PoF prohibits contacts of over 14 years of age difference

[fathertime]

This company should let individual members decide who they want to block from contacting them.  Age range should be one of the ways people can filter out others.  As it stands, a small measure of freedom has been seized.


Fathertime! 

[Kokopelli]

There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women.
What about the 19, 20 and 21 year old who wrote me? That's what happens when people put "friends" in their profile description.
The 19 and 20 year old like to talk about music.
The 21 year old likes to talk about economics, loves her country, so, we talk. Sort of a cultural exchange.
I have to admit, for off topic conversation, it is like talking to one of my nieces or the daughter I never had. 
Maybe I should adopt? Hey, no Woody Allen jokes either. 
But I guess I'll have to end the letter writing with the 28 year old but it's OK to still write the 46 and the 50 year old.

[GoodOlBoy]

The 19 and 20 year old like to talk about music.
The 21 year old likes to talk about economics, loves her country, so, we talk. Sort of a cultural exchange.

Dude, he's running a "dating service". 
Not facebook.
Please tell us that you are not one of those sick old men who converse with teenage girls under the pretense of "friendship". 
 
GOB

[Kokopelli]

Dude, he's running a "dating service". 
Not facebook.
Please tell us that you are not one of those sick old men who converse with teenage girls under the pretense of "friendship". 
 
GOB

His service, he rules, fair enough. His statement, however, is partly false.
I haven't joined POF, maybe I will.
Did you read what I wrote or just assumed what you wanted? Sick? Pretense?
Learn to read.

[Kokopelli]

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Take the world famous POF personality test below. You are going to get back a very detailed report that talks about you. Once you complete the test we will find your most ideal matches on the site. This test is based on research done on 10's of thousands of couples in relationships.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
1. I get nervous easily.
2. I am not easily embarassed by others.
3. I tend to become very enthusiastic about new things.
4. My own thoughts and feelings sometimes scare me.
5. I tend to work too long and hard.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
6. I am a very productive person.
7. I would much rather eat dinner at a restaurant than at home.
8. I am comfortable interacting with strangers.
9. I want my children to speak English.
10. It's difficult for me to feel sorry for people less fortunate than myself.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
11. I am looking for someone to be just friends with.
12. Basically I am a happy person.
13. I can resist temptations easily.
14. My religion is very important to me.
15. I like to take care of all the details when doing things.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
16. I sometimes find it difficult to get used to changes in my life.
17. My political beliefs are very important to me.
18. It is important that my romantic partner is liked by my friends.
19. I am looking for someone to possibly begin a long-lasting relationship.
20. I often do or say things I later regret.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
21. I think highly of myself.
22. I would like to have children in the near future.
23. I have high standards for myself.
24. I don't experience strong emotions.
25. I love all kinds of music.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
26. I would love to spend a holiday backpacking through another country.
27. My ideal vacation would be on a tropical island.
28. I am a very reliable person.
29. I enjoy cooking.
30. I prefer working alone than in groups.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
31. It is important that I get married soon.
32. I talk more than most people.
33. I enjoy solving crossword puzzles and games.
34. I'm very open to trying new foods and different cultures.
35. I often get angry about how I'm treated by others.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
36. I feel more comfortable as a follower than a leader.
37. I love to have excitement in my life.
38. I am a hard-working person.
39. I don't express my feelings easily.
40. I don't like scary movies.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
41. I feel more comfortable when other people do most of the talking.
42. People probably think I'm stubborn.
43. I feel quite comfortable in large groups of people.
44. I believe there's more than one way to do something correctly.
45. My relationships with my friends are very important to me.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
46. I am looking for someone to go out on dates with.
47. I am sensitive to other people's feelings.
48. I rarely get angry.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
49. I've never told a lie to avoid negative consequences.
50. I sometimes feel resentful when I don't get my way.
51. I tend to avoid questions about my personal life.
52. I've never forgotten anyone's name when this was important.
53. White lies, like faking orgasm, are perfectly normal in maintaining a relationship.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
54. My relationship pattern is best described as serial monogamy -- I go from one relationship to the next without much of a breather.
55. I sometimes try to get even rather than forgive and forget.
56. When I start a new relationship, I'm sometimes guilty of speaking badly about past relationships.
57. I'm extremely persuasive at getting what I want from people.
58. When I'm in a relationship, I can be critical of my partner.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
59. I can't get to know everything about a love interest fast enough.
60. There have been occasions when I took advantage of a romantic partner.
61. Money is an extremely important thing in my life.
62. Sometimes, what I adore about a sweetheart is what ends up driving me crazy about that partner.
63. My relationships tend to get really intense very quickly.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
64. I thrive off of romantic relationships where I receive a great deal of admiration and praise.
65. There really isn't any situation that I can't talk my way out of.
66. I have a completely different persona when I'm online than when I'm with my family and friends.
67. My friends or family would say that I'm very good at managing my money.
68. Most of my ex-partners would take me back.
 DisagreeSomewhat DisagreeSomewhat AgreeAgree
69. I am drawn to others for their strengths especially the ones I don't have.
70. I find that I can only really be myself when I'm online.
71. When I'm not online, I often think about the Internet.
72. Few people love me other than those I know online.
73. People who know me best often complain that I use the Internet too much.

