Most difficult part of dating a FSUW/foreign person?

[Aloe]

Oops, this seems to be the long distance relationship hardships topic, scratch my answers i guess

[JohnDearGreen]

... or what?

Deciding where the grass was greener.

Hmm, the ladies are fighting over the $700 coat:

[rambler]

I could write a small book on this topic... where to start,  It is all difficult, expensive, hard work and the pain and rewards are proportional.

Russians look Caucasian to us and this fools us into thinking they are like us. They are not.  We are talking about those people, about  the genes that survived Napoleon, Czars, Hitler, Stalin, the cold war and the fall of communism.  That was not by virtue of being good upstanding, wholesome, honest, polite and neighborly. It was by hook or by crook.
True quote from a very educated Russian woman in Moscow  "Lots of men here have died of natural causes like alcohol and drugs"  it was not a joke.  Another, "Don't worry about that, he was shot just about money and business"  ... the son was shot dead to warn the father that his continued corruption would not be tolerated, unless he shared the spoils.


Held views,
Russian doctors are much more competent than English. 
Not spending all your money every month is greedy. Russians don't save, how could they on 200 to 1500 a month?
Disposable income. Russian taxes are about 15% so they think your net disposable is far higher and that your overheads are nowhere near as high as they are.
Politeness is weakness ...
Almost the only way to make a decent living is via dishonesty, therefore attitudes to crime are almost admiring, unless you are caught.
Families fall on each others throats when the elderly die to contest the will. Wills don't stick.
The ex police run organised crime with the help and protection of serving police.


If you expect your darling  sweet thing to respect normal morality and codes of ethics, just don't get involved. If you can't marry a native of your own culture and country then going for it in the FSU is like playing backgammon with doubling dice being played every second move around the board.


 Many of these girls are treacherous, amoral and scheming. Some  not all, but watch out, you are the prey; not them.  You have to find out why the girl is not married to a Russian.  Probe deeply. 
Another quote. " The men try to use us and throw us away so we use them. They always go to someone a bit younger."


Then you have to face her homesickness, her family and friend's opposition to her marrying a foreigner.  Her wanting to be with Russian speakers in your country, not partly or fully understanding each others native language. Totally different cultural views about the most common little things, flare ups about NOTHING important, to your mind. but to hers, a catastrophe.
But;  hey I am still married... Just get the blinkers off fast.  This is a tough road.  Do not marry in haste. 


R

[Vasilisa]

Russian doctors are much more competent than English. 

Why?

[rambler]

.... just part of the pattern of criticism of a system different from back home in Russia. Here a general practitioner  recommends the patient to a specialist if s/he cannot solve the problem.  it does not mean the GP is rubbish.  when homesick, everything foreign is rubbish....

[ML]

I could write a small book on this topic... where to start,  It is all difficult, expensive, hard work and the pain and rewards are proportional.

Russians look Caucasian to us and this fools us into thinking they are like us. They are not.  We are talking about those people, about  the genes that survived Napoleon, Czars, Hitler, Stalin, the cold war and the fall of communism.  That was not by virtue of being good upstanding, wholesome, honest, polite and neighborly. It was by hook or by crook.
True quote from a very educated Russian woman in Moscow  "Lots of men here have died of natural causes like alcohol and drugs"  it was not a joke.  Another, "Don't worry about that, he was shot just about money and business"  ... the son was shot dead to warn the father that his continued corruption would not be tolerated, unless he shared the spoils.


Held views,
Russian doctors are much more competent than English. 
Not spending all your money every month is greedy. Russians don't save, how could they on 200 to 1500 a month?
Disposable income. Russian taxes are about 15% so they think your net disposable is far higher and that your overheads are nowhere near as high as they are.
Politeness is weakness ...
Almost the only way to make a decent living is via dishonesty, therefore attitudes to crime are almost admiring, unless you are caught.
Families fall on each others throats when the elderly die to contest the will. Wills don't stick.
The ex police run organised crime with the help and protection of serving police.


If you expect your darling  sweet thing to respect normal morality and codes of ethics, just don't get involved. If you can't marry a native of your own culture and country then going for it in the FSU is like playing backgammon with doubling dice being played every second move around the board.


 Many of these girls are treacherous, amoral and scheming. Some  not all, but watch out, you are the prey; not them.  You have to find out why the girl is not married to a Russian.  Probe deeply. 
Another quote. " The men try to use us and throw us away so we use them. They always go to someone a bit younger."


Then you have to face her homesickness, her family and friend's opposition to her marrying a foreigner.  Her wanting to be with Russian speakers in your country, not partly or fully understanding each others native language. Totally different cultural views about the most common little things, flare ups about NOTHING important, to your mind. but to hers, a catastrophe.
But;  hey I am still married... Just get the blinkers off fast.  This is a tough road.  Do not marry in haste.  R

I agree with  much of what you wrote.

