Affect of a child on RW dating chances?

[EvilElvis]

Gday all,

Having corresponded recently with a woman who is with child, but who I consider to be a stunningly beautiful woman, how much does having a child from a previous relationship really affect her chances of finding a man in Ukraine/Russia?

It is a question I ask as at my age (36), I have to weigh the pro's and con's of being with a woman without kids (who will almost certainly want them in the future), or being with a woman who has a child already and blending our families (I already have kids).

I guess the above statement also opens up another question, how important would it be for a RW to have children with a new partner regardless of previous children or not?

[Gator]

....how much does having a child from a previous relationship really affect her chances of finding a man in Ukraine/Russia?

It reduces her chances, yet I know many RW with children who had no trouble finding serious RM.  A quality woman is a quality woman, with or without a child.   Self-absorbed RM (RW refer to them as "egotistical") will not want another man's child.

... how important would it be for a RW to have children with a new partner regardless of previous children or not?

IMO very important.  Having a common child suggests that her primary motivation is a loving family.   What ages are the children (yours and hers)?
 
Good luck!

[jone]

Good Post Gator

+1

[EvilElvis]

It reduces her chances, yet I know many RW with children who had no trouble finding serious RM.  A quality woman is a quality woman, with or without a child.   Self-absorbed RM (RW refer to them as "egotistical") will not want another man's child.

 
IMO very important.  Having a common child suggests that her primary motivation is a loving family.   What ages are the children (yours and hers)?
 
Good luck!

Thanks Gator, you've pretty well generalised my feelings there as well.

 It just seems to be bandied around certain circles, along with the all RM's are drunks, abusers etc etc... that  single women with children are on the scrap heap so to speak.

Her child is 8 and mine are between 4 and 11, three in all.  Obviously I'm looking at a fair brood if another child and a common child are added to the mix.

I'm still in a prime child rearing age, as well as the women I look at (28 - 36 years old) so its a bit of a tightrope to walk with a potential partner. Only other option is to holster the weapon for a decade until I'm out of the zone haha.

[Belvis]

Having corresponded recently with a woman who is with child, but who I consider to be a stunningly beautiful woman, how much does having a child from a previous relationship really affect her chances of finding a man in Ukraine/Russia?

Beatiful woman always has options whether with a child or not.  In younger years I started to date  a beatiful divorced woman with a daughter. The women has a lover who refused to accept her daughter. When he found out about me he immediately has changed his mind and made her a proposal. Well, I lost that case

[Turboguy]

I guess the above statement also opens up another question, how important would it be for a RW to have children with a new partner regardless of previous children or not?

Most of the RW I have seen who had kids already were content to not have more unless it was important to her husband. 

[Eduard]

Most of the RW I have seen who had kids already were content to not have more unless it was important to her husband.

Going through hubdreds of ads daily I see about 1:10 ratio of women under 35 yo who have a child and want more to women who have a child and don't want any more.

[GQBlues]

Beatiful woman always has options whether with a child or not....

Halle Berry: Yup
Jenny McCarthy: Hhhmmm Maybe
Pamela Anderson: Hell, no!
 
To the OP, just my coin as your kids are fairly young - but is searching for a strange woman who hail from a faraway land and of different language and culture as you really the ONLY option in life you have to find an extension of your personal happiness? Is it really worth yours and your kid's lives and measure to take this chance?

[Gator]

EvilElvis,
 
I assume you have joint custody of your children and will have them 50% of the time.  It is difficult to blend children, and it becomes even more difficult with language and cultural barriers.  Some RW will not consider your children as equal to hers, or feel that you will place your children above hers. 
 
Know your woman.   It is important that you learn how she feels about your children.   Consider the personalities of all three children too. 

[Eduard]

EvilElvis,
 
I assume you have joint custody of your children and will have them 50% of the time.  It is difficult to blend children, and it becomes even more difficult with language and cultural barriers.  Some RW will not consider your children as equal to hers, or feel that you will place your children above hers. 
 
Know your woman.   It is important that you learn how she feels about your children.   Consider the personalities of all three children too.

I would listen to Gator's advice. Really do know your woman before making the commitment. Take your time, remove the language barrier, I mean really do get to know her...

