Age Gaps & Money - under a microscope!

[Aloe]

The trick is to find a job you enjoy doing.

Sounds like a fantasy to me    Besides too late to switch my major, i've almost run out of steam as it is, let alone restart from 0

[Ade]

Sounds like a fantasy to me    Besides too late to switch my major, i've almost run out of steam as it is, let alone restart from 0

You're doing something with languages, right? Get a job in Brussels, in the EU headquarters, telling the rest of us what to do.

[pitbull]

On the money thing, well, it sure as hell is tempting to look for someone who is relatively mature and has a house paid off, so you as a woman don't have to slave for the rest of your life while somebody else is (half-assed) raising your kids     Rather do some part-time work 'for the soul', than have to slave all day and have no option of quitting, ever, because the mortgage needs to be paid. That sounds like a depressing life to me. In fact this gloomy prospect puts a damper on my moods every day!!

And if this "relatively mature" one gets sick or loses his job and you are forced to provide for the whole family - you'll be as tempted to dump the old loser and find someone younger and healthy. Someone who can provide that lifestyle of leisure you so desire 

[Aloe]

You're doing something with languages, right? Get a job in Brussels, in the EU headquarters, telling the rest of us what to do.

It's not as easy as it seems They pay about triple of the country average there, so when a job, any job, is announced, you can imagine what a stampede it is    And for a translator it's extra difficult, because, as i'm told at school, they normally hire an interpreter/translator to translate foreign languages into their native language. But i am being schooled to translate from other languages into a foreign language (into dutch). Who could possibly need translation into dutch there, and it isn't even my native language, so they wouldn't hire me    And the russians bring their own translators and interpreters who were schooled in Russia to translate into Russian. Here they teach to translate into Dutch.

[Aloe]

And if this "relatively mature" one gets sick or loses his job and you are forced to provide for the whole family - you'll be as tempted to dump the old loser and find someone younger and healthy. Someone who can provide that lifestyle of leisure you so desire 

If he loses his job and immediately goes broke, then he isn't doing something right    Should have some passive incomes like me!   

[IAmZon]

If he loses his job and immediately goes broke, then he isn't doing something right

I think this statement may be at the heart of my question. 

In the USA, and in a young love, there is a ethos of work / entrepreneurship / adventure.   In the FSU, I get the STRONG impression that nobody cares about what you do (did), as long as you have it.   MONEY - the more the better.   The more beautiful  spoiled, materialistic, the greater the preponderance.  This is normal in all places, but seems reaches a height in Russia / FSU.

OF COURSE THERE ARE MATERIALISTIC and NON MATERIALISTIC people in every society.  But, it is hard not to notice how even poor women in Eastern Europe KNOW everything about brands and expensive fashions.   

I do believe that in many cases, if a man comes up short in the wallet, that is a blow to the bedrock of the "romantic attraction" - the very foundation of things.   It is a factor in all relationships.   But, a bigger factor in these quickly "glued together" often large age gap marriages.

[Aloe]

all i want is a nice detached house with 5 bedrooms and a backyard of 20 by 20 meter. And some clothes now and then, and a psychologist and private trainer at the gym and a cleaning lady and a trip somewhere twice a year and some theater shows like once a month, and a restaurant once a week. Don't even want a good car, just a normal one, and i'd be perfectly materially satisfied. Is that so much to ask        And i actually mean it, i don't want anything else, just this    Last time i bought clothes was like 1 year ago, but i'd like it to be once in 3 months or so

[pitbull]

If he loses his job and immediately goes broke, then he isn't doing something right    Should have some passive incomes like me! 

Exactly, honey 

[Faux Pas]

all i want is a nice detached house with 5 bedrooms and a backyard of 20 by 20 meter. And some clothes now and then, and a psychologist and private trainer at the gym and a cleaning lady. Don't even want a good car, just a normal one, and i'd be perfectly materially satisfied. Is that so much to ask      And i actually mean it, i don't want anything else, just this    Last time i bought clothes was like 1 year ago, but i'd like it to be once in 3 months or so

Not at all! Do you expect that it will be handed to you by a husband or do you have the fortitude to earn it?

[Aloe]

Not at all! Do you expect that it will be handed to you by a husband or do you have the fortitude to earn it?