POF Relationship Needs Assessment
Read Carefully Before Proceeding! - Respond to the following questions and statements honestly. There are no “right” or “wrong” answers, so do not spend too much time on any one question. If you are not currently dating anyone, answer the questions with your most recent partner in mind. If you have never been in love, answer in terms of what you think your response would most likely be.

    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
1. When I feel close to someone, this person becomes an important part of who I am            
2. If someone close to me is hurt, I feel personally hurt as well            
3. My sense of pride comes from my relationships            
4. I like to emulate those who are important to me            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
5. A main consideration in choosing a romantic partner is how he/she would reflect on my family            
6. I like having my partner physically near me while out in public            
7. It does not bother me when my partner has his/her own set of friends            
8. It upsets me when I do not know all of my partner’s coworkers            
9. I do not like my partner going out socially with friends without me            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
10. Having frequent periods away from my partner is important to me            
11. I am afraid that once I make a commitment to a partner, I will lose my freedom or identity.            
12. It would bother me if I got attached to people very easily.            
13. I am comfortable without close emotional relationships.            
14. It is difficult for me to depend on others.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
15. I believe that what my partner does not know about me will not hurt him/her.            
16. I often worry that my partner does not really love me.            
17. I worry that romantic partners will not care about me as much as I care about them.            
18. I often wish that my partner's feelings for me were as strong as my feelings for him or her.            
19. When I show my feelings for romantic partners, I am afraid they will not feel the same about me.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
20. I usually discuss my problems and concerns with my partner.            
21. I know my own strengths and weaknesses.            
22. I can usually achieve my goals if I work hard enough.            
23. If I really want it, almost anything is possible for me.            
24. What happens in my life is mostly beyond my own control.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
25. When trying to smooth over disagreements, I sometimes make things worse.            
26. I find it pointless to continue working on things that are too difficult for me.            
27. All in all, I admit to feeling that I am a failure.            
28. I think highly of myself.            
29. There are many things about myself I would change if I could.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
30. I often feel upset with my life.            
31. I am living the life that I want.            
32. My physical, mental or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.            
33. My financial and legal business is handled.            
34. I have effective relationship skills.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
35. I have a good sense of where I am headed in my life.            
36. I feel lonely.            
37. I feel I have people I can trust and rely on if I need them.            
38. When I am with other people, I feel connected to them.            
39. Important relationships have ended or become weaker.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
40. I feel hopeless about having a romantic relationship.            
41. I am comfortable with pauses when others are experiencing emotion.            
42. I sense when someone feels troubled before being told.            
43. I am comfortable with my feelings of sadness, joy, anger and fear.            
44. I stay focused (not lost in unimportant details or procrastination) in getting a job done.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
45. I freely admit to making mistakes.            
46. I can pull myself together quickly after a set back.            
47. I like tasks that challenge me even if I make mistakes, as long as I learn something valuable.            
48. I always pay attention to people’s body language when talking to them.            
49. I am able to confront someone who has hurt my feelings.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
