Keep her or leave her?

[Gator]

I talked to Katya yesterday for the first time in 5 months. Her English is good. I paid Elena, the translator,  to do the interpretation on a phone call but we never needed her.

Glad that Elena was able to help.  What was Elena's opinion?

[Gator]

One thing I have never experienced, is a RW that was really interested in me , that din't want
to talk, a lot, and often. 
Your mileage may vary ,but i doubt it

Any woman likes "to talk, a lot and often."   So if they are interested in you, they go into high gear.   When dating AW, I would get those calls all the time that started with "What you doing?"
 
Badabing,
 
Something does not add up.  She speaks English well but was too disinterested (or too lazy/busy) to correct her electronic translation?   She dodged your attempts to speak by phone?   Etc. 
 
I trust she has a convincing explanation.  My guess is that you were not her first choice, and her first choice is not materializing.  In contrast, you are planning a trip.  So that places you in the front.  Just be sure she is worth the trip.
 
To fly there and meet only one woman is something special.  You should feel that she is really enthusiastic about your visit.  In your posts I am not sensing that.  I sense that it is not 50-50, but 90% you, 10% her.   Hope I am wrong.

[Badabing]

I sense that it is not 50-50, but 90% you, 10% her.   Hope I am wrong.

Hey fellow Gator, you are wrong my friend. Actually it´s more like 85% her and 15% me.  She´s more enthusiastic about my trip than I am. Over the last few days and since we talked, she has openly declared in her emails she has strong feelings for me. She tells me this never happened to her before and never expected to happen like this. She is saying she wants to be with me all the time I am in Belarus. I am not really sure how to react to that.

I read every single email she sent me since we started our communication and I think I misjudged her... I feel like an idiot. She was very clear and up front with me from the start. Her affection to me increased gradually with time. Her English is broken but good enough to understand what she means.
And like any good woman, talks a lot and often.

She didn´t want to have a 3 way call. So we never used Elena´s translation service.

I´m almost ready to pull the trigger on the trip but I still have some concerns. She said she is going to arrange a taxi ¨to bring me to her¨. She says a taxi ride will be 3 to 3.5 hours from Minsk to the town near Gomel where she lives because the train ride would be over 5 hours. Someone mentioned earlier on this thread that this taxi ride is very expensive. Can anyone confirm that for me? I´ll check the trip reports to see if I can find something about this.

[Patagonie]

You are a man and you have a pair (normally two), so tell her you hate car not driven by you, and you will take the train ANYWAY. And observe the reaction. If the reaction is not respectful or stubborn or is she tries to manupulate you, drop her immediately. It happens twice that a girl insisted to use a taxi on a long distance : it was a scam twice.

[newjason]

Hey fellow Gator, you are wrong my friend. Actually it´s more like 85% her and 15% me.  She´s more enthusiastic about my trip than I am. Over the last few days and since we talked, she has openly declared in her emails she has strong feelings for me. She tells me this never happened to her before and never expected to happen like this. She is saying she wants to be with me all the time I am in Belarus. I am not really sure how to react to that.

I read every single email she sent me since we started our communication and I think I misjudged her... I feel like an idiot. She was very clear and up front with me from the start. Her affection to me increased gradually with time. Her English is broken but good enough to understand what she means.
And like any good woman, talks a lot and often.

She didn´t want to have a 3 way call. So we never used Elena´s translation service.

I´m almost ready to pull the trigger on the trip but I still have some concerns. She said she is going to arrange a taxi ¨to bring me to her¨. She says a taxi ride will be 3 to 3.5 hours from Minsk to the town near Gomel where she lives because the train ride would be over 5 hours. Someone mentioned earlier on this thread that this taxi ride is very expensive. Can anyone confirm that for me? I´ll check the trip reports to see if I can find something about this.

Badabing,
how much is a 3 1/2 hour taxi ride where you live?
it will be about the same as hers.
There is a very strong vibe from this man
I can tell you that you may be asked to pay for that taxi.

DONT send MONEY to anyone you have never met in person. ok?
just don't.

