Serious age difference.

[CalvinHobbes]

I am corresponding with a wonderful gal who is 24 years younger and in her early 20's. We seemed to be jiving on every thing including future children, church, where to live, etc. She is saying all the right things in regards to taking care of me and the home, always being there for me, etc. I do not want to walk away from what could be the best thing God wants to give me. But does she not realize when she is 40 I will be 64? Is the age difference between life experiences too much? After less than 2 months of communication she is ready to pursue the relationship at full steam. I'm not looking for validation but wondering if someone can point out blind spots here.

[Daveman]

I am corresponding with a wonderful gal who is 24 years younger and in her early 20's. We seemed to be jiving on every thing including future children, church, where to live, etc. She is saying all the right things in regards to taking care of me and the home, always being there for me, etc. I do not want to walk away from what could be the best thing God wants to give me. But does she not realize when she is 40 I will be 64? Is the age difference between life experiences too much? After less than 2 months of communication she is ready to pursue the relationship at full steam. I'm not looking for validation but wondering if someone can point out blind spots here.

It works for some. The main aspect, IMO, is that she has a lot of life to live and learn.   She realizes the 40/64 difference, but she's in her early 20's and may see the world entirely differently in 3 years, or five years, and maybe you will fit into that revised world view and maybe you won't.  Of course it is a risk.  This is a high risk (high reward) venture anyway.  The age difference is another element of the risk factor. 


Right now she's a pen pal and fantasy partner. If you feel confident in her sincerity, then go meet her and see how things develop from there.  That's the first step regardless.   

[CalvinHobbes]

Thanks for the reply. Appreciated. Yes, she wants me to visit her within the next few months. She says she is serious and wants us to not communicate with others. Really I am not shocked cuz the ones in their 30's are just as serious but more selective. Getting a gal in her 30's to commit more to communication, after the 4th letter, isn't easy. Maybe she is the one...

[BC]

Keep expectations low and be surprised if things do work out in the end.

There's a universe to cross beween here and there.

As for age differences, it tends to grow on you.

[Gator]

Keep expectations low and be surprised if things do work out in the end.

If you meet make sure she feels a physical attraction towards you.  There must be more than the fact you are a good man and stable provider.   
 
Because she is young, she will change.  What is important to her today may not be so important over time.  Even with the changes, it can work IMO if you can accommodate and support her changes and if you stress family, family, family.
 
 
If you marry, have children soon and at least two.  Children create another age gap issue. When the children are in high school and participating in sports events, etc., their peers will think you the grandfather and perhaps tease them.  Make sure you have a strong, happy relationship with each child.   That starts in their infancy.
 
Do you really want this?  It will be more work than marrying an attractive 40-yo woman whose children are adults.

[I/O]

After less than 2 months of communication she is ready to pursue the relationship at full steam.

And............in two more months she'll be ready to pursue the next one. Run Forrest, Run...!!!

[Hammer2722]

Calvin, Have you met this woman via Skype yet?

[calmissile]

Quote from Gator
Do you really want this?  It will be more work than marrying an attractive 40-yo woman whose children are adults.

Not necessarily.  Many women with adult children living at home will not immigrate unless she can bring the adult children.   If they are living on their own......... then maybe, but expect frequent visitis for her so see them.

[Boethius]

It's still a lot more work raising kids than dealing with adult children.

[BC]

Quote from Gator
Do you really want this?  It will be more work than marrying an attractive 40-yo woman whose children are adults.

Not necessarily.  Many women with adult children living at home will not immigrate unless she can bring the adult children.   If they are living on their own......... then maybe, but expect frequent visitis for her so see them.

calmissile,

frequent visits are par for the course, with or without children.

Listen to Gator - his words are solid.

[GQBlues]

I am corresponding with a wonderful gal who is 24 years younger and in her early 20's. We seemed to be jiving on every thing including future children, church, where to live, etc. She is saying all the right things in regards to taking care of me and the home, always being there for me, etc. I do not want to walk away from what could be the best thing God wants to give me. But does she not realize when she is 40 I will be 64? Is the age difference between life experiences too much? After less than 2 months of communication she is ready to pursue the relationship at full steam. I'm not looking for validation but wondering if someone can point out blind spots here.

Blind spots? How'bout a 360 degree blind sides?

Besides, what's gawd got to do with this? LOL. Had he been involved, he would've saved you serious cash and time and gave you your 24-year old babe who lives down the block from you and also happen to speak the same language as you. He isn't that clueless.

[Vaughn]

.... 24 years younger and in her early 20's. We seemed to be jiving on every thing...... She is saying all the right things...... I do not want to walk away....  But does she not realize when she is 40 I will be 64?

The question I'd be asking myself is " Do I not realize the chances of a young 20-something deciding she's ready to devote herself exclusively to me after a series of electronic letters are remote enough so as to defy logic and reason? " No offense, Calvin, but I worry that you're being played like a fiddle, or she's got motivation that will not appeal to you. I hope I'm wrong of course, but should you continue onwards, watch closely for cracks in the veneer. 
 

[calmissile]

It's still a lot more work raising kids than dealing with adult children.

Of course you are right.  It was my understanding that a 40+ year old women with adult children was being suggested as an alternative.  Just wanted to point out the potential flaws of that.  If the adult children are over 21 they cannot immigrate with the mother and it might be years before they can.  This leaves them in the mothers country for a long period of time.  Some women have expressed to me that they will not immigrate without their adult children (that still live with the mother).

[Chicagoguy]

I had one woman who would not come because her parents were aging and she did not want to leave them alone. I understood.

