What is an MOB'er?

[Ranetka]

and, you would know that how exactly? 
If the majority were exactly like me, you Russian ladies would be in an orgasmic emotional state 24/7.. guaranteed.

Ranetka, I'm sorry you had to go through something painful for you.  If you admire GQ, that's fine and dandy.  The way he describes his wife and marriage is admirable.  His situation (or mine, or...) is simply not all that different than many who have gone before or after.   

Well like most of people here since most of us have not met others in real life I make my judgement based 100% on what people write.


When I read something I consider outstanding (good or bad) or rather sad but typical I tend to remember that. Where written word is concerned I have a memory suitable for a large pack of elephants.


My assumption about you may well change with time. So far there's no reason for that.

[Daveman]

My assumption about you may well change with time. So far there's no reason for that.

 

Don't put yourself out. 

[Misha]

WOW!!! Congratulations Misha. I do mean that sincerely! May she come into this world happy and peaceful...

*Alexandra* is taken just so you know...

Thank you!

[Ranetka]

Don't put yourself out.

Eh? Is it American English? Only speak English English sorry  (insert your own smile here, I do not have this one)

[Misha]

Congrats.


Just wait, nothing can prepare you for it no matter how much you read and think you know.


Now, off to clean a butt (again) before bed.


Oh, and check out this; http://www.4moms.com/mamaroo It's just the coolest swing/bouncer thing there is.

Thanks. That is pretty cool! I am just trying to get as much done at work before May and then will be able to go a few months without much sleep

[Ranetka]

If the majority were exactly like me, you Russian ladies would be in an orgasmic  state 24/7.. guaranteed.  There would be no need for RW fora, or complaining.. (imagine that.. an RW with zero complaints).. yes, it would seem as if you had been touch by the Hand of God himself... only slightly exaggerated...

You need to compare notes with ML. When you done let me know who is holding the current record.


Чмоки.

[CanadaMan]

Reality can't be cynical.

True. Did I ever say it was?

I said GQ is cynical.

[Daveman]

The old timers try to debunk, sometimes unsuccessfully. 

The point you raise Dave is extremely valid. No arguing that.

However, my comment was along the lines of the MOBer zeroing on the 'traditional' RW who will make home cozy and cook tasty dishes. The potential tinderbox being that the RW would like to spread her wings, as in going back to school or getting a job, and the MOBer felling betrayed by her taking advantage of his 'sacrifice.'

Fair enough.  Yes, we do tend to read/hear about such "zeroings" often.  The tinderbox tends to (generally) weed those out mostly before arriving at the point of marriage though, doesn't it? 

And yes, there have been a number of crash and burn "betrayals", many ash remnants remaining alive and well in the archives here. 

There are also many who get married, *seem* happy and vanish - the forum having served it's purpose.  A multitude more than those of us who hang around with the intent of assisting others.  Perhaps I am an ostrich with ample sand nearby, but I refuse to believe, yet anyway, that there is only a handful of truly decent men in a sea of MOB crap.

I do admit there have been many an idiot who have passed through (or in the process of passing through) these not so hallowed halls... and people like to argue about virtually any topic on an anonymous forum.

Before my wife came here she said she wanted to have a child and be a stay-at-home mom (until school age) before going back to work. We discussed this clearly and I told her that as long as the finances held, I wouldn't mind at all. When she got here she wanted to do some work while we 'practiced' of the procreation thingy. I asked her if she wanted to go to school instead and try to get her license. She had her plans and I knew it was best for her to do things at her own pace.

It was not easy but in the end it worked great for us. I'm about to retire and she is starting her career. Some of our friends asked if we planned it this way. Looking back, it does seem like we did but it just a big coincidence.

*Very cool*, Muzh.  A classic example of a *family* functioning together.  And... Isn't that the point of all of this?  Man, I want to believe it is - for the majority.



 

[Boethius]

True. Did I ever say it was?

I said GQ is cynical.

A cynic generally believes human nature is not motivated by good.  That's not what GQ posted.  As I linked, he responded to particular "themes" on the forum.  He may be guilty of over generalization, however, I don't think that equates to cynicism. 

