Sad day

[Muzh]

Immature way into scaring you to come back. There may be a little truth to every joke though. Is his computer littered with naked women? If his focus is on other girls, it may explain why he neglected your feelings.

Try not to project yourself here, please?

Had it ever occurred to you that maybe he really wants to be single and have sex with lots of girls. It is obvious he tried the married life and it didn't work for him.

Hello? Anybody home?

[fathertime]

Had it ever occurred to you that maybe he really wants to be single and have sex with lots of girls. It is obvious he tried the married life and it didn't work for him.

Hello? Anybody home?

I gotta agree...based on all I've read this guy was delighted to be free from marriage...i suppose he may regret it someday...but maybe not...whatever Aloe should move on and enjoy her own life.


Fathertime!

[BillyB]

based on all I've read this guy was delighted to be free from marriage...

They both were and although Aloe's husband said he said he wanted to have sex with lots of girls, he may have said it out of anger or to scare Aloe into coming back. What's more important than words is action and if Aloe's husband is checking out other women, then his words have more meaning but it's not big deal now, they've already agreed to split.

[Konfushus]

Hubby says he wants to have sex with lots of different girls, and that we should take a 1 yr break every 5 yrs! Lol. It was painful to hear that, but after a a few days i dont mind it. As long as he loves only me?
I think im even more confused now than ever!!

To Aloe -

I read (most of) this thread for the first time tonight. Are you still getting divorced, or having second thoughts?

Divorced dudes don't need a humping vacation away from their wife once every five years. Strange thing to say for a guy about to be divorced.

[Aloe]

We are having 2nd thoughts! But i just met a guy who seems in every regard better than hubby and lots of common interests! but still missing hubby! ahhhhh
Agreement with hubby for now is i date and he gets laid, and in one year we'll see

[Ooooops]

Agreement with hubby for now is i date and he gets laid, and in one year we'll see

It a splendid agreement, but methinks it will not bring you closer to each other.

[Faux Pas]

Oh what a tangled web we weave   

[Hammer2722]

It a splendid agreement, but methinks it will not bring you closer to each other.

+100 If anything, it will separate even more. What happens if either of you finds someone better? You are better off just moving on with your lives....

[GQBlues]

Hang in there, Aloe. Give what Ranetka told you strong consideration. Sometimes you just have to allow things to take its destined course and hope things will make sense (or better) a bit downstream.

[BillyB]

i just met a guy who seems in every regard better than hubby and lots of common interests!

Some guys put their best foot forward and it goes downhill from there. He' likes a lot of the things you like? Make sure he's not a "yes" man.


I've dated a few women who were in the process of divorce. They tend to be more vulnerable than other women since they're craving love and acceptance. Be careful out there.

Agreement with hubby for now is i date and he gets laid, and in one year we'll see

Most people will not like your agreement. Divorce put on hold unless one or both of you find something better. If you both don't find something better, you'll just accept each other. Doesn't sound good either. If there's any reconciliation in the future, this experiment will always come back and hurt any possibility of strengthening your relationship with your husband. Just the thought you'll both have of each other banging someone else can come back to haunt.

We are having 2nd thoughts!

You both don't know what you want. Figure it out now and either make your marriage work or pursue a divorce. Your experiment will not be fair to other people. Do you think it's fair to other men and women when you and your husband continue to remain married while you date them? The fact you always have someone to go back to will hamper your ability to focus on the person that's taking you out on a date. It's certainly not fair to the guy you're dating now. If I knew I was dating a woman that had roller coaster kind of emotions on whether or not to go back to another man, I'd make her decision a little easier and say "goodbye". Too much drama for me.


How is your husband going to get laid? Finding women to date or by way of commercial sex? Maybe he'll pursue both? Increasing his chance to pick up a disease is not going to help if you two get back together. Medical checkups will be a necessity.

[ML]

Increasing his chance to pick up a disease is not going to help if you two get back together. Medical checkups will be a necessity.

I thought the wife who was screwing around could get a disease same as husband could.

Anyway, here is a warning from the ghetto.

[Konfushus]

To Aloe -

Does your arrangement mean that you and your husband have each other to fall back on this year, in case he can't find other lays, or is it a clean 'friends only' break?

[Misha]

But i just met a guy who seems in every regard better than hubby and lots of common interests! but still missing hubby! ahhhhh

Are you missing hubby or missing somebody living with you? There is a difference.


Also, can you really start a new relationship if you are still embroiled emotionally in the previous one? I seriously doubt your husband and you will get back together in a year, though who knows, but you may be doing yourself more emotional harm than good. Are you still seeing your counsellor/psychologist?

[Muzh]

We are having 2nd thoughts! But i just met a guy who seems in every regard better than hubby and lots of common interests! but still missing hubby! ahhhhh
Agreement with hubby for now is i date and he gets laid, and in one year we'll see

FWIW

[open loop]
Next time you find a guy who is better than your hubby in every regard, go with him and have sex. Plenty of it. When you wake up in the morning and want to make him breakfast or just cuddle with him be ready and prepared that all he wants is to take a shower and continue with his routine. If you are lucky, he will be nice and let you stay for a while or if it is weekend, then the whole weekend if there is nothing else to do.

Then you go to your apartment and wait for his call. It never comes. Suddenly you feel like dirt and used. You start to cry and get depressed. You call hubby crying because you made a stupid mistake and he blows you off. Or you tough it out and merge from your apartment in a week. To all this time he never calls.

