Keep her or leave her?

[Badabing]

Guys, excuse my ignorance, but what in the world is a Fat Yuri?

Don´t make a big fuzz out of the birthday thing. I will probably postpone the trip to a better time for me. I need to pop a bunch of flags first.

Muzh, age gap is 10 years.

Guys, let me be clear on this, I´m living no fantasy or waiting for the stars to align. I really need to have a phone conversation with Katya before I move on. I will use the translator and make a decision from her take.

The fact is that if it´s going to take a translator to get this relationship started and developed, I´m gonna have to call it quits. I have never been married but I´m sure that if there´s something my future ex-wife needs to have is a decent level of communication with me, or the relationship will not work from the beginning. I will not move on unless I see some reciprocity from her to open more communication ways between us before we meet. All of your comments have influenced my decision.

Thanks again. I´ll keep you posted.

[Muzh]

The fact is that if it´s going to take a translator to get this relationship started and developed, I´m gonna have to call it quits. I have never been married but I´m sure that if there´s something my future ex-wife needs to have is a decent level of communication with me, or the relationship will not work from the beginning. I will not move on unless I see some reciprocity from her to open more communication ways between us before we meet. All of your comments have influenced my decision.

THAT is a very wise move.
 
Badabing, don't give up and good luck.

[Faux Pas]

Guys, excuse my ignorance, but what in the world is a Fat Yuri?

The fact is that if it´s going to take a translator to get this relationship started and developed, I´m gonna have to call it quits. I have never been married but I´m sure that if there´s something my future ex-wife needs to have is a decent level of communication with me, or the relationship will not work from the beginning. I will not move on unless I see some reciprocity from her to open more communication ways between us before we meet. All of your comments have influenced my decision.

Fat Yuri is some guy in the FSU that is play pretending to be a hot young girl (in most instances) mostly through emails to con you into sending him money. Some are very good at the deception and some, not so good. Never send money to someone your haven't met and never fall in lust love with a photo. Yuri likely has 100 photos of every image he uses. Scam operations. One modis operandi for Yuri's is to avoid phone/skype and keep the man on the hook through email. Many times some Yuri's will have a phone number to call but still no contact with your intended.

There are pages and pages of communication issues in the archives if you are compelled to search. Quite a few men have married women who couldn't speak a lick of a common language. Some women get motivated to learn english when meeting a man. Some women before meeting, some women never try. You have lots to process here and determine if you are barking up a tree to suit you.

[Belvis]

Not really. I'm afraid that you  have been unfortunate enough as to encounter only impolite female subjects 

I always thought, I was fortunate enough to date sincere females. Though I acknowledge they may be impolite but it's the last thing I worried about

[Shadow]

I started to email Katya in Russian (using Google translator) some months ago.

She switched to English because she found that it would be easier for you to understand her English as for her to understand your Russian.
You mentioned that it is simetimes hard to understand some sentences, which I believe to be caused by using an online translating software. The thing is that using Google translate is possible if you have knowledge of foreign languages. If not, your letters probably were plain gibberish to her.
She most likely has the same fears as you. How can you build any relationship if you can not communicate. And as communicating is easiest face-to-face, the real test will be a meeting.
Calling before that is a good thing, but do not expect a lot from it. Listen to her voice, check if she is nervous. She will be searching for words, even in her native language.

[Gylden]

Badabing,
 
Sounds like you have a stable outlook.
Best of luck to you!

[Gator]

Badabing,
 
No way this is Fat Yuri.  Fat Yuri wants you to fall in love with the fantasy that he is creating.  So much in love that you will sens $$$ for air tickets to visit you. 
 
Fat Yuri will construct beautiful tender letters that slowly rope you into his fantasy and scam.   Fat Yuri does not use Google translate. 
 
Not only does Fat Yuri make some money, Fat Yuri is thoroughly amused by the stupidity of the man.     Due to Skype and information resources such as RWD, Fat Yuri is not as successful as 10 years ago.
 

[Gator]

Though I acknowledge they may be impolite but it's the last thing I worried about

If impoliteness does not bother you, I can understand why you are attracted to RW.    
 
Just a joke ladies.  None of you are impolite.  Forward, yes.  Impolite, no.   You perhaps even say "Thank You"  occasionally.      