[Daveman]

You need to compare notes with ML. When you done let me know who is holding the current record.


Чмоки.

Okay, try elation if you find "orgasmic" distasteful..

Eh? Is it American English? Only speak English English sorry  (insert your own smile here, I do not have this one)

Translation.. Don't overly exert yourself in an effort to amend your opinion.   

[GQBlues]

...
I do apologize for discussing a member but the whole thread seems to be about it .

I do would like to acknowledge the kind words said in this thread about my marriage...Ranetka, pitbull, Boethius. That means a heck of a lot more coming from the ladies themselves. So, thank you....
 
But I do want to reiterate, the credit goes not to me but solely to my wife. Nothing I have done in my marriage with her would've amount to anything was it not for her steadiness to stay the course of what we/she needed to do. There were trying times for her and I'm just elated I was around her life when she crossed many of these difficult times.
 
The toughest part I think from my vantage point is what Ranetka mentioned. We did had to commit to the notion *our* family life will need to come in at a delayed time. Luckily for both of us, we've recently arrived to that destination unscathed and raring to move forward accordingly.
 
The age disparity bothered me quite a bit. I remember groovlst asking me straight-up on one of those silly age threads, how, from my perspective do I handle this part of my relationship. I always had a great vision what I would like to do even before she arrived. When she did and we started moving forward, it seemed more obvious to me that wish was resonating even more louder with each passing day. I dare to say, and proud to declare, wifey is gifted as a person and reeks with untapped talent to make something of herself, for herself. I really wanted nothing more in my life to see my wife grow as a person not just as a wife, but a well-rounded, independent, fulfilled individual. She is that today.
 
We still have challenges and are still on course with our lives' aspirations. Much to do, much to share and so much of life to live for. It feels incredibly good when *love* is deeply rooted for all the right reasons.
 
 As for all the other trivial stuff, i.e. domestic chores..c'mon now. I would be doing those things even if I wasn't married. The only differnce when I got married was getting used to ironing some of wifey's delicate shirts. Not sure what the point is for having so much intricate pleats and folds in places they aren't necessary to be in.
 
My wife once told me that when she would stumble upon a tough phase during her studying years, she would always tell herself that whatever it is she faces it most definitely can't be anything compared to what I had to go through during my acclimation years. It's also so, so good to be each other's source of inspiration to top it all off. Maybe the fact I had gone through what my wife faced, far less accomodating that she has relatively, was a blessing for both of us.
 
These times are behind us now. My wife's life and future, and all those close to her in her life,  including me, is both bright and promising - and all credit belongs to her. I just merely occupied her heart and thoughts during that voyage...

[Daveman]

A cynic generally believes human nature is not motivated by good.  That's not what GQ posted.  As I linked, he responded to particular "themes" on the forum.  He may be guilty of over generalization, however, I don't think that equates to cynicism.

Nor do I. GQ's list was/is fine. 

[CanadaMan]

Thank you. The ultrasound technician told us it is likely to be a girl. We are both very happy and are now painting our second bedroom to make a nursery

Congrats Misha!  All the best.

[Daveman]

It sounds like you did what many do and I doubt it was a coincidence. 
All the members that I chat with offline, none of them has an idea that they are marrying a woman that will be kept home and baking cookies.  Some that are planning to have children do want the mother to stay home in the childs early years.  That is a traditional custom when the finances allows it.

Where does this propoganda come from that the average AM wants a FSUW to stay at home scrubbing floors.  I have seen none of this with our forum members.

This is sort of the point. 

I have yet to meet anyone off line, except for JR, oh yeah, and my wife met Mobob, his lovely wife, and the late dbneeley's wife when mobob was in the Donetsk area a while back. She had nothing but glowing commentary about them all as well. 

No one that I know, online anyway, has expected either their wives to stay at home and scrub floors OR go out into the world to slave at some menial job.   

[CanadaMan]

A cynic generally believes human nature is not motivated by good.  That's not what GQ posted.  As I linked, he responded to particular "themes" on the forum.  He may be guilty of over generalization, however, I don't think that equates to cynicism.