However, strange thing . . . it is still possible to find a woman there who is quite different than the norm; or perhaps has resolutely rejected to norm.

I have been with several of them, including Ochka who is with me now in USA.  Truly, with these women, there has been very little that distinguishes them from AW in a behavioral sense.

Yes, they mostly still have some belief in the 'witch doctor or babushka' medical remedies; but can gradually be brought around.

[GQBlues]

.... just part of the pattern of criticism of a system different from back home in Russia. Here a general practitioner  recommends the patient to a specialist if s/he cannot solve the problem.  it does not mean the GP is rubbish.  when homesick, everything foreign is rubbish....

LOL...I can fully relate. Today, so can my wife apparently...
 
Just this past weekend, wifey got a call from one of her friends saying her sister is in visiting from Russia, so she'd like to take her out to town with her friends. Asked if I mind, I said of course not, go, be careful and have a great time...
 
Not 30 minutes after she left did the text messages started pouring in.
 
" Now I'm beginning to understand why so-so have the type of personality she does. If my sister is like this, I'd be just like so-so!"
"She's bossing everyone around. So-so (another friend) keeps whispering to me she's starting to annoy her pretty bad, too"
"OK...it's official. Everyone can't stand this woman (the sister)."
"OMG. Everything in LA is screwed-up. Everything is done backwards!"
"She thinks she knows LA better than everyone else."
"We're on our way home. Everyone can't stand her any longer. Love U"
 
This is the funniest part of the messages...
 
"God honey, I hope I wasn't like this when I first came here. I know I complained a lot about everything in the beginning, too. Sorry, if I was. This is horrible!"
 
Yeah, life always come in full circle. Sweet. Rambler, here's to you my man! 

[Faux Pas]

Maybe it's just me but, I'm thinking rambler there moves in different circles in Russia than I do. Yes some of that is true and it has nothing to do with the women, their history or morality. Jesus guy, if "most" of the folks in Russia are as you describe, you need to find a better class of people to hang out with when you go. Yes, there is a better class than what you've described

[Ooooops]

Russians look Caucasian to us and this fools us into thinking they are like us. They are not.  We are talking about those people, about  the genes that survived Napoleon, Czars, Hitler, Stalin, the cold war and the fall of communism.  That was not by virtue of being good upstanding, wholesome, honest, polite and neighborly. It was by hook or by crook.

Now, that's funny!        I'm starting to believe that Americans were place in USA from above, carefully wrapped in angels feathers.   

[lonedrake]

Held views,
Russian doctors are much more competent than English. 
Not spending all your money every month is greedy. Russians don't save, how could they on 200 to 1500 a month?
Disposable income. Russian taxes are about 15% so they think your net disposable is far higher and that your overheads are nowhere near as high as they are.
Politeness is weakness ...
Almost the only way to make a decent living is via dishonesty, therefore attitudes to crime are almost admiring, unless you are caught.
Families fall on each others throats when the elderly die to contest the will. Wills don't stick.
The ex police run organised crime with the help and protection of serving police.


If you expect your darling  sweet thing to respect normal morality and codes of ethics, just don't get involved. If you can't marry a native of your own culture and country then going for it in the FSU is like playing backgammon with doubling dice being played every second move around the board.


 Many of these girls are treacherous, amoral and scheming. Some  not all, but watch out, you are the prey; not them.  You have to find out why the girl is not married to a Russian.  Probe deeply. 
Another quote. " The men try to use us and throw us away so we use them. They always go to someone a bit younger."


Then you have to face her homesickness, her family and friend's opposition to her marrying a foreigner.  Her wanting to be with Russian speakers in your country, not partly or fully understanding each others native language. Totally different cultural views about the most common little things, flare ups about NOTHING important, to your mind. but to hers, a catastrophe.
But;  hey I am still married... Just get the blinkers off fast.  This is a tough road.  Do not marry in haste. 

 Yikes!  Are the rewards worth it?   

[pitbull]

I could write a small book on this topic... where to start,  It is all difficult, expensive, hard work and the pain and rewards are proportional.

Russians look Caucasian to us and this fools us into thinking they are like us. They are not.  We are talking about those people, about  the genes that survived Napoleon, Czars, Hitler, Stalin, the cold war and the fall of communism.  That was not by virtue of being good upstanding, wholesome, honest, polite and neighborly. It was by hook or by crook.
True quote from a very educated Russian woman in Moscow  "Lots of men here have died of natural causes like alcohol and drugs"  it was not a joke.  Another, "Don't worry about that, he was shot just about money and business"  ... the son was shot dead to warn the father that his continued corruption would not be tolerated, unless he shared the spoils.


