A number of Questions...

[Raging Dragon]

Pitbull, Thanks for the advice and info.

Anotherkiwi, sorry I lumped NZ in there with AUS. Forgot about the prickliness between the two countries.    I should have at least wiki'd NZ before saying that, as I have looked at Australia on wikipedia for a novel I've been writing.

CDW, food for thought, thanks.

Ludmila, it's easy forget things I take for granted as "normal". That said, they're not requirements of a non-Baha'i Spouse of a Baha'i. But yeah, worth talking about.

hello Mr Dragon.
This is a very interesting topic indeed. I Was married to an amazing RW and the six years I had with her were the happiest years of my life. She passed away in my arms after a long very painful bout with cancer and loosing her turned everything I knew upside down. My emotional state was good, considering what had happened. ( or so I thought it was. turns out I was wrong )
The medical expenses wiped away all the material possessions we had together and to say it was hell is not even close to accurate.
I'd have gladly gave away everything just for another day with her, but life doesn't always give us what we want.

So when I say I can relate to loosing a spouse, I know it means little in the grandeur of the situation, But,
 I offer my deepest condolences to you and your children.
If I can be of any sort of assistance to you in any way,  I am happy to be there for you.

For me 13 months was too short of a time to even think about marriage to someone else.  Instead, I was able to lean on my fantastic friends and focus on myself and my well being as a person. I had to find myself again as I was now without my beloved partner.  I lost my best friend, my band mate, my manager, my lover, and the love of my life. I had to find my way on my own after she was gone. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

My condolences to you as well. Thank you for the offer. I have mentioned it before, but I have said I'm not sure I'm ready either, but do feel ready to research what options are out there. The other thing is that I have kids to consider, and spending several years pulling myself together doesn't feel like an option.

I am curious, why do you think you must, date for a year, live together for another year,  etc? Did they recently change the law in Canada?
How can you make this assumption without even having gone on a date yet?

to discount all of the women in your locality because of something you have perceived is a little short sighted and you may want to get out and meet some local people outside your normal circle of friends.

This is just what I've observed with secular Canadians, religious people often marry quicker, but not necessarily. The urge to get married really doesn't kick until the couple wants kids. I find that kind of commitment-phobic approach to marriage fairly abhorrent to be honest. I won't get into it further, that's a subject for another thread! Let me just say that from meeting to marriage with my former wife happened within the same calender year!

I also mentioned that I live in an area where people are well... Not that international or worldly in their outlook, and having grown up in a more metropolitan area. I've not written off domestic women at all necessarily, just stated that while many are nice to look at, what I want is hard to find. And from the info I've gotten here, it would NOT be any easier finding a FSU woman either. But, as Eduardo said, it really comes down to being a numbers game.

You may have said it already, but I may have missed it, but I want to ask , how long have you been married?

I had been married for 5 years when my former wife passed away.

I probably will wait longer before I do anything more serious than just discuss my future. Doing this research has made me feel a lot better about myself and what options are available to me.

[Anotherkiwi]

[quote author=Raging Dragon link=topic=14920.msg305399#msg305399 date=1341853763
...Anotherkiwi, sorry I lumped NZ in there with AUS. Forgot about the prickliness between the two countries.    I should have at least wiki'd NZ before saying that, as I have looked at Australia on wikipedia for a novel I've been writing.
...
 
Don't worry about it - nobody else here does!

[Eduard]

No drinking is a big one actually, I'll just have to play that one by ear. Even in my own culture it's hard to find women who don't like to drink! Often I don't even mention religion when I say I don't drink, I simply tell the truth that I'm a genetic alcoholic and don't drink because I don't trust myself to stop. Just because I was raised a Baha'i doesn't mean I was a perfect teenager! I tested my limits and know that I have none, so I don't even go there. Having a wife that doesn't need alcohol in the house is a must.

The fact that you don't drink is a big plus for many RW. So many of them have had relationships with men who abuse alcohol and for many serious, marriage minded RW it's a very sensitive issue. I normally go through a few hundred profiles a day and I see a good number of RW who don't drink at all. So no worries here for you.