50. I pause for a moment to reflect on what a person has said before reacting or responding.            
51. When my first efforts to solve a problem fail, I do not become discouraged in my ability to resolve the situation.            
52. When I have a problem, I think of as many possible ways to address it until I can not come up with any more ideas.            
53. When confused about a problem, I typically clarify vague ideas or feelings by thinking of them in concrete terms            
54. To me, problems are learning opportunities.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
55. I generally act on the first idea that comes to mind in solving a problem.            
56. I feel that conflict is a negative experience.            
57. I state my true feelings when dealing with conflict.            
58. In conflict my reactions are based on how I think the other party perceives me.            
59. I bargain to resolve conflict.            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
60. I express anger constructively.            
61. One of my goals is to be a "perfect" sexual partner.            
62. As a sexual partner, I try to be neat            
63. I wait until I am in love with a person before having sex with him/her            
64. I am shy about talking to my partner about my own sexual fantasies            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
65. I believe any expression of sexuality is healthy and acceptable between two consenting adults            
66. For me, one of the most important aspects of a romantic relationship is sex            
67. I have a clear sense of the types of sexual activities I prefer            
68. I like sex to be planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous            
69 I tend to be submissive to the sexual desires of my partner            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
70. I am actively experimenting with sexual activities that are new to me            
71. I find it easy to ignore my partner’s faults            
72. I feel very possessive toward my partner            
73. When you are separated from the love partner, the rest of the world seems dull and unsatisfying            
74. When you are in love, your judgment is usually not too clear            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
75. Love comes but once in a lifetime            
76. I find that my past partners and I usually shared the same mood            
77. I am attracted to people who quickly win respect from others            
78. My partner is the sort of person whom I myself would like to be            
79. It is hard for me to say exactly when friendship turns into love            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
80. A couple does not need a passionate sex life to be happy            
81. What my partner does affects me more than what s/he says            
82. I know my partner loves me when s/he does things for me that s/he does not enjoy doing            
83. I feel loved when my partner helps me out with my chores            
84. I feel loved when my partner enthusiastically does a task I have requested            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
85. I feel loved when my partner is touching me            
86. I like for my partner to touch me when s/he walks by            
87. I feel secure when my partner is touching me            
88. I need to be touched every day            
89. I like taking long walks with my partner            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
90. I like to go to places with my partner            
91. I feel close when we are talking or doing something together            
92. I enjoy extended trips with my partner            
93. I like to receive notes of affirmation from my partner            
94. I value my partner’s praise and try to avoid his/her criticism            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
95. I like my partner to compliment my achievements            
96. I need my partner’s words of affirmation daily            
97. I feel loved when I receive a gift from my partner            
98. Visible symbols of love (gifts) are very important to me            
99. I like receiving gifts that my partner makes            
    Not at all
like me   Somewhat unlike me   Somewhat
like me   Much like me
100. I feel loved when my partner celebrates my birthday with a gift            

[Kokopelli]

One of the ads on POF 
http://yourdatingservices.com/dating/sos2/1/LP5-2pp.php?adid=26792225&sid=29232161514&a=12220&s=ze4ptajjmichigan&g=rgfxs
I think I'll pass. 

[Kokopelli]

Ooh, my first letter.
Your conversation with markus   

markus5/22/2013 9:22:30 AM
Hello there and welcome!

