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Author Topic: Good Vs. Bad  (Read 2991 times)

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Offline Daknack

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Good Vs. Bad
« on: March 16, 2006, 12:43:13 PM »
Id like to post a topic and set a little ground rule because it could easily become messy and nasty.  If you could, Id like each poster to post only one time, and not in response to another poster, or addressing thier points.  Simply each person state their own opinion since we know everyone has different views.

Heres the question:

What % of Good vs. Bad marriages (including divorces, gcg) would you say you have encountered, and what do you see as defining both the bad, and the good AM-FSUW Marriages?

Offline ccarten

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« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2006, 12:47:38 PM »
My wife and I know know about 25 or so other AM/RW couples and of these, we only know 1 in divorce.  We also know of one that was in trouble, but seems ok now. 

Strangely enough, the 1 couple in divorce we know of has the least amount of age difference.  We think the reason for the divorce is a heavy influence of the parents of the husband also.

 

Clay

Offline Rim

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Good Vs. Bad
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2006, 02:03:58 PM »
Quote from: Daknack
What % of Good vs. Bad marriages (including divorces, gcg) would you say you have encountered, and what do you see as defining both the bad, and the good AM-FSUW Marriages?

The problem in answering this question is that from reading posts from many different AM/RW forums; I believe a large number of the men I see looking for a Russian wife have attitudes that are not conducive to a successful relationship with any woman. I've not enough experience to directly answer the question, but I would be interested to add further criteria to filter this query so that we might get a % success of those men who seem to have a mature outlook on relationships.

ccarten, your numbers give me a more possitive outlook.

« Last Edit: March 16, 2006, 02:06:00 PM by Rim »

Offline Daknack

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« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2006, 02:10:21 PM »
Rim that is why I asked for what each persons view and qualifiers of a good vs. bad marriage.  I left it open exactly for that purpose.

Offline catzenmouse

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« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2006, 06:29:52 PM »
I've met about 40 or so couples, I know (from here and other places)  maybe 100 or so, I know personally about 15 and of that group all are  doing very well. That is not to say that they have not had or are  not having problems. This type of relationship has more built in problems  already than a couple from the same geographical location. But they are  working together to find their way and not trying to one up each other  like I have found to be rather common in AM/AW situations.

We've all heard horror stories but if you look at the percentage of  those and compare them to the horror stories of geographical equals who  really is in a better place? No, I don't have numbers to back this up,  it is just an obsersvation/opinion.

Ken
« Last Edit: March 16, 2006, 06:31:00 PM by catzenmouse »
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline ccarten

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« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2006, 07:18:37 PM »
I think it is kind of like the TV news, you very rarely hear the good, just the bad. 

Also, I think once a guy marries a RW, a lot of them stop posting so much and the fact that there are many more guys looking or thinking about it out there than there are that are actually married on this board and all the others boards/groups.

Offline Jet

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Good Vs. Bad
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2006, 09:40:15 PM »
If I exclude the number of couples only known through some type of net communication, I'd say we know 25-30 couples. They break down like this:

3 divorced

1 brought back from the brink through 1+ yr of hard work by both parties

The rest qualify IMO as successful so far

The one brought back was VERY similar to ccdr14s (the abuse thread) except they decided to try to work it out rather than rush to the courthouse for mutual restraining orders. ;)

The things that separated the successes from the failures might not be what you'd expect. Age difference, wealth, profession, and location have seemed to play NO part.

What tied the three divorces together was unrealistic expectations (on both sides), lack of patience on the husband's side, and use of marriage agencies.

What has become a recurring theme in the successes has been well matched levels of intelligence (not always education), and the fact that they are well matched in the "looks" department. All have suffered some personal or financial disaster (or both) since the wife came here.

