Life Changes...Part Deux Part 2

[BillyB]

 One evening last week I was sitting outside with my 11 yo son and 12 yo niece. After having a few conversations about different things it got quiet and we began to enjoy the weather and beautiful scenery.


After a few minutes of silence I opened up with a story of an incident I witnessed a few days earlier. I was at a stop light and looked to my right and saw a baby sparrow on the sidewalk trying to fly for the first time by flapping its wings while the parents were chirping happily to encourage their baby to get off the ground. It reminded me of the moment human parents encourage and watch their own baby walk for the first time. They have the same joy and the pride as the sparrow parents must have felt after pushing their baby out of the nest for the first time. Flying was the next step the baby sparrow was to take in this beautiful world.


Then.... a much larger crow swooped down and landed next to the baby sparrow. The crow and baby looked at each other for a second before the crow used it's beak to peck and maul the baby. The parents started to sceech loudly while they flew wildly over the crow. The crow was agitated by this so he picked up the baby and flew off.....


After a few moments of silence with shocking and bewildered looks on my son and niece's faces, my son asked my why I told them this story. I told him there's cruelty in this world and it can easily take you in your moments of weakness.


This story can be useful here for newbies in this endeavor too. Many newbies wear their hearts on their sleeve and are excited to take the next step into the beautiful world of dating foreign women and are vulnerable. They are the baby sparrows. The insincere women, insincere marriage agencies, and scammers are the crows. No heart, no soul, and would gobble up those who are vulnerable for selfish gain. This forum are the sparrow parents. We can yell and flap our wings wildly but can't stop the cruelty. Hopefully a newbie will learn to fly on his own quickly before getting consumed.



My wife is out of college and we're enjoying summer break. We eat out 4 times a week, go for drives to the ocean, mountains, forest or different cities or states, go to cinemas, and parks. I'd say we go out on a date 7 times a week. At home my wife has a flower garden she takes care of as her hobby. Photos below of are of time we went to a Bavarian themed village called Leavenworth in the Cascade mountains.


My wife enjoyed the college experience and finished with an A- average in 3 classes. She has told me of some incidences where guys flirt with her in college. One guy said she looks like Taylor Swift just as some here at the forum have said. She also tells me the stupid things those guys do or say. One guy who sits next to her always talks about his Gucci hat and belt. He also talked about his Porsche and the numerous tickets he got in it until he wrecked it last month. My wife has also be asked if she needs a ride home from a few guys and one gave her his business card. I told her it's better she tell them she's married sooner than later so they go after another woman. I was a young man once and sometimes we talk to a girl for months before asking her out. Every girl in a relationship can do guys a favor and not give them hope wasting their time for months.


Some guys worry their beautiful gf or wife will be influenced by other men but there's no reason for a guy to worry if he's better than most men. After encountering other men, my wife seems to respect and appreciate me even more.

[Steamer]

A is a cutie but she needs a more normal pose.

[BillyB]

A is a cutie but she needs a more normal pose.

If it's normal, A deletes it from the camera. The last photo in my last post of her jumping in the street took me a few shots to get it right. When shooting in the middle of the street I wanted to get it right the first time to get out of the way of oncoming traffic or we'll be back in the street again.

[mies]

My wife enjoyed the college experience and finished with an A- average in 3 classes. She has told me of some incidences where guys flirt with her in college. One guy said she looks like Taylor Swift just as some here at the forum have said. She also tells me the stupid things those guys do or say. One guy who sits next to her always talks about his Gucci hat and belt. He also talked about his Porsche and the numerous tickets he got in it until he wrecked it last month. My wife has also be asked if she needs a ride home from a few guys and one gave her his business card. I told her it's better she tell them she's married sooner than later so they go after another woman. I was a young man once and sometimes we talk to a girl for months before asking her out. Every girl in a relationship can do guys a favor and not give them hope wasting their time for months.

Some guys worry their beautiful gf or wife will be influenced by other men but there's no reason for a guy to worry if he's better than most men. After encountering other men, my wife seems to respect and appreciate me even more.

I've enjoyed this story, thank you, Billy 

[Ade]

I told her it's better she tell them she's married sooner than later so they go after another woman.

I she ever wore her wedding ring that would be self-evident...

[ML]

Don't know specific reasons in each case; but some people, including me, cannot wear any rings ever.