[Badabing]

You are a man and you have a pair (normally two), so tell her you hate car not driven by you, and you will take the train ANYWAY. And observe the reaction. If the reaction is not respectful or stubborn or is she tries to manupulate you, drop her immediately. It happens twice that a girl insisted to use a taxi on a long distance : it was a scam twice.

Excellent point Patagonie. I will follow your advice for sure.

I´m in contact with a travel agency and they can arrange the transportation for me. So I will tell her I will take care of my own transportation.

I´m thinking... if this is a scam, ¨she¨ will send a taxi to pick me up at the airport and then what? The driver will take me to a warehouse where they take all my belongings and  knock me out? I don´t want to wake up in an alley with a huge cut on my back before someone notices they stole both of my kidneys.

[Badabing]

Badabing,
how much is a 3 1/2 hour taxi ride where you live?
it will be about the same as hers.
There is a very strong vibe from this man
I can tell you that you may be asked to pay for that taxi.

DONT send MONEY to anyone you have never met in person. ok?
just don't.

You are right. A taxi for a 3.5 hr ride would be around $500 american dollars where I live. I need to find out a few things before I continue this adventure.

[Belvis]

The driver will take me to a warehouse where they take all my belongings and  knock me out? I don´t want to wake up in an alley with a huge cut on my back before someone notices they stole both of my kidneys.

If they took both of your  kidneys you'll never wake up. It's a bright side

[Belvis]

You are right. A taxi for a 3.5 hr ride would be around $500 american dollars where I live. I need to find out a few things before I continue this adventure.

The best way in communication with her is to be direct to the level of primitivity. Why don't propose her to save money and go by train?

[Jumper]

Excellent point Patagonie. I will follow your advice for sure.

I´m in contact with a travel agency and they can arrange the transportation for me. So I will tell her I will take care of my own transportation.

I´m thinking... if this is a scam, ¨she¨ will send a taxi to pick me up at the airport and then what? The driver will take me to a warehouse where they take all my belongings and  knock me out? I don´t want to wake up in an alley with a huge cut on my back before someone notices they stole both of my kidneys.

well that's a bit extreme


 its far more likely


1.she's legit, but not overly concerned with your perception of her coming to pick you up in a taxi or via train.,as any foreigner the money shouldn't (in her mind perhaps) by enough to be a n issue verses the convenience.


2. she would tell you the cost, either hoping you'd send it before hand or  you reimbursing her after she picks you up.
The possible scam is  not showing up (seems unlikekly ) or the (rather common) scam can be the cost might be inflated for her and the driver to get a bit extra..
or
 it could be the real cost and see #1 above.





What a pickle we put ourselves in ?




At some point you have to have enough communication with her to simply trust her and just go see what develops,
you cant enter these situations with a pocket full of doubt or mistrust.
It kills any natural progression of a relationship before one even starts ..

you DO have to keep your eyes wide open.
you cant write off a series of oddities as cultural differences
boy meets girl that likes him, in any culture is the SAME everywhere.



early  on , based on very limited data, i'd say she wasnt that into you , the classic.
perhaps casually interested

now your last post states thing far differently than prior.
You know your conversations, you should have a very good vibe  from her of whether its legit or odd.
Hopefully since her english is good your phone often and not relying on email or sms.

The taxi thing seems weird to me.
my wife wouldnt have taken a taxi even if i had really pushed the idea..or insisted.. it would be viewed as a silly waste of money, when the bus or train would get the job done at a fraction the cost.


i've also known RW that would think that was the perfectly  correct thing to do,and they had their reasons and background for feeling that way.

I cant say either is  *wrong?* its just a very different view from very different personas..

[Gator]

Badabing,

Glad to learn that my perceptions were wrong.
 
Regarding the taxi ride, as Jumper says, some FSUW want to protect you.  If she is genuine, she can arrange a taxi for less money than you can.  And yes trains are slower than cars in the FSU except for some high traffic routes (e. g., Kiev-Kharkov with high speed trains).
 
