It appears you have not registered with our community. To register please click here ...

!!

Welcome to Russian Women Discussion - the most informative site for all things related to serious long-term relationships and marriage to a partner from the Former Soviet Union countries!

Please register (it's free!) to gain full access to the many features and benefits of the site. Welcome!

+-

Author Topic: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother  (Read 16311 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline roykirk

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« on: July 06, 2012, 08:54:33 PM »
I'm curious what others have seen when it comes to their child interacting with their Russian grandmother?  Grandma is here from Russia at this moment, and we're all sort of beside ourselves right now with how our 2 year old daughter treats grandma.  This is the third time grandma has been here.  The first time when our daughter was 3 months old, and the second time when she was 1 year old.  Both previous visits were over a month long and our daughter attached to grandma like a magnet.  They've seen each other on Skype every other day since her last visit a year ago.

This third visit has been tumultuous.  From the day grandma arrived, our daughter has been very mean to her.  She yells "no" at her constantly, scratches her, tries to hit her, and won't let grandma pick her up.  I can tell it's really heartbreaking to my wife's mother.  We don't believe in spanking, but we've scolded her and put her in "time outs," but nothing seems to be working.  When my mother has come to visit, she's been an angel with her (which is twice as heartbreaking to my wife's mother).

The only thing I can think of is the fact that she hasn't seen this grandma in a year and  the fact that she doesn't speak a word of English.  That really seemed to throw my daughter at first, because she's only really developed language skills in the year since grandma was last here (and my wife pretty much speaks only English with her).  She has managed to pick up a pretty good Russian vocabulary from grandma in the last few weeks, but I somehow wonder if the language thing is part of the problem.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone here has experienced similar problems.  If so, how did you deal with it?

Offline JayH

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5685
  • Country: au
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Looking > 5 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2012, 09:33:36 PM »
I am bleeding for you--hope it can work out.Kids react for all sorts of reasons-- only one idea-- how is your body language and emotions with Grandma? And she with you?
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline GQBlues

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11752
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2012, 09:51:22 PM »
...We don't believe in spanking, but we've scolded her and put her in "time outs," but nothing seems to be working.  When my mother has come to visit, she's been an angel with her (which is twice as heartbreaking to my wife's mother).

The only thing I can think of is the fact that she hasn't seen this grandma in a year and  the fact that she doesn't speak a word of English.  That really seemed to throw my daughter at first, because she's only really developed language skills in the year since grandma was last here (and my wife pretty much speaks only English with her).  She has managed to pick up a pretty good Russian vocabulary from grandma in the last few weeks, but I somehow wonder if the language thing is part of the problem....

This was recently discussed, Roykirk. It may indeed be the language situation.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14616.25

Maybe getting the child to learn Russian, or have babushka learn some English may ease some of the anxiety.

Scolding or time-outs for the kid seem a bit misplaced considering she doesn't have the full ability to rationalize what ails her discomfort with grandma at this time. She may well be associating 'punishment' as having something to do with grandma...just a thought. A nice chat may be much more appropriate. (Disclaimer: Learned this from my bro...I'm not not a Dad yet)
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Ade

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2673
  • Country: no
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2012, 11:15:37 PM »
Maybe your kid has some buried resentment because grandma hurt her by leaving. Now she's doesn't want to get too close because she doesn't want to get hurt again - all this would be at a subconscious level of course.

I know that many phobias are developed at an incredibly young age so I know it's possible for even very young children to develop negative associations.


Another possibility is that she's become jealous of this relative stranger coming into her house and taking the attention away from her.


My wife says that a RW friend of hers has parents from Russia visit infrequently and it took a while for her daughter to make the association between the Skype image and the people that came visiting.

I'm no child psychologist though so what do I know. Perhaps you should be asking one of them?


FWIW, I don't think the language has anything to do with it. Kids will happily interact with people and other kids that don't understand each other without acting up. My wife is surprised that your wife isn't speaking to your kid in Russian though.
« Last Edit: July 06, 2012, 11:47:42 PM by Ade »

Offline mendeleyev

  • RWD Advisor
  • *****
  • Posts: 5670
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2012, 12:18:27 AM »
I do believe in spanking but can count the limited times our daughters were spanked. I don't believe in time outs however and certainly not for this situation, as GQ explained so well.

Having 3 grown daughters does offer some perspective and a psychologist for a Mother in law doesn't hurt either. Our question/guess would be to consider jealousy. Babs may be in the same position as a new sibling, a new pet or any new thing that has arrived in the home and getting attention from Mama and Papa. Daughter may be feeling competition for attention, after all Babushka isn't there every day and of course you and the wife are showing your joy over her visit. Perhaps your daughter is playing out that jealousy since she doesn't know how to verbalize it as of this young age?