[ECOCKS]

Gday all,

Having corresponded recently with a woman who is with child, but who I consider to be a stunningly beautiful woman, how much does having a child from a previous relationship really affect her chances of finding a man in Ukraine/Russia?

It is a question I ask as at my age (36), I have to weigh the pro's and con's of being with a woman without kids (who will almost certainly want them in the future), or being with a woman who has a child already and blending our families (I already have kids).

I guess the above statement also opens up another question, how important would it be for a RW to have children with a new partner regardless of previous children or not?

Who cares and why?


I mean wouldn't she be leaving and moving to her new hisband's country?


So, isn't it only important what YOU think?


Why would the opinon of nameless FSU citizens or society, much less some faceless folks on a forum, make any difference to you?


I'd be a heck of a lot more focused on whether she meets the tests of going through the checklist of the Commandments and common sense.

[Lily]

Having corresponded recently with a woman who is with child, but who I consider to be a stunningly beautiful woman, how much does having a child from a previous relationship really affect her chances of finding a man in Ukraine/Russia?
 

A woman that appears stunningly beautiful to you would, in my opinion, be perceived as probably above average by the FSU men. The beauty bar is higher there than here.
As a RW I would say yes, having a child from the previous relationships negatively affects her chances of finding a man in the FSU. At the same time, I concur with Eduard in the sense that being attractive increases her chances anyway. Nevertheless, the FSU men who are eligible and desirable know their options in women, and tend to disqualify women who have children with someone else. Unless, of course, the man is in love.

[Woodie]

Hi there!
I am russian wife who had 2 kids on her own (boys 6 and 4 now) and my husband had a boy 8y.o. now (he lives with us all the time, just wisits his mom on school holidays).
We met through the internet 3 years ago. I would be ok not to have more kids if my husband didn't want to. We discuss this topic thoroughly before mariage. It was also very important for me if he was willing to adopt my kids. (This may not be the option for everybody - it depend on their biological father as well.) He did wanted more children, he adopted mine, now our youngest boy is almost 8 month old.
You should ask all those questions your woman. It is not the topic you sould guess. We discussed that on skype before his first visit to me.
And also if I had no kids on my own I would prefer man without children. All your world changes after you have kids. I also know some girls (without kids) who couldn't understand why boyfriend wanted to bring his children on a holiday with them.
Also I wanted to move to Canada, but first priority for me was to find right man so he can a good father to my children. Because I do not want they experiensed divorce again. I want them to be happy.
Every woman is different, that was my opinion.

[Vaughn]

Having gone through the sometimes-difficult experience of blending children through marriage, it is paramount that the new wife and husband are in accord on parenting styles and issues involving fairness. Favoritism, or their perception of it, can lead to strife, and doubtless it will surface on occasion.
 
Our three daughters were 12, 14, and 16 when the middle RG was first introduced to her American stepsisters. Those can be difficult years to manage in any situation, but the mixing only added more challenge. Bottom line: committed parental teamwork will not only bolster the marriage, but serve as a guiding light for the children as well.

[Eduard]

Hi there!
I am russian wife who had 2 kids on her own (boys 6 and 4 now) and my husband had a boy 8y.o. now (he lives with us all the time, just wisits his mom on school holidays).
We met through the internet 3 years ago. I would be ok not to have more kids if my husband didn't want to. We discuss this topic thoroughly before mariage. It was also very important for me if he was willing to adopt my kids. (This may not be the option for everybody - it depend on their biological father as well.) He did wanted more children, he adopted mine, now our youngest boy is almost 8 month old.
You should ask all those questions your woman. It is not the topic you sould guess. We discussed that on skype before his first visit to me.
And also if I had no kids on my own I would prefer man without children. All your world changes after you have kids. I also know some girls (without kids) who couldn't understand why boyfriend wanted to bring his children on a holiday with them.
Also I wanted to move to Canada, but first priority for me was to find right man so he can a good father to my children. Because I do not want they experiensed divorce again. I want them to be happy.
Every woman is different, that was my opinion.

Miss Woodie makes a couple of very valuable points. Men who state that they would prefer to find a woman with no kids are often frowned upon on these fora. Meanwhile there are plenty of FSU women who would also prefer to find a man with no kids. Some even put in their personals ads that men  with children or ex wives need not apply.