[SANDRO43]

Definition of FAT YURI (from the RWD Glossary in our RWDpedia: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/mwiki/index.php/RWD_Glossary):

Dubious owner/admin of dubious MOB site/agency, whose objective is to make a lot of money from his unsuspecting customers. His activities include, but are not limited to, any of the following:

- hiring help to write fake FSUW letters
- writing fake FSUW letters himself, when no other help is available
- stealing women's profiles/photos from other sites (of any type)
- arranging fake phone calls to/from FSUW, which are actually done by his staff/helpers/himself (he is said to exhibit a high-pitched voice, when necessary)
- arranging encounters with gorgeous FSUW who never show up due to unforeseen/unavoidable impediments
- renting to foreign visitors apartments in Chernobyl-like environments
- running a translation service staffed by illiterates
- offering interpreters who know only enough English to tell you that YOUR English has too strong a regional accent for their comprehension
- offering a limousine service based on a fleet of Zhigulis and Trabants
 -arranging Events where attending FSUW are hookers or pensioners (best-case scenario), or possess both qualifications simultaneously (worst-case scenario)

All the above for a substantial fee, of course (how else could he keep himself fat ?).

[noelscot]

That's a pretty crude way of putting it.. aside from the fact that this measure is hardly indickative [sic] of exclusive relationship status.

.    Marriage is not exclusive either. A ring on her finger just means someone loves her. In the main, there's no reason for the OP to fret over meaningless correspondence.

[Boethius]

Marriage is pretty exclusive, far more so than a sexual encounter.

[Ranetka]

.    Marriage is not exclusive either.

It is.

[Badabing]

IMO the chances of Katya being a Fat Yuri are pretty... slim.

She's not your girlfriend until you put your pinkstick in her.

I had sex with women who never became my girlfriends. I don't know how it is in the FSU but nowadays sex doesn't obligate most women to establish a formal relationship.

I'd keep her phone number for when I was infiltrated to the FSU, but move on to other women with better English and more willingness to communicate. Good luck.

Totally agree, thanks !

[noelscot]

Marriage is pretty exclusive, far more so than a sexual encounter.

Ideally, yes, marriage is exclusive, but adultery happens in some cases.
In the main, the ring means nothing. What matters is in the hearts and minds of the husband and wife.
 
 

 
 

[noelscot]

IMO the chances of Katya being a Fat Yuri are pretty... slim.

I had sex with women who never became my girlfriends. I don't know how it is in the FSU but nowadays sex doesn't obligate most women to establish a formal relationship.

Totally agree, thanks !

I'm not saying that sex makes her your de facto girlfriend, but rather, please have some perspective about how insignificant this person you are emailing really is. I wouldn't waste my time on her. That's all that is.
 
 

[Kuna]

The fact is that if it´s going to take a translator to get this relationship started and developed, I´m gonna have to call it quits. I have never been married but I´m sure that if there´s something my future ex-wife needs to have is a decent level of communication with me, or the relationship will not work from the beginning. I will not move on unless I see some reciprocity from her to open more communication ways between us before we meet. All of your comments have influenced my decision.

Thanks again. I´ll keep you posted.

It was foolish of you to start communicating with someone in the first place who had poor English to start with if you didn't have the patience to allow things to develop.

btw...  patience is one thing you'll need a lot of even if a woman speaks perfect English...  if you lack patience or need your ego stroke by a woman who is besotted by you before she's met you, I think you're in for a rough time.

[Badabing]

It was foolish of you to start communicating with someone in the first place who had poor English to start with if you didn't have the patience to allow things to develop.

btw...  patience is one thing you'll need a lot of even if a woman speaks perfect English...  if you lack patience or need your ego stroke by a woman who is besotted by you before she's met you, I think you're in for a rough time.

Kuna, I believe four months of communication can stretch the limits of anyone's patience. Katya told me she could speak good English. I have waited FOUR months to have a conversation with her without being able to tell if she really does or not. If that isn't being patient for you, then I'm not sure what is your own definition of patience.

[Kuna]

Kuna, I believe four months of communication can stretch the limits of anyone's patience. Katya told me she could speak good English. I have waited FOUR months to have a conversation with her without being able to tell if she really does or not. If that isn't being patient for you, then I'm not sure what is your own definition of patience.