But, it didn't help me ever . . . during my long married years . . . 

[BillyB]

I've enjoyed this story, thank you, Billy 

  Here's an update to that story. The guy recently sent my wife an email through the college mail system than he replaced his Porsche with a BMW and wrecked that a few days ago. I don't know some men are thinking but instead of impressing ladies with that kind of talk, they'll be rejected and laughed at more. My wife occassionally gets men saying stupid things in an attempt to impress her. I'm sure other ladies here have had similar experiences so feel free to share them.    


 Most people will experience temptation while being married. Besides the idiots, I'm sure my wife will experience many good looking and intelligent men flirting with her in her lifetime but it doesn't bother me. If I couldn't handle it, I wouldn't have married a beautiful woman.     


I've experienced temptation myself since being married.  At work I'm driven, do my job well, and in a powerful position. It's a turn on for the ladies I've met. Many of them happen to be engineers. If I were single, I could easily get phone numbers and when I was single, I did.


My friends from high school have experience the same thing. We weren't attracting the chicks too well when we were young but now we've matured, doing well at work and succeeding, it's become easier.     


Some of you remembered a RW I've dated in my first Life Changes thread who needed financial help for college and would take care of my needs in exchange. She text me a few months ago saying she needed financial help again. I've also been contacted by a few ladies I've dated before marriage saying "Happy Birthday" or they would like to meet up.   


 I trust my wife more than myself when it comes to being tempted. She has a strong belief in God and marriage which drives her morals and values. Strangely enough she also has the belief that it's important for a man to take care of his needs and would understand if I did so if she wasn't around. She's made that comment and have also said only low class people cheat. After she visited her mom last year in Ukraine, she  came back and asked me if I took care of my needs and said she would be disappointed if I didn't because it wouldn't be normal for a man to go so long without a woman. I told her I wasn't going to answer the question because if I gave her a yes or no answer, she'd be disappointed either way.     


Here's a few photos of A during a road trip to Cannon Beach Oregon.

[Hammer2722]

Great pics Billy. Did you take A to the Tillamook Cheese Factory tour? We found it very interesting. There was also the Blue Heron Winery near there with a small petting zoo behind it.

[ML]

. . . it's important for a man to take care of his needs and would understand if I did so if she wasn't around.

As in . . . he should handle things himself.

Also, why won't you let her wear short shorts?

[Daveman]

They look happy in that first photo... but, damn, Billy is considerably taller than previous photos would suggest...

[Jumper]

I trust my wife more than myself when it comes to being tempted. She has a strong belief in God and marriage which drives her morals and values. Strangely enough she also has the belief that it's important for a man to take care of his needs and would understand if I did so if she wasn't around. She's made that comment and have also said only low class people cheat. After she visited her mom last year in Ukraine, she  came back and asked me if I took care of my needs and said she would be disappointed if I didn't because it wouldn't be normal for a man to go so long without a woman. I told her I wasn't going to answer the question because if I gave her a yes or no answer, she'd be disappointed either way.

She has strong religious views on the sanctity iof marriage, and states only low class people cheat ,
but she rather expects you to do so.

I get her message as a bit convoluted , as she says any normal man she'd expect to also..over several months? So it is a bit hard to understand what she is really saying, or her real thoughts on the matter.


The idea she'd actually be disappointed if you did not cheat, seems pretty strange considering her moral and religious values don't you think?
It just seems to clash,  billy.
Truly understanding each other is  important, hope you understand her real feeling on the matter, despite the words not being clear .



Anyway good photos, A seems happy and you as well.
kudos.

[fathertime]

Thanks for sharing those photos again BillyB, you have done well for yourself....that part about 'handling things' was a good one!...i guess it was a no win situation to even broach the subject with the wife so I think you did the right thing by declining further comment!
Fathertime! 

[BillyB]

It was hard to read my own post because there was only one big paragraph so I modified it for easier reading.

Great pics Billy. Did you take A to the Tillamook Cheese Factory tour?

I've been there and plan to take A there someday.

Also, why won't you let her wear short shorts?

Short shorts, skin tight clothes, for my eyes only lingerie....it's great to have a woman who's not afraid to dress to impress.