She is also right about kids changing your life. No longer it's about you, your children become your life and it's all about them once you have them.
Having kids is not for a selfish person who is set in his/her ways and if changing your plans or your lifestyle to accommodate your child's needs going to upset or bother you, you should carefull consider whether having a child is the right thing for you.


I would say that men in their late 40s and up who have never been married and don't have kids should pay careful attention to this post. Many of them are very set in their ways and tend to be quite selfish. They are used to their freedom and are not used to any one cramping their style. Having a child will upset the equilibrium they have achieved by living alone for many years. I'm not saying that they shouldn't do it, but they should go into it being fully aware that they will have to give, give and give again, that their life is going to change drastically and that the child will be priority 1 in their woman's life and really should be priority 1 in their life too. They will have to sacrifice a lot!
A number of men will find it a lot easier to make these sacrifices for their own child, not as easy if a child is not theirs - something to consider if you are considering marriage to a woman with a child.

[Faux Pas]

These questions arise from time to time and I am always a bit perplexed as to why. I understand a man having his criteria and preferences when starting to search but, I do not really understand how the question of children come up even before finding or meeting the woman? Maybe it is just my preference but it would seem to me for anyone searching in the FSU to find the interesting woman and work from there.

Attempting to answer the "to have or not have children" question on your own before a woman even comes in your sights, really borders on creepy.

Several years ago on another forum there was this one guy asking all sorts of advice in finding a woman with two children of specific ages and sexes. The creepy meter was off the charts. He explained it away as looking for playmates for his existing children that lived with his ex. Needless to say that guy and his children has some issues. Sounded very creepy in that he was seeking children rather than a woman.

EE, I am not implying any of this pertains to you but I would advise you to answer the question on your own and in your own mind if you are willing to accept a woman with children/child. If not, do not even communicate with women who have them. If so, your choices just multiplied.

Early in your search that is the only thing you really need to know is if "you' are or are not willing to accept ladies with children. They generally come as a package deal with the child having little choice. After you have met prospective mates do serious conversations about whether more children, no children, whatever, need to be addressed. Find the lady with the knowledge of what you are willing to accept. FWIW

[ML]

Only other option is to holster the weapon for a decade until I'm out of the zone haha.

Don't count on it.  Some of us (unfortunates) won't hit that point until into the  80s or so, or beyond.

[EvilElvis]

Thanks all for your thoughts.

Lily and Mrs Woodie, thanks for your replies, they are appreciated. A womans perspective is certainly nice to have. 

To the OP, just my coin as your kids are fairly young - but is searching for a strange woman who hail from a faraway land and of different language and culture as you really the ONLY option in life you have to find an extension of your personal happiness? Is it really worth yours and your kid's lives and measure to take this chance?

I can appreciate what your saying GQ. I actually do have plenty of options, I have had experience with an 'international' relationship previously and I don't take chances with my kids. The kids are not the issue, the right woman is! 

Who cares and why?


I mean wouldn't she be leaving and moving to her new hisband's country?


So, isn't it only important what YOU think?


Why would the opinon of nameless FSU citizens or society, much less some faceless folks on a forum, make any difference to you?


I'd be a heck of a lot more focused on whether she meets the tests of going through the checklist of the Commandments and common sense.

Just throwing the question out there ECOCKS. It's just one of the multitude of things to consider and it is interesting to read peoples opinions and theories. I won't be basing any major decisions on a lot of the info here but it is nice to see other perspectives.

These questions arise from time to time and I am always a bit perplexed as to why. I understand a man having his criteria and preferences when starting to search but, I do not really understand how the question of children come up even before finding or meeting the woman? Maybe it is just my preference but it would seem to me for anyone searching in the FSU to find the interesting woman and work from there.

Several years ago on another forum there was this one guy asking all sorts of advice in finding a woman with two children of specific ages and sexes. The creepy meter was off the charts. He explained it away as looking for playmates for his existing children that lived with his ex. Needless to say that guy and his children has some issues. Sounded very creepy in that he was seeking children rather than a woman.