I dont have the discipline to earn it 

[Aloe]

Not at all! Do you expect that it will be handed to you by a husband or do you have the fortitude to earn it?

i blame my parents! until 14 i was the perfect little girl, but then i had a burn-out from studying 18 hours a day and not having any fun, and i have not done a single thing since then, and they haven't made me do a single thing, and after so many years of not doing anything it's unbelievably difficult to lift a finger And they never let me know i did well. Whenever i brought good points from school, their answer was "i didnt expect anything less". And when i showed my mom my scores from university (was like 77% this semester, which is lower than last year), her answer was a GASP, you are studying worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not a word of praise

[pitbull]

i blame my parents! until 14 i was the perfect little girl, but then i had a burn-out from studying 18 hours a day and not having any fun, and i have not done a single thing since then, and they haven't made me do a single thing, and after so many years of not doing anything it's unbelievably difficult to lift a finger

Here's a plan:
 
1. Dump your handsome young hubby
2. Take some sexy photos and post on RWD
3. Prepare yourself morally to compromise and announce you are available
4. Choose of all the 50+ "relatively mature" guys that will swarm your Inbox - just make sure they submit the bank statement and asset valuation statement. I bet you will several to choose from who can provide what u want without you lifting a finger 

[Aloe]

Here's a plan:
 
1. Dump your handsome young hubby
2. Take some sexy photos and post on RWD
3. Prepare yourself morally to compromise and announce you are available
4. Choose of all the 50+ "relatively mature" guys that will swarm your Inbox - just make sure they submit the bank statement and asset valuation statement. I bet you will several to choose from who can provide what u want without you lifting a finger 

nahh, i don't roll that way

[LAman]

all i want is a nice detached house with 5 bedrooms and a backyard of 20 by 20 meter. And some clothes now and then, and a psychologist and private trainer at the gym and a cleaning lady and a trip somewhere twice a year and some theater shows like once a month, and a restaurant once a week. Don't even want a good car, just a normal one, and i'd be perfectly materially satisfied. Is that so much to ask        And i actually mean it, i don't want anything else, just this    Last time i bought clothes was like 1 year ago, but i'd like it to be once in 3 months or so

Nothing wrong with have dreams and desires.....they just have to match your realities!!

[pitbull]

nahh, i don't roll that way

Too bad. I don't think it could happen any other way for you though 

[Aloe]

Too bad. I don't think it could happen any other way for you though 

Sigh, me being the low self-esteem person that i am, i am reading that 'you are too ugly with too many issues to get a young not-ugly looking guy with a good salary. '  Good thing i have a psychologist now 

[Misha]

The point here is how much - to what degree - does financial benefit drive and sustain RW / AM marriages.

Yes, in those marriages based on financial benefit, and no when people marry for other reasons or with other priorities in mind.

This is triggered by my deeper knowledge of Ukrainian / Russian woman (the good and the bad).

Deeper knowledge?!? You make it sound as if you were living there for 30 years. Didn't you go on one trip? Also your deeper knowledge would of course be shaped by the type of people you were meeting...

[Faux Pas]

i blame my parents! until 14 i was the perfect little girl, but then i had a burn-out from studying 18 hours a day and not having any fun, and i have not done a single thing since then, and they haven't made me do a single thing, and after so many years of not doing anything it's unbelievably difficult to lift a finger And they never let me know i did well. Whenever i brought good points from school, their answer was "i didnt expect anything less". And when i showed my mom my scores from university (was like 77% this semester, which is lower than last year), her answer was a GASP, you are studying worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not a word of praise

Yeah but, you are a big girl now. The time to blame your parents is long past. If you "want" those things, you, like 98% of the population has to earn them. Of course you could win the lottery but, that's a gamble  or, you could do as Pitbull mentioned but, you don't roll that way.  You are running out of options Aloe. In time, you'll be running out of it too.

Make yourself a plan of what you want to do, attain, purchase, go, station in life. (I know you say you don't know what you want) doesn't matter, make a plan of what you think you want and start mapping out what it takes to get there and execute that plan. When your wants/needs change (undoubtedly with you they will  ), change the plan. Have some goals, attainable ones and work toward them. In all likelihood you don't really want or need these things, you just need some direction and motivation.

As an aside, and I think you know I love ya but, I know quite a few ladies who, when your age had the same lack of direction or motivation. Most are now overweight, chain smoking, multi-divorced, bitter old women with a string of worthless children. Don't let that happen to you 

[Misha]

OF COURSE THERE ARE MATERIALISTIC and NON MATERIALISTIC people in every society.  But, it is hard not to notice how even poor women in Eastern Europe KNOW everything about brands and expensive fashions.   

You have quite a wide brush Rivardco. My boys and men in North America know everything about the most expensive sports cars, may dream of having a dream car one day if they win the lottery, but are not necessarily any more or less materialistic.


All your comments so far Rivardco simply indicate to me that you were hanging around in the FSU with a certain "type" and that you are then trying to generalize to an entire population based on a very skewed sample.

[Misha]

all i want is a nice detached house with 5 bedrooms and a backyard of 20 by 20 meter.

