Inside a Russian woman's psyche

[CanadaMan]

 
This post goes out to all the FSU women here.
A woman's psyche is a strange, wonderful and sometimes mysterious phenomenon to most men.


Before I get to heart of the matter, I will start with a scenario that almost everyone here can relate to and understand.


 A man and a woman meet. They fall in love.
They marry. They decide to have children and a few years later are rewarded with a little girl and boy.
The couple are in love with each other and their two children.
The above scenario is played out all around the world and is what most people dream of realizing at some point in their lives.
 
Now I will introduce a different scenario.
One that is considerably different from the one above.
One that I can’t wrap my mind around just yet.
Hopefully a FSU woman here will be able to make sense of it and explain what exactly is going on inside the psyche of this Russian woman.
This is a true story. Like the first story above, it happens all over the world, but far less frequently.
 
A Russian woman marries at a young age and bears a child. Several years later the marriage falls apart. Eventually the child is raised by the father who is in a much better financial situation than the mother.


Years pass. The child, a daughter is now 14 years old.
The mother goes on a summer vacation, meets a man there, and has a brief (10 day) fling with him. 


Shortly after returning from the vacation (the man is now forgotten) the woman learns that she is pregnant.
She consults with her family and friends and decides to have the child on her own!!!


She has plenty of opportunity to have an abortion, but decides not to. 
By making her decision she knows that her life will change dramatically. She will make huge sacrifices with her time. She will devote two decades of the best years of her life to raising this child, possibly on her own.


She will be reminded each minute, each hour, each day, each year for the rest of her life of the father of this child, each time she looks into its eyes.
She will struggle to earn a living sufficient to care for herself and her child.
She will have great difficulties finding a husband who will accept her and her young child. 



Please dear FSU woman explain, beyond the religious/moral reasons that may have played some role in her decision to keep the child, why she would do this to herself?
This is a woman who has already born a child, so this is not a 'biological clock ticking' type of situation.

This is an extremely intelligent woman, with a graduate degree
Thanks in advance!
 

[Shadow]

Contrary to what you seem to be thinking it is a matter of biological clock.
Being a mother does not stop with finished production, but comes from actually raising the child.

[Doll]

I think that this woman wants more children so this "accident" gives her this chance.
I remember myself when my son was already 10 and I realized that
"this is it". I wanted another child badly! I did marry a guy who was not really a "marriage material" ( I understood it later))) and had another son. We split quite soon but I've never ever regreted a bit that I had another boy.
Another reason for this woman can be- she will try to immigrate and before she will prove that this man is her child's father. Or just have the child support.
I said- CAN BE.

[Faux Pas]

I realize for many it is akin to changing ones underwear but, abortion isn't an option or a way "out" for many people.

[Misha]

This is a woman who has already born a child, so this is not a 'biological clock ticking' type of situation.

It is if she wants to have a second child. If the first child is 14, she is presumably close to her mid-30s which would be seen as the final opportunity to have a second child...

[vwrw]

Explanation is rather simple. The woman has different views  on life. And her action or inaction  are based on her views, not somebody's else.

She consults with her family and friends and decides to have the child on her own!!!


She feels lonely...she wants somebody to love and be loved by the person and she has no promising male prospects on her horizon, so she does not mind to "make" the person by herself since she cannot find the person. It is usual for people to make themselves what they cannot find.


She has plenty of opportunity to have an abortion, but decides not to. 
[size=78%]By making her decision she knows that her life will change dramatically. She will make huge sacrifices with her time. She will devote two decades of the best years of her life to raising this child, possibly on her own.[/size]


You depict the child related changes as negative...perhaps, you have  something in your life that really excites and fascinates you   and giving that up for a child is a sacrifice for you.....She may feel that her life is empty, and now she may not have anything in her life that excites and fascinates her, so giving that up is not a sacrifice for her , but something she wants to give up. How lonely years of her life can be the best years of her life? That cannot be. Happy years are the best years in a person life. Her best years will be then when she will stop being lonely and will have somebody around her to have fun with and love him or her.