Talking and rationalizing with a child doesn't make much sense if they can't understand the concepts so perhaps more demonstrative activities are in order. Sitting on a sofa with baby on Mama's lap and inviting Babushka to sit next to them in a gentle time of reading or singing may help to show your daughter that she remains "number 1" but Babs can be included in the love too.

The Mendeleyev Journal. http://mendeleyevjournal.com Member: Congress of Russian Journalists; ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.RU (Journalist-Russia); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.UA (Journalist-Ukraine); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.KZ (Journalist-Kazakhstan); ПОРТАЛ ЖУРНАЛИСТОВ (Portal of RU-UA Journalists); Просто Журналисты ("Just Journalists").

Offline missAmeno

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 745
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Committed > 1 year
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2012, 03:03:52 AM »
Not a psychologist but mum of 3. And as we talking about 2 years old child I think the only answer to her behaviour is jealousy. Kids (specially young ones) need stability and routine; when that stability and routine disrupted in some way, they get frustrated. I would suggest that grandma have more time with her just one-to-one and play with her games/do activities that normally you or your wife would be doing with her.
Years ago (before I had my own kids) I was staying for a month with friends that had 3 young kids (one 2yo and twins 4yo, one of twins with serious disability). At first kids behaved exactly as OP descibed: crying, screaming, scratching, trying to hit, etc. I was taking them everyday to the park for one hour and in less then 2 weeks we all been best friends.


Roykirk, at the moment more likely your daughter sees grandmother as a threat to the attention she gets from her parents, once she realises grandma doesnt take attention away but instead she gets even more attention because there is one more member of family that wants to spend time with her, her behaviour will change. You must give them time to be alone as otherwise interaction will not progress much, your daughter will seek retreat in you and her mum.

Offline roykirk

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2012, 06:07:09 AM »
I am bleeding for you--hope it can work out.Kids react for all sorts of reasons-- only one idea-- how is your body language and emotions with Grandma? And she with you?

Our interaction with grandma is "normal" as far as I can tell.  I mean, I can't communicate with her at all, but that's nothing new.  It's a lot of hand gesturing or having my wife translate.

Offline roykirk

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2012, 06:10:48 AM »
This was recently discussed, Roykirk. It may indeed be the language situation.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14616.25

Maybe getting the child to learn Russian, or have babushka learn some English may ease some of the anxiety.

Scolding or time-outs for the kid seem a bit misplaced considering she doesn't have the full ability to rationalize what ails her discomfort with grandma at this time. She may well be associating 'punishment' as having something to do with grandma...just a thought. A nice chat may be much more appropriate. (Disclaimer: Learned this from my bro...I'm not not a Dad yet)

Thanks, GQ.  We've reached the conclusions that the time outs aren't working either, however they used to work for other bad behavior.  Like when she would hit or be mean to another child.  A couple of timeouts and she's never done it again.  But when she hits grandma, she'll immediately go sit in her time out corner without being asked, almost like it's some game.  I've tried the rationalization bit, but it only works temporarily.  I'll say, "You go tell grandma you're sorry for hitting her."  She'll go to grandma and say "sorry," and sometimes even give her a hug, but 10 minutes later she'll do the same thing.  I'll address the language thing with another poster.

Offline roykirk

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2012, 06:17:29 AM »
Maybe your kid has some buried resentment because grandma hurt her by leaving. Now she's doesn't want to get too close because she doesn't want to get hurt again - all this would be at a subconscious level of course.

I know that many phobias are developed at an incredibly young age so I know it's possible for even very young children to develop negative associations.


Another possibility is that she's become jealous of this relative stranger coming into her house and taking the attention away from her.


My wife says that a RW friend of hers has parents from Russia visit infrequently and it took a while for her daughter to make the association between the Skype image and the people that came visiting.

I'm no child psychologist though so what do I know. Perhaps you should be asking one of them?


FWIW, I don't think the language has anything to do with it. Kids will happily interact with people and other kids that don't understand each other without acting up. My wife is surprised that your wife isn't speaking to your kid in Russian though.

