Trip Update, Just home from Turkey

[Milz713]

To be honest the reservation I ha was to sound over anxious on this forum as if I had not thought it all the way through.  I sat looking at her asking myself,  can I love her forever?  Is it possible there is something I do not see?  Is there something about her on the surface that I am not seeing?  I had only good experiences with her and good feelings but I know it can change and that is why I have told her and myself and this forum that if things do not work out we can both change our minds in the 90 days but I by no means want or expect that to happen and neither does she but I wanted her to know that she has a way out if she is not happy.  Her job is replaceable,  my spent money is replaceable but to wait a year or 2?  In our stage of life in wanting a family we both agree that the time is not replaceable.  Some will argue that if it doesn't work also there will be time that can not be given back but that is the gamble,,,,   Too want or to try is the difference why some will walk and some run....

[Gator]

To be honest the reservation I ha was to sound over anxious on this forum as if I had not thought it all the way through.  I sat looking at her asking myself,  can I love her forever?  Is it possible there is something I do not see?  Is there something about her on the surface that I am not seeing?  I had only good experiences with her and good feelings but I know it can change and that is why I have told her and myself and this forum that if things do not work out we can both change our minds in the 90 days but I by no means want or expect that to happen and neither does she but I wanted her to know that she has a way out if she is not happy.  Her job is replaceable,  my spent money is replaceable but to wait a year or 2?  In our stage of life in wanting a family we both agree that the time is not replaceable.  Some will argue that if it doesn't work also there will be time that can not be given back but that is the gamble,,,,   Too want or to try is the difference why some will walk and some run....

Obtaining a K-1 could take 8 months.  I suggest that you endeavor to visit her 2-3 times while your petition progresses.  You do love her and do not want to be separated for a long time.  Proof of such visits will demonstrate to the CO at her interview that your plans for marriage are genuine.  English lessons too, very important.

[Gator]

...she lives alone in a rented room and works as a beautician 8 hours a day and cleans rooms and takes care of other lodging where she lives for the landlord,  she is totally self sufficient in her life now....

She may be self-sufficient but what you have described sounds like a woman working long hours and living near the poverty line.  If she had a child, she would be what is called a desperate woman, willing to marry anyone.
 
I suggest that you spend time with her to verify an enduring emotional connection.  Being committed to a relationship is not the same.  Also, make sure that you can have fun together doing nothing.  Your time with her was in a resort - anyone can have fun together in a resort.

[Hammer2722]

Milz, I am currently going through the K1 process now. We're waiting to schedule her interview. The embassy may ask your girl if you have met her parents and they will be looking for photos of not only you two together but also of you and her friends and family. I highly recommend that you visit her at her home. You will have at least a 6 month wait.

[Milz713]

Yes gator I agree with you 100%,  these scenarios have also run through my mind...  She is close to poverty but it seems many are at the same level but I also think she had many opportunities to haves my men but with the time she spends with me on the Internet I don't see it especially after she closed her profile on em.  I have asked myself about once we are alone in the USA if the fire will still be there and this is where she differs from the other RW women,  I have several hobbies like vintage cars, motorcycles, boating, snowmobiling and playing music and without giving the answer away to her we always seemed very compatible with those hobbies which for me is very important.  Other RW women not so much)).  I was very surprised one day when I told her that I needed to get the brakes on my 50 Chevy and I didn't have time to spend on Skype because it had to be finished,  she asked if I could take the camera with so she could watch and I did,  she told me that whenever her father repaired the car he insisted that her mother be present.  She sat and watched and we spoke a little and I showed her what I was doing and then 3am for her came and she went to sleep.  I was shocked because my previous AW wouldn't even go for a ride in my model t let alone sit and watch me fix something))

[Milz713]

Thanks hammer,  at the moment I  anticipating being sent to the east coast to work when frankenstorm hits but as soon as I return home I will begin the process and I will definitely be planning atleast one trip to her home.  We actually discussed it last night..

[Wayne]

You need copies of all receipts, boarding passes, hotel, any place you went together, Turkish visa in your passport, any item you bought for her, and so on. If you buy her an engagement ring, copy the receipt and make photo. Engagement ring is not typical in Russia, so it depends upon you.
 
Since you want to have a family together, what about religion? Views on raising children? So it seems neither of you are university graduates? A lineman job can be fine as long as your debts are in-line. In USA, this job would be much safer than the same job in Russia.
 
Depending upon what state, even a hair dresser job can take additional training, testing and certification. She might consider a different career. Of course, it depends upon her wishes.
 
Are you doing the K-1 without an Attorney? Actually, even with an Attorney, you have to collect all the evidence of your relationship, documents, and so on; only the legal secretary does any work on the case. Since she was not married and has no children, the documents required are much less. No child means means no permission from father.
 
