Thoughts on returning to Russia...what women are looking for.

[Boethius]

That's a smart strategy (i.e., single fathers).  I assume they want to skype to see what you look like?
 
Do you believe you can treat stepchildren and your own (eventual) biological children equally? 
 

[Vasilisa]

That's a smart strategy (i.e., single fathers).  I assume they want to skype to see what you look like?
 
Do you believe you can treat stepchildren and your own (eventual) biological children equally?

Absolutely, I used to work with orphans when I was 24, and really wanted to adopt a child, the main thing was that absolutely all my friends and relatives thought it was a crazy idea as I would never be able to get married after that and told me a lot of crazy stories about adopted children, another reason was that my income level was very low  so I couldn't provide a good life to the adopted child, so I decided to concentrate on my personal lif instead. My main concern would be about the relationship with an ex wife or the relationship of the child with his mother if his mother doesn't like me.

[Vasilisa]

I've been on Skype with the RM today, that was sooooo different, wow, I didn't get used to RM at all.. . I am full of emotions...I am going to tell later.

[Faux Pas]

I've been on Skype with the RM today, that was sooooo different, wow, I didn't get used to RM at all.. . I am full of emotions...I am going to tell later.

That would be forum plutonium if you would share that. 

[LiveFromUkraine]

I've been on Skype with the RM today, that was sooooo different, wow, I didn't get used to RM at all.. . I am full of emotions...I am going to tell later.

heh, I am not sure if this is good or bad.  Also remember, you are just getting back into Russian culture and dating there.  I went through some culture shock when I came back to the US after living in Ukraine. 

[Vasilisa]

Oh, man , the main difference is that RM seem to be really active and sticky. It's impossible to get rid of them. I am surprised I am not pregnant yet . The AM I've met are more cautious and slow and careful in action, take it easy. 

I didn't get used to this crazy energy, I've had 3 conversations today, one of them, the most productive one was with a single guy and his teenage boy (14), the boy was AWESOME, they both are into sports (wrestling and swimming), the conversation itself was very simple, down to earth and fun at the same time. They were ready to come this weekend and invited me to go to the waterpark  and fish together and eat shashlyk in their dacha (they have a small farm, too).

I told I am not ready this weekend... I'd thought it would be slower than that.

[Vasilisa]

heh, I am not sure if this is good or bad.  Also remember, you are just getting back into Russian culture and dating there.  I went through some culture shock when I came back to the US after living in Ukraine.

I have been going through some culture shock today. Definitely. What kind of a shock did you have, what was different?

[Misha]

It's impossible to get rid of them. I am surprised I am not pregnant yet . The AM I've met are more cautious and slow and careful in action, take it easy.

I expect that if an AM comes on too strongly too quickly with a woman online, he will be dumped into the "likely psycho stalker" folder. Thus, I wager that most AM will take it easy as to have some hope of meeting somebody online as it takes in most cases weeks I wager before an AW will agree to meet with him 

[LiveFromUkraine]

I have been going through some culture shock today. Definitely. What kind of a shock did you have, what was different?

At first it was the size of people.  I forgot how big people were in the US.


Strangers with those fake smiles.  heh


No one walking.


My ex wife thought I grew up in a park from all the trees and greenery.   


I noticed more politically correct behavior.  You can't tell someone they put on weight here while in Ukraine it wouldn't be a big deal.

After that, I noticed most people were so wrapped up in their lives that they didn't care much for anything outside their bubble.  I was surprised more people weren't interested in some of the countries I have been too.  I am talking people who haven't been out of the country. 


Everyone I met in Ukraine was interested in where I was from. 


The biggest thing was even though I was gone for a long time, nothing changed when I got back. 


I have to say I do miss the warm nature of the people I met in Ukraine.  I quite enjoyed just getting together with people and eating with a few drinks here and there.

I went out with a great friend I haven't seen in years when I got back.  He and another friend spent most of the night on their phones looking at facebook.  Talk about shocking.  haha



I am starting to miss FSU now.   

[LiveFromUkraine]

I expect that if an AM comes on too strongly too quickly with a woman online, he will be dumped into the "likely psycho stalker" folder. Thus, I wager that most AM will take it easy as to have some hope of meeting somebody online as it takes in most cases weeks I wager before an AW will agree to meet with him 

I don't do online dating but I think a lot of AW are on it for the ego boost.  Sort of like how facebook has become which is another thing I can't stand. 

[Boethius]

I noticed more politically correct behavior.  You can't tell someone they put on
weight here while in Ukraine it wouldn't be a big deal.

It doesn't have the negative connotation in Ukraine that is does in the West. 

[Boethius]

Oh, man , the main difference is that RM seem to be really active and sticky. It's impossible to get rid of them. I am surprised I am not pregnant yet . The AM I've met are more cautious and slow and careful in action, take it easy. 

I didn't get used to this crazy energy, I've had 3 conversations today, one of them, the most productive one was with a single guy and his teenage boy (14), the boy was AWESOME, they both are into sports (wrestling and swimming), the conversation itself was very simple, down to earth and fun at the same time. They were ready to come this weekend and invited me to go to the waterpark  and fish together and eat shashlyk in their dacha (they have a small farm, too).