The language thing surprised me as well, but that was my wife's choice and was based on her comfort level.  I sort of figured (and supported) that she'd speak in Russian with our daughter when I was away at work and we'd both speak English when we're together.  This is what several of her Russian friends who live in the United States do and it seems to work well.  She did it for a while, but said that she just slowly started defaulting to English because it's become an easier language for her (my wife) and our daughter seemed to grasp English words better than Russian.  My wife says that the Russian language becomes more and more distant every day she lives here and she finds that she really doesn't care to use it, even when she has the chance with fellow Russians.  My wife has been delighted, however, to see how fast our daughter has picked up Russian from grandma during this visit, so I think she'll be using more Russian around her in the future.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2012, 06:24:49 AM by roykirk »

Offline roykirk

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #9 on: July 07, 2012, 06:30:22 AM »
Everyone - Thanks for the advice.  The only thing outside of language we could put our finger on was perhaps the jealousy thing.  It sounds like that's what others are thinking as well.  She does get some alone time with grandma, like when grandma will get her up in the morning and read some stories with her.  She's tried to take her for walks, but that doesn't work because she won't let grandma pick her up (for instance to cross the street or when she gets tired).  We've left them alone together for up to a couple hours to go shopping and such, but it doesn't seem to accomplish much.  Our daughter will play quietly with her toys or do something else to entertain herself.  If grandma tries to sit down and play with her or help entertain her, our daughter will scream "NO" and run off to do something else. 

Offline SMS60

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 778
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2012, 06:47:05 AM »
My wife says that the Russian language becomes more and more distant every day she lives here and she finds that she really doesn't care to use it, even when she has the chance with fellow Russians. 

Very common sense woman. She knows your mail comes in English, your TV is in English, your radio speaks English, yours schools are English. Well just everything associated with everyday life. When Babushka leaves things will be back to normal. At 3 years old I dont think there is much you can do except allow things to play out until grandma goes home. Hopefully grandma is mature and secure enough to not allow this to affect the relationship. She need not push the issue it will make it worse. Maybe if she withdrew a little attention from the child it might help. Whatever you do don't allow her to stay!!.

Too bad other immigrating women don't understand this about the language.

Quote from: Simoni on Today at 09:06:15 AM
But my understanding is that "Anything Goes" does not really mean "anything" if that "anything" violates the TOS.

Offline BC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13828
  • Country: it
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2012, 06:49:06 AM »
A couple of timeouts and she's never done it again.  But when she hits grandma, she'll immediately go sit in her time out corner without being asked, almost like it's some game.

Smart cookie... grabs the attention in an instant, even sitting in the corner.  Guess that method has run out of steam.  After reading the original post, my thoughts were pretty much along the lines of those quoted below.  An attention issue.

Only other thing that comes to mind is if the child in the past has ever been physically punished by your MIL.  A while back when my MIL attempted to raise a hand when our son stuck out his tongue at her, I stepped in and simply said 'You can do whatever you want in your house with your children but not in my house or with my children...  either accept it or the airport is 15 minutes away.'  That was the end of that.  Young kids learn by observing and example.  Physical punishment can be very tricky.. even to the point that 'If mamma/pappa do it then it has to be ok..'  Even on the receiving end it can be a way to gain attention.. bad or good does not matter.. it's still attention.


Not a psychologist but mum of 3. And as we talking about 2 years old child I think the only answer to her behaviour is jealousy. Kids (specially young ones) need stability and routine; when that stability and routine disrupted in some way, they get frustrated. I would suggest that grandma have more time with her just one-to-one and play with her games/do activities that normally you or your wife would be doing with her. 


Another possibility is that she's become jealous of this relative stranger coming into her house and taking the attention away from her.


Our question/guess would be to consider jealousy. Babs may be in the same position as a new sibling, a new pet or any new thing that has arrived in the home and getting attention from Mama and Papa. Daughter may be feeling competition for attention, after all Babushka isn't there every day and of course you and the wife are showing your joy over her visit. Perhaps your daughter is playing out that jealousy since she doesn't know how to verbalize it as of this young age?

Talking and rationalizing with a child doesn't make much sense if they can't understand the concepts so perhaps more demonstrative activities are in order. Sitting on a sofa with baby on Mama's lap and inviting Babushka to sit next to them in a gentle time of reading or singing may help to show your daughter that she remains "number 1" but Babs can be included in the love too.

« Last Edit: July 07, 2012, 06:55:42 AM by BC »

Offline TheTraveler

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 528
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Married to a Disproportionately Hot Russian Wife
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2012, 09:04:41 AM »
Very common sense woman. She knows your mail comes in English, your TV is in English, your radio speaks English, yours schools are English. Well just everything associated with everyday life. When Babushka leaves things will be back to normal. At 3 years old I dont think there is much you can do except allow things to play out until grandma goes home. Hopefully grandma is mature and secure enough to not allow this to affect the relationship. She need not push the issue it will make it worse. Maybe if she withdrew a little attention from the child it might help. Whatever you do don't allow her to stay!!.

Too bad other immigrating women don't understand this about the language.

agree one hundred percent, sms!