EE, I am not implying any of this pertains to you but I would advise you to answer the question on your own and in your own mind if you are willing to accept a woman with children/child. If not, do not even communicate with women who have them. If so, your choices just multiplied.

Early in your search that is the only thing you really need to know is if "you' are or are not willing to accept ladies with children. They generally come as a package deal with the child having little choice. After you have met prospective mates do serious conversations about whether more children, no children, whatever, need to be addressed. Find the lady with the knowledge of what you are willing to accept. FWIW

Faux Pas, I obviously have children myself and they are the first thing on my mind in most things in my life. The original questions were aimed more at the womens opinions. I know what I am willing to accept, I was just looking at other perspectives. I think it is such a major thing though that finding the right woman and then either party dropping the 'by the way I have kids' bomb, may mean that Mrs Right is not right at all.

[southernX]

elvis

i think the key point you need to consider is how many fsu women would consider taking on a man with 3 younger children already ??

the ratio of yours to hers is balanced the wrong way [ 3-1 ] imho elvis

what lovely woman even with a child of her own would wish to become an instant mum to 3 others that are not hers ?? especially in a foreign country with all the other elements of life changing stuff going on that she will have to bear the brunt off ?
answer = only a very special women  , who you would need to be totally in sinc with you &your life aspirations/expectations  and parenting styles  long before you get committed to each other

its very big ask imho    full of major pitfalls waiting to engulf you both , no matter the best of intentions from you both

changing life /countrys is a big thing , you will have all sorts of cross complications

she will have to adjust to a new life , culture ,language family, work , driving etc etc
a new husband &new relationship , [this will only happen once you live together 24/7, regardless of how much you love each other ]
a much bigger family to organise /manage ,
her own childs adjustment needs,language / schooling etc
your expectations that she love your kids as equals
her expectations that you love her kids as equals
how your kids relate to and accept each other
children rivalry & normal day to day houselhold dramas between siblings in the one house
how much time do your kids spend with you ?fulltime ?partime ?weekends only etc
can she drive ??
do you live in a city in australia or a regional area ?
do you live close to schools, shops , public transport ?
can you be home a lot of the time ?
how flexible is your work ?
as you will need to spend alot of time in the first 1-3 years being available to your new wife , especially if she is under such a load of responsibilitys


this is the tip of the iceberg for you both , it would be exhausting energy wise , for both of you possibly

then you have to ask how much influence /contact does your ex wife have in your life, & household ??
not many fsu mums will tolerate much contact with an ex wife , etc etc or wish to take on such a workload imho

it is a pretty long heavy train you both would be pulling , over time i think it would be a train wreck if you havent made the right choice in a very special lady

having 4 kids myself, i married  a lady with one child, however my children where all over age 16 & 3 of them didnt live with me only the youngest   when we met , so she never felt like she was becoming an instant mum to mine ,

i honestly dont think our marriage would have survived  if we had of had the load you would be taking on together ,

given our experience i think you would need to be very open and honest with any potential suitor , talk through the whole scenario, visit them often , have them visit you for at least 3 months if possible , live your life with your entire family entourage   lol

then see how it feels to go further  as there are a lot of peoples emotions involved and lots of work ahead of you if you are serious

with your kids being so young i honestly think given our experience it is a high expectation to achieve elvis

SX

[EvilElvis]

Thanks for a comprehensive reply southernx.

I am acutely aware of my situation mate and am in no rush here. I agree, my situation requires me to have a fair few more ducks in a row than most other people, but it's the only situation I have so I can only do my best to find the right woman like anyone else here.

I am honest in my dealings with everyone about my life (at home and abroad) so no one will get any surprises from me. Its a given that my situation limits the pool of interested women, whether it is in Australia or elsewhere.

If I am doomed to failure, so be it, I'm going to have a good time having a crack anyway! 

Appreciate the comment sx.

