How to deal with WMVM dilemMa?

[calmissile]

I am wondering what approaches men have used successfully for the problem of FSUW asking about whether you will be seeing other women on your trip.

This seems to be a very prevalent question and the women are getting rather insistent to find out the truth.  Nearly all of the women ask if you are planning to see other women.  It implies that they will not be happy about it, and may even change their minds about meeting you.

As an experiment, I started questioning them about why it matters so much since we have not even met yet.  I also explained that it is a vacation and I planned to make many friends and see what happens in the chemistry department.

One gal was very aggressive about having me answer the question.  I got annoyed and told her that if she wanted to see me exclusively, she could come to the US and I would promise to not date any other women while she is here visiting me.  Her response was that my proposal was insulting and I should not talk to women that way.  LOL

I told one gal that I have friends already in Ukraine and I will be staying with them for a week or so before leaving to visit other cities.  Her response was to hook up early and we can visit the other cities together!  Sort of would have me by the nuts in that case.

I think it is rather rude to expect someone to travel half way around the world to meet someone the first time and not expect them to make friends with other potential partners.  Even though I have experienced a lot of lying by FSUW (in spite of their profiles that say they hate liars), it is not my nature to want to lie about something.

I am curious about what approaches men have used to dodge the question, or just telling them the truth and let the chips fall where they may.   In at least 2 cases women have decided not to meet if I will be seeing anyone else.

Are these women so insecure in a competitive environment that they need this kind of commitment before meeting?

[calmissile]

Another thought......

During the early letter writing stages, a couple of women made it clear that we would not be having sex on the first meeting.  I agreed with them and indicated that I am not after sex, but rather to make friends and see where it goes from there.  Two ladies wrote back stating that they 'have much more respect for me now'.

Another women flat out asked if I was a sex tourist!  I told her no, I am searching for a wife. LOL

I am wondering if many FSU women are jaded or pre-programmed to make an assumption that all visitors are sex tourists.  If this is a plausable explanation for insisting that men do not see anyone else, perhaps it might be a good idea to make the statement in the beginning that you are not coming to Ukriane for sexfest.  LOL   I have not tried that approach yet, but will probably try it and see what happens.

[GoodOlBoy]

....or just telling them the truth and let the chips fall where they may.   

Simple answer....TELL THE TRUTH!

FSUW can sniff out a liar a mile away.

Don't forget, they deal with RM everyday. 
 
GOB

[ML]

Doug, I told about this part of my WMVM modus operandi in my thread "ML and Ukrainian women" in TR section.

This issue has to be mentioned and controlled by the man very early in the game. 
I got a lot of flack from others here about this, but it absolutely worked for me in minimizing virtually to zero the women's questions about this.

You can read more about it and the comments of others in my thread.

Here is the beginning of that sub-thread that appears near end of page 1 of my thread.

"Further, all of the women I met knew I was meeting with other women.  Did I specifically tell them?  No I did not.  But, in emails before we met, I told in very strong language that I would under no circumstances discuss other women past, present or future, and I would not ask questions about other men past, present or future.

In coy terms, many of the women made slight reference to 'other women.'  I ignored such comments, and none of the women pressed the issue.  But they knew; just because they were not stupid.

And, I am not so stupid as to slap the women in the face by telling them I will choose based on 'how they play their cards.'  Again, I don't have to tell them, because as intelligent women; they already know this."

Also, don't lose sight of the fact that we men are the ones in short supply, not the women.  Be a good, kind, gentle, considerate man . . . but don't take any crap from any of them.

[GQBlues]

I am wondering what approaches men have used successfully for the problem of FSUW asking about whether you will be seeing other women on your trip.

No dilemma. As GOB eloquently put it...

Simple answer....TELL THE TRUTH!

You haven't met any of these women in person to invest any type of personal commitment. Don't lie, don't be coy and certainly witholding information simply because you weren't asked, IMO, is a form of lying to me.

Don't complicate what is otherwise a very simple process. If any of the women doesn't like it, respect their wishes, wish them good fortune and move on to the ones a bit more logical.

[I/O]

If any of the women doesn't like it, respect their wishes, wish them good fortune and move on to the ones a bit more logical.

Oh goodie, it didn't take long for it to degenerate into another good ol' visit one - visit many thingo.

[Ade]

This;

Simple answer....TELL THE TRUTH!

FSUW can sniff out a liar a mile away.

Don't forget, they deal with RM everyday. 
 
GOB

And this;

No dilemma. As GOB eloquently put it...

You haven't met any of these women in person to invest any type of personal commitment. Don't lie, don't be coy and certainly witholding information simply because you weren't asked, IMO, is a form of lying to me.

Don't complicate what is otherwise a very simple process. If any of the women doesn't like it, respect their wishes, wish them good fortune and move on to the ones a bit more logical.