Once A when out to a festival with my sister. Some guy was following her around for awhile and then introduced himself. She said she was married but he continued to follow her around until she finally lost him. She was thinking about not dressing up so nice when going out and I told her "Don't let that one incident control how you dress, just be cautious. "

They look happy in that first photo... but, damn, Billy is considerably taller than previous photos would suggest...

Well.... that's not me. I don't have that much hair. A made me shave my mustache and my armpits. Any of you guys married to an FSU woman forced to shave armpits too? Tell me I'm not alone.

She has strong religious views on the sanctity iof marriage, and states only low class people cheat ,
but she rather expects you to do so.

I get her message as a bit convoluted , as she says any normal man she'd expect to also..over several months? So it is a bit hard to understand what she is really saying, or her real thoughts on the matter.


The idea she'd actually be disappointed if you did not cheat, seems pretty strange considering her moral and religious values don't you think?
It just seems to clash,  billy.

I've scratched my head on this one too. A doesn't want me to cheat but women in her life, including her mom has told her this is normal when a wife and husband are apart or wife isn't taking care of her husband's needs. As of now, no answer to her questions is better than any answer.


Good news for those concerned of my needs, A will not be traveling to see her mom this year so I won't be without a wife for a month or so and my needs will be taken care of! Instead, A's mom just got approved of a tourist visa but not without difficulty.


Last year and earlier this year A's mom was refused a visa. I've done extensive research on this B-2 visa and for those of us married to an FSU woman, it's harder for her parents to get a visa. Many people abuse the tourist visa to have their family stay in America until they can sponsor their parents.


My MIL(mother in law) owns a couple pieces of property, has money in the bank, and have traveled and worked in other countries including some in Western Europe and never overstayed any of her visas. The first two interviews she failed and the interviewer didn't even look at her evidence. The interview went downhill fast after my MIL indicated she had a daughter living in America married to an American. The interview became rude and dismissed her immediately both times.


I was not happy with my MIL's first two interviews when she got denied without the interviewer looking at her evidence. Application fees, train cost to Kiev, and hotel run us about $400 each time.


I didn't want my wife to leave to Ukraine so I decided to do more by getting some help. My dad met my mom during the Vietnam war and his Captain didn't allow him to marry her. My dad wrote a letter to the President of the USA and the President gave him permission to marry.


I wrote a letter to my Congressman for some help and I was given a Congressional letter of support in my MIL's name. Sent the letter to MIL express. My MIL B-2 tourist visa interview was easier than slicing butter. The interviewer read the letter, didn't look at any other evidence, was polite and granted her a B-2.


If any of you guys have immigration troubles, it doesn't hurt to write your Congressman. Be passionate of what you desire but don't get out of control putting down the people who prevented you from getting what you want. Sounding professional is more likely to get results than sounding like you're emotionally unstable.

[ML]

I wrote a letter to my Congressman for some help and I was given a Congressional letter of support in my MIL's name. Sent the letter to MIL express. My MIL B-2 tourist visa interview was easier than slicing butter. The interviewer read the letter, didn't look at any other evidence, was polite and granted her a B-2.

First time I ever heard of this helping.

As I understood it from several sources, the visa granting folks have been granted a sort of 'immunity' from interference by any elected office holder.

Otherwise, it would be like a senator or congressman could interfere with say the Supreme Court, etc.

Have to have separation between folks under pressure for re-election and those who must make informed and logical decisions.

This comment is not directed toward whether Billy's MIL should or should not have gotten a visa . . . it is toward the general situation.

[lonedrake]

Thanks for the update

But...I have question

she  came back and asked me if I took care of my needs and said she would be disappointed if I didn't because it wouldn't be normal for a man to go so long without a woman. I told her I wasn't going to answer the question because if I gave her a yes or no answer, she'd be disappointed either way.     

 You have basically said that you may have cheated on her. This does not bother her? And you feel ok letting her wonder?


 It just seems so odd to me

[pokerintherear]

Maybe she was referring to Billy taking care of himself in the shower.

Many times a man or woman will feel inadequate if they know their husband or wife is having solo sex instead of with them.

[Wayne]

If you are having trouble with someone trying to get a visa, you should contact both of your US Senators and Congress person that represents your area. Usually, the official will have one or more staff who is assigned to answer all these type of requests.
 
They might require you to sign a release form before doing anything.
 
