Age gaps and other variables - - - who decides

[ML]

This posting of mine is somewhat of a continuation of other postings I have made about the man deciding how to go about things in this pursuit, rather  than merely letting the women decide.

And typically when I make these postings, the knees start jerking and the ‘dictator’ or ‘control freak’ bombs are quickly tossed in.

But in my scenarios, neither the man nor the woman is a dictator or control freak.  Each comes up with their own criteria, requirements, etc.  The man has requirements X.  The woman has requirements Y.

Then, ‘Set Theory’ comes into play.   The ‘union’ of X, Y are items that are in either X or Y, or both X and Y.

The ‘intersection’ of X, Y contains only items that are in both X and Y.  Compatibility and, hopefully, happiness occurs at the intersection.

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From Doug CalMissle

Don't worry about the age gap.  I will let the woman decide that issue.  As long as she has all her marbles, I would prefer to take her decision about the subject

During my stay in Cherkassy, I had the opportunity to discuss the age gap issue with several women including Elena, Julia1, Julia2, and their friends.  It is their opinion that it does not matter.

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Note:  This posting is not to criticize Doug in particular, it applies to all men who think like him in this matter.  I am just quoting Doug here because it was the most recent words I saw on this aspect.

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My point in particular here has to do with the age gap issue.
And more specifically, who decides.

I have read often here comments from other men similar to Doug’s.
i.e.  If the woman is OK with our age gap, then it is OK.  This probably follows from the historical, genetic based drive of men to be with the prettiest and youngest woman possible for procreation purposes, (even as this procreation desire itself is suppressed and not even recognized).

But I firmly believe that the man should take a more active role here, and be the ‘decider’ (for himself) as to what the appropriate age gap should be.

The list is very long as to the factors that the man should be considering when deciding what age gap is acceptable to each individual man himself.

Just don’t leave this up to the women to decide.

[Turboguy]

Usually the first step in the process is for one potential partner to contact the other and in most cases (with the exception of scam sites) isn't that the man?   In contacting the woman the man has decided he is ok with the age gap so then the ball is in her court and she decides if she can accept the age gap.  I think in most cases if the man felt the age difference was ok but the woman felt otherwise, it would be foolish for the man to try and make the decision and force it on her.

[Eduard]

Usually the first step in the process is for one potential partner to contact the other and in most cases (with the exception of scam sites) isn't that the man?   In contacting the woman the man has decided he is ok with the age gap so then the ball is in her court and she decides if she can accept the age gap.  I think in most cases if the man felt the age difference was ok but the woman felt otherwise, it would be foolish for the man to try and make the decision and force it on her.

way beyond foolish!

[pitbull]

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My point in particular here has to do with the age gap issue.
And more specifically, who decides.

I have read often here comments from other men similar to Doug’s.
i.e.  If the woman is OK with our age gap, then it is OK.  This probably follows from the historical, genetic based drive of men to be with the prettiest and youngest woman possible for procreation purposes, (even as this procreation desire itself is suppressed and not even recognized).

But I firmly believe that the man should take a more active role here, and be the ‘decider’ (for himself) as to what the appropriate age gap should be.

The list is very long as to the factors that the man should be considering when deciding what age gap is acceptable to each individual man himself.

Just don’t leave this up to the women to decide.

ML,
I don't see any contradiction in this scenario. "I'll let the woman to decide if our huge age gap is acceptable" means that the man has already decided that he'd like the youngest tightest body he can get in this game. And he will take the youngest tightest body that would agree. 

[calmissile]

ML,
I don't see any contradiction in this scenario. "I'll let the woman to decide if our huge age gap is acceptable" means that the man has already decided that he'd like the youngest tightest body he can get in this game. And he will take the youngest tightest body that would agree.

As long as she has some brains and a pleasant personality.   

[Eduard]

As long as she has some brains and a pleasant personality.   

come on, Doug! Those are just little, unimportant details 

[pitbull]

As long as she has some brains and a pleasant personality.   

And starts working right off the plane, correct? 