The women seem to all have the following in common:

tenacity (inner drive) 

virtually all the wives work

english level of 3+ upon arrival in US

had a fairly decent standard of living and initially no real desire to move abroad

 

The men seem to all have the following in common:

high level of patience

 unusually articulate

well respected in their chosen profession

fortitude to "do whatever it takes" (without bitching about it or fishing for praise)

 

In every single success story we personally know, the couple met without the use of a marriage agency and would not have considered it.
Every action in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present. ~ Geo. Washington

Offline BC

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« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2006, 10:29:22 PM »
We personally know and stay in touch with 3 couples in our local area. Two doing just fine one a bit flip flop from time to time with in-law issues on his side.

No huge age differences, late 20's early 30's all unmarried before and now have toddlers.

All are oil/gas industry workers that regularly travel to FSU and met their wives there.

Defining factors, hmm.. The guys all speak passible RU,  no agencies or internet dating involved at all.



Offline andrewfi

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« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2006, 01:19:03 AM »
Jet, what you write above about the people able to make a success of a cross cultural marriage makes a lot of sense. It seems to me though that these people are the least likely to appear on a public forum as they already have the skills and wherewithal to manage their affairs without public hand wringing.

It also seems likely to be true that those who have the greatest self perceived need to marry outside their own culture are the least likely to be those are the best fitted for success in that endeavour (almost to the point where one can predict success or failure, in general, to the stated desire to marry outwith one's peer group or not!) . To that degree, the bright, communicative hardworking people will, in the course of their normal life, tend to meet partners from a much wider slice of the global community, those who lack the skills need to find partners with outside assistance - I have wondered before whether in fact the most significant feature of FSU marriage agencies is that they offer women from a foreign country, or whether they are socially acceptable and accessible mediators of marriage. If one set up a marriage agency, offering to match up American men and American women, using techniques pioneered by AFA, LTP, Kherson Girls et al, what would be the result?

Offline Bruno

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« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2006, 03:27:50 AM »
Quote from: Daknack
Heres the question:

What % of Good vs. Bad marriages (including divorces, gcg) would you say you have encountered, and what do you see as defining both the bad, and the good AM-FSUW Marriages?

What is a good or a bad marriage... ok, let say that divorce make a bad marriage... but nobody know if a divorce can happen in the future... you can be hapilly married during 5 year and the next day, you are divorced... a marriage is some dynamic entity who move between two extreme... the daily work in a marriage is to keep it between these two extreme... same a good couple can go affroad one day and sign the end of the common trip in life...

In my own case, i cannot say that my marriage was bad... we have know some high and low... but in the main line, all have seem good... only the divorce was a surprise... and bad... but i was happy during 5 year, and herself have receive was she wish, her greencard...

I know around 60 couples make from Western men/women and FSU men/women... Around 25% are men from FSU and 75% are women from FSU...

I don't know case of divorce in these where the man is from FSU... usualy, the western women is older and rich... several time, the FSU man is boss of a business but the real owner ( finance ) is the women... several of these men have young girlfriend but stay with the old western women...

Now, for the reverse situation, FSU women married to Western man... one couple have divorced recently after 10 year marriage... the guy have find that his young sexy  wife was becoming more old  and not so much sexy  after two child birth...  So, he have divorce and start a new relation with a Hungarish woman who have scam him... The ex-wife is now with a new Belgium boyfriend ( not married ) and seem happy...

4 other couple have divorced after short time ( before one year together )... due to basic imcompatibility... one other couple have divorced when the man have find his wife in bed with a other woman... two other couple have know bad story, the women are widows... two couple have "exchange" partner, and all seem right now... one ( me ) was victim of GCG...

Some of the remaining marriage are bad... but they work on it and stay together... future will say what happen... only a few, maybe 25% are very good but who know what can happen in the future...

And about seem very good marriage, it can be a illusion... same when i was with problem with my wife... she have make all is possible for the outside world think that all is right... FSU people don't speak easily about familial problem with the outside...

I think that the proportion of good/bad marriage, divorce, unfaithful couple, etc... are around the same that in local couple... maybe a bit lower due to the fact that the foreign partner is a bit isolated in the beginning of the relation and have not so much "opportunity" to seek other partner... but with time, the difference dissappear...



 

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