I stated in my last post that I wasn't referring to GQ as being a cynic in general.

I was referring to GQ, as being cynical about the entire MOB process.

There is no one narrow definition of being cynical.

- believing human nature is not motivated by good is one.
- having a rooted distrust or dislike of human beings and their society is another (misanthrope).
- looking on the dark side of things, believing that the worst will happen (pessimistic)

The third definition is the one that comes closest to what I had in mind and once again, pertaining to the MOB business, not to life in general.

BO, you don't have to speak on GQ's behalf. Just ask him if he is not indeed cynical about the entire MOB business.

It's really quite simple.

[Boethius]

It's not about staying home and scrubbing floors.  But very, very few immigrants get off a plane and get a job in their desired field.  They need to be retrained.  That takes time, re-education, money, and a lot of non financial spousal support.  The question to ask is not how many spouses are working, but rather, how many are working at jobs comparable to those they left behind.  If they were students, has the spouse encouraged, even pushed them, back to study? 

Incidentally, part of dbneely's decision to stay in Ukraine was that his wife was a physician, head of a department, IIRC, and he said she would not be able to retrain and obtain a similar position on a US relocation.
 
CM, GQ is reading this thread, and I am not speaking on his behalf.

[Daveman]

Ranetka, this is spot on!  Couldn't have said it better! You've described the difference between a real man and an average MOB-er really well. Unfortunately, MOB-ers are just not equipped to understand

Some of us must be extremely fortunate to somehow have overcome those odds.  I just can't understand how... never mind.. I'm not equipped .. I'll take it on faith! 

[pitbull]

Some of us must be extremely fortunate to somehow have overcome those odds.  I just can't understand how... never mind.. I'm not equipped .. I'll take it on faith! 

I think you are a very promising case, Daveman! Somehow I don,t see you as a MOBer. However u never did what u promised me and now i seem to be stuck with getting my RWD fix almost every day!

[calmissile]

I think you are a very promising case, Daveman! Somehow I don,t see you as a MOBer. However u never did what u promised me and now i seem to be stuck with getting my RWD fix almost every day!

Daveman, please fulfill your promise to Pitbull.

[Daveman]

It's not about staying home and scrubbing floors.  But very, very few immigrants get off a plane and get a job in their desired field.  They need to be retrained.  That takes time, re-education, money, and a lot of non financial spousal support.  The question to ask is not how many spouses are working, but rather, how many are working at jobs comparable to those they left behind. 

Aside from my wife and one other, I didn't meet anyone who actually WAS working in her chosen field or her field of education.  Certainly there are many who do have a chosen professional career in the FSU, but mostly prior to each meeting, I communicated with many who were educated in a specific area of expertise yet working at some other job - often menial or atleast far below their education level.

If they were students, has the spouse encouraged, even pushed them, back to study? 

Encouraged -yes, persistent encouragement - yes, push - absolutely not... pushing often has the exact opposite effect.  Plus she's quite capable of determining her own comfort level and pace.

Student age was well off my radar.  But, still the question remains, and I'll just ask it outright...

Which of us here would NOT do anything you could to assist your spouse in achieving her goals? education?  Using your network contacts to get her a job or her foot in the door? Wait for her to come home from a 10 hour days and toss a newspaper in her face?

Incidentally, part of dbneely's decision to stay in Ukraine was that his wife was a physician, head of a department, IIRC, and he said she would not be able to retrain and obtain a similar position on a US relocation.

My wife is currently in Ukraine and has been for 3.5 weeks.  She had the opportunity to go for a contract which would have greatly upped her career status (excellent pay for Ukraine, but, more for her personal growth than anything else).  They didn't get it. So she'll be back Monday night.  If the company had been granted the contract (which may still happen, though who knows?) we would have relocated to Ukraine for two years or more.  I can write code from anywhere, and I am mostly comfortable in the environment - so not much stress or sacrifice for me, actually. In fact, I would have enjoyed it.

It still may come to fruition near summer. 

but yet.. that's part and parcel of the brown nosing MOB'er isn't it?   



Also. Jone doesn't mind relocating - silly hiney kisser.

Some of this really cracks me up.
 