She will be reminded each minute, each hour, each day, each year for the rest of her life of the father of this child, each time she looks into its eyes.

Not necessary. She might be thinking of the father if she loved him....but she did not, so she will not be reminded of the father.   I have a few friends  who got children in similar way( from a fling). The fathers are forgotten long time ago, and their images do not haunt them at all....the only question that bothers them is how to explain the children who are their fathers.

Are you reminded about the women you loved when you make sex with somebody?...probably not ...because you are so involved in the process that you forget most things...the same way  women can look at a child and not to be reminded about the father...they are too much involved into the adoration of the child, they cannot think about anything else. Some of them even forget about the father when he IS around them and you expect them to remember about a guy they had a fling with...

She will struggle to earn a living sufficient to care for herself and her child.


Loneliness is a worse thing to many people then living with insufficient means. That is why many people will give up everything them have to save their significant others.

She will have great difficulties finding a husband who will accept her and her young child. 


If a woman had no problem finding suitors without a child, she will find the suitors as easy with a child. Women who are a magnet for men stays so even when they have a child. 
So this reason may scare only women who think in the same way you do.



[size=78%]This is a woman who has already born a child, so this is not a 'biological clock ticking' type of situation.[/size]

The " biological clock" does not stop bothering women while she is fertile, regardless of whether she has a child or not. The only difference that having a child may make is that the child may make the woman stronger in resisting the urge of her body.  Expecting a woman's body to stop wanting a baby after she gave birth to one is as naive as expecting a man to stop wanting sex after somebody gave birth to his child. Please , note that a mental desire to have a child is not the same as the physical desire to have it. What the woman wants and what her body wants may differ.

[CanadaMan]

Contrary to what you seem to be thinking it is a matter of biological clock.
Being a mother does not stop with finished production, but comes from actually raising the child.

Thanks Shadow for the insight.

[CanadaMan]

I think that this woman wants more children so this "accident" gives her this chance.
I remember myself when my son was already 10 and I realized that
"this is it". I wanted another child badly! ...
Another reason for this woman can be- she will try to immigrate and before she will prove that this man is her child's father. Or just have the child support.
I said- CAN BE.

Thanks very much Doll for your input! I appreciate it.

[CanadaMan]

Explanation is rather simple. The woman has different views  on life. And her action or inaction  are based on her views, not somebody's else.

She feels lonely...she wants somebody to love and be loved by the person and she has no promising male prospects on her horizon, so she does not mind to "make" the person by herself since she cannot find the person. It is usual for people to make themselves what they cannot find.

Very interesting!

You depict the child related changes as negative...perhaps, you have  something in your life that really excites and fascinates you   and giving that up for a child is a sacrifice for you.....She may feel that her life is empty, and now she may not have anything in her life that excites and fascinates her, so giving that up is not a sacrifice for her , but something she wants to give up.

Not negative per se, but going it alone is much more of a challenge than rearing a child together with a father.

How lonely years of her life can be the best years of her life? That cannot be. Happy years are the best years in a person life. Her best years will be then when she will stop being lonely and will have somebody around her to have fun with and love him or her.

I see. Very interesting.

   I have a few friends  who got children in similar way( from a fling). The fathers are forgotten long time ago, and their images do not haunt them at all....the only question that bothers them is how to explain the children who are their fathers.

Thanks.

Are you reminded about the women you loved when you make sex with somebody?...probably not ...because you are so involved in the process that you forget most things...the same way  women can look at a child and not to be reminded about the father...they are too much involved into the adoration of the child, they cannot think about anything else.

I don't think this analogy fits very well. 
But I get your overall point.

Loneliness is a worse thing to many people then living with insufficient means. That is why many people will give up everything them have to save their significant others.

Thanks again for this!

If a woman had no problem finding suitors without a child, she will find the suitors as easy with a child. Women who are a magnet for men stays so even when they have a child. 
So this reason may scare only women who think in the same way you do.