Viking's wife is from Belarus.  I suggest that you PM Viking with some questions and ask if you could call him.  Viking is resourceful and dependable, plus a good guy.

[Badabing]

Belvis, you can live without both kidneys for several weeks with dialysis in a third world country hospital.

Jumper, you read my mind like a book. Why am I even thinking to go to a small town in the countryside of Belarus if I can't even trust my girl ?  It's all about trust my friend. Such a simple word and so much inside it. Easy to say it or write it, and so hard to feel it specially after you have been around.

Go Gators ! I spent some time online researching taxi rides from Minsk to the Belarusian countryside. I even got some feedback from a dude who's been there twice. He said the 3.5 hr taxi ride will be $100 or so. If fellow member Viking answers my PM I'll confirm that. It all looks good now. I was freaking out without a reason.

[Jumper]

I have friends in Belarus now (RW) I'll ask them what the taxi rate for that trip might be.




Trust is the big issue in most any of these long distance scenarios, (from both sides)


Those with high risk aversion, should sit it out.


I just never saw the risk as amounting to much..
I mean what is any man really risking by going to meet someone and having a date? if its across town he wouldn't sweat it at all? but  if its across continents, then its a big factor? why?
because he risks that horrible thing *travel* ? lol i just never get that mentality.

Although my guess is many are emotionally invested first,  so the real risk is not the time or money, but the dashing of hopes and dreams  in their mind.



all that i would likely  lose by trusting someone I had hopefully established a good deal of communication with?
 1. a little time
2. a little money.

My grandfather used to say, loan a man $5, if you never see him again? Well , it was money well spent


Keep in mind the caveat is having established a good bit of communication with.. where I felt completely comfortable making that decision.
I probably don't take nearly as much as someone else,
because ultimately I'd just look at it as an adventure to a new place, and if things went south or the woman dint show, i'd just consider it part of life and move right along.


You are the one in direct communication with her, so you're the  one who has the best information to be a good judge of whether she is genuinely interested in meeting you.(and for what motive)

[Chicagoguy]

I very seldom met someone I was dating in their town/city. They were more than happy to come to Moscow and see me. As it turns out they all paid their own way and I gave them round trip $$ within 5 minutes of our first meeting.

[Badabing]

I got an email today from my girl. She says she is going to order a taxi, come to pick me up at Minsk airport and then go back to her town. This is going to cost $350. So it is pricy but I forgot she's doing a round trip.

According to Viking's wife, going to see her in her hometown is not necessarily a good thing. There is a chance that during my visit I get slammed into spending lots of money on her, family or friends and if things don't work out, bye bye.

From what I've been able to tell from my girl she is a decent woman, raised in a small town, with a Christian upbringing and good family values. She says she wants to show me her world. She wants to introduce me to her friends and parents. I doubt her plan B [she doesn't like me] is to make me spend a lot of cash on her, specially in a small town with no Gucci or Louis Vuitton shops. But I won't rule out this from happening.

So I'm going to approach this trip as a vacation/visit to see the countryside of Belarus. If we like each other and things go well, then that will be a bonus. If not, it will be another trip to a place I've never been before and I'll just try to enjoy myself and have a good time.

[BC]

From what I've been able to tell from my girl she is a decent woman, raised in a small town, with a Christian upbringing and good family values.

Those my friend are expectations.. something to avoid entirely.

Unti you sit fact to face, assume nothing.

[mendeleyev]

You wrote earlier that:

She said she will take me to her hometown and introduce me to all her friends and family

Most excellent and shows that she is serious. I have great respect for Viking and believe that his wife is advising on the side of caution which in this adventure is a good thing. Give what you've shared however, I believe that you are in for a special visit.

You've mentioned her Christianity a couple of times and I agree with BC that first you must get to know her to find out how she defines those things.

If in fact she is a devout believer in Belarus that likely means that she is Russian Orthodox unless she lives near the borders of Western Ukraine or Poland which is more split between Orthodox and Roman Catholic (or Greek Catholic/Uniate which is a form of Orthodoxy but united with Rome). A liturgy whether Orthodox or Ukrainian Uniate is almost the same but when compared to a Roman Catholic service there are some important differences. To someone new to an Eastern church experience I've published a guide of the Orthodox liturgy "do's and don'ts" here.

