Sad day

[Boethius]

GOB, there are certain ways to live your life.  Duplicity is not among them.  Approach everything with honour and honesty.  She does, as a decent person, owe him, and herself, that.

[Aloe]

But she should be honest, that this is what it is.  It is unfair to him to let him believe this is something he is doing to keep her happy and married.

i will be honest once i have the studio. no way im gonna jeopardize it Anyway, we agreed "to spend more time apart". Isnt that pretty straightforward?

[Ooooops]

i will be honest once i have the studio. no way im gonna jeopardize it  

What do you mean by "jeopardize it"?   Who will be paying for this rent?

[GoodOlBoy]

Approach everything with honour and honesty. 

Not when you are dealing with a scoundrel, I have to respectfully disagree with you Boethius.
Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty.
 
GOB

[Aloe]

What do you mean by "jeopardize it"?   Who will be paying for this rent?

my parents

[Ooooops]

my parents

Then what do you mean by "jeopardizing"? 

[Boethius]

Not when you are dealing with a scoundrel, I have to respectfully disagree with you Boethius.
Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty.
 
GOB

He may be immature, he was physically abusive once, but I don't think there is anything which suggests he is a scoundrel. 


I think when you lie, it always comes back to you in a negative way, often in ways you don't expect.  It sounds to me as if Aloe has made up her mind, and I don't think she should deceive him.

[Aloe]

He may be immature, he was physically abusive once, but I don't think there is anything which suggests he is a scoundrel. 


I think when you lie, it always comes back to you in a negative way, often in ways you don't expect.  It sounds to me as if Aloe has made up her mind, and I don't think she should deceive him.

I dont think renting a studio after we both agreed "to spend more time apart" is deceiving. Thats exactly what i wanna do, spend more time apart and see how i feel.

[Ooooops]

I dont think renting a studio after we both agreed "to spend more time apart" is deceiving. Thats exactly what i wanna do, spend more time apart and see how i feel.

But why wait till September if your anger and frustration is bottling up now?

[Aloe]

But why wait till September if your anger and frustration is bottling up with every day now?

Because soon i have exams, and then i'm gone for 1 whole month, back in mid august

[Boethius]

I dont think renting a studio after we both agreed "to spend more time apart" is deceiving. Thats exactly what i wanna do, spend more time apart and see how i feel.

Does he know this "spending time apart" may be a precursor to divorce?

[Ooooops]

Because soon i have exams, and then i'm gone for 1 whole month, back in mid august

Oh, I see.   Good luck with exams!      And filter things that your parents will be pouring into your ears when you are there.   

[Aloe]

Does he know this "spending time apart" may be a precursor to divorce?

No, i have been very careful not to hurt his feelings. His dropping the D word all through the first 18 months of our marriage had caused me immense suffering.

[Ooooops]

Oh boy...   

[Boethius]

No, i have been very careful not to hurt his feelings. His dropping the D word all through the first 18 months of our marriage had caused me immense suffering.

When your exams are done, and you have arranged the apartment, I do think you owe it to him to tell him what you are feeling.  I don't think it is fair to him to take an apartment, knowing full well you are doing it to see how you live on your own, and leave him clueless.   Perhaps you will reconcile, you don't know, but it would be wrong to deceive him in this regard. 

[Ooooops]

Aloe, do you discuss your psychologist's sessions with your husband?   

[BillyB]

He should really get on his hands and knees and thank God Aloe did not call the police and have him arrested after he choked her.
 

Some of you guys make a mountain out of a mole hill. Aloe raised a glass to throw it, then hubby grabs her by the neck and takes glass out of her hand. His goal was not to choke his wife but to stop the glass from being thrown. He probably thought is was going to be thrown at him.

No, i have been very careful not to hurt his feelings.

Deception is not the answer. Why not tell him the truth of your plans?

[Aloe]

When your exams are done, and you have arranged the apartment, I do think you owe it to him to tell him what you are feeling.  I don't think it is fair to him to take an apartment, knowing full well you are doing it to see how you live on your own, and leave him clueless.   Perhaps you will reconcile, you don't know, but it would be wrong to deceive him in this regard.

Alright.

[LiveFromUkraine]

 I repeat again, Aloe has made her decision, and we should respect it.  If she changes her mind, we should respect that as well.  She is an incredibly smart young lady, and I am certain, in the end, she will do what is best for her.

I think this statement still applies no matter what Aloe decides.

[Aloe]

Aloe, do you discuss your psychologist's sessions with your husband?

LAst time i told hubby i've been doubting our relationship for 2 years and thinking of our past arguments every day, he got enraged Cuz i'm always so nice and loving, now he thinks i'm double faced or something.

[Ooooops]

LAst time i told hubby i've been doubting our relationship for 2 years and thinking of our past arguments every day, he got enraged Cuz i'm always so nice and loving, now he thinks i'm double faced or something.

Well...   if you don't tell him how you feel and continue to act "so nice and loving" then how he is to know what you really think?   Or are you afraid to express your thoughts?   Then the only solution - "Run, Forest, run!" , I think...

[Boethius]

Well...   if you don't tell him how you feel and continue to act "so nice and loving" then how he is to know what you really think?   Or are you afraid to express your thoughts?   Then the only solution - "Run, Forest, run!" , I think...

I agree with that.  It is no life to be afraid to be yourself in the place where you should always feel loved, safe, and accepted.

[Ooooops]

It is no life to be afraid to be yourself in the place where you should always feel loved, safe, and accepted.

Yep.   And that's why I earlier asked Aloe what is holding her in this marriage.   Definitely not financial part - Aloe has parent's support.   No children to raise without father.   Love?  What kind of love is it if you are scared of the loved one?

[Aloe]

Well...   if you don't tell him how you feel and continue to act "so nice and loving" then how he is to know what you really think?   Or are you afraid to express your thoughts?   Then the only solution - "Run, Forest, run!" , I think...

I tell him after every argument, but he forgets I tell him how it chips away at my feelings, how it's damaging for them, and etc etc etc . But except for those after argument conversations everything is very amicable.

[BillyB]

Actually it wasn't so much about money Billy.It isn't about a rich life, it's about a fulfilling life.

Voyager, there are many more threads like this to read. You got some catching up to do. Aloe's has listed all the things she wants and if she marries again, a man has to have real money to make all those dreams come true for that fulfilling life.  Aloe married a man she thought was compatible with her. They met playing online video games and it was fun at the time so they got married. She's growing, changing and wants to see the world while husband's pace is much slower. The distance growing between them is causing frustration in their marriage. It's clear Aloe now wants an exit strategy. She should bring this up to her counselor. The counselor can't give proper help if he/she doesn't have the whole truth even if it's ugly.