She herself mentioned the difficulties Russian women face finding a husband when in her situation.

The " biological clock" does not stop bothering women while she is fertile, regardless of whether she has a child or not. The only difference that having a child may make is that the child may make the woman stronger in resisting the urge of her body.  Expecting a woman's body to stop wanting a baby after she gave birth to one is as naive as expecting a man to stop wanting sex after somebody gave birth to his child. Please , note that a mental desire to have a child is not the same as the physical desire to have it. What the woman wants and what her body wants may differ.

Very fascinating insights vwrw, thanks very much! 

[CanadaMan]

I realize for many it is akin to changing ones underwear but, abortion isn't an option or a way "out" for many people.

I realize this too.
But the fact that she consulted with her family and friends about it would indicate that abortion was an option for her.

[BillyB]

Please dear FSU woman explain, beyond the religious/moral reasons that may have played some role in her decision to keep the child, why she would do this to herself?

Why look beyond? The answers may stop there. Some women are against abortion for moral and/or religious reasons. Some RW believe in fate and that things happen for a reason so they are more accepting of what life has thrown at them.

[fathertime]

 
The mother goes on a summer vacation, meets a man there, and has a brief (10 day) fling with him. 


Shortly after returning from the vacation (the man is now forgotten) the woman learns that she is pregnant.
She consults with her family and friends and decides to have the child on her own!!!


She has plenty of opportunity to have an abortion, but decides not to. 
By making her decision she knows that her life will change dramatically. She will make huge sacrifices with her time. She will devote two decades of the best years of her life to raising this child, possibly on her own.


She will be reminded each minute, each hour, each day, each year for the rest of her life of the father of this child, each time she looks into its eyes.
She will struggle to earn a living sufficient to care for herself and her child.
She will have great difficulties finding a husband who will accept her and her young child. 



Please dear FSU woman explain, beyond the religious/moral reasons that may have played some role in her decision to keep the child, why she would do this to herself?
This is a woman who has already born a child, so this is not a 'biological clock ticking' type of situation.

This is an extremely intelligent woman, with a graduate degree
Thanks in advance!

I know this scenario well.  I think sometimes women just want a child and they create an ‘accident’ with a man.  Often times these women don’t care to ever have the man in her or the child’s life.  These men are merely viewed as sperm donors by the woman.   I can’t say how a woman like this is viewed in Russia or her psyche, but here in the states the story is often spun a little, and the woman is seen as a heroic victim that some man ditched.   It is a HUGE red flag if a man meets a woman in one of these ‘fling’ type situations and she encourages sex without a condom  (and ‘coincidentally’ is ovulating).  If a man is young, dumb, and in the moment, he may not reach for the condom.   
 
Deceptive on the woman’s part, dumb on the man’s part.   


Fathertime!

[CanadaMan]

Why look beyond? The answers may stop there. Some women are against abortion for moral and/or religious reasons. Some RW believe in fate and that things happen for a reason so they are more accepting of what life has thrown at them.

You may be right on the money here Billy. I may find out more later.

[CanadaMan]

...  It is a HUGE red flag if a man meets a woman in one of these ‘fling’ type situations and she encourages sex without a condom  (and ‘coincidentally’ is ovulating). 

I wasn't planning on going into more detail, but since you've opened up the door...

This woman is an MD. Guess what her specialty is?
Venereology.

Now isn't that a coincidence? An MD who specializes in venereal diseases has unprotected sex with a stranger?

 

If a man is young, dumb, and in the moment, he may not reach for the condom. 

I don't know about dumb or in the moment, but he wasn't young, that's for sure. 

[ghost of moon goddess]

....
Please dear FSU woman explain, beyond the religious/moral reasons that may have played some role in her decision to keep the child, why she would do this to herself?
This is a woman who has already born a child, so this is not a 'biological clock ticking' type of situation.

This is an extremely intelligent woman, with a graduate degree
Thanks in advance!