[Ranetka]

And starts working right off the plane, correct? 

It's very important for a woman to contribute otherwise how would a man know she is truly into him and not just after the better lifestyle? 

[calmissile]

It's very important for a woman to contribute otherwise how would a man know she is truly into him and not just after the better lifestyle? 

True, but Pitbull is just trying to yank my chain.   

[pitbull]

It's very important for a woman to contribute otherwise how would a man know she is truly into him and not just after the better lifestyle? 

Especially when the woman is 30 year younger and hot! Cause she also needs to prove she is into the man rather than the luxuries of the Social Security -provided lifestyle! Duh!

[pitbull]

True, but Pitbull is just trying to yank my chain.   

Both blondes are pretty hot, Calmissile. And the  same age, right? 38? I would recommend the one wearing red pants. She is the city girl (more sophisticated), already drives and might need less "getting on her feet" money. A better bargain it seems. 

[Ranetka]

Especially when the woman is 30 year younger and hot! Cause she also needs to prove she is into the man rather than the luxuries of the Social Security -provided lifestyle! Duh!

I was joking actually.

[IAmZon]

I go through stages where I care, and then I do not care about age gaps.  It has to do with my intentions.  If I am seeing a girl in an not so serious way, what difference does it make?  I have a "girl friend" in Colombia.  We talk frequently, but I have not seen her for 7 months.  I have noticed that she seems to connect with me in a manner few women do.  AH, but she is 21.  COMON!  That is non-sense.

I think most men that start out here get star-eyed with youth, beauty, and passion ( I know I did!).   But, if you are CORRECTLY thinking about marriage, What are your motivations (HONESTLY)?
- lonely
- horny
- wanting children for legacy / meaning of life
- all your friends are married.
- status increase from getting a pretty woman to go with the new car.

Additionally, is it not true that passion and the honeymoon phase is, well, a phase.  These qualities do not last in most marriages throughout time - I do not think that is a realistic expectation for most - however, it would be a nice surprise:)   

I think to be honest about the above issues helps put the Age Gap Question in better, more healthy context.

Increasingly, qualities that are important to me have less to do with youth and weight (oh! don't worry ... I am still damn shallow) and more to do with personality and character.

Having said that, I say do not live in the USA with large age gaps.  And, if you have what it takes to be a good, worthy, strong man, shut up and do it.

[Chicagoguy]

Usually the first step in the process is for one potential partner to contact the other and in most cases (with the exception of scam sites) isn't that the man?   In contacting the woman the man has decided he is ok with the age gap so then the ball is in her court and she decides if she can accept the age gap.  I think in most cases if the man felt the age difference was ok but the woman felt otherwise, it would be foolish for the man to try and make the decision and force it on her.

Maybe I am different but what I did was post MY profile and let the women call me first. If they weren't interested I never knew. That saved us both time. And I did respond to every woman who did write even if to politely decline. Many were 5 years or so younger and a couple about 10. I hit the jackpot with one who was 15 years younger and wrote me first - at her girlfriends insistance. On our profiles she was younger than my range and on her profile I was older than hers. Couldn't have worked out better. Sudba - fate - we both agree.

[Daveman]

Both blondes are pretty hot, Calmissile. And the  same age, right? 38? I would recommend the one wearing red pants. She is the city girl (more sophisticated), already drives and might need less "getting on her feet" money. A better bargain it seems. 

Hey now, what's wrong with 38? she's not THAT old.. 

[ML]

ML,
I don't see any contradiction in this scenario. "I'll let the woman to decide if our huge age gap is acceptable" means that the man has already decided that he'd like the youngest tightest body he can get in this game. And he will take the youngest tightest body that would agree.

You and Turbo are saying basically the same thing.

But, in my view, there might be a little bit of a twist from what you are both saying.

Not me (of course), but I think a lot of guys throw out a lot of lines to the pretty faces without really thinking about whether the age gap is appropriate.  They haven't given it careful thought.  Men's hormones and all at work.

