Most difficult part of dating a FSUW/foreign person?

[lonedrake]

 For the ladies also. What do you/did you find to be the most difficult part?

Language? culture? sincerity?money?intentions?lack of face time/time/distance? or what?

 How did you overcome this?

 

[I/O]

or what?

That one.

How did you overcome this?

You don't honestly expect any red blooded man to answer that one truthfully do you? 

[mies]

For the ladies also. What do you/did you find to be the most difficult part?

Language? culture? sincerity?money?intentions?lack of face time/time/distance? or what?

 How did you overcome this?

I will talk not about dating, but in general. I do think that culture, sincerity, attitude to money, and difficulty in understanding intentions (due to not fully understanding the culture) are all valid issues in relationships with foreign people.

[Boethius]

I will talk not about dating, but in general. I do think that culture, sincerity, attitude to money, and difficulty in understanding intentions (due to not fully understanding the culture) are all valid issues in relationships with foreign people.

Other than culture, those are often issues in relationships between individuals of the same culture.

[Misha]

Dating is the easy and fun part, the real challenges begin later: immigration paperwork, culture shock, adjusting, trying to build a new career in a new country, etc... That is the challenging part 

[Ade]

Other than culture, those are often issues in relationships between individuals of the same culture.

Yes, but all are exacerbated by communication problems due to the lack of a common native language. 


If men think that communicating with women from their own country is sometimes fraught with difficulties, they should try to imagine what it would be like with someone who not only lacks a lot of the vocabulary but also the cultural context when discussing many things.

[Shadow]

Most difficult part of dating: finding a date.

[I/O]

Most difficult part of dating: finding a date.

To be more specific, finding a date you want to date again.

[GQBlues]

...
If men think that communicating with women from their own country is sometimes fraught with difficulties, they should try to imagine what it would be like with someone who not only lacks a lot of the vocabulary but also the cultural context when discussing many things.

Completely agree with this. Matter of fact, wifey once mentioned this was arguably the toughest part with her. Having to re-shape some of her formed cognition in reacting to things in a new environment - USA is no longer Russia vis-a-vis.


In some ways, that was also a huge adjustment with me. You sometimes 'forget' this fact about your partner especially during times of terse discussions. What should've been the shortest/simplest discussion can all of the sudden become laborious/tedious.


There are a multitude of things women from your own society would have a relative 'common' understanding of things that is sorely missing with a woman from a different region that seem benign, or yikes even 'inviting' from an outsider until they get to punch that ticket and take themselves on a one-way roller-coaster ride.

[lonedrake]

 My girlfriend has a friend who is seeing a man from Brazil. He flew her over there for two weeks in March I believe. I have been asking how things were going between them. It was never clear when they were going to see each other again. He had to figure when he could get time off.A day or two ago he said that he was an alcoholic and would not be coming over.
 My girlfriends friend is/was very upset. It also affected my girlfriend. She worries I will do the same. I can see and hear in her face and voice. I reassured her that this is not how I am, but words will never have the same effect as seeing face to face. I know holding her in my arms is what she needs.....and me also. So she worries....and I worry. If the distance was not so great....lets say she lived anywhere in USA...I could make even a weekend trip to see her.

 On the other hand...i realize this is a good test to see if she has the staying power to stick it out.I guess this goes for me too....but I am not concerned about me.

[ML]

Most difficult part of any dating is finding the person you 'think' might be right for you.

In the old system (before internet dating sites), we were pretty much restricted to local guys and gals, or those we met on vacation and business trips.

With Internet dating sites, our sample increased greatly, including other countries of the world.

With this increased sample size, the screening procedures and problems increased greatly, but gave us much greater choices at the same time.

For me, this screening, including the sequence of message writing  to narrow down the sample size, was the most difficult part.  However, this would also apply to trying to find a mate in the home country.

Once the face to face meetings began . . . I didn't find anything really difficult about it.  This is provided, however, that the two of you can actually communicate.

A continuing concern, of course, would be the travel both before and after a marriage.

[Boethius]

My girlfriend has a friend who is seeing a man from Brazil. He flew her over there for two weeks in March I believe. I have been asking how things were going between them. It was never clear when they were going to see each other again. He had to figure when he could get time off.A day or two ago he said that he was an alcoholic and would not be coming over

Did she comment on his drinking when she was visiting him? 




She should be happy.  A real man would not dump her in such a cowardly way.

[mies]

Other than culture, those are often issues in relationships between individuals of the same culture.

That is also true. But on a completely different scale. For example, American (and Western people in general) have a habit of investing (not all of them, but most) - because it's part of the socio-economic structure in the society, and the culture. In FSU people have learned the hard way that savings and pension funds which they keps in banks have disappeared during the Perestroyka years. Even now, every now and then banks arbitrarily chose to "freeze all foreign currency accounts" or establish limits on withdrawals. Many people were cheated during "privatization" years following perestroyka, and generally - do not have trust in state and private financial institutions. "Investment" for them is buying property and renting it out (unofficially/illegally) - without paying taxes. Or investment as buying property for all children in the family. The word for bank and jar in Russian is the same [banka]. There is a joke:
- in which banka (bank) do you keep your money?
- in glass banka (jar).