I told I am not ready this weekend... I'd thought it would be slower than that.

Do you need it to be slow?  It sounds positive.  I suspect your approach to life is more in sync with the RM. 

[Vasilisa]

Do you need it to be slow?  It sounds positive.  I suspect your approach to life is more in sync with the RM.

Boethius, well, I do like the part when they are active and not pushy at the same time and don't tell me what to do, but do the things instead.
The main problem I see so far is the fact that we live in different cities, and right now after the story with the AM  I am not ready to move to a different place. I guess I have trust issues now and need more time and more active but not pushy actions to make me believe he is the one I can trust to and rely on and he will not dissapear because his ex wife would come back or something else.
That was my first experience of active online search in Russia and I'd expected that to be similar with the international dating, but it seems to be going faster than I'd expected. I hadn't expected to talk with the boy today, for example.

[Ooooops]

LiveFromUkraine, may I ask you how long were you away from US?

[Ooooops]

Boethius, well, I do like the part when they are active and not pushy at the same time and don't tell me what to do, but do the things instead.

Didn't y ou just say that your suitors were "sticky"?      And to tell you the true I find it a bit strange that father introduces his sun to a woman he is thinking about dating without even meeting her first...   Or was it "this is Auntie Vasilisa", a friend of Auntie Natasha, we gonna go fishing with her...".  How many Aunites was this kid introduced to already?

[LiveFromUkraine]

LiveFromUkraine, may I ask you how long were you away from US?

Somewhere between a year and a half to two years.  I lived overseas before but this was the first time I spent that amount of time without making a visit.  I normally visited home once a year.

[Ooooops]

Somewhere between a year and a half to two years.  I lived overseas before but this was the first time I spent that amount of time without making a visit.  I normally visited home once a year.

Interesting...   You made it sound like it was a loooooooooong time with your remarks about fake smiles and how it is rude to tell somebody that they got fat...     

[LiveFromUkraine]

Interesting...   You made it sound like it was a loooooooooong time with your remarks about fake smiles and how it is rude to tell somebody that they got fat...     

How many years do I need to have been gone to notice such things? 


For me, 2 years living in a very different culture was enough to notice such changes. 


After living for 4 years in Australia, I also noticed different things that I didn't notice prior to leaving.  Australia isn't as different a culture to the US as Ukraine was. 

That is the beauty of traveling and living in different cultures.  It should give you a different perspective when you return home. 

You might want to read up on culture shock.  It doesn't take 5 years to get it.   

[Boethius]

And to tell you the true I find it a bit strange that father introduces his sun to a woman he is thinking about dating without even meeting her first...   Or was it "this is Auntie Vasilisa", a friend of Auntie Natasha, we gonna go fishing with her...".  How many Aunites was this kid introduced to already?

I don't find it strange, nor inappropriate.  He's 14, not 4.

[Ooooops]

How many years do I need to have been gone to notice such things? 

You might want to read up on culture shock.  It doesn't take 5 years to get it.   

I don't know, I still don't find American smiles to be fake and still don't say "omg, you got fat/old/ugly".      And it's after living many years in many different countries.  I guess it's just me.


And I guess I'm either very thick skinned or too accepting - never had culture shocks, even if we move around quite a bit. 

[Ooooops]

I don't find it strange, nor inappropriate.  He's 14, not 4.

So you think it's normal to keep your kids tuned into your dating escapades?   Donno, I'd be more selective, I think...

[Boethius]

He hasn't dated her yet.    I suspect that to this particular father, his son is the most important aspect of his life, and he wants a woman to know, from the outset, that this is the case.  If the woman, on introduction, is not comfortable with the son, or vice versa, she is toast.   Were the son younger, I would have a different view.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I don't know, I still don't find American smiles to be fake and still don't say "omg, you got fat/old/ugly".      And it's after living many years in many different countries.  I guess it's just me.

I used the term fake smiles because that is what has been said many times here.  I understand why people think they are fake.  Sort of like when people ask strangers "how are you doing".  They are not really interested in how you are doing but tend to use it more of a "hello".  I was always tempted to talk to the person who asked me that for an hour telling him how I was doing. 


Smiling isn't because they are happy to see a stranger.


I don't think I ever used "OMG" so I can't say I don't disagree with you there.  I remember one time when I came back for a visit from Australia  my friend said I looked healthy.  He meant I put some weight on.  Luckily, I got it off so now I must look sickly.  heh

The fake is more of not being direct enough to say what you mean. 

And I guess I'm either very thick skinned or too accepting - never had culture shocks, even if we move around quite a bit.

You're like a rock!

[LiveFromUkraine]

So you think it's normal to keep your kids tuned into your dating escapades?   Donno, I'd be more selective, I think...

Seemed strange to me as well. 

[Ooooops]

I suspect that to this particular father, his son is the most important aspect of his life, and he wants a woman to know, from the outset, that this is the case.  If the woman, on introduction, is not comfortable with the son, or vice versa, she is toast.   

Explanation about it isn't enough without involving kids in such early stage?  To me it looks like this guy takes things too lightly, thats all.