My name is Markus and I created POF.com to help people like you find someone! We are now the world’s largest dating site with over 2 million people using POF every single day. Over the years I've watched millions of people find someone special. I'd like to share with you the secret to finding someone. It’s not some magic formula, it’s actually very simple. The more effort you put into finding someone, the more likely you are to find someone. On average it takes about 7 dates with different people until you find your match. If you are lucky you will meet your perfect match on the first date, but for most people it will be by about the 7th date. Now there are of course ways to speed this up. If you are actively looking to meet someone, go on dates with people who say they want a relationship. Most people who don't want a relationship will actually put it on their profile. Another way to speed things up is to upgrade your membership here. There are lots of benefits to being a upgraded member, such as being able to send gifts, having profile themes and showing up first in search results and at the top of a lot of pages.

Here are some things you should be aware of

1. If you are a jerk, are mean to other users, upload nude images, do not fill out your profile correctly, etc., you will be deleted and banned. As a free site, we work extra hard to maintain the quality of our database

2. Cut and paste messages are blocked. No one wants to read a message you sent to 100 other people.

3. You should check out our chemistry test. We tracked thousands of couples who found someone on the site and from that we build a predictive model to see who you would actually match up with. It basically works by removing all the people you wouldn't date in a million years.

Tips...

1. If you upload a picture of yourself you tend to get 10 times the number of responses.

2. If you message people without pictures they are more likely to respond to you.

3. Use the advanced search to search for users based on height, ethnicity etc.

4. Use the mail settings to block groups of people you aren't interested in from messaging you.

5. Use the who has viewed me feature to check out who has been looking at your profile.

6. Make sure to check out your matches.

I hope you like my site as I've worked hard to make it a place where you can meet quality people without paying an arm and a leg for it. I only hope you have as much fun using this site as I had building it.

[facetrock]

You know something. Its his site. He owns it. Its not some government agency that has to be politically correct. So... I think he can do whatever he damn well pleases. The man has some balls. Good for him.

[GoodOlBoy]

Did you read what I wrote or just assumed what you wanted? Sick? Pretense?
Learn to read.

The 19 and 20 year old like to talk about music.
The 21 year old likes to talk about economics, ....

Do yourself a favor and stop perpetuating the "fantasy" that FSU teenage schoolgirls are somehow "worldly". 
 
They aren't.
 
52 year old men have nothing in common with this age group.
 
And please, do us both a favor, I know GoodOl' Boys are considered to be a little short in the grey matter department, but don't piss on my pant leg and tell me it is raining. 
 
GOB

[Lily]

Ooh, my first letter.
 

Good luck there Kokopelli!
 
How do you find the site? Any interesting prospects?

[cc3]

This is completely insulting to women. Women on POF can always block men of any age group they desire. Why is he making the decision for the women ?? This is an old-fashioned sexist attitude. POF should be boycotted. There are Plenty of Other Sites to go to . .  . or Maybe we can cause something to change somehow. Post your feelings on the internet-everywhere. What do you guys think ?

Welcome to RWD! Who are you?

[jantzfitzgerald]

Of course the guy can do whatever he wants. The issue is whether that is something that is necessary or insulting, or is going to lose him money and subscribers. And because I think he only prohibits men from contacting younger women, it seems totally sexist. And ridiculous to think that women need this guy to protect them. As noted, women can simply block any age group they want, so why do it systematically ? I think he just wants to get rid of older guys for some reason, who probably make up a huge percentage of the site.

[Boethius]

He probably didn't receive a lot of complaints from young men about older women contacting them for hook ups. 

[XMan]

I know nothing about this site. That having been said....
Why 14 years? 
Why not 12? 8? 16? 11? 
What about lying about one's age?  Or is he checking driver's licenses and SSN's?
I am doubtful about the "data" behind choosing the number, assuming there is any and he didn't just pull that number out of the air.  And I am seriously doubtful about the effectiveness of such a policy. 
Why not allow users to auto-ignore / jettison any contact coming from anyone outside their preferred age range?  Certainly easy enough to implement from a programming standpoint.  Then if a woman wants to meet men only 4 to 7 years younger than she, for example, presto. 
Poorly thought out and executed.  But hey, he's the one with the cash rolling in.