It's not rocket science. Really. 

[calmissile]

No dilemma. As GOB eloquently put it...

You haven't met any of these women in person to invest any type of personal commitment. Don't lie, don't be coy and certainly witholding information simply because you weren't asked, IMO, is a form of lying to me.

Don't complicate what is otherwise a very simple process. If any of the women doesn't like it, respect their wishes, wish them good fortune and move on to the ones a bit more logical.

Your recommendation is the obvious logical approach to take, however two women changed their minds about meeting when I told them I was going to make friends and would follow up depending on mutual chemistry.   It seemed like a good time to get some opinions on the topic before screwing up any more potential dates.

If nothing else, it will help narrow the field to what can fit into a month.   

[Shadow]

If you are dating at home, are you dating multiple women at once? If so, do you tell them about it?

The whole debate comes down to one thing. Do not change what you are used to do in dating. If you try, you will find yourself caught out of the water.

As for the women, some will feel that your level of interest is not high enough if you are meeting a number of women. Just like you will drop a woman if you feel her level of interest is not high enough, so will a woman drop you.

[Faux Pas]

Your recommendation is the obvious logical approach to take, however two women changed their minds about meeting when I told them I was going to make friends and would follow up depending on mutual chemistry.   It seemed like a good time to get some opinions on the topic before screwing up any more potential dates.

If nothing else, it will help narrow the field to what can fit into a month.   

Are you okay being lied to? Not telling them or avoiding telling them is deceitful. Do you have any problem starting a relationship out with a lie. If not, then lie and move on forward.

If you tell them and they don't wish to meet as a result, take it as a sign of many disagreements to come and in all probability a relationship that won't last.

Bottom line here is, you are a grown man and it is your trip. Why should you need to lie? A possible relationship that can't stand the test of the truth, has an even smaller chance of standing the test of a lie, IMHO

[GQBlues]

Your recommendation is the obvious logical approach to take, however two women changed their minds about meeting when I told them I was going to make friends and would follow up depending on mutual chemistry.   It seemed like a good time to get some opinions on the topic before screwing up any more potential dates.

Oh well...that comes with the territory. You haven't lost anything you haven't invested in.

To me, WMVM, and without shortchanging any other approach, is really the only way to do this all things considered. Not only for you, but also for the women. They aren't committed to you, or you to them, until you've both been given the chance of meeting one another to eventually make a mutual decision of exclusivity - in person.

I coined a phrase at the ol' RWG, WMVM is nothing more than a WOVO waiting to happen - at the proper time."

There are only two chances any these women are only writing/meeting one man at any one time anyway - slim and none.

WMVM is not for everyone. You don't have the experience, audacity and/or personality to stay the course - don't do it. You're likely to f*ck it up. Stick with what's comfortable with you.

Everyone has a plan, 'till they get hit! (M. Tyson)

[GunayH]

My friend stayed in my apartment when he visited so it did not happen with us for him seeing other women.

If he had wanted to see other women he would have had to get a hotel for him. I would have still meet him but would have been different from now. From start he told me I was only one in this area he was talking to. Allso said that women he was interested in was very few and that was part of why I like him. I had other men write me and then knew they talked with many others and I was not so interested in them.

For me it is important to be special. Maybe if I was young would be different.

[Shadow]

To me, WMVM, and without shortchanging any other approach, is really the only way to do this all things considered. Not only for you, but also for the women. They aren't committed to you, or you to them, until you've both been given the chance of meeting one another to eventually make a mutual decision of exclusivity - in person.

As I have made the nuance before.... it all depends on available time, present location and resources.
For an European who can make a two-day visit to the European part of the FSU, WMVO would be a more viable option as for an American who needs a minimum of 4 days traveling. Similar, if you have the possibility to travel often it might be a good approach as you remove the pressure and uncertainty.

[JoeS421]

Another thought......

During the early letter writing stages, a couple of women made it clear that we would not be having sex on the first meeting.  I agreed with them and indicated that I am not after sex, but rather to make friends and see where it goes from there.  Two ladies wrote back stating that they 'have much more respect for me now'.

Another women flat out asked if I was a sex tourist!  I told her no, I am searching for a wife. LOL

I am wondering if many FSU women are jaded or pre-programmed to make an assumption that all visitors are sex tourists.  If this is a plausable explanation for insisting that men do not see anyone else, perhaps it might be a good idea to make the statement in the beginning that you are not coming to Ukriane for sexfest.  LOL   I have not tried that approach yet, but will probably try it and see what happens.

I'm the guy asking about sex before marriage earlier.  I have been told that I haven't made any moves, so that it is up to me!  However, keeping in mind the stereotypes about western men and given that the woman I am seeing hates the "all Ukranian women are prostitutes" stereotype, that is one of the reasons I haven't made a move yet.  However, I think by now she should trust me.