Lastly, however the taxi cost seems high but I don't remember seeing her town. How far is she from Minsk?

[Badabing]

Those my friend are expectations.. something to avoid entirely.

Unti you sit fact to face, assume nothing.

Those are not my expectations BC, it's my perception of her. I have been communicating with her for 5 months now and I believe I am entitled to have a perception.

I wasn't born yesterday. I know there are no perfect people on this world.

A face to face meeting is only the first step, things can easily go south for so many other reasons even when there is mutual attraction.

[Badabing]

You wrote earlier that:
Most excellent and shows that she is serious. I have great respect for Viking and believe that his wife is advising on the side of caution which in this adventure is a good thing. Give what you've shared however, I believe that you are in for a special visit.

You've mentioned her Christianity a couple of times and I agree with BC that first you must get to know her to find out how she defines those things.

If in fact she is a devout believer in Belarus that likely means that she is Russian Orthodox unless she lives near the borders of Western Ukraine or Poland which is more split between Orthodox and Roman Catholic (or Greek Catholic/Uniate which is a form of Orthodoxy but united with Rome). A liturgy whether Orthodox or Ukrainian Uniate is almost the same but when compared to a Roman Catholic service there are some important differences. To someone new to an Eastern church experience I've published a guide of the Orthodox liturgy "do's and don'ts" here.

Lastly, however the taxi cost seems high but I don't remember seeing her town. How far is she from Minsk?

Mendeleyev, she lives on the eastern side close to the border with Ukraine. The town is around 290 kms from Minsk.

I assume she is Russian Orthodox. I am Catholic, but I'm not that religious (I never go to church).

[JayH]

Most Ukrainians have a tendency to underestimate their language skills and are embarrassed at the thought of "showing their ass" (Russian phrase). Many are just plain lazy about language (something most of us can probably  relate to).

My point is that a girl not wanting to have a conversation in English is not necessarily a sign that she is uninterested  and is definitely not a sign she is scammer.

I want to reinforce  that point. From the first time I arrived with my 2 words of Russian I have driven myself-- and driven everywhere all over Ukraine.Many small towns included in the countryside and I always seem to find someone with a few english words.Often initially reluctant and apologetic but once I got them smiling and laughing with me( at me!) it often finished with everyone within earshot trying the english words they knew with me. Most younger people had enough to help me-- you could see the pride when their countrymen realised they were communicating with this crazy Australian with no Russian ! I have to say-- this was fun for me and I have seen how nice these people are close up.
I have also met girls who only tried to speak what turned out to be very passable english only after that had the gist of what I was about.
Of course now that I am nearly fluent in 6 words of Russian it is much easier!!

[newjason]

It has been a month since your last post. Have you already gone on your trip? what has become of your 6 month correspondence? just curious how things went.

[JayH]

It has been a month since your last post. Have you already gone on your trip? what has become of your 6 month correspondence? just curious how things went.

Don't you hate mystery! Even if guys/gals decide forum is not for them,or do not want to post details-- it would be great if they tidied up-- just say that they do not want to say anything else.
I must have read 200 plus starts to adventures -- about 10% follow up.

[newjason]

Don't you hate mystery! Even if guys/gals decide forum is not for them,or do not want to post details-- it would be great if they tidied up-- just say that they do not want to say anything else.
I must have read 200 plus starts to adventures -- about 10% follow up.

LOL  I admit I am curious about how these things actually turn out in the  end. Especially (not this thread) the ones that boast and tout that they  have it all figured out, then ..never hear from them again.
You can read mine, it's a good read.  and it's ... well just read it...
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14463.0 It's called   Hi I'm Jason
I will even give away the ending...
It ends with naked skydiving

[BC]

It ends with naked skydiving

and I do hope your 'midline appendage' does not end up as a souvenir!

Quit while you are ahead and find ecstasy elsewhere...