The your perception of patience will be redefined IF you ever marry a RW.   

This post illustrates even greater foolishness on your behalf.  I'm not saying this to insult.. just to try to help you take responsibility for a situation YOU created.

1. If she told you she could speak good English it doesn't take long to work out if that is true...  why would you need more than 1 or 2 emails?

2. You need a conversation to work out if the poor English in emails is just a problem with the version of  web browser she is using???

Face it...  it's easier for a person with basic language skills to take time to write an email, edit it...  research it... etc... than it is to have a conversation LIVE...  having to deal with accents or the speed someone speaks at makes the live conversation more difficult than written communication.  If she couldn't write emails you could understand WHY would you think she would be able to speak any better?

Take responsibility for your own actions and you won't make the same mistakes again...  blame your impatience on the woman's level of English and you're likely to repeat the fantasy again!

[Badabing]

Kuna, I really thought twice before replying to you because out of all the posts on this thead, yours brings the least contribution to me. You're not being objective and decided to attack me out of your own impaired judgement.

You are ignoring the fact that I accepted her emails to be translated online, long time ago. It doesn't necessarily mean her English is good or bad, she is simply writing her emails through an electronic translator and it's the translator messing up everything. I understand that and I chose to put up with it. I started taking Russian lessons on my own. Who will learn Russian in three months? maybe you.

You think I'm a fool. Let's leave it there. I don't want to read your comments anymore simply because they don't bring any value to me. I get to choose who helps me and who doesn't. It's as simple as that. Thank you for your comments but they stopped being helpful and objective and became critical and offensive.

[Kuna]

Kuna, I really thought twice before replying to you because out of all the posts on this thead, yours brings the least contribution to me. You're not being objective and decided to attack me out of your own impaired judgement.

You are ignoring the fact that I accepted her emails to be translated online, long time ago. It doesn't necessarily mean her English is good or bad, she is simply writing her emails through an electronic translator and it's the translator messing up everything. I understand that and I chose to put up with it. I started taking Russian lessons on my own. Who will learn Russian in three months? maybe you.

You think I'm a fool. Let's leave it there. I don't want to read your comments anymore simply because they don't bring any value to me. I get to choose who helps me and who doesn't. It's as simple as that. Thank you for your comments but they stopped being helpful and objective and became critical and offensive.

I'm only writing to help you - because you need help.

You lack comprehension... I NEVER said you were a fool... I said you were guilty of foolish behaviour.  There is a difference.

Badabing...  you need to find reality.  Please try to follow the bouncing ball...

1. YOU SAID she said her English was good...

2. If her English was good she would not be writing via online translation...  Understand?

3. You accepted these letters and dragged this thing out for 4 months even though YOU knew she had to use the online translation.

4. After 4 months you are blaming her for the communication problem...  but you're a part of the problem.  If you don't accept responsibility for it you've learned nothing.

5. You need to realise most RW won't write letters to boost your ego before you meet them... they are far more practical than that (unless they are scamming you).

6. If you need a woman by your side to say things that boosts your ego...  you may be disappointed (but not necessarily). Harden up and find some self confidence. Stop whining!

7. IMHO most men that succeed in HAPPILY marrying a RW are those most capable of introspection.  You're not demonstrating that yet.

8. It's admirable that you're trying to learn Russian...  I greatly respect anyone that is fluent in a second (or third) language... but you're attempt at learning Russian will only help you marginally when you actually get off your butt and go to RU/UA... and even then it's likely to be a novelty.

If you're not prepared to accept the disadvantage of courting a woman who has low English language then don't waste your time, or her time,  falling victim to the fantasy.




p.s.  I know next to nothing... I've been married almost 5 years... but I was one of the ones that didn't want to add the risk of language to the complexity of this journey for all of the very obvious reasons.

You were prepared to flirt with the obvious and now you are showing you didn't have the patience to follow through.

Also,  IMHO writing for 4 months is too long...  What are you waiting for?  Get on a plane and go and meet women who you think might be compatible - there's only so much you can learn about someone via email.

How much longer would you be writing with this woman if her English were even just a little better???  Perhaps you're waiting until you're sure she is the one you want to marry and then you'll go to meet her - but then complain there was no 'chemistry' and would have found another way that "she" wasted your precise time.

