Ice-Breaker from Icebreaka

[Icebreaka]

Hey guys,

Glad I stumbled onto this site, looks like a ton of real world, common sense info on this site which is something I think I could sorely use. I have always had the fantasy notion like many people I'm sure of meeting someone from a foreign land and ended up with a much more amazing and interesting relationship than with someone from my own country.  I spent a few winters in Mexico working and thought I might fall for a latin girl at some point. Eventually life caught up and I married an Iranian Canadian and had a decent 5 year run of it. In the end we broke up amicably and had no kids or much complication.  Some time back I had a profile at ualadys.com and in my newly found singleness in my late 30s I went back on the site to find my profile still there and of course emails still rolling in.

I ended up talking to one girl on there who clearly seemed to be just sending out generic emails and stopped contacting her but found a couple other Ukrainian women who I really enjoyed emailing with. Its about $5 an email though so I haven't gotten carried away.  I have been thinking about a trip to the Ukraine in October. After reading a few horror stories on some other sites I resolved to myself that I'm going just for an adventure and exploration of a new country. I've done a lot of solo backpacking and this would be just another trip. I think that's probably the best way to not be dissapointed is to not get my hopes up

In the meantime I was looking around for cheaper ways to contact Ukrainian women and found russian-brides-club.com which seemed on the surface to be cheaper but in reality seems to not be and today just made a profile at freepersonals.ru which seems to be 100% free. I'm much more into that than the agency approach (although I am still quite fond of the 2 girls from ualadys, I just won't email more than once a week).

A bit about me I have a good job running an internet company and I also do stand up comedy as a side gig. I'm a confident guy and do alright with women, this just seems much more interesting to pursue to me at this time than someone local. Of course its way more difficult so I have a feeling common sense may prevail but I owe myself at least a trip to Ukraine to see just how beautiful these women are.

Now I guess I have a lot of reading to do on this site to educate myself further. Nice to know people on here are success stories.

[Shadow]

Welcome. There are places where communication with RW is actually free, so paying $5 for one email is not a very good idea. Suggest as soon as possible to use a more direct communication, and if she refuses it might be time to drop her.
For $5 per email (or half of it) I will take the job of writing emails to 'stupid' foreigners.
If you have an internet business, you should know a bit about the dangers.

The good thing is that even if you fail at finding a relationship, you will get a lot of material for your side gig.

[newjason]

Hi
Ice
Nice
to see you here.

You need to read this post if you haven't already. It's a list of free and semi free Ru dating sites and how to use them to find legit women.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.0

proceed with caution

Do not fall in love with photographs.
Do not believe everything you read on the internet.
Do not assume that who you are writing to is actually the person in the photo.
Until you actually are in the same room with a woman, make no plans, fantasies or expectations.
Read the 10 commandments

[Muzh]

   Ice
 
God knows we can use some humor so feel free. (Use the smileys for the benefit of slower ones.) 

[Icebreaka]

Hey guys, thanks for the advice. I am glad to find out about the free or lower cost sites out there. Wish I had have gone that route right from the start.  Ualadys doesn't let you get the real contact info of the ladies until you visit them in person so that's a real burn. The two women I'm talking to on there are seemingly nice and not responding with standard responses. They are also both up for video chat through the agency but of course that's another $50 or something.  I'm good for money but obviously wasting it is kind of stupid.  I have had about 8 emails back and forth with them though and I enjoy reading them. They are asking interesting questions about my life and seem legit. (Of course I'm skeptical but I'm thinking I regularily buy girls drinks or take them out to dinner in Canada, if I spend $5 on an email to a girl it doesn't bug me).

But anyway freepersonals.ru seems completely free and I made a profile on Ukrainedate.com. Looks good but you really do need to buy a monthly membership. I like that model, more like a Match.com type deal.  Anyway I'll start asking more questions soon as I educate myself more in this interesting world.

Weird thing is I have a date with a girl in Canada on Sunday and I can't seem to get excited for it with all these Ukrainian beauties I'm looking at heh.