Held views,
Russian doctors are much more competent than English. 
Not spending all your money every month is greedy. Russians don't save, how could they on 200 to 1500 a month?
Disposable income. Russian taxes are about 15% so they think your net disposable is far higher and that your overheads are nowhere near as high as they are.
Politeness is weakness ...
Almost the only way to make a decent living is via dishonesty, therefore attitudes to crime are almost admiring, unless you are caught.
Families fall on each others throats when the elderly die to contest the will. Wills don't stick.
The ex police run organised crime with the help and protection of serving police.


If you expect your darling  sweet thing to respect normal morality and codes of ethics, just don't get involved. If you can't marry a native of your own culture and country then going for it in the FSU is like playing backgammon with doubling dice being played every second move around the board.


 Many of these girls are treacherous, amoral and scheming. Some  not all, but watch out, you are the prey; not them.  You have to find out why the girl is not married to a Russian.  Probe deeply. 
Another quote. " The men try to use us and throw us away so we use them. They always go to someone a bit younger."


Then you have to face her homesickness, her family and friend's opposition to her marrying a foreigner.  Her wanting to be with Russian speakers in your country, not partly or fully understanding each others native language. Totally different cultural views about the most common little things, flare ups about NOTHING important, to your mind. but to hers, a catastrophe.
But;  hey I am still married... Just get the blinkers off fast.  This is a tough road.  Do not marry in haste. 


R

This is very sad, rambler, hope you have a prenup.

[OlgaH]

"OK...it's official. Everyone can't stand this woman (the sister)."
"OMG. Everything in LA is screwed-up. Everything is done backwards!"
"She thinks she knows LA better than everyone else."
"We're on our way home. Everyone can't stand her any longer. Love U"
 

at least your wife's friend visited LA  Now imagine to hear this all from the people who have never been to LA or any parts of the US (or other countries) 

[Ooooops]

Not 30 minutes after she left did the text messages started pouring in.

Well, this is just impolite - to text constantly while having lunch, even if company is not up to your standards...   

[ML]

at least your wife's friend visited LA  Now imagine to hear this all from the people who have never been to LA or any parts of the US (or other countries) 

Yes, I have been lectured a few times by FSUW about how life is in USA; despite them never having been here.

[GQBlues]

at least your wife's friend visited LA  Now imagine to hear this all from the people who have never been to LA or any parts of the US (or other countries)   

I've actually heard it both ways (like/dislike) from folks who's never been here, and to be fair not just Russians. Heck, even Americans from out-of-State 
 

Well, this is just impolite - to text constantly while having lunch, even if company is not up to your standards...   

It was actually during the evening. They had dinner then headed out to go dancing. The text numbered more than the ones I posted, mostly pics of themselves....
 
This iPhone rage can be a great thing. But unfortunately, can be a very dangerous thing, too. Text & driving a big no-no!
 
Wifey really enjoys sending me sweet messages and pictures whenever or wherever. Maybe it's her way to keep in touch with me. She even uses those love emoticons now kisses, hearts, etc...Love it! I especially like how she always made it a point to call me to let me know when she's leaving her office every, single solitary day since she started working. I never asked her to do this but am glad she's taken the initiative.
 
Heck, she and her sisters ( in Canada/Germany) have the What's App app. They send each other random text and pics occasionally. It's their way to stay in touch. Some of them are pretty silly....
 
Heck, even SMC sent her a text today since she's an alumnus, warning her to stay out of the campus because of the stupid shooting... 
 
 
 

[cc3]

I could write a small book on this topic... where to start,  It is all difficult, expensive, hard work and the pain and rewards are proportional.

Russians look Caucasian to us and this fools us into thinking they are like us. They are not.  We are talking about those people, about  the genes that survived Napoleon, Czars, Hitler, Stalin, the cold war and the fall of communism.  That was not by virtue of being good upstanding, wholesome, honest, polite and neighborly. It was by hook or by crook.
True quote from a very educated Russian woman in Moscow  "Lots of men here have died of natural causes like alcohol and drugs"  it was not a joke.  Another, "Don't worry about that, he was shot just about money and business"  ... the son was shot dead to warn the father that his continued corruption would not be tolerated, unless he shared the spoils.


Held views,
Russian doctors are much more competent than English. 
Not spending all your money every month is greedy. Russians don't save, how could they on 200 to 1500 a month?
Disposable income. Russian taxes are about 15% so they think your net disposable is far higher and that your overheads are nowhere near as high as they are.
Politeness is weakness ...
Almost the only way to make a decent living is via dishonesty, therefore attitudes to crime are almost admiring, unless you are caught.
Families fall on each others throats when the elderly die to contest the will. Wills don't stick.
The ex police run organised crime with the help and protection of serving police.


