Need some advice from a Russian lady.

[werebear]

Hello all,

I apologize if this isn't protocol. I need some advice concerning a very loved friend. Is there any way that I can be contacted privately about this? I am not comfortable at this time putting it out here for all and sundry to read. At a later time perhaps, but not right now. I am NOT trying to be a jerk or a scumbag. I just need some advice, I am very concerned about my friend. If someone could help me I would appreciate it a great deal. I also apologize if this double posts, when I tried to submit it earlier it wouldn't go and I refreshed the page.

[SANDRO43]

Is there any way that I can be contacted privately about this?

Werebear, yes there is, it's a feature called Personal Messaging (PM) .

You're now enabled to receive PMs, but not to send them until you've made at least 5 posts in the Forum (IIRC) - this is aimed at denying the use of the feature by spambots and the like. 

P.S.: I don't know if responding to received PMs has a similar limitation.

[werebear]

SANDRO43,
Thank you for the information, Sorry if i sound like a goober in here. I'm still very new to this forum.

[SANDRO43]

Sorry if i sound like a goober in here. I'm still very new to this forum.

No need at all to apologise, quite understandable from a new member . Feel free to ask.

BTW, I had forgotten to add: 
to RWD.

[Boethius]

You can change some of the facts which would make your question more anonymous, and  you could ask that this thread be moved to the Members Only section, which means only registered members can read it.


I think when you are looking for advice, getting different points of view is always more preferable than individual perspectives, but of course, totally your call.

[werebear]

Boethius,
Thank you for the information. I would prefer to speak to someone privately first about it. I am not opposed to this thread being moved and I do want to get more advice, heck I don't even mind if whoever I talk to send it to other ladies on here. I am worried and concerned right now and I may not be making much sense. I don't know who to talk to and i just need some advice on how to help, but I need a ladies pov on this. The reason I am wanting to keep this a private conversation is because it concerns a personal matter with my friend.

[Ooooops]

werebear, as SANDRO pointed to you - bring your posts number on RWD to 5, otherwise you can't answer to PMs that you may receive.   

[werebear]

Thanks you ooops

[ML]

I am not a female, but I can answer many of your burning questions.

Yes, there are some physical differences between men and women; which makes for some pleasant interactions and intercourse (no, I mean the talking type).

Yes, you do not understand the woman; but take heart because you never will.  But, in fairness, I should add that many women have the same feeling about we men.

No,  your woman is not brain damaged.  The strange sounds she makes is because she is speaking Russian or Ukrainian.

No, she really does not love you . . . yet.

No, the average FSUW (Former Soviet Union Woman) is not more traditional or more family oriented than the average WW.

Yes, the average FSUW might prefer a man older than herself . . . but not as old as you are.

Yes, it's true you will never be number one with your gal; you will be way down the line after her children, parents and maybe brothers and sisters.

etc., etc.

[Ooooops]

Oh dear...   

[werebear]

ML,
I appreciate you replying. I realize that I am new here. I even appreciate the failed attempt at humor. However THIS is the reason that I want to speak to someone privately. Now unless you are a female, preferably from Moscow, and can give advice about something that is very serious, please leave me alone. Maybe at another time we can have a conversation, but right now I am too worried to do so.

[werebear]

ooops thank you for trying to help. If you know of anyone that might be able to help, could you please talk to them for me and see if they are willing to help? Thank you again

[Lily]

werebear, the RWDers are almost always happy to give an advice. At the same time, something tells me that your situation could hardly be resolved by someone who does not know your friend in person. What is good for one, could be no good for another. Especially with women!
 
Re-read your posts once again. Actually, who needs help? You personally or your friend? If it is your friend, often a better course of action would be not to step in unless directly asked to.

[werebear]

Miss Lily,
I need the advice to be able to help my friend, and I do want to point out that she is a friend, not lover, date, future wife, etc.
I also understand about the not stepping in part, believe me I do, but sometimes you have to take action in order to help someone. I will do what is necessary to help and protect her, what that is right now I have no idea. That is the reason for me asking for advice. Thank you to the folks that were kind enough to send me the PM's. If she were here I know exactly what I could do. However since she is not I am at a loss for ideas. 

[Lily]

So, the problem is that of your friend.
 

werebear, are you sure that your friend's problems wouldn't be better addressed by consulting a doctor, a lawyer, or some other kind of expert?
 
In your post, you also say that help would be needed from someone of 1) female gender, and 2) preferrably located in Moscow. Would it be correct to assume that the desired help requires some act in person that cannot be provided at a distance?

[cc3]

ML,
 I even appreciate the failed attempt at humor. However THIS is the reason that I want to speak to someone privately... please leave me alone.

Don't know about you, ML, but I think that I have just read the biggest put-down, mostly undeserved, of a forum veteran by a newbie that has ever been posted.
    

[calmissile]

Miss Lily,
I need the advice to be able to help my friend, and I do want to point out that she is a friend, not lover, date, future wife, etc.
I also understand about the not stepping in part, believe me I do, but sometimes you have to take action in order to help someone. I will do what is necessary to help and protect her, what that is right now I have no idea. That is the reason for me asking for advice. Thank you to the folks that were kind enough to send me the PM's. If she were here I know exactly what I could do. However since she is not I am at a loss for ideas.

I would suggest you send a PM to Lily or OlgaH.  Both are very nice ladies and not likely to respond with derrogatory comments.   Your idea of keeping  it off the open forum is a good idea IMHO.  Good luck!