[Muzh]

Ice, anytime you have to spend $50 to skype with a woman is a waste of time. Ask them if they are willing to skype with you from their own computer. If they say they don't have one, just tell them that you are very picky and only talk to women with computers.
 
Then do that.

[Patagonie]

"Of course I'm skeptical but I'm thinking I regularily buy girls drinks or take them out to dinner in Canada".
And which results do you achieve with such technique ?

[Icebreaka]

ualadys doesn't allow them to give out their own emails for contact off the site until you actually go over and meet them. Of course they hide behind the idea of protecting the girls but ya its a big money racket. Like I say, I know that one is not a good site to have gotten into, I'm already really liking freepersonals.ru way more.

As for my luck with buying girls drinks in Canada I do okay.  The ones I really like though tend to like me as a friend more and the ones I'm indifferent too won't leave me alone heh.

[Shadow]

ualadys doesn't allow them to give out their own emails for contact off the site until you actually go over and meet them. Of course they hide behind the idea of protecting the girls but ya its a big money racket. Like I say, I know that one is not a good site to have gotten into, I'm already really liking freepersonals.ru way more.

As for my luck with buying girls drinks in Canada I do okay.  The ones I really like though tend to like me as a friend more and the ones I'm indifferent too won't leave me alone heh.

The problem is that they are aware 90% of the men actually never meet but will spend a lot on writing. Your problem is that as you plan to wait until October you will not find out if you are writing to office staff until that time.
In general, apart from her being real, two options are possible. First one is she meets someone one week before your trip and cancels the meeting, second you meet and find out she was informed about your existence one week before.

While they may not allow it, if she is really interested in you there is little ground for her to remain with the agency, so she would cooperate in finding a way around it.
The worst that can happen is she has to register on another agency or freepersonals.ru
If she does not want to try establish direct contact, chances you are writing to the office staff are high.

[Icebreaka]

Thanks Shadow, I think that's why I'm hedging my bets. I'm talking to the 2 girls on ualadys who cost money and I've already started talking to a couple on freepersonals.ru. I also decided to buy a month at Ukrainedate.com.  I definitely would like to have about 6 or 7 prospects before I arrive and then keep my mind open to just meeting women the old fashioned way while I'm there too. As long as its ultimately just a great adventure I can't get my heart broken over a penpal/office staff/half-interested girl.

I think the trick with that site and getting the girls to go off the site is that they do the translation of the letters for them. They can just edit out anything I ask that way. I have a website for my comedy (www.chrisallencomic.com if anyone's interested - shameless plug) and one of them seems to have been able to get to it while the other (different city) said all URLs are blocked.  That was kind of my idea was to get them to find me online and then be able to contact me direct that way.

I guess the other really insane plan is to do the hosted skype chat with them and really force the issue while I have them on screen about contacting me outside of the agency.

WIth any luck I'll find more off site contact from the other 2 sites and my interest will fade out on my two paid pen pals

[Patagonie]

ualadys doesn't allow them to give out their own emails for contact off the site until you actually go over and meet them. Of course they hide behind the idea of protecting the girls but ya its a big money racket. Like I say, I know that one is not a good site to have gotten into, I'm already really liking freepersonals.ru way more.

As for my luck with buying girls drinks in Canada I do okay.  The ones I really like though tend to like me as a friend more and the ones I'm indifferent too won't leave me alone heh.

I have never seen a guy perform well with  women by buying drinks (and paying diners, and shoes ....). So i would advice you to act with the ones you like exactly as you said  : seem to be indifferent. And you will get the result you wish.
In FSU  you will not have this problem : the man pay all.

[newjason]

I have never seen a guy perform well with  women by buying drinks (and paying diners, and shoes ....). So i would advice you to act with the ones you like exactly as you said  : seem to be indifferent. And you will get the result you wish.
In FSU  you will not have this problem : the man pay all.

Chris
Pat is right.
You gotta get some strange or something and get this FSU fantasy out of your head at least partially.
I see you and I live in the pacific northwest, That is good.
I like you and since you are a comedian , you can take a joke or 10  hehe.