So it is time to face the world again. You try to clear your mind and walk to a park/mall/busy street and you spot Mr. Perfect with another babe. Hmm, she even looks prettier. World collapses. You call mama and she puts you down. So, what's new? What now? Hubby don't want to hear from you at all. He is too busy having mindless sex with no commitment.

Back to the apartment. Who are you going to call? Hubby? Out. Mama? Out. Who? Ah yes, I'll go and talk to my friends from the RWD. Look what this bad boy did to me. Everybody chimes in and offer advise and words of support. Head feels a little better and life doesn't suck any more.

Ah, yes. Time to go out and face the world.

Oh look, I found a guy who is better than hubby in every respect.

[/close loop]

[If not]

The guy is really nice and wants to see you again.

[GQBlues]

...[open loop]
Next time you find a guy who is better than your hubby in every regard, go with him and have sex. Plenty of it. When you wake up in the morning and want to make him breakfast or just cuddle with him be ready and prepared that all he wants is to take a shower and continue with his routine. If you are lucky, he will be nice and let you stay for a while or if it is weekend, then the whole weekend if there is nothing else to do.

Then you go to your apartment and wait for his call. It never comes. Suddenly you feel like dirt and used. You start to cry and get depressed. You call hubby crying because you made a stupid mistake and he blows you off. Or you tough it out and merge from your apartment in a week. To all this time he never calls....

 


Not unless of course you're Diana Bruk and the like, no? Isn't this how *allegedly* FSUWs like to be treated?

[Muzh]

Not unless of course you're Diana Bruk and the like, no? Isn't this how *allegedly* FSUWs like to be treated?

Dang, you're right.

Never mind, close the loop.

[Aloe]

Happy day!!


Hubby and i decided to stay together   
Basically, what happened, as far as i understand it, is this... I went to US by myself for 1 whole month, met lots of cool people, had a wonderful break from my marriage, so i was nice and rested and more at peace. Then hubby came to join me for 2 weeks, and it was the best vacation we've ever had, we had tons of fun and also met cool people! So we had lots of fun together, so we bonded some more.


Then we came back and i moved out and went on a few dates with 5 guys. And on these dates it just became very plain, that hubby and i have a very unique connection. I did not feel any connection whatsoever to the other 5 guys. From the 5 guys, 3 were phds and one was rich. But it all just made me realize, you know, that although hubby may not be a Nobel prize winner, and may annoy me horribly at times , and may step on his tongue badly sometimes, he's still my dear dear hubby! And nobody is closer to me than him, and that he makes me laugh all the time, and he gives me the reassurance i need, and we generally have a very good time together, when he isnt on the pc. Basically i realized that i love my hubby! Ha.


So yes, and hubby also says my leaving was a shock to him, that he had previously thought that no matter what he did, i'd always stay with him, and that he's now gonna improve himself.


So there, i feel like our passion has been rejuvenated! I miss him while he's at work, like back when we were just married

[Boethius]

I hope it works out for you, Aloe, and that you are both very happy.  When you are arguing, remember this feeling, and remind him, too.

[Aloe]

Basically i've become a much happier person! A nice long vacation in the US granted me a better perspective on Belgium. I'm a lot happier to be in Belgium now and actually considering staying here. And also perspective on my relationship with hubby. And also 2000 winks and messages on that dating website was helpful for my self-esteem So a better self-esteem+more perspective makes for one a lot happier Aloe!   

[Aloe]

I hope it works out for you, Aloe, and that you are both very happy.  When you are arguing, remember this feeling, and remind him, too.

Thanks 

[BillyB]

Hubby and i decided to stay together   

Although I've been your biggest critic, I hope you understand it was to achieve the above result within a happy marriage.

he's now gonna improve himself.

When he slips, remind him sweetly(that's the key) to get back up. When he mentions a concern about you slipping, don't be defensive but tell him you'll make some improvements.

i've become a much happier person!

These feelings are temporary. You will have more bad days ahead of you. Immaturity and roller coaster style emotions by you or husband won't help to address those bad days. Thoughts of separating for a month and dating and screwing other people should not be the things that brings you two back together the next time. There are better ways to handle it.

[Misha]

Basically i've become a much happier person! A nice long vacation in the US granted me a better perspective on Belgium. I'm a lot happier to be in Belgium now and actually considering staying here. And also perspective on my relationship with hubby. And also 2000 winks and messages on that dating website was helpful for my self-esteem So a better self-esteem+more perspective makes for one a lot happier Aloe! 

I am really happy to hear that. However, I really hope that both of you will use this newfound enthusiasm and happiness to build a stronger relationship. Aloe, you should find better ways of dealing with issues of self-esteem and hopefully your husband will also strive to work on his issues as well. If you do, then certainly good things will come out of it. All the best to both of you!

[Gator]

Aloe,
 
Splendid news!
 
Even with all of the differences between you and hubby, it is apparent that the two of you are crazy about each other.  That is strong glue.  The glue gets reinforced when the two of you spend time together having fun. 
 
Also it seems that the two of you are forgiving.  That is also important.   Keep this in mind when the next storm clouds hit, knowing they will pass and the sun will come out.

[jazztropy]

This thread reminds me of Prince's parents in the the movie, "Purple Rain" .  Anybody else see the connection?

[Aloe]

Reading this topic, sheesh, i have one crappy memory. I don't remember half of the stuff i wrote about    How interesting!


So we are 2 months and a couple arguments and minor downs later, and still very happy    Didn't feel the need to come vent on the forum after the arguments! Big progress!!
Hubby totally turned around the way he deals with me after reading Men are from MArs, women are from Venus. Basically, whenever i'm upset, he just comes and hugs me and says loving and supporting things, and i feel very good very quickly     Super happy with him!