Just get serious and take responsibility for the things you do and you'll start to make some progress - whether that be with this woman or any other.

[JohnDearGreen]

The fact is that if it´s going to take a translator to get this relationship started and developed, I´m gonna have to call it quits. I have never been married but I´m sure that if there´s something my future ex-wife needs to have is a decent level of communication with me, or the relationship will not work from the beginning.

bing:
That's what they all say.  Then they meet the great looking lady in person who can't speak any English and they do the opposite.

I will not move on unless I see some reciprocity from her to open more communication ways between us before we meet. All of your comments have influenced my decision.

Sounds like you are the Visit-One type.   So, yes, you want to establish a better connection before making a trip to see her.   But maybe she is not the penpal type.  Maybe she is just not into you much [yet].   Regardless, I would be emailing other ladiies at the same time she is dragging her feet for 4 months.


Or change to the Visit-Several format of trip.   Ladies like her are no-problem for the VM type.   Schedule to meet her on day 1.  Schedule lady 2 for day 4 and lady 3 for day 7.   If  you hit it off well with her, then email ladies 2 and 3 and tell them you had to cancel your plans to visit them (but leave it as an option to meet them at a later time). 

[Belvis]

I'm only writing to help you - because you need help.

Badabing...  you need to find reality. 

It seems to me that Kuna is a way too categoric in his conclusions. Badabing provided only a part of his story, so one can go wrong on  assumptions... or perceptions based on Badabing's insufficient info.
I'll try to illustrate how perceptions can lead to wrong conclusions:
When I was waiting my wife in a hairdressing salon I overheared a chat between two women. One told another: "Oh, I feel so exhausted today. It was so exciting yesterday, I still feel the pain between my legs". Then my ear radars were on to know  more details. It turned out that the woman spent a great time in a gym,  mostly on a  exercise bicycle .

[Shadow]

It seems to me that Kuna is a way too categoric in his conclusions. Badabing provided only a part of his story, so one can go wrong on  assumptions... or perceptions based on Badabing's insufficient info.
I'll try to illustrate how perceptions can lead to wrong conclusions:
When I was waiting my wife in a hairdressing salon I overheared a chat between two women. One told another: "Oh, I feel so exhausted today. It was so exciting yesterday, I still feel the pain between my legs". Then my ear radars were on to know  more details. It turned out that the woman spent a great time in a gym,  mostly on a  exercise bicycle .

While delivered without sugar coating, Kuna is spot-on in his thoughts.
But I would like to add one piece for thought.
Being able to speak the same language does not guarantee communication.

[cranehand]

Wow! There is some great advice here...  I still come back here from time to time.
I can tell you if communication is an issue now, don't expect it to get any better when you move her 7000 miles from home.
Secondly, if 4 months into this you still have yet to verify She is real. Sorry my friend you have wasted 4 months of your life never to be had again.
Culturally speaking, these women posess a different mindset than their western counterparts. For me I knew that a language barrier was an absolute NO .
With all the other transcontinental,multi cultural, man, woman,financial,family differences Just to name a few.  I was not about to throw language into the mix.
My wife speaks English well, She however would not agree.  My point is, every relationship has to be working from both sides. Yours is not!  Whether its half way around the world or sitting next to you.
As far as fat yuri,drunk Ivan or Boris corresponding with you. I say personally odds are pretty good Since you have yet to verify it. Phone calls mean nothing,letters mean nothing and Skype is about 99% accurate. She is only 100% when you walk through the doors in Kiev and She is standing on the other side wearing a huge smile. Then and only then can you move forward in REAL life. 

[Gylden]

It seems a little obvious to me that Badabing is a reasonable and patient man.
He came here to sound off of us about his situation and I do believe he realises the importance of communication.
His only "mistake" if you can call it that was by not being able to coach a telephone conversation or video skype chat out of her to date.
Up thread he has already concluded that he will try one more time to make it happen and if it doesn't go well will move on.
I can't find any thing to fault here except that he is going through the same learning curve as most.
Not sugar coating it is one thing, judging ones character over a few forum posts is IMO a bit over self confident.
If I had to guess, I would say that if and when he gets to talk to her, he will discover that SHE overestimated her English language skills and that in truth as Kuna said they won't be able to communicate.
 
Good to luck Badabing!