SO

when you
  looking for

you get
  and 

You think you are a



because she



and tells you



you start thinking you are talking to



but that is a fantasy.

SO, the fantasy gives you


But reality comes to you when you find that you were actually talking to


and that makes you



and then you get



Dont get




get the fantasy out of your head and keep things REAL   




Oh yeah, and read my thread

Hi I'm Jason
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14463.0

It will tell you exactally what Pat is talking about
and hopefully you can avoid doing what I did, and what you are talking about  doing.


Then If you still feel like throwing $10K away + a few years of your life, you can
send the $$ to me instead   

[newjason]

BTW
There are FSU women who can give you a Sasquatch too 

Great Site
http://www.chrisallencomic.com

 

[Icebreaka]

Hilarious posts Jason. I like em. I did get some strange last night and had a good date today with a local girl so its tempered my fantasy down a few notches. Now off to read your story......

[Patagonie]

Take time to read the story of NewJason.

[Patagonie]

I am more and more convinced nom that many men, everywhere in the world, by not managing the question of money in the proper way in relationship with women, are only digging their own grave.
They are digging their crave but they also dig grave of others men by spoiling girls, whom are attending to be courted each time on the basis of uppers expectations.
More i read more i hear more i see and more i am convinced that men are themselves creating conditions to be out of their court.
The benefit for the women is relative, i saw many western women after 40 half broken because no one is courting them on the basis of their high mid thirties expectations, so their ego and self esteem go down in flames, and those who have not adapted at the end of their fifties are like wreckage.

[newjason]

I am more and more convinced nom that many men, everywhere in the world, by not managing the question of money in the proper way in relationship with women, are only digging their own grave.
They are digging their crave but they also dig grave of others men by spoiling girls, whom are attending to be courted each time on the basis of uppers expectations.
More i read more i hear more i see and more i am convinced that men are themselves creating conditions to be out of their court.
The benefit for the women is relative, i saw many western women after 40 half broken because no one is courting them on the basis of their high mid thirties expectations, so their ego and self esteem go down in flames, and those who have not adapted at the end of their fifties are like wreckage.

I must agree Pat  100%
My mistake exactly.  I somehow thought that by spoiling her, I was helping her. I was soooo wrong.
I thought I was being nice, generous, and helpfull, when in reality, I was enabling her to live beyond her (and my ) means, and by never telling her NO, I made it impossible to live a normal life with her, because of that expectation. 
We all need to live within our means, and manage accordingly.

[Icebreaka]

Wow Jason, just wow after reading your story. I was going to go to bed early last night but it was so gripping I kept going through and reading each post as your relationship soured. It was a great reality check though, I mean if you can even meet a girl like that in real life and have what seems like a perfect thing going then what hope do I have with random girls I haven't even met in person hehe.

I think the main thing to keep my head focused on is that I'm going to the Ukraine for an adventure and some good times and no matter how great any girl there seems I should remain utterly skeptical heh. Okay I think I can graduate out of the newbie forum now into the starting out and asking some real questions.

[ML]

I am more and more convinced now that many men, everywhere in the world, by not managing the question of money in the proper way in relationship with women, are only digging their own grave.
They are digging not only their own grave but they also dig the graves of other men by spoiling girls, whom are desiring to be courted each time on the basis of this higher expectation.

I have said this same thing before Pat.

And same thing in dealing with the helpers in FSU.
Some guys want to impress them by throwing big money and tips at them.
Just screws it up for those who come later; AND screws it up for the individual  helpers themselves in the longer run, as they price themselves out of the mainstream market with their inflated sense of self worth in relation to the local market conditions.

[Faux Pas]

Wow Jason, just wow after reading your story. I was going to go to bed early last night but it was so gripping I kept going through and reading each post as your relationship soured. It was a great reality check though, I mean if you can even meet a girl like that in real life and have what seems like a perfect thing going then what hope do I have with random girls I haven't even met in person hehe.

I think the main thing to keep my head focused on is that I'm going to the Ukraine for an adventure and some good times and no matter how great any girl there seems I should remain utterly skeptical heh. Okay I think I can graduate out of the newbie forum now into the starting out and asking some real questions.