Offline mendeleyev

  • RWD Advisor
  • *****
  • Posts: 5670
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #13 on: July 07, 2012, 09:52:06 AM »
Quote
The language thing surprised me as well, but that was my wife's choice and was based on her comfort level.  I sort of figured (and supported) that she'd speak in Russian with our daughter when I was away at work and we'd both speak English when we're together.  This is what several of her Russian friends who live in the United States do and it seems to work well.  She did it for a while, but said that she just slowly started defaulting to English because it's become an easier language for her (my wife) and our daughter seemed to grasp English words better than Russian.  My wife says that the Russian language becomes more and more distant every day she lives here and she finds that she really doesn't care to use it, even when she has the chance with fellow Russians.  My wife has been delighted, however, to see how fast our daughter has picked up Russian from grandma during this visit, so I think she'll be using more Russian around her in the future.

Best to keep both languages going. There are advantages to being multilingual and the best time to learn a second, third, etc, is as a child when the frontal lobes of the brain are most receptive. After late teen years, learning languages becomes much more difficult.
The Mendeleyev Journal. http://mendeleyevjournal.com Member: Congress of Russian Journalists; ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.RU (Journalist-Russia); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.UA (Journalist-Ukraine); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.KZ (Journalist-Kazakhstan); ПОРТАЛ ЖУРНАЛИСТОВ (Portal of RU-UA Journalists); Просто Журналисты ("Just Journalists").

Offline tfcrew

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5877
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • North Texas... Married 21 years
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #14 on: July 07, 2012, 10:18:56 AM »
..I somehow wonder if the language thing is part of the problem.

 
Could be a large part. Allow both languages to be spoken and over time the youngster will become proficiently bi-lingual.
Elderly people seldom 'pick up' on an extra language.
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~
~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

Offline I/O

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4873
  • Country: au
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #15 on: July 07, 2012, 02:56:06 PM »
I would suggest that grandma have more time with her just one-to-one and play with her games/do activities that normally you or your wife would be doing with her.
Exactly...!!! Roy, pick a weekend, stock the larder well enough for Bubba to have them both survive and leave the two of them together for at least two days, more if necessary - they'll sort it out - survival necessities and all. So long as you two keep trying to sort it our for them, it won't sort out. You - out...!!!
 
BTW, it seems like yesterday you were being grilled for having the audacity to meet some Russian doll you didn't know in Thailand cafe. How time flies - good for you.
 
Oh, one little point about leaving the princess with Bubba - I am assuming you and your beloved are confident to do so, I'm sure you are but if for some reason you aren't then that in itself will be the kicker in this entire discussion and your daughter will have long since picked up on it....... ;) 
 
PS: I differ from others and they may be correct, weight of numbers suggests that but I can only speak from my experience - in this one I have some and on that baisis I don't think the language thing has much if anything to do with the problem.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2012, 03:05:01 PM by I/O »

Offline mendeleyev

  • RWD Advisor
  • *****
  • Posts: 5670
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #16 on: July 07, 2012, 03:41:47 PM »
I agree I/O, language has nothing to do with this issue. It is an attention/jealousy issue.
The Mendeleyev Journal. http://mendeleyevjournal.com Member: Congress of Russian Journalists; ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.RU (Journalist-Russia); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.UA (Journalist-Ukraine); ЖУРНАЛИСТЫ.KZ (Journalist-Kazakhstan); ПОРТАЛ ЖУРНАЛИСТОВ (Portal of RU-UA Journalists); Просто Журналисты ("Just Journalists").

Offline Muzh

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6842
  • Country: pr
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #17 on: July 09, 2012, 10:27:53 AM »
Maybe your kid has some buried resentment because grandma hurt her by leaving. Now she's doesn't want to get too close because she doesn't want to get hurt again - all this would be at a subconscious level of course.



I was going to say something similar.

Your daughter may be protecting herself from the eventual hurt when grand ma leaves. It happened to my boy but eventually he outgrew that.

You and your wife should sit down with her and explain to her that Grandma loves her very much and wants to spend time with her but has to return back home some time later.

Not suggesting it will solve the problem NOW but eventually she'll catch on. Tell grandma to take it in stride. I know it is easier said than done but try not to take it at face value.
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline LAman

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2116
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Looking 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #18 on: July 09, 2012, 03:19:52 PM »
I agree I/O, language has nothing to do with this issue. It is an attention/jealousy issue.
Not sure i agree......... when the OP's mother visits, the daughter is like an angel. No attention/jealous issues there!!!  Not sure how many visits from her though. The russian grandma can play with daughter but cannot communicate very well verbally with her since the daughter speaks 'mostly' english.
Ahhh.. time...........it has a way of curing all issues!!!! :clapping:
Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift

Offline tfcrew

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5877
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • North Texas... Married 21 years
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #19 on: July 09, 2012, 07:28:08 PM »
I don't see where anyone states [as a matter of fact] that there is a language issue. It was suggested that there is a possibility of or could be partly a communication problem.