[southernX]

elvis 

not saying you are doomed to failure , but it is a big ask for any woman , as you probably already know there  arnt too many women who want to take on another ladys children , especially if there between the ages of 4-11 some of the most difficult child rearing years even with your own blood kids,

im sure it can be done and the right woman , might relish it , but it wont be easy , and i just thought id be abit provoking in the pitfalls you will encounter , be a bit more realistic , sorry if it was more negative mate,
given our experience and my wife is alovely soft natured child loving woman , but i dont think she would have coped with such a load on top of the culture shock ,etc, of her move with her child, its an enormously stressfull thing for the average person , and for the wanna be husband , no matter how much you love each other

however im sure if you are serious , and you know yourself and family well  make a flexible plan , &start looking , ??  see what you can find , as you say if you put it out there in your profile , you will only get responses from women , who know the score and are willing to consider it

you didnt say how much time the kids spend with you elvis ?  or did i miss it ?

do you share custody ??
how well do you get on with their mum ??
are they all healthy ??  no problems with them to complicate it ?

boys or girls elvis ?? girls might be more attractive to a lady ?possibly ? jmo

when you put it out there , what has been the response  rate so far ??

SX

[cc3]

Miss Woodie makes a couple of very valuable points. Men who state that they would prefer to find a woman with no kids are often frowned upon on these fora. Meanwhile there are plenty of FSU women who would also prefer to find a man with no kids. Some even put in their personals ads that men  with children or ex wives need not apply.


She is also right about kids changing your life. No longer it's about you, your children become your life and it's all about them once you have them.
Having kids is not for a selfish person who is set in his/her ways and if changing your plans or your lifestyle to accommodate your child's needs going to upset or bother you, you should carefull consider whether having a child is the right thing for you.


I would say that men in their late 40s and up who have never been married and don't have kids should pay careful attention to this post. Many of them are very set in their ways and tend to be quite selfish. They are used to their freedom and are not used to any one cramping their style. Having a child will upset the equilibrium they have achieved by living alone for many years. I'm not saying that they shouldn't do it, but they should go into it being fully aware that they will have to give, give and give again, that their life is going to change drastically and that the child will be priority 1 in their woman's life and really should be priority 1 in their life too. They will have to sacrifice a lot!
A number of men will find it a lot easier to make these sacrifices for their own child, not as easy if a child is not theirs - something to consider if you are considering marriage to a woman with a child.

+1

[EvilElvis]

Your fine with your comments southernx, I didn't take anything negatively, I'm a realist so I know whats ahead of me. 

I'll answer your questions briefly as I am a little loath to spruik to much of my life on an open forum, all boys, all healthy, no problems personality wise, shared custody (I have them about a third of the time I guess), relationship ok with ex (to the point that she would be reasonably helpful in certain circumstances), good local family support as well.

As far as response rates, at a guess (and yes 3 children are listed on my profile), I probably get about 25% interest from my 'advances' (for choice of a better word), of which I push again within the first couple of letters to make sure they understand my position, I am probably down to 5% by this stage I reckon. I do target a specific age group amongst other things so I think I am going ok, if it was an open slather approach the numbers would be a lot lower. Most interest seems to be from older women, my age plus/minus a few years, that have never been married/childless, followed by young mums at the lower end and just under my preferred age range. I have probably five women I am in regular contact with at the moment which going on feel at this stage maybe 2 or 3 would be genuine. Hard to gauge without a meeting of course, it could be zero.

The major concern is if I do find a woman, she will soon learn that the kids and lifestyle aren't a problem, but her clown of a husband is a bigger child than all of them put together... 

What is the record for sending your own thread of topic anyway?

The common theme is though, finding the 'right' woman, I've got great kids already just searching for the missing link in my life.

[Gator]

EvilElvis,
You seem to know the issues as they apply to your situation, and you know what questions to ask.  Thus, I believe you will do well.   Do not expect, however, that this will unfold quilckly.

[Wayne]

EE, if your three boys live mostly with their Mother, chances are you are paying half of your salary for child support. If you add a new wife and child, can you really aford it? Don't expect your new wife to find a job right away.
 
Of course, there are exceptions. I knew a AM years ago who had 10 children. His wife died. He married another woman who did an excellent job at raising his children with him. He was a school principal. Their kids were all very well behaved and adjusted.
 
Remember, most UW/RW have only one or two children. Not many families have 4 or 5. Although, I know a Ukrainian family in USA that has 11 children!
 
You are looking for the exception in a new wife. Of course, by the time you find the right woman for you your children could be adults.