[Patagonie]

That is also true. But on a completely different scale. For example, American (and Western people in general) have a habit of investing (not all of them, but most) - because it's part of the socio-economic structure in the society, and the culture. In FSU people have learned the hard way that savings and pension funds which they keps in banks have disappeared during the Perestroyka years. Even now, every now and then banks arbitrarily chose to "freeze all foreign currency accounts" or establish limits on withdrawals. Many people were cheated during "privatization" years following perestroyka, and generally - do not have trust in state and private financial institutions. "Investment" for them is buying property and renting it out (unofficially/illegally) - without paying taxes. Or investment as buying property for all children in the family. The word for bank and jar in Russian is the same [banka]. There is a joke:
- in which banka (bank) do you keep your money?
- in glass banka (jar).

I think we find this again through "the anticipation demeanor" that westerners have, which leads their thinking , their schedules and more globally the way they manage their time.

[Lily]

IMHO it should be actually the distance, which in turn leads to not enough face time together.
For me personally, nothing else comes even close to it.
 
 

[Vasilisa]

My experience is slightly different from the majority of people here, I think as it included the "local dating with foreigners" part and "online dating with foreigners" part.
-So, in the online dating with foreigners part that would be the amount of really weird people with unrealistic expectations, so you have to look throught a lot of profiles to find something "close to normal" in your opinion.

-In the local dating part that would be the cultural part as many people have zero idea about your culture and it was either when I didn't feel enough interest from the man's side as AM expectations of a woman's behavior are different and they expect for you to be more active . Also, dating seems to be like  a joke for many, people start a relationship easily and end break up easily. Also I have an attitude :"one person at a time" and I am not dating several men at the same time and I've heard from many RW dating in the US that it's not an option with the AM from the local dating websites as they keep visiting the dating website on a regular basis even when you have had  3-5 dates, so it looks like dating was like a hobby for many, not serious at all even if the profile said the msan is looking for a serious relationship sand the men expect for you to jump in bed with them very soon.

[I/O]

I know holding her in my arms is what she needs.....and me also. So she worries....and I worry. If the distance was not so great....lets say she lived anywhere in USA...I could make even a weekend trip to see her.

That will not be the toughest thing you'll face if you are to successfully construct a real family across the various voids.
 
As for the specific example of her friends alco beau, she'll come under far more pressure to quit from those closer to her than that example has exerted before she finally packs her bat and ball to come play on your patch.

[Gator]

IMHO it should be actually the distance, which in turn leads to not enough face time together.
For me personally, nothing else comes even close to it.

The correct answer IMO in the dating phase.
 
Upon marriage, a different distance influences almost everything, and IMO this distance is further apart than in the dating phase.    I find myself completely bewildered at times as does she.   Sometimes it is merely because she is a woman and I am not.  Many times it is much more profound.  Nevertheless, when the dust settles, the air clears, and most is accepted if not understood, it is a moment to celebrate.   Vive la difference.   

[lonedrake]

Did she comment on his drinking when she was visiting him? 

 I do not know. I am not even sure they broke up. This was his reason for not making the planned trip in June/July. I understand they have some differences....but I do not know what these issues are.

[Ooooops]

-In the local dating part that would be the cultural part as many people have zero idea about your culture and it was either when I didn't feel enough interest from the man's side as AM expectations of a woman's behavior are different and they expect for you to be more active .

I personally see this as a fun part of being with partner from different culture - we can enrich each other while sharing things that are new to us.   

[ML]

the men expect for you to jump in bed with them very soon.

Yes, you should attain a position on the bed as soon as possible.

However, I don't like the 'jumpers,' particularly when a water bed is involved.

Sea sickness can ensue or even worse, flooding of the entire room.

Now if the bed is a convertible trampoline, that is a different story.

[Vasilisa]

Dating is the easy and fun part, the real challenges begin later: immigration paperwork, culture shock, adjusting, trying to build a new career in a new country, etc... That is the challenging part 

I agree with you and I/O. You may like the country when you visit as a tourist, even living there for a couple of months you see it a s a big adventure but you know you are going back, when you realize that's your new home now it's a different thing.

[I/O]

Sometimes it is merely because she is a woman and I am not.

Gator after a certain age, we all squat to .........................never mind. 

[Aloe]

For the ladies also. What do you/did you find to be the most difficult part?

Language? culture? sincerity?money?intentions?lack of face time/time/distance? or what?

 How did you overcome this?

the most difficult freakin part is being constantly cold cold cold cold cold and no break from this misery of being cold cold cold cold cold. At home i used to wear skirts and tube tops, here i'm in a thick sweater, thick socks and jeans all year round, cuz it's always cold cold cooooooooooold

[Aloe]

I will talk not about dating, but in general. I do think that culture, sincerity, attitude to money, and difficulty in understanding intentions (due to not fully understanding the culture) are all valid issues in relationships with foreign people.

Yes, attitude to money! Different spending habits. And also many couples keeping separate accounts. My MIL doesn't even know how much money her husband has, that's so weird and foreign to me.