In my experience, Dave Camp was very helpful. His aid responded within a few hours by email.

[Hammer2722]

 A made me shave my mustache and my armpits. Any of you guys married to an FSU woman forced to shave armpits too? Tell me I'm not alone.

Dude, you are definitely not alone.......

[Jumper]

First time I ever heard of this helping.
As I understood it from several sources, the visa granting folks have been granted a sort of 'immunity' from interference by any elected office holder.
Otherwise, it would be like a senator or congressman could interfere with say the Supreme Court, etc.
Have to have separation between folks under pressure for re-election and those who must make informed and logical decisions.This comment is not directed toward whether Billy's MIL should or should not have gotten a visa . . . it is toward the general situation.

ML ,
Of course there is separation.
However in our case the AOS was taking  longer than was normal at that time.
There is a means you can request the USCIS to review or touch the case if its beyond normal time limits,and pushing the expiration of her temp AP and EAD card-  I did so, and got your typical form letter back.Little to no progress made (which is typical)
At that point you can get your congressman involved ,and with them sending a letter of inquiry,  it does help force a review of the case. Her approved AOS came a week later, and soon after the GC.
I stopped by and thanked my Congressman's aide in person, as their office was quick to respond, quite  courteous ,and helpful in listening to our situation .They got a congressional letter of inquiry out same day. The USCIS does have a limited time to reply to such an inquiry,  they do not have to take action,
it can be a form letter, but i believe it helped  resolved things more quickly in our case. You may have another opinion.
I do feel people often get too anxious, and contact their congressman to do an inquiry, well before the normal processing time for USCIS for that type of petition. Obviously it isn't going to do much except generate form letters.

[BillyB]

As I understood it from several sources, the visa granting folks have been granted a sort of 'immunity' from interference by any elected office holder.

Otherwise, it would be like a senator or congressman could interfere with say the Supreme Court, etc.

Interviewers do have immunity from politicians letters of support. If it were 100% success, I think the word would get out and everybody would bother their politicians to get their friends and family tourist visas.


But.....if an interviewer see's a politicians support letter, it's best he/she approve the visa so their boss doesn't come back and say they pissed off some high powered friends and now their on the "sh!t list".


I gave all the information about my MIL to my congressman. I know they did a background check because I told my congressman my MIL was a doctor but in his letter he stated the type of doctor she was. They must of called the consulate in Ukraine to get this information. The last thing he wants is to promote a tourist visa for a criminal or worse.


Bottom line is my wife is happy and I got the job done. Scored more points in the "MAN" department.

You have basically said that you may have cheated on her. This does not bother her? And you feel ok letting her wonder?

Depends on how you look at a non answer. I basically said I didn't cheat on her in some people's minds. No matter how you look at it, if your wife is gone and she asked how you took care of your needs, it's bad to say you slept with other women or you slept with Thumbalina and her four sisters.


When you give an answer to difficult questions, you will be judged and most likely it isn't going to be good.


When I told people years ago about the college student who would take care of my physical needs in exchange for financial aid, some men said that is a great opportunity and others said don't take advantage of her. I didn't let people know what I chose to do because I would be judged and hated by a one side or the other. Just telling a lot about my life's journey here making decisions others won't make gets people worked up in a frenzy.

It just seems so odd to me

There's lots of odd things going on. Get to know people on this forum or at work. You'll find their life views, religious views, political views, bad habits will turn you off and you'll discover you probably couldn't live for an extended period of time with 95% of those you encounter.


On the bright side, I'm glad my wife isn't jealous and possessive to the point of getting angry every time she suspects I'm looking or thinking about another woman. That's odd.

Dude, you are definitely not alone.......

Your avatar proves it. We should start a support group for men married to RW that want their husbands to have silky smooth skin.

[Fishingguy]

from one playa to another...

brother...wake up and grow up.

I know exactly how you feel...like 8 years ago.  You seem like a nice guy and like all good guys who are successful and have dated beautiful women you think this will last forever - you think just because you dated a sexy hot 10 once when you were younger you'll always attract great women.  Knowing how to talk to a woman and being successful is a powerful thing. But our package and presentation changes with time.

but dude the wife is too young. When you're in love and blinded by passion you miss things. You think you'll be fine if she leaves you in a few years - you'll go back to dating sexy hot women again. No big deal. But I'm sure there will be emotional pain. After 4-6 years of college meeting young good looking, smart guys who are nice and would love to take her clubbing and have fun you don't think she'll meet atleast one guy just as nice, younger, better looking than you?  With a promise of a good career and the hope of a great family life. It'll happen.