[Raging Dragon]

The fact that you don't drink is a big plus for many RW. So many of them have had relationships with men who abuse alcohol and for many serious, marriage minded RW it's a very sensitive issue. I normally go through a few hundred profiles a day and I see a good number of RW who don't drink at all. So no worries here for you.

Eduard, when I had looked at profiles, I honestly didn't know if "not drinking at all" was meant LITERALLY. So many people who "don't drink" just mean "well, not a lot".

Thanks for the advice.

[Eduard]

Eduard, when I had looked at profiles, I honestly didn't know if "not drinking at all" was meant LITERALLY. So many people who "don't drink" just mean "well, not a lot".

Thanks for the advice.

Russian dating sites usually have 3 choices for people to select: 1. do not drink at all  2. drink socially (special occasions) 3. like to drink
So it's not hard to choose a woman who matches your criteria. However, if you were looking for a man then it would be a bit more complicated since a number of RM would indicate #1 (do not drink at all) if they only drink beer and wine and don't touch the hard stuff, i.e. Vodka, etc.

[Ranetka]

Russian dating sites usually have 3 choices for people to select: 1. do not drink at all  2. drink socially (special occasions) 3. like to drink
So it's not hard to choose a woman who matches your criteria. However, if you were looking for a man then it would be a bit more complicated since a number of RM would indicate #1 (do not drink at all) if they only drink beer and wine and don't touch the hard stuff, i.e. Vodka, etc.

Not true.

[Eduard]

Not true.

reallky? which part of it isn't true?

[Ranetka]

reallky? which part of it isn't true?

RM I know are aware of what is social drink and what is not drinking at all.


It is true in Russian language you can use the word "to drink " as a substitute for "to drink heavily" however people are aware that wine and beer are alcohol.

[Shadow]

Never trust a man that does not drink at all. 

[Eduard]

Never trust a man that does not drink at all. 

exactly!

[Anotherkiwi]

Never trust a man that does not drink at all.   

exactly!  

Why not?  I know you guys are trying to be funny but, as a teetotaller, I actually find that quite offensive.  There may be all sorts of reasons why someone doesn't drink, and you wouldn't say that about a woman who doesn't drink at all (if there is such a person  ).

[Eduard]

Why not?  I know you guys are trying to be funny but, as a teetotaller, I actually find that quite offensive.  There may be all sorts of reasons why someone doesn't drink, and you wouldn't say that about a woman who doesn't drink at all (if there is such a person  ).

Don't be offended, it's not about you. It's actually an old Russian addage that we didn't just make up. The logic behind this saying is: when a man drinks he lets down his guard, his tongue becomes loose and he'll say things that he wouldn't say if he was sober. In other words you can get to know the real person when he had something to drink. And if he doesn't want to drink with you it is presumed he's got something to hide.

[Faux Pas]

Don't be offended, it's not about you. It's actually an old Russian addage that we didn't just make up. The logic behind this saying is: when a man drinks he lets down his guard, his tongue becomes loose and he'll say things that he wouldn't say if he was sober. In other words you can get to know the real person when he had something to drink. And if he doesn't want to drink with you it is presumed he's got something to hide.

That was also an old WC Fields line. "I never trust a man who doesn't drink"

[Anotherkiwi]

Don't be offended, it's not about you. It's actually an old Russian addage that we didn't just make up. The logic behind this saying is: when a man drinks he lets down his guard, his tongue becomes loose and he'll say things that he wouldn't say if he was sober. In other words you can get to know the real person when he had something to drink. And if he doesn't want to drink with you it is presumed he's got something to hide.

Sorry, but the fact that I killed my first four wives is totally irrelevant - I'm a changed man! 
 
Seriously, I sometimes wish that I did drink - there have been plenty of times when I've felt that I needed one!  I also wish that I could eat certain foods that everyone else seems to enjoy, such as curries or peanuts, but I can't and that's all there is to it.