Jason's story is an interesting one. I pity the man who wishes to repeat it. They might not fare so well. Jason took a battering (and enjoyed much of it) he came out the other side a better man. Many better men would not. I strongly suspect he wouldn't recommend anyone follow that path but, I could be wrong as I have been before. 

Ukraine will be an adventure. Probably the time of your life if you are even the least bit social. Once you get the educational aspect behind you it gets really interesting. The women are fantastic but, they are still women. Never forget that. More often than not, that little eventuality is disguised behind a sexy accent and a hot body  and for many guys the fantasy is in control. Big mistake.

Keeps your good senses about you and Good Luck on your trip

[Gator]

Good luck Icebreaka.  I suggest that you not take a trip to visit only one woman unless you have communicated many, many times with Skype and discussed several serious issues.  If she agreed with everything you said, you definitely should plan to meet other women.
 
Newjason - very clever.

[newjason]

ICe
Sorry for keeping you up all night LOL.
My time with her  was some of the best memories that I will have for all my life.
However,
For every moment of pleasure, there is also and equal or greater moment of pain.
The pain part pretty much took away all that I had hopes and dreams for the future with her, and that took a while to adjust to, but I did adjust and I learned a lot from that time.
To love and be loved to that extent without expectations was pure magic and something that I had never dreamed to be possible. Yet there it was and I consider myself lucky to have had such a time with such a person.
Unfortunately, that time ended, not by my choice, but by hers, and I will never understand why, and i gave up trying to rationalize why, It is what it is,  I don't get it, but I don't need to get it, I just accept it as part of life, learn from it the mistakes I made, and move foward to the next chapter.

So, As FauxPas Suspected,
NO , I would NOT reccommend getting into a situation like I was in, without being prepared to just walk away at any moment, and leave it behind If you see the signs of RED FLAGS.
 
I was not able to do that, I was crazy in love, and that can make you really happy, but it also make you do some pretty stupid stuff if you don't keep it in the zone of reality and stand by what you know is right and what is wrong.


OK  enough of what NOT to do!

Lets get down to what you need to do, if you are gonna do this thing for REAL.

1. MOST important thing you need to do,  Learn some Russian, as much as you possibly can. Practice! практика!  ( sounds like...  Prah Tick Ahh )
практика reading Russian
практика writing Russian
практика speaking Russian

You will want to be able to read at least some if not most things when you visit, and at least you will be familiar and not totally lost.

Writing helps you learn the alphabet, and that will be the most difficult part, once you learn to make the  switch, you will pick it up pretty easily.

Speaking Russian when you go to visit the FSU is a HUGE plus   Any woman you meet will appreciate that you have taken the time to learn to speak her language and that will go a long way toward making friends and more

There is a saying in Russian
Roughly Translated it goes like this

The only Free Cheese,  is in a Mouse Trap...


 

So this will take some work on your part. No free Cheese here.

There is a very intensive crash course on Russian Languge here on RT

http://learnrussian.rt.com/


You want to learn some basic phrases go here and begin

http://learnrussian.rt.com/lessons/greeting-first-simple-phrases-professions/#part1


It's very interactive, and you can hear the speakers, and practice along with them, and if you have a Mic - they will grade you
and let you keep track you your progress.

I will help you begin

this..
Меня зовут Icebreaka
means..
(my name is) Icebreaka
sounds like..
Mean ya za voot Iceabreaka


soon you will be ready for Phase II grasshoppa


Any questions you have, ask them.
The only stupid question is the one .... um .... about the free cheese   
But seriously, Ask away.
You may not like the answers,
but it is a pretty safe bet,
that if most of the members here agree on an answer or peice of advice,
It is sound.
You have a unique opportuninty here that I did not have , this Fourm,   use what we have learned before you, then go, have fun, keep it real, and you will go far at this adventure.

And I will be waiting for the day I can read your story and  stay up all night doing so.
I will look forward to having a smile  knowing you have  found what  you seek.