Do you have good medical insurance? Can you get her covered right away? You can expect that a 32 year old will need some dental work. It can be much cheaper in Russia, but the quality could be poor! Does she have any health problems?

[Hammer2722]

I highly recommend you go to visajourney.com They have a section with step by step procedures and all the forms you need to do the K1 yourself. Its quite easy actually if you follow the steps. Good luck!

[Milz713]

You are correct,  no university degree but I work for the third largest utility in the USA with 20,000 employees and have a 6 figure income with very good medical coverage.  As for her medical history her father is a doctor and brother is a dentist,  her father forced her too train to be a nurse but she hated it and became a beautician.  She would need a cosmetology license in the USA I believe but as I said to her it would Be great if she could work but it is not a necessity,  mostly just so she can fight boredom and feel she has a purpose rather than sit home.  We have spoke about religion and both agree that it is not important because I have no religion and as long as she is ok with that it doesn't matter to me what religion she follows.  Of course she had a belief system but it is not something that should interfere with our lives because it isn't that strong of a presence in her life,,  I should apologize for my typing mistakes because I am using a iPhone here and things slip through the cracks with auto correct,,,

[Milz713]

I contacted a immigration lawyer the other day and the first thing he asked is why didn't we get married in Turkey and said it will take 12 months,  it was clear he was more affluent with Michigan farm workers so I think I will do it myself.  I have been to visa journey and read some material and was planning to sit down with it this weekend and study..

[Hammer2722]

I contacted a immigration lawyer the other day and the first thing he asked is why didn't we get married in Turkey and said it will take 12 months,  it was clear he was more affluent with Michigan farm workers so I think I will do it myself.  I have been to visa journey and read some material and was planning to sit down with it this weekend and study..

You really won't need an attorney. If anything, from what I've heard, it would actually lengthen the wait if you use one.

[IAmZon]

You really won't need an attorney. If anything, from what I've heard, it would actually lengthen the wait if you use one.

HAHAHAHA

How about an international pre- nuptial, asset protection, and since he did not use Ed, and has acknowledged not thoroughly underwriting risks  - an international background check.  I am just saying ...

[Wayne]

If she has her own apartment in Russia, all her family there, ties to Russia, valid job and so on, she probably could get a business/pleasure visa to USA. This might work out better than the K-1 for many reasons. A student visa is another possibility; just enroll her in a cosmotology school. This training takes less than one year in Michigan. The cost is not that much. There would be a big advantage in that she would make friends right away and have something to do. Also, you would not need to worry about a 90 day decision.

You can still get married while she is here on any type of visa and apply for an immigrant visa. People do it all the time and you are not breaking the law since you did not decide to get married before she came here. Most likely, she would be allowed to stay in USA while the visa is processed.

If you hire an attorney, all the papers will get mailed there and the response time from the attorney will be additional to the typical times. Of course, an expert Attorney might avoid mistakes, so it depends upon your ability. A lineman's first mistake could be his last mistake! So, you are probably used to doing things right the first time.

An immigration Attorney does not need to be in your local area. You would probably not ever see him/her in person; everything is done by mail, email, phone, etc. An Attorney would probably not ever appear with you at a USCIS office or court. Some Attorney's would have a representative in Moscow who might help with the visa interview, but it still would all rest on the evidence, questions and answers.

Your girl should consider what her Father wanted. As a Resigtered Nurse, she would earn about three times as much as a Cosmotologist. You mentioned Midhigan. So it takes one year for a LPN and two years for a RN. You don't need a four year degree.

If she becomes a RN, she won't need anybody or any other reason to stay in USA because there is a large shortage of RNs and the visa is automatic. If she gets licenced in Michigan or any other state, the work visa is very easy to obtain.

So you have a lot more options than just doing a K-1.

[Wayne]

If either person has any kind of criminal record, it would effect the K-1 visa in kind. Remember, she will need a police report to bring to the visa interview stating no criminal record. Also, they both will be checked out with the F.B.I. as part of the process.
You can order a basic background check for a small fee.

[Daveman]

Something to consider Milz, is that this is her first marriage.  K-1's are cool and dandy and all that, but you might also consider giving her the gift of her special day with family/friends.  Getting married over there could possibly go a long way to build a major rapport with her family.  It would give ample time to get to know each other before and after the wedding, plus, you'll get to see her face just beaming with joy as she is fussed over by everyone as the Princess on her special day that's just for and all about her.  You'll enjoy the all day/night bash, the traditions of a Russian Wedding, the incessant cries of "Gorka!" AND everyone brings you money to boot!   


Seriously though... it's a little slower overall process but is well worth looking into. 