[GQBlues]

Calvin-

Does your gal have an extended family? Parents, kins, etc..? ($$$$)

[Ade]

I am corresponding with a wonderful gal who is 24 years younger and in her early 20's. We seemed to be jiving on every thing including future children, church, where to live, etc. She is saying all the right things in regards to taking care of me and the home, always being there for me, etc. I do not want to walk away from what could be the best thing God wants to give me. But does she not realize when she is 40 I will be 64? Is the age difference between life experiences too much? After less than 2 months of communication she is ready to pursue the relationship at full steam. I'm not looking for validation but wondering if someone can point out blind spots here.

The way I see it is this; even given the absolutely best case scenario that she is sincere and, for whatever reason, "into old guys", she will probably not understand the realities of a long term relationship with a much older man. Intellectually she probably can do the sums and come up with 24 just like you, but that's a long way from truly understanding what this means on all levels. Yes, there do seem to be incredibly rare cases where these large age gaps work over the long term with someone so young, but they really are incredibly rare.


What seems to be the more common outcome is that people in these relationships get together for a few years, have a kid perhaps, and then they divorce before the 10 year mark is up or, usually, much before that. If that's good enough for you, and you don't mind the trauma and upheaval of a divorce when you're in your 50's for the chance to get laid by a 20-something, then go for it.


Of course, nothing we say will make a blind bit of difference to what you've already decided, and here's one of the reasons why; http://www.ted.com/talks/tali_sharot_the_optimism_bias.html

[Kuna]

Can you attract and keep a 24 yr old at home???  If yes,  then you have a slight chance of keeping this girl interested.

Slight because it will be much harder to maintain a relationship with an early 20's girl from RU than a similar girl at home... why??? 

She will be leaving everything she knows behind and will rely on you completely at first but over time she will become independent of you (a good thing)... but then her options open up.

A girl from home will go through a lot of change from early 20's until she is in her 30's... I believe a FSUW will go through far more and bigger changes.  You'll REALLY need to be 'the man' to rise with her.

If you move forward just be sure in your mind you know it's a gamble... and be prepared to lose BIG.

[IAmZon]

I have not dated a woman over the age of 32 in 4 years.  When I became single again I was 43.  I loved being with attractive and fun women.  I had "semi-serious" relationships with
- 26 year old Romanian
- 21 year old Colombian
- 24 year old Colombian

Women 20 - 26 are really just too young for marriage - they change too much.   Around 28 - 32 is the best age to get a woman who is still youthful (without marriage history and children), and yet stable and mature.   

I guess I am now in an 17 year age gap relationship.  It does not feel like a stretch to me at all, but I fully understand that I have a "burden" to stay in shape, active, and young at heart for some extra innings.   

[missAmeno]

I have not dated a woman over the age of 32 in 4 years.  When I became single again I was 43.  I loved being with attractive and fun women.  I had "semi-serious" relationships with
- 26 year old Romanian
- 21 year old Colombian
- 24 year old Colombian

Women 20 - 26 are really just too young for marriage - they change too much.   Around 28 - 32 is the best age to get a woman who is still youthful (without marriage history and children), and yet stable and mature.   

I guess I am now in an 17 year age gap relationship.  It does not feel like a stretch to me at all, but I fully understand that I have a "burden" to stay in shape, active, and young at heart for some extra innings.   

Doesnt it ever makes you wonder why someone reaches certain age and still have no marriage history and/or children? Just to give you idea, that you understand better what I mean , average age for 1st marriage of women in Ukraine is 23.1 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_at_first_marriage). Looking at my own relatives, friends and acquaintances in Ukraine I can say same thing, most women marry in their early 20s.  If you are interested to find women in early 30s without marriage history and/or kids you should as well be prepared to understand what circumstances and/or life choices lead them to this position. Its a bit same as guy in 40s says he never been married and/or has no kids. Not necessary bad thing but unless you clearly understand reasons behind for sure makes you to go forward at very slow pace.

[Muzh]

MissA, that's an incredibly astute observation that will fall in deaf ears, just like the other ones. 

[Shadow]

By the time you are 94 and she is 70 people will tell nothing about the difference.

[Vincenzo]

My questions:
Do you pay for her letters?
What does she say about the desired age of her partner in the profile? 25-60 years.

[onus]

I guess i should chime in here. My parents were 28 and 41 when i was born. My dad being the older one. It worked good i suppose. I guess it depends on the people. They ended up divorced. I'm more connected with my dad then my mom too. Anything can happen.  Most people have the age difference limit but it depends on the people. Some can do it better than others.

[CalvinHobbes]

I do not pay for her letters. We are on EM. My subscription is $1 for initial contact then all following letters are free. Her profile says she wants someone up to 50. When I addressed the age with her a month ago she responded she knows what she wants and she wants someone in their 40's.
Since starting this thread that we've run into a snag. She misunderstood something I said and is now asking bluntly for us to be a couple. The more I tell her I want a relationship that grows and not one that is pushed, the more she says she feels like I'm not being honest.

[Gator]

She misunderstood something I said and is now asking bluntly for us to be a couple.  The more I tell her I want a relationship that grows and not one that is pushed, the more she says she feels like I'm not being honest.

    Your woman may be young but she has well developed Russian mentality.
 
To be a couple now all you have to do is take your profile off EM.  She will do the same.  Keep communicating, especially with Skype.  Keep asking direct questions.   Meet her, and only her.   Decide together the next step. 
 
How many trips could you take per year?