I fail to see how anyone can determine over the course of this thread that there is definitely a jealousy or attention problem here.

There could be...however, I have no expertise in child psychology and wouldn't state any opinion as a matter of fact.
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~
~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

Offline roykirk

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #20 on: July 18, 2012, 08:22:31 AM »
Well, after some more time together I'm starting to vote for the jealousy issue myself.  We've discovered that when we leave them together for a long period of time (has to be several hours), our daughter starts warming to her, or at the very least stops being so aggressive to her.  But as soon as my wife comes back, the kicking and hitting and scratching returns.  Still, it's very strange behavior with no easy fix I can figure out, and grandma is heading home in a few days anyway.  When my mother comes around, our daughter attaches to her like a magnet and completely ignores my wife and me.  It doesn't appear like that's going to happen with my wife's mother, at least not this visit. 

The benefit of this visit is that our daughter has seemingly become fluent in Russian in just the last month and a half.  She speaks in Russian with grandma and my wife, and in English with me.  Funny how fast that can happen.   :o

Offline BC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13828
  • Country: it
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #21 on: July 18, 2012, 08:47:27 AM »

The benefit of this visit is that our daughter has seemingly become fluent in Russian in just the last month and a half.  She speaks in Russian with grandma and my wife, and in English with me.  Funny how fast that can happen.   :o

That in itself is very positive.  I would encourage keeping up with RU.  Goes to prove that a child's brain is like an empty hard disk.. just waiting to be filled..  Unfortunately there is no good / bad filter when filling.  The role of filtering is up to the parents, best by setting examples.

Offline BC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13828
  • Country: it
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #22 on: July 18, 2012, 08:50:20 AM »
When my mother comes around, our daughter attaches to her like a magnet and completely ignores my wife and me.  It doesn't appear like that's going to happen with my wife's mother, at least not this visit. 

Yeah, sounds a bit tricky..  Maybe your mother brings more presents or is not reserved in granting physical attention?

Kids do seem to want to be the center of attention....

Offline roykirk

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #23 on: July 18, 2012, 10:01:08 AM »
Yeah, sounds a bit tricky..  Maybe your mother brings more presents or is not reserved in granting physical attention?

Kids do seem to want to be the center of attention....

It's actually just the opposite.  My mother doesn't bring many presents, but MIL brings a ton when she comes.  My mother also has a bad back and can't pack her around all the time like MIL wants to.  My wife has tried to tell her mother to ignore our daughter for a while or at least not try to give her constant attention like she does.  But when grandma only sees her once per year, it's almost impossible to convince her to give our daughter a little space. 

Offline BC

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13828
  • Country: it
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Child's reaction to Russian grandmother
« Reply #24 on: July 18, 2012, 11:16:32 AM »
Interesting...  Guess some mysteries will never be fully uncovered...

I'll go back to the old standby... 'Will grow out of it'.... LOL

 

+-RWD Stats

Members
Total Members: 8891
Latest: csmdbr
New This Month: 0
New This Week: 0
New Today: 0
Stats
Total Posts: 546718
Total Topics: 21004
Most Online Today: 7962
Most Online Ever: 194418
(June 04, 2025, 03:26:40 PM)
Users Online
Members: 6
Guests: 7951
Total: 7957

+-Recent Posts

Re: Thoughts on this business idea by Trenchcoat
Today at 02:34:30 AM

Re: Thoughts on this business idea by Steven1971
Today at 01:13:49 AM

Re: Thoughts on this business idea by Trenchcoat
Yesterday at 06:04:10 PM

Re: Thoughts on this business idea by Steven1971
Yesterday at 02:33:49 PM

Re: Thoughts on this business idea by olgac
Yesterday at 10:46:13 AM

Thoughts on this business idea by 2tallbill
Yesterday at 06:14:13 AM

Thoughts on this business idea by Trenchcoat
October 12, 2025, 12:29:59 PM

Re: Presentation Côme by Trenchcoat
October 12, 2025, 11:58:11 AM

Re: Belarusian model Nika Kolosova wears a bikini by Trenchcoat
October 11, 2025, 07:21:50 AM

Re: Interesting Articles by Trenchcoat
October 10, 2025, 06:20:16 PM

Powered by EzPortal

create account