[Ade]

 
This is just me, but how he's doing it now is agreeing to marry a woman who's not only willing to deceive her parents regarding a lifelong decision, she likely already has deceived them in explaining away her trip to Turkey.
 
Then again, we all have the right to decide upon which sort of foundation our marriage is to be built.

Haven't read half of the replies yet but this I agree with wholeheartedly. After reading the first post to me wife she also agrees and was a little shocked that this woman is willing to keep this a secret from her parents until the day she leaves? This speaks volumes either of her character or her relationship with her parents.


Well, yeah, I read the rest and it did speak volumes didn't it. I think GOB probably got it right early on; there's a large potential for a OWW train wreck here. Not only is she from a dysfunctional family, she's too weak to stand up to them, she's also probably more than a little desperate to get away from a family like that, and our hero fell in love on a romantic holiday in Turkey and in addition her English isn't that great. Recipe for success? Probably not. Any sensible man would take this slow and easy.

[Wayne]

You could file for a K-1 and still get married in Russia. It would mean starting over with a CR-1.
A lot of women would like their first marriage to be a large one with family and friends, perhaps a church ceremony? It all depends on what your girl wants. To some people, getting married in church is very important. In Russia, you are actually married at ZAGS with the church ceremony afterwards. If you pay extra, ZAGS could have a special chapel like room you can rent. In that case, you can have guests, drinks, etc.
 
It is normal in Russia for a woman to live with her parents until she is married. Even divorced women with children might live with parents. Of course, at 32, she might be tired of being told what to do.
 
How much vacation time do you get?
 
Two best friends lived in Russia. One was a hairdresser, the other a RN. The hairdresser earned much more than the RN. Now, move these two women to the same state in USA. Get them both licensed. Say the hairdresser earns $20,000 per year. The RN earns $60,000 per year. This happened!
 
Of course, it depends because you don't need brains to be a hairdresser. However, the courses and training are not that much different. There is such a shortage of RNs in USA that many hospitals will pay for your education if you agree to work for them for a certain number of years.
 

[Doll]

 After reading the first post to me wife she also agrees and was a little shocked that this woman is willing to keep this a secret from her parents until the day she leaves? This speaks volumes either of her character or her relationship with her parents.

She fears her parents. She can stand for herself, but if they get to know about it now- they will be bugging her all the time. She just doesn't want their confrontation.
Did you read what her mother said? She wanted her daughter to marry somebody but this "somebody" can't be American.
The parents are very controlling, no wonder she doesn't want to tell them about it. We call it "I don't want extra headaches". They won't let her breath (figuratively)

[Milz713]

Thanks Doll,  I think you hit the nail right on the head!!!  The other 2 RW that I had met in Russia and abroad also did not want to tell there parents right away that they were speaking with and meeting with a American man because they did not want the mother hassling them about it so this one I felt had a legitimate claim.  I have always thought that the biggest enemy to American men is the Russian mother.  It seems to me that Russian mothers are very controlling over there daughters and do not like the idea of them moving far away which in part I think is they themselves have stuck it out in a horrible relationship and they feel there daughters can also to keep the familly unit close together.  I am sure this is not the norm but it is what I have seen thus far.  For example my first RW was 31 with a 5 year old child and lived with her parents,  they fought constantly and the father was a drunk.  The daughter tried to convince the mother to leave this man but she reufsed becuase she would rather be miserable than alone,  RW number 2,  father died when she was young and mother dedicated her life to the two children,  when girls husband killed himself the mother convinced her not to move away because she needed to stay close to her and her brother but now the RW is tired of living to make her mother happy and wants to move away.  Both women did not want to tell the parents because they wanted to make the decision and not give the parents a chance to harass them into changing there minds.  Yes my current RW did not tell her parents she was going to Turkey to meet with a American and they know nothing about me but she has now told me she will tell them 2 days before I arrive and we will go to meet them in person.  She does not want them to have a chance to think too much about it before I arrive to meet them and I understand.  For me my father thinks it is a great idea to find a Russian bride and my mother thinks I should settle for anyone and save the money))  As far as her trying to escape a dysfunctional familly I actually look as that as a positive thing.  She wont be as shocked to be that far away from her mother and father as she might be if they were very close.  Woman living on the edge of poverty looking for a way out?  Another positive thing because she really wants to go abroad to find a man and has nothing to lose to do it.  Now I know you will say she is willing to go with the first man that comes along but all of the evidence shows she is not.  There is no reason for her to pick me over anyone else becasue she is a lovely girl and I am not a rich man which I have made quite clear.  I have explaind my financial situation and we have discussed many times that the most important is to be happy.  She told me long ago that she does not look for a rich man because she feels a rich man has more opportunity to cheat,  she wants a honest trustworthy man with a good heart above all else.  If she were looking for a way out I think she could have found it very easily.  I also think if it were a way out she would still be edging her bets with her profile on the dating sites but it has been closed.  When I checked her profile on skype it showed she had about 5 skype contacts so for me to think she is talking to several men?  The evidence shows otherwise and when we were together in Turkey she had no problem letting me operate her computer to add our trip photos and skype opened up and I saw her contact list.  Yes I trust this woman because she has given me plenty of reasons to,  I do not feel she is trying to deceive me in any way and until I see some strange behaviour I have no reason not to trust her.  I sent her the money to purchase her ticket and I was a bit worried when I could not find any information about her flight but I also watched her pack her suitcase and I could see the excitement in her but I was nervous until I saw her walk through the gate and then I knew it had just become real.  I have discovered that either you understand it or you dont and there is no in between.  Now as far as being sensible which was stated earlier,  I think it depends upon who you ask because most people think that traveling the world in search of a bride has to be one of the most unsensible things a man could do.  We all know the sterotypes that are brought up as soon as you mention Russian bride. 