If you expect your darling  sweet thing to respect normal morality and codes of ethics, just don't get involved. If you can't marry a native of your own culture and country then going for it in the FSU is like playing backgammon with doubling dice being played every second move around the board.


 Many of these girls are treacherous, amoral and scheming. Some  not all, but watch out, you are the prey; not them.  You have to find out why the girl is not married to a Russian.  Probe deeply. 
Another quote. " The men try to use us and throw us away so we use them. They always go to someone a bit younger."


Then you have to face her homesickness, her family and friend's opposition to her marrying a foreigner.  Her wanting to be with Russian speakers in your country, not partly or fully understanding each others native language. Totally different cultural views about the most common little things, flare ups about NOTHING important, to your mind. but to hers, a catastrophe.
But;  hey I am still married... Just get the blinkers off fast.  This is a tough road.  Do not marry in haste. 


R

R, your writing is extremely poignant, on the sad side. If my Ukrainian fiancee wasn't the best woman (mother excepted) I have ever known, in a life full of significant relationships, I would be having doubts, after reading your last few posts. I truly wish you marital success and happier times in the future.

[Misha]

Not spending all your money every month is greedy. Russians don't save, how could they on 200 to 1500 a month?

My wife must not be Russian then  For that matter my MIL neither  Sarcasm aside, my wife saves and saves some more...

Families fall on each others throats when the elderly die to contest the will. Wills don't stick.

What can be inherited of value is usually property (apartment or dacha) and usually this is settled long before any will is written...

If you expect your darling  sweet thing to respect normal morality and codes of ethics, just don't get involved. If you can't marry a native of your own culture and country then going for it in the FSU is like playing backgammon with doubling dice being played every second move around the board.

As others have said, depends on the woman. Yes, there is culture shock, but it does pass. There are good women in the FSU, just a question of finding one IMHO.

[Ooooops]

This iPhone rage can be a great thing. But unfortunately, can be a very dangerous thing, too. Text & driving a big no-no!

Heck, even SMC sent her a text today since she's an alumnus, warning her to stay out of the campus because of the stupid shooting... 

I don't have an iPhone, probably the only one still left without one...       


Yes, I've heard...   Terrible...   Oh well, gun laws are not about to change, so...

[Vasilisa]

I don't have an iPhone, probably the only one still left without one...       


Yes, I've heard...   Terrible...   Oh well, gun laws are not about to change, so...

I don't have an iPhone either

When I lived in the US I didn't care if I have an iPhone or not, I had a very simple phone and a tablet but when I returned in Russia I've noticed that many people here use other kinds of smartphones, cheaper ones. But almost any young person has a smart phone. So now I want to get something, too .
In the US I felt fine without them.

[Ooooops]

When I lived in the US I didn't care if I have an iPhone or not, I had a very simple phone and a tablet but when I returned in Russia I've noticed that many people here use other kinds of smartphones, cheaper ones. But almost any young person has a smart phone. So now I want to get something, too .
In the US I felt fine without them.

Peer pressure - best selling force!   

[Boethius]

Now, that's funny!        I'm starting to believe that Americans were place in USA from above, carefully wrapped in angels feathers.

rambler is in the UK.  My FSU born husband knows many FSU individuals, from all over, Russia, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, who exhibit many of the characteristics rambler describes.  In his observation, most were "part of the system" before the collapse, or come from such families, and, in his personal experience, those types of individuals are immoral.


 

[Ooooops]

rambler is in the UK. 


My FSU born husband knows many FSU individuals, from all over, Russia, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, who exhibit many of the characteristics rambler describes.  In his observation, most were "part of the system" before the collapse, or come from such families, and, in his personal experience, those types of individuals are immoral.

I don't thing such traits are specific to any particular country, rather to specific groups of people, as some posters already mentioned.   Analogy comes to mind with two blind people trying to describe an elephant while touching it one from the front and one from the rear end.   

[Boethius]

I don't thing such traits are specific to any particular country, rather to specific groups of people, as some posters already mentioned.   Analogy comes to mind with two blind people trying to describe an elephant while touching it one from the front and one from the rear end.   

Hubby would agree with you, but say there are, percentage wise, more of them in the FSU.  Just his personal experience.

[Ooooops]

Hubby would agree with you, but say there are, percentage wise, more of them in the FSU.  Just his personal experience.

And it's hard to argue about personal experiences.      It would be interesting to compare folk idioms from different countries about such character traits and then compare %.   

[Belvis]

Russians look Caucasian to us and this fools us into thinking they are like us. They are not.

A riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma? ( Winston Churchill's quotation about Russia, 1939)