You understand that most people from 18 to 22 change basically a whole personality and their whole outlook on life changes.  I think with foreign women coming here they change greatly after 6 months and a year. No matter how wealthy or powerful you are. The heart wants what the heart wants....and even trips to Snoqulamie to Vegas get boring. Do you really think you have more in common with your wife than the 100,000 college aged guys in your area?

Hell sometimes I still think I can do the things I did in my mid 20's. I climbed mountains and hung out with famous people. But I know those days are gone and I want different things now.

I usually don't post like this and I don't really think anyone who is congratulating you is doing you any favors because the reality is that she'll grow..grow up, change, evolve and she'll want different things.

We're not all Hugh Hefner but maybe you are. Not trying to say attack you personally because it's your life but...oh well...good luck and I hope I'm wrong..but the probabilty is that she'll be gone within 2-3 years.

I just hope you do everything you can to minimize that possibility of failure and hope you will be the one that goes against the grain and make it work. But really it's unlikely...

(I'm sure you heard it all before. I just had a little too much time on my hands. I'm a little jealous - hell yeah I'd love a 18-19 to frolick with. But really I would never try to look for anyone under 24. And I guess I'm ready for the avalanche of attacks against me now too.)

[lonedrake]

 Thanks for the reply Billy.  You know your wife and if this is what you need to do then so be it. I understand your position. It is very true that I do find many things odd that other people do and what they believe. Much of this can be directly related to who I am and how I live.

When I told people years ago about the college student who would take care of my physical needs in exchange for financial aid, some men said that is a great opportunity and others said don't take advantage of her. I didn't let people know what I chose to do because I would be judged and hated by a one side or the other

 Just considering the option is enough to look at you in a less than favorable light for many.  However...You know what you are writing and you know the effect it will have. You knew it would stir up a debate.

 Off topic. The hydraulic system on our Komatsu 200LC overheats after about 20 minutes under full power...mostly just walking it. Any ideas?

[GQBlues]

... Off topic. The hydraulic system on our Komatsu 200LC overheats after about 20 minutes under full power...mostly just walking it. Any ideas?

There's a poorly designed housing just below your cooling systems (radiator/hydraulic oil cooler) that gets clogged up fairly fast. Why they did it this way, lawrd only knows. My mechanic bitches about it all the time because he literally have to take a crowbar and jam the the dirt and grime out of there and allow the air to pass through and give proper ventilation.

Junk the stupid Komatsus. I did. They breakdown all the time and it's easier the get a date with Julianne Hough than to get replacement parts.  I auctioned that piece of crap off and went back to Cat. Makes Quinn a very happy customer.

[lonedrake]

There's a poorly designed housing just below your cooling systems (radiator/hydraulic oil cooler) that gets clogged up fairly fast.

 I have degreased and washed the radiators and it helped....but not much. I looked at the seals around the radiator and they all look good. Is this build up behind the engine radiator? What is the best way to access ii? We are going to change the hydraulic filters friday. The main operator says the whining noise for the first 10-15 minutes(operating) is from restricted oil flow. I have no idea. I have only been operating an excavator occasionally for 3 years now. Allegedly the filters are good for 1,000 hours and they were replaced in April.

GQ. Thank you. You know I searched on the Heavy Equipment forum and was unable to find the most likely solution.

[BillyB]

you think this will last forever

I don't make predictions. I do know I'm happy being single or being in a relationship.

I'm sure there will be emotional pain.

I've been in breakups before. I haven't been pyschologically damaged yet. I think most people who give advice such as yours give advice as if they see themselves in the same situation. Don't worry, I'm not going to have an emotional meltdown.


When I joined the military during the first Gulf War, some people told me I was crazy. Truth is they don't view any cause in this world worth greater than their own self preservation.  Their comment to me was based on how they view themselves making the same decision as I.


I've weighed the risks and rewards and the rewards outweigh the risks. Every woman in my life is free to come and go as she wishes. I don't hold them hostage or even believe their my only source of happiness. It isn't the end of the world if a woman says "goodbye".

the reality is that she'll grow..grow up, change, evolve and she'll want different things.