[Boethius]

No FSUW would respond with derogatory comments in a PM, I am certain of this and, in addition to Lily and OlgaH, many would provide excellent advice.  As for keeping information off the open forum, I have provided my view, which is that the more perspectives one receives, the better one is able to come to a conclusion.   Individuals have different life experiences, and therefore, different approaches on issues.  In my observation, posters who don't want to read different perspectives are usually blind to reality.   A matter of privacy is different, naturally.

[werebear]

To all of you that offered advice, Thank you.

This is not a matter of not wanting to see perspectives, it is a private matter. One that I do not wish to have made fun of in an attempt at humor by someone that does not know about the situation or the severity of the situation. I asked for some people to PM me and several have and they know the situation at hand. Most have been able to give some really good advice, some weren't able to help at all, which I understand. As for looking at perspectives, I do look at others perspectives. I needed to find out about different conditions and conditioning that happens in social circles in Moscow, among ladies. I am trying to help a friend before she ends up destroying or killing herself with her current actions. I hope that you can understand why I don't feel like laughing right now. I apologize if you feel that I was rude.

[ML]

Don't know about you, ML, but I think that I have just read the biggest put-down, mostly undeserved, of a forum veteran by a newbie that has ever been posted.
 

Actually, it didn't  bother me a bit.

First, he was wrong about the 'failed humor.'
It was very funny.

Second, I understand where he was coming from.
A serious problem, and he just didn't feel like engaging in any humor.

It's OK with me.
I wish him the best, but cannot help with the current problem.

[Faux Pas]

I would suggest you send a PM to Lily or OlgaH.  Both are very nice ladies and not likely to respond with derrogatory comments.   Your idea of keeping  it off the open forum is a good idea IMHO.  Good luck!

Did you PM the OP and offer advice cal? How would you know if it was a good idea to keep it off the open forum? Are you a RW cal? Where in this thread is derogatory comment thus far? Lily and Olga while both fine RW IMHO are not even close to the only fine RW on the forum.

Your disdain for RWD is noted.

[Faux Pas]

I am not a female, but I can answer many of your burning questions.

Yes, there are some physical differences between men and women; which makes for some pleasant interactions and intercourse (no, I mean the talking type).

Yes, you do not understand the woman; but take heart because you never will.  But, in fairness, I should add that many women have the same feeling about we men.

No,  your woman is not brain damaged.  The strange sounds she makes is because she is speaking Russian or Ukrainian.

No, she really does not love you . . . yet.

No, the average FSUW (Former Soviet Union Woman) is not more traditional or more family oriented than the average WW.

Yes, the average FSUW might prefer a man older than herself . . . but not as old as you are.

Yes, it's true you will never be number one with your gal; you will be way down the line after her children, parents and maybe brothers and sisters.

etc., etc.

Actually, it didn't  bother me a bit.

First, he was wrong about the 'failed humor.'
It was very funny.

Second, I understand where he was coming from.
A serious problem, and he just didn't feel like engaging in any humor.

It's OK with me.
I wish him the best, but cannot help with the current problem.

He wasn't wrong ML, it wasn't funny 

[Belvis]

First, he was wrong about the 'failed humor.'
It was very funny.

I'm probably a spoiled man as it was funny for me too.
I'd like note ML's post is not related to OP personally.

[BillyB]

I am trying to help a friend before she ends up destroying or killing herself with her current actions.

You should be open to more advice if it's that serious. Based on the seriousness of the situation, Lily, a RW, just gave you some good advice in the quote below.

werebear, are you sure that your friend's problems wouldn't be better addressed by consulting a doctor, a lawyer, or some other kind of expert?
 

You really want to help but will you stop at free advice? You may get what you pay for. If you really care about this person, shell out some money and hire a local professional to save the woman's life.

If it is your friend, often a better course of action would be not to step in unless directly asked to.

That's good advice. If it's a family member, then werebear has every right to seek help from anywhere to save his family. If it's a friend, especially if he hasn't met her, then it's best he back off or seek the friend's family member or a professional, not an anonymous person on the internet to solve the problem. With what werebear is doing, the friend may reject the kind of help he wants to give.

[calmissile]

Did you PM the OP and offer advice cal?

Of course not.  The OP requested contact with a FSUW.  Since it was previously reported, Mods monitor PM's and Chat, I would expect you would have already been able to answer your own question.

How would you know if it was a good idea to keep it off the open forum?

Because the OP had already indicated it was a very private and sensitive matter and did not want to have the matter discussed in the open forum.  I simply am in agreement with him.

Are you a RW cal?

Not unless I had a recent sex change.     

Where in this thread is derogatory comment thus far?

None in this thread.  However the reading of nearly any thread will reveal many.  Your comment about disdain is the only exception.

Lily and Olga while both fine RW IMHO are not even close to the only fine RW on the forum.
 
No where did I suggest they were the only fine women on RWD.  They are two that I would suggest to the OP to contact for assistance with his problem.  I am sure there are others and you might want to suggest your recommendations to him.

Your disdain for RWD is noted.

There is no disdain for RWD, only for a few cranky old men that try to rule the forum with an iron fist.  Your personal antagonism is noted.

Edit:    BTW, I should have added Bo to the recommendation.  Even though we disagree on some issues, she has demonstrated the ability for critical/rational thinking.