They package a fantasy complete with a catalog so you can pick a women just as one might a puppy. All cleverly designed to separate you from your money. Many men with the mindset buy into it. Trust me, many really do believe it is "that" easy. It isn't. Any woman interested in a man just for a pulse, has ulterior motive. Some women, even sincere may be easier to win over than women you are use to but, even they come with consequences. You don't need the MOB sites.

Bottom line here Mikey is this isn't a "short cut" to finding the woman of your dreams. Quite the opposite. Although there is a bill of goods being sold to Western men that it is. It is possible and you can find many women to give you some time. You need to keep you wits about yourself because you are still you. While the women are a bit disguised behind another culture, they are still women and if anything, they have the advantage over you because of that. Not to scare you, just points to ponder.

[Mikey]

Thanks for the replies!

There is no reason for you to fail if you do things right and use your head.

So true, but therein lies the challenge. From what I've gathered and from the bit of personal experience I mentioned before, the MOB sites aren't necessarily the key to fulfilling the "do things right" rule. I'm sure they work for many guys, but now I'm thinking more about traveling and less about messaging women through dating sites.

Bottom line here Mikey is this isn't a "short cut" to finding the woman of your dreams. Quite the opposite. Although there is a bill of goods being sold to Western men that it is. It is possible and you can find many women to give you some time. You need to keep you wits about yourself because you are still you. While the women are a bit disguised behind another culture, they are still women and if anything, they have the advantage over you because of that. Not to scare you, just points to ponder.

Faux Pas, I do hope you are exaggerating slightly. I know the scammers have success partially because guys want it to be easy. They certainly profit from "the mindset". Besides the scams and cheats, well, maybe it can never be easy but I don't expect women to "have the advantage over me."

What I'm hearing is to have reasonable expectations. I consider myself a "realist" more than a pessimist or optimist, so I hope my expectations are realistic. Yet I have no idea where this endeavor will lead me and I'm guessing I won't really get a clue until I make a trip.

Is this right- that guys generally have a large shift in perspective/expectations after their first trip? Granted I've been to Ukraine before, but was with my erstwhile girlfriend at the time.
 

[Faux Pas]

Faux Pas, I do hope you are exaggerating slightly. I know the scammers have success partially because guys want it to be easy. They certainly profit from "the mindset". Besides the scams and cheats, well, maybe it can never be easy but I don't expect women to "have the advantage over me."

What I'm hearing is to have reasonable expectations. I consider myself a "realist" more than a pessimist or optimist, so I hope my expectations are realistic. Yet I have no idea where this endeavor will lead me and I'm guessing I won't really get a clue until I make a trip.

Is this right- that guys generally have a large shift in perspective/expectations after their first trip? Granted I've been to Ukraine before, but was with my erstwhile girlfriend at the time.

No my brother, I am not exaggerating a bit. If anything I am understating. If you choose to go this path, it likely will require much more than you are willing to give, at this stage anyway. The scammers are small time and it is not until you get past the pretty pictures and scammers that you begin to visualize the bigger picture. It takes much introspection into yourself. There's a lot of questions you have to ask and answer inside your own head. It will test you as a man. All of the rest is nothing but window dressing. It's a real person and woman you are contemplating here. Not the puppy in the window, many guys have a hard time telling the difference, Your OP indicates you need the truth. Good luck to you BTW

[Eduard]

but now I'm thinking more about traveling and less about messaging women through dating sites.

according to my experience from going through this process many times with many different guys I find that it always works much better to first find a few women that you connect with by talking on line first. This way when you go there you have a few good friends to meet and usually there is great chemistry with at least one of them. The dynamic is very different because you are not meeting strangers, rather the women that you already know you have much in common with, mutual interests, similar values and world view.
The difference between "just going there" and doing it the way I usually do it with my guys is similar to the difference between "Cold calling" and "Kitchen table presentation" with a close family member. Not only you have a much easier time setting up an appointment with a family member but your chances of closing the deal are a lot better as well.

[Mikey]

Thanks for the replies and the advice!
I don't know what about my OP suggested that I "need the truth," but I do want as much truth as I can handle.
I like the puppy analogy, but I'm also trying to make sense of it.

If you choose to go this path, it likely will require much more than you are willing to give, at this stage anyway.

Yeah, maybe. You're saying I wouldn't be fully committed to the whole process and I guess that's true. I'm not in a rush to find a wife and so not as willing to expend the time and energy necessary to make it happen. Seems like you're trying to scare me off. But I'm reminded of lyrics from a song I like: "You're all here for the very same reason"  (substituting "We're" instead of "You're" in this context)

It's hard to see oneself as naive or living the unexamined life, but I'll try to take the reality check as intended.