I haven't the foggiest what the market is like in Europe. However, in North America, the usual pattern is to buy a "starter" home, a smaller, cheaper house, where you will live some years, then sell it and use the accumulated equity (and hopefully higher salaries being earned at that time) to buy a bigger house until you finally reach the "big" house years later. Sometimes it does require compromises: a bigger house in one neighbourhood versus a smaller house in a more prestigious neighbourhood, etc.... As Faux Pas correctly said, the main thing is to have a plan, one that can be achieved.

And some clothes now and then

Doable

and a psychologist and private trainer at the gym

Doable but the private trainer is likely not to be private, but a trainer at the gym who will consult with you from time to time.

and a cleaning lady

Doable, though realistically will come in once a week for an hour or so.

and a trip somewhere twice a year

This will depend on how you define trip. Is is a trip to a nearby city or is a trip the full five-star cruise or vacation at an expensive resort?

and some theater shows like once a month, and a restaurant once a week

This is certainly doable. As was said, the challenge is setting down a plan to achieve these goals and knowing what must be done between now and then to achieve the goal. Goals that are worth happening are not achieved immediately and are best savoured if it takes a bit of time to get there as they will then be better appreciated.

[pitbull]

Sigh, me being the low self-esteem person that i am, i am reading that 'you are too ugly with too many issues to get a young not-ugly looking guy with a good salary. '  Good thing i have a psychologist now 

A young good-looking guy who makes that kind of money at the young age and is able to provide that lifestyle that you've described (and it's not a cheap one), would be looking for his equal. Just being cute won't cut it. I am saying that you have to compromise and seeing that "not lifting a finger" is clearly your priority, the plan I outlined is your realistic best shot.
 
Or, you can also play a lottery 
 

 

[pitbull]

Yeah but, you are a big girl now. The time to blame your parents is long past. If you "want" those things, you, like 98% of the population has to earn them. Of course you could win the lottery but, that's a gamble  or, you could do as Pitbull mentioned but, you don't roll that way.  You are running out of options Aloe. In time, you'll be running out of it too.

Make yourself a plan of what you want to do, attain, purchase, go, station in life. (I know you say you don't know what you want) doesn't matter, make a plan of what you think you want and start mapping out what it takes to get there and execute that plan. When your wants/needs change (undoubtedly with you they will  ), change the plan. Have some goals, attainable ones and work toward them. In all likelihood you don't really want or need these things, you just need some direction and motivation.

As an aside, and I think you know I love ya but, I know quite a few ladies who, when your age had the same lack of direction or motivation. Most are now overweight, chain smoking, multi-divorced, bitter old women with a string of worthless children. Don't let that happen to you 

Faux Pas,
 
I think everybody likes Aloe, but we've been giving her this same advice and she's been dreaming of "not lifting a finger" lifestyle for how many years now on RWD? So, I wrote her a plan that could definitely work with minimal effort 

[Muzh]

Faux Pas,
 
I think everybody likes Aloe, but we've been giving her this same advice and she's been dreaming of "not lifting a finger" lifestyle for how many years now on RWD? So, I wrote her a plan that could definitely work with minimal effort 

That's called depression.

Aloe, there's a saying that you should embrace: Better living through chemistry.

[Faux Pas]

Faux Pas,
 
I think everybody likes Aloe, but we've been giving her this same advice and she's been dreaming of "not lifting a finger" lifestyle for how many years now on RWD? So, I wrote her a plan that could definitely work with minimal effort 

It could work and has throughout the annuls of history but, she don't roll like that. 

She is a smart girl and has standards. Soon she'll find some reality, hopefully.

[Gator]

All your comments so far Rivardco simply indicate to me that you were hanging around in the FSU with a certain "type" and that you are then trying to generalize to an entire population based on a very skewed sample.

Amen brother!
 
Riv, I do wonder where you are getting these notions.  You say you frequented the night clubs and based on what you write, it clear that you did not look for women who do not frequent the night clubs.
 
You met my wife.  She was a professional runway model for 13 years with many assignments in Europe.  She was paid comparatively big bucks for a RW.  I wondered about her values knowing that she had been chased by RM with money for years and years.   For example, she was coddled so much that she had never ridden the metro until we met (evident when the automatic steel bar slammed into her thigh ).   
 
I was concerned that possibly she would expect if not demand the finest of everything.  For example, from her job she knew the finest brands of clothes. She appreciates fine fashion, especially classic styles; however, she does not demand the finest and considers it a waste of money given the exorbitant prices.  She prefers to hit the outlet malls and buy quality garments at discount.  Because of her fashion sense, she mixes and matches, and even modifies as she is a skilled seamstress.   The end result is that she looks fabulous at fraction of the cost.  Her thrifty attitude carries over into most purchases.
 
In summary, many of these glorious women are not materialistic.  BTW, my wife much prefers to attend the theater or concert rather than a night club.  Her bedtime is early compared to my life before her.  Perhaps you need to look in different places or use different criteria.