...

[Daveman]

I think you are a very promising case, Daveman! Somehow I don,t see you as a MOBer. However u never did what u promised me and now i seem to be stuck with getting my RWD fix almost every day!

HAHAHA!!!  Excellent! Actually, I stated flatly that I would NOT do that which you now accuse me of not doing!

Besides, take it as encouragement, prodding, or pushing for your personal growth in learning to deal with the complexity and adversity of this Asylum... you'll be angry at me, but I really have your best interest at heart...     

[GQBlues]

I stated in my last post that I wasn't referring to GQ as being a cynic in general.

I was referring to GQ, as being cynical about the entire MOB process.

There is no one narrow definition of being cynical.

- believing human nature is not motivated by good is one.
- having a rooted distrust or dislike of human beings and their society is another (misanthrope).
- looking on the dark side of things, believing that the worst will happen (pessimistic)

The third definition is the one that comes closest to what I had in mind and once again, pertaining to the MOB business, not to life in general.

BO, you don't have to speak on GQ's behalf. Just ask him if he is not indeed cynical about the entire MOB business.

It's really quite simple.

Apparently this is proving far too complex for you...chrissakes, you've been hounding the same 'cynical' theme for pages now and thugging at Boethius' skirt line like a little child asking for a silly lollipop.
 
If you're stuck on 1st gear and the only thing you can gather from the topic course (original response to Daveman's query) is *cynism* then by good lawrd you need more than just a lillipop.

[Daveman]

I do would like to acknowledge the kind words said in this thread about my marriage...Ranetka, pitbull, Boethius. That means a heck of a lot more coming from the ladies themselves. So, thank you....
 
But I do want to reiterate, the credit goes not to me but solely to my wife. Nothing I have done in my marriage with her would've amount to anything was it not for her steadiness to stay the course of what we/she needed to do. There were trying times for her and I'm just elated I was around her life when she crossed many of these difficult times.
 
The toughest part I think from my vantage point is what Ranetka mentioned. We did had to commit to the notion *our* family life will need to come in at a delayed time. Luckily for both of us, we've recently arrived to that destination unscathed and raring to move forward accordingly.
 
The age disparity bothered me quite a bit. I remember groovlst asking me straight-up on one of those silly age threads, how, from my perspective do I handle this part of my relationship. I always had a great vision what I would like to do even before she arrived. When she did and we started moving forward, it seemed more obvious to me that wish was resonating even more louder with each passing day. I dare to say, and proud to declare, wifey is gifted as a person and reeks with untapped talent to make something of herself, for herself. I really wanted nothing more in my life to see my wife grow as a person not just as a wife, but a well-rounded, independent, fulfilled individual. She is that today.
 
We still have challenges and are still on course with our lives' aspirations. Much to do, much to share and so much of life to live for. It feels incredibly good when *love* is deeply rooted for all the right reasons.
 
 As for all the other trivial stuff, i.e. domestic chores..c'mon now. I would be doing those things even if I wasn't married. The only differnce when I got married was getting used to ironing some of wifey's delicate shirts. Not sure what the point is for having so much intricate pleats and folds in places they aren't necessary to be in.
 
My wife once told me that when she would stumble upon a tough phase during her studying years, she would always tell herself that whatever it is she faces it most definitely can't be anything compared to what I had to go through during my acclimation years. It's also so, so good to be each other's source of inspiration to top it all off. Maybe the fact I had gone through what my wife faced, far less accomodating that she has relatively, was a blessing for both of us.
 
These times are behind us now. My wife's life and future, and all those close to her in her life,  including me, is both bright and promising - and all credit belongs to her. I just merely occupied her heart and thoughts during that voyage...

And this *is* what it's all about, no??  Congrats on the family addition as well.   

[pitbull]

Daveman, please fulfill your promise to Pitbull.

You see, Daveman? The old gentleman is asking nicely!

[Daveman]

You see, Daveman? The old gentleman is asking nicely!

But he hasn't proffered a reasonable bri... er... deal thus far... 


I did forget to mention a distinct flaw in my character... I could, potentially that is, be bribed with Carrot Cake!