That doesn't scare me. If I married a person with weak beliefs in the institution of marriage and opposing views on religion, politics or any other hot topic, I'd be a little worried the marriage wouldn't last. My wife's beliefs on marriage and God is strong and when two good people get together, good things happen.

the probabilty is that she'll be gone within 2-3 years.

My wife has almost lived in America for 2 years. We'll soon know whether or not you're the next coming of Nostradamus.

(I'm sure you heard it all before.

Nope, you're the first to tell me these things. I'm headed to the courthouse and filing for divorce before the wife does it first. Out of all the years I've lived and the years I've been on these forums, nobody ever said or written that young people change and of course that change is always for the worse. Thank you for coming into my life.


 I'm not a single guy contemplating marriage to a young lady. I'm married. You've wasted a lot of your time typing a post full of doubt.

I just had a little too much time on my hands.

If you got lots of time, go to the first post of this thread and click on the link to read the most viewed thread on this forum. Talks about my dating experiences with FSU women right here in America. Lot's of good info in there and in the end, you'll learn you don't have to waste time worrying about me and you'll pick up tips on how to land a quality woman no matter how old she is.

You knew it would stir up a debate.

I've even predicted losing some internet friends writing these threads but I acted and wrote in a manner that wouldn't upset FSU women and asked people to pay attention to that if they want to understand some of the differences in mentality of Western men and Eastern women.

Off topic. The hydraulic system on our Komatsu 200LC overheats after about 20 minutes under full power...mostly just walking it. Any ideas?

There's a poorly designed housing just below your cooling systems (radiator/hydraulic oil cooler) that gets clogged up fairly fast.

There are more vents to suck in cool air than just the ones on the bottom. One vent getting clogged doesn't get things overheated in 20 minutes.


When things get hot, one of the first things I do is get an air blow gun and compressor to clean out radiator and oil cooler fins. A blow gun with a long rod can get to tight places. On certain excavators there's a screen that keeps the fins from getting clogged but the screen itself needs to be cleaned. Washing the radiators is not enough unless it's done with a pressure washer and you'll risk damaging the soft metals of the radiators.


Lonedrake, you didn't say if your engine was getting hot with the oil. If it's just your hydraulic oil getting hot, maybe a valve isn't working or shut or hose pinched restricting flow to the oil cooler. Follow the hoses to and from the oil cooler. It should be part of the oil return system and the hoses can be pinched in some fashion easier than high pressure hoses. If you see nothing, feel. Cautiously touch hoses around the oil cooler to see if it's even hot oil is even flowing to it. First use gloves before using your bare hands.


Maybe the oil cooler isn't getting enough cool air although the radiator is? Check between the oil cooler and radiator to see if anything is restriction air flow.


Are you sure it's hot? 20 minutes of operation is a short time to get things in the red if the oil cooler is working half capacity. Cautiously touch a hydraulic cylinder to feel if it's semi hot or hotter than normal. Most people think when something is wrong on their cars, they have to replace an expensive part when most likely it's a bad sensor that's much cheaper. Auto repair shops can easily scam the ignorant. Your temperature sensor may be telling your computer and the operator bad information.


If your engine water temperature is getting hot it can affect the oil temperature. I'm sure you checked the water level but also check for corrosion in the radiator. Make sure the seals to the air intake are in good condition because it can suck in hot air from the engine. Make sure your exhaust manifold and muffler isn't leaking more hot air into to engine compartment.

The main operator says the whining noise for the first 10-15 minutes(operating) is from restricted oil flow.

Any noise from the hydraulic system is bad. The operator should shut it down and never allow himself to listen to a noise for more than a few seconds unless the owner of the machine wants him to. The pump and valves are some of the most expensive items in the machine. Air in the system can make the pump scream. Hows the hydraulic fluid level?


If I or anybody on a forum can't help you, contact the professionals. It's going to be expensive but it's still cheaper than the damage the machine will incur from heat, the thing that's causing noise, and lack of production because the operator has to stop work often due to overheating.


Here's a tip if one is running a machine, car, or truck under demanding conditions. Open the windows and turn on the cab heater full blast. You'll help your engine stay cooler and hopefully under the red.