[Lily]

Why not allow users to auto-ignore / jettison any contact coming from anyone outside their preferred age range?  Certainly easy enough to implement from a programming standpoint.  Then if a woman wants to meet men only 4 to 7 years younger than she, for example, presto. 

They ask the users to determine the desired age range of a partner. From my experience, I don't even recall being contacted by someone out of this range. It seems to work!

[BillyB]

 You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age.

Look on the bright side, it could've been worse if the owner was a guy who doesn't believe in relationships greater than 4 years age difference, or believe in marriages of people with different skin color, nationalities, or religion.


With the rest of the new rules, the owner may be protecting his site from the Craigslist crossovers since Craigslist, facing legal trouble, shut down their section for intimate encounters which were used by prostitutes, pimps, and the occasional prostitute killer.

[civi68]

I am all for this idea. The biggest complaint from women I met on POF was that too many older men contacted them. My age range is 36+ so a lot of women were getting messages from men 50+. They end up wasting their time going through all of their messages. The women said they got about 30 new messages a day. We need this on FSU sites. Then, not as many men would lose their money or get scammed.

[IAmZon]

It is natural to aspire.


When a person looks at business opportunities, often their creative mind jumps to WHAT IF.   Of, when an athlete looks at the record books, similarly the thought of Olympics and winning the gold may pop into the mind.


What are these web sties made of?  Photos and superficial descriptions (all positioned for the most positive affect).


So, the rest is human nature.  Is anything else to be expected - or desirable?   

[Kokopelli]

Good luck there Kokopelli!
 
How do you find the site? Any interesting prospects?

I'll log in and do a search tonight, Lily. I am sure with this large of a database there would be.
I asked my sister about her experience, 48 year old widow, she tried POF and OKCupid.
As far as a "love" relationship goes, I'm already interested in a woman on a different site.

[Kokopelli]

He probably didn't receive a lot of complaints from young men about older women contacting them for hook ups.

What about older women complaining about younger men who contacted them? The reason my sister quit POF. 
Young guy watches the new episode of "Cougar Town"....jump on to POF, hey, she looks like Courtney. 
If it is money, who is more likely to pull out the plastic to pay for the site's extras?
18?
28?
38?
48?

[Lily]

Good to hear about your success Kokopelli! Good luck!
 
On the younger men issue, everyone is able to set up the minimal age of your desired contacts on the PoF. No one yonger or older than that should be able to send you a message. Therefore, no issue like this for me. Had your sister set anything like that for her profile?
 
 

[Kokopelli]

Good to hear about your success Kokopelli! Good luck!
 
On the younger men issue, everyone is able to set up the minimal age of your desired contacts on the PoF. No one yonger or older than that should be able to send you a message. Therefore, no issue like this for me. Had your sister set anything like that for her profile?

Thanks, she is a widow in Moscow. I haven't heard the Russian men are(fill in the blank) b/s.
Of course sis didn't set that in her profile. Her oldest son's reaction was classic. 
There is a tab called mail settings to set the range.
Some people do not follow directions. People need to be reminded their coffee may be hot and a plastic bag is not a child's toy.
Sis put a grill together recently, spent two hours, she didn't read the directions and had a bag of parts left over.
It makes for good comedy.


All I can imagine is Markus got annoyed because people did not follow directions.

[Lily]

If your sister is physically located in Moscow, then I am surprised how could she access the PoF at all. The site has a feature allowing the members to report Nigerian or Russian (!) scam  .

[Kokopelli]

 

[Boethius]

If your sister is physically located in Moscow, then I am surprised how could she access the PoF at all. The site has a feature allowing the members to report Nigerian or Russian (!) scam  .

I believe the widow Kokopelli is corresponding with is the woman in Moscow, not Kokopelli's sister.