So then a gal who is really way too young (and one the guy wouldn't really have picked if he thought carefully about it) answers, and away they go.  This is when many of the guys justify it all by saying:  I will let her decide.

Now, you and Turbo can say, the guy decided when he contacted her, but I say he didn't decide.  He was just playing a fantasy game, and later says it's all OK, because she 'choose' him.

I know I am splitting hairs here, but I think it is valid.

[Doll]

ML, dear, what are you going to decide? That you want a woman much younger?
Go ahead. You can certainly pick the one and even marry her. I would NOT bet though she will  stay in this marriage. Once a woman DECIDES to go then she will go.
It is how it is, dear Mr. Decider.  
 You can lead a horse to the river, but can not force it to drink."

[Turboguy]

I am very aware that I can't speak for "lots of guys".   I am sure there are a lot of guys looking for the youngest, hotest woman they can find without regard for how compatable they are as people and what her motives are in her search.  Probably a high percentage will run out of cash chasing their fantacy on Aweb and similar sites.
I do know what I paid attention to in my search and when I looked at profiles if a woman didn't list an acceptable age range close to where I was I would not have written her no matter what she looked like or said in her profile.  If they listed an age range somewhere close to my age and if the profile struck me as having some potential then I would write and "let her decide"  I do recall a few times on Elenas that I looked at a profile that had a desired age too far from my age so I just moved on to the next one and then a few years later they would contact me and be interested.  Even the agers they list sometimes don't mean that much.
 

[ML]

ML, dear, what are you going to decide? That you want a woamn much younger?
Go ahead. You can certainly pick the one and even marry her. I would NOT bet though she will will stay in this marriage. Once a woamn DECIDES to go then she will go.
It is how it is, dear Mr. Decider.  
 You can lead a horse to the river, but can not force it to drink."

Doll, can you give a summary recap of your understanding of what I wrote previously (copied below), and then tell me why you refer to me as Mr. Decider.  Thanks

- - - - - - -

This posting of mine is somewhat of a continuation of other postings I have made about the man deciding how to go about things in this pursuit, rather  than merely letting the women decide.

And typically when I make these postings, the knees start jerking and the ‘dictator’ or ‘control freak’ bombs are quickly tossed in.

But in my scenarios, neither the man nor the woman is a dictator or control freak.  Each comes up with their own criteria, requirements, etc.  The man has requirements X.  The woman has requirements Y.

Then, ‘Set Theory’ comes into play.   The ‘union’ of X, Y are items that are in either X or Y, or both X and Y.

The ‘intersection’ of X, Y contains only items that are in both X and Y.  Compatibility and, hopefully, happiness occurs at the intersection.

[Doll]

No, I don't want to "give the summary"

[Daveman]

...

But in my scenarios, neither the man nor the woman is a dictator or control freak.  Each comes up with their own criteria, requirements, etc.  The man has requirements X.  The woman has requirements Y.

Then, ‘Set Theory’ comes into play.   The ‘union’ of X, Y are items that are in either X or Y, or both X and Y.

The ‘intersection’ of X, Y contains only items that are in both X and Y.  Compatibility and, hopefully, happiness occurs at the intersection.

Buzzzzzzz Long and Prosper!   

[ML]

Buzzzzzzz Long and Prosper!   

Peace and long life!   

[Doll]

Ok,  I will explain once again.Deciders with blue passport can and will get the woman out of their league. Do I need to explain the reasons?
I guess, I don't.
Then comes the hardest part- keeping this woman in a marriage.
So, yes- long, prosper and GOOD luck, you will need it.
Cal will need more luck.
(ML, thanks for starting this thread))))))))))))) I can't find the new chapers of Cal's TR. Out of mushrooms?)))))))))))))))))
 

[Isthmus]

I am fairly sure I could get a hot young bimbo in her early to mid 20s interested in me, also I am fairly sure that such a marriage wouldn't last the distance. Hence why I don't even consider looking at that demographic 

[Doll]

Ah, ok, sorry. I found Cal's TR )))))))))))))