As far as a wedding is concerned my thoughts were to have a small Justice of the peace style wedding in the US and travel to Russia at a later time to have a Russian wedding for her familly and friends and take my son along because he has a real desire to travel to someplace in the world.  It depends on she wants of course.  This  coming year I will only have about 4.5 weeks of vacation and I know it is not enough to do many trips becasue I will also need time to spend with her at our new home to help her get acustomed to it.


One more thing about the speed in which I want this to take place,  yes I am a Linemen and I have a job where 1 mistake can cost you your life or the man next you's life,  we are carefull in our work because we want to come home to our famillies.  I often think about my own mortality and where I am in my life and how I got here.  I have always gone after what I wanted without any hesitation,  when I was young I wanted to be a Rockstar and spent many years traveling the country playing in dive clubs but it didnt quite work out,  I built my own house 10 years ago doing 90% of the work myself,  I built my own custom chopper,  vintage cars and toys, I have just about everything I want except 1 thing,  this 1 thing eludes me and without it everything else in my life loses its luster and I wonder what is the point?  The time is now to go after that which has been so hard to capture,  I am speaking of true happiness and maybe I will get it and maybe I wont but if I dont give it a try I will never know.  Someone refered to me as our Hero who has fallen in love,  well I am not a hero and I have not fallen in love,  I love this woman as a friend and as a human being and even I am not so naive to think that you can fall in love in 1 meeting or talking in skype but,  the foundation is there,  the possiblility is there,  the chemistry is there,  true love needs to be built and will grow stronger.  Maybe I am wrong but man o man maybe I am right..... 

[Ranetka]

You lady looks lovely.


If I were you I'd deleted this picture. People are different and she might get upset that you discussed her family with a bunch of strangers. If she comes across this.

[Daveman]

ah HA! look at that photo.. they didn't go to Turkey.. they went to China! 

[Milz713]

You lady looks lovely.


If I were you I'd deleted this picture. People are different and she might get upset that you discussed her family with a bunch of strangers. If she comes across this.

Good point,  I thought everyone wanted to share there deepest secrets on the internet??

[Vaughn]

Milz, she is very beautiful. Please accept my apology for, earlier in this thread, suggesting yours was a relationship beginning to build on deception. I had to examine my conscience on that after reading further - having based my thoughts on assumption.
 
My wife was from an intact loving family (without her father, he had already passed away) yet I immediately became aware that such families, though not rare, were also not commonplace. If anyone was to be kept in the dark, it was the former husband, practically right up until zero hour departure. The reluctance to include him was entirely because he would lose much face time with his young daughter, although he was scarce in presence until our plans became a reality.
 
I am happy you've decided to meet the parents - as I said, you might be surprised that they will be very happy for her and you, rather than fighting against what is ultimately out of their control. Good for you for taking a shot at this.
 
I wish you both the very best, much love and success.

[Milz713]

Thank you Vaughn,  it means a lot to me for some reason to have the blessing of this board,  maybe because most people do not understand why anyone would go to such lengths to find a wife?  Maybe I need to know that my thought process was correct?  I really didnt want to type out a few chapters of our relationship to explain it but without the full picture it is hard to really know what is going on and why..

[JayH]

Milz-- trust your heart.It is clear you are a sensible ,competent guy-- sometimes trying to be logical about everything can stand in the way of your own best interests! I like the sound of her.
    A small side issue-re telling parents-- a friend of mine was called a prostitute by her mother because her association with me ( which only came to light because of toys I had bought for her 3 yo daughter and had to be explained).Needless to say-- it was and is a very difficult situation to deal with and in retrospect it would have been much better to have avoided that conversation.