[Muzh]

I'm the guy asking about sex before marriage earlier.  I have been told that I haven't made any moves, so that it is up to me!  However, keeping in mind the stereotypes about western men and given that the woman I am seeing hates the "all Ukranian women are prostitutes" stereotype, that is one of the reasons I haven't made a move yet.  However, I think by now she should trust me.

With all due respect, you are being a fool.

[Ranetka]

With all due respect, you are being a fool.

+1


(I can add to it but won't)

[Gator]

Don't complicate what is otherwise a very simple process. If any of the women doesn't like it, respect their wishes, wish them good fortune and move on to the ones a bit more logical.

Such women consider themselves logical.     However, I agree with you.
 
Keep in mind that if a man romances a woman for months  and communicates frequently, he could rouse some feelings an develop high expectations.  Another point, many RW believe in destiny, and as such would not consider being one of 10 as destiny.
 
Thus, if a man elects to do WMVM, he should keep correspondence to a minimum (e. g., a few phone calls to determine if there is enough compatibility to warrant a meeting).

[Gator]

Simple answer....TELL THE TRUTH!

For sure, if asked.  Women know, so no need to volunteer info.

[Jumper]

 My wife (WOVO) would have met me whether I was only visiting her , or many.
however the entire vibe would have been vastly different.
The attitude from her friends/family etc.Granted this was because we had built up some level of relationship before meeting.Yes it can go sour it 5 seconds and that the risk of that method.


When asking how to handle the WMVM dealio, and I have done it,
I'd simply suggest you can't have your cake and eat it too.
it's really that simple?

You can't build up any amount of time or investment of possible compatibility in the other person, or them in you.
That's fine.its just meeting new people, in person, and seeing where it goes.

You cant get in depth into compatibility, etc, without having other natural expectations go along with it.
Get over it being less than logical, as human relations seldom are,and frankly its unreaslitic to expect women meeting foreign men to be logical about this exact scenario,
its just  the reality  a lot of women will have some issue with it whether its voiced or not,whether that reaction is logical or not.

So keep the emails/contact  simple and straight to the point, of meeting, generally soon.
and the emphasis on meeting in person being better to decide compatibility, etc.

I see so many guys want to do both, really get involved in weeding out prospects,by email or other means,  while  contending its best to meet in person, and wanting to meet many.

[GQBlues]

...For an European who can make a two-day visit to the European part of the FSU, WMVO would be a more viable option as for an American who needs a minimum of 4 days traveling. Similar, if you have the possibility to travel often it might be a good approach as you remove the pressure and uncertainty.

 

Not getting on you Shadow, but why is the 'an European' seem rather odd in that sentence?

Sandro, care to explain?   

[CanadaMan]

Not getting on you Shadow, but why is the 'an European' seem rather odd in that sentence?

Sandro, care to explain?   

I'm not Sandro but I'll have a go at it.
It is common practice to use 'an' before words beginning with 'e'.

As in:

- An everyday experience.
- An East European woman.
- An easy day at the office.
- An even better day on the golf course.   
- An equestrian event.
- etc.

The reason an European doesn't sound right (and isn't correct) is because the 'E' in European is silent. In all the other examples I gave above, the 'e' can be heard.

So it should be 'A European'.   

[GQBlues]

Yeah, thanks Canadaman. I often used the article 'an' to precede a word that starts with a vowel lettered word i.e. an American, an Indian, an envelope, an octagon, etc...with the exception of the letter 'u'...a unicorn, a united front, etc...

I supposed with the word 'European' the silent 'e' made the word sounds like 'u-ro-pe-an'.   

[ML]

To expand on CandaMan, most of us learned the quick rule:

Put a before words starting with a consonant, and put an before words starting with a vowel.

But that is not quite the correct rule.

The rule is put a before words that 'sound like' they start with a consonant and put an before words that 'sound like' they start with a vowel.

Thus we say 'an hour' because the h is silent and we are pronouncing the same as 'our,' in our family.

Some are a bit bisexual such as  u and o.

We should wear a uniform.  We can say this word certainly sounds like it starts with u, but an is only used for words that sound like under, as in an underground passage.  For grammarians, uniform sound like yu which is a consonant sound.

When the word starts with an 'o', it takes an, but if the 'o' sounds like a 'w', it takes a. 

She is an only child.  This  is a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

[Doll]

      .

I think it is rather rude to expect someone to travel half way around the world to meet someone the first time and not expect them to make friends with other potential partners.     

Why "rude"?
This is what they want, you should respect it.

[Doll]

   
Also, don't lose sight of the fact that we men are the ones in short supply, not the women.  Be a good, kind, gentle, considerate man . . . but don't take any crap from any of them.

Then stay where you are. Short supply! 
No "short supply" can make a woman do what she doesn't want to.