The fact that the woman in question has already given birth to a child itself doesn't make her a Mother (considering that being a Mother is also (or mainly) about bringing up and putting a considerable amount of work and effort into happiness of her kid(s)
Realizing the difficulties all "irrational" mothers  face, she had consulted her family and friends to ensure that she had their support, which, IMO, indicates the maturity and responsibility of her choice.
The majority of women (regardless of their nationality, I believe) view coming in Motherhood as an absolutely essential part of their lives, so no rational reasoning can outweigh the power of women's maternal instincts.

[CanadaMan]

The fact that the woman in question has already given birth to a child itself doesn't make her a Mother ...

Realizing the difficulties all "irrational" mothers  face, she had consulted her family and friends to ensure that she had their support, which, IMO, indicates the maturity and responsibility of her choice.

The majority of women (regardless of their nationality, I believe) view coming in Motherhood as an absolutely essential part of their lives, so no rational reasoning can outweigh the power of women's maternal instincts.

Thanks moon goddess, your post helps me to understand this woman's psyche a little better.

I guess if we wanted to tie this thread together with another on a similar theme, a good candidate would be the one that went something like:

Who does a RW value most in her life?
Her children, her parents, her pets, other, .......... her husband. 

[Shadow]

Who does a RW value most in her life?
Her children, her parents, her pets, other, .......... her husband. 

It is not limited to RW. Women would like a husband, but there can be many circumstances that make it hard to find a god one.
For instance an MD would find it hard to leave her life and calling behind (as MD should be a calling much more than a profession), yet be unable to find a local man that meets her standards in behaviour and character. At a point in life she realises that to experience a full family might be a fantasy, but to be a real mother is still possible. She may then decide to find someone she feels would be a decent donor.
Not knowing who the father is holds a risk, as character traits are still inherited. There for selecting someone who she might under other circumstances see as a partner would be her preferred choice.

As for her asking family and friends, it is similar to the many men who arrive here only to get confirmation of their fantasy, which often ends by them declaring the membership hostile for not doing so.

[Ooooops]

This woman is an MD. Guess what her specialty is?
Venereology.

Now isn't that a coincidence? An MD who specializes in venereal diseases has unprotected sex with a stranger?

 
I don't know about dumb or in the moment, but he wasn't young, that's for sure. 

Ok, tell us - she wanted to have a kid with this older guy?    Or both of them are not too smart, despite diplomas and age?

[CanadaMan]

As for her asking family and friends, it is similar to the many men who arrive here only to get confirmation of their fantasy, which often ends by them declaring the membership hostile for not doing so.

I don't understand the logic/parallel here?

Many men arrive here with a fantasy and seek confirmation that their fantasy will come true.

But we don't oblige them. We tell them the truth, that their fantasy will likely not come to pass.

The analogy you are making with this woman, is that she goes to her family and friends to seek confirmation that having a baby would be the right thing to do.

And the parallel response from family and friends would be that she is making the _wrong decision. She should not have the baby. In other words, they don't oblige her with her 'fantasy'.

But they _did oblige her with her 'fantasy' and gave her encouragement.

So again, I don't see the parallel at all.

[CanadaMan]

Ok, tell us - she wanted to have a kid with this older guy?    Or both of them are not too smart, despite diplomas and age?

I don't know the answer to these questions.
I believe that the latter is true.

[CanadaMan]

First off, I need to 'fine-tune' some information from my OP as I just learned of new details.

"Eventually the child is raised by the father who is in a much better financial situation than the mother.

Years pass. The child, a daughter is now 14 years old.
The mother goes on a summer vacation, meets a man there, and has a brief (10 day) fling with him. "

The 'eventually' was just last year, when the daughter moved in with the father. 

The first 5 years she raised her with the father.
Then they divorced and she raised her on her own for the next 11 years.

So she was raising her girl on her own for 11 years and both the girl and boy, on her own, for 2 years before the girl moved in with her father.

The fact that the woman in question has already given birth to a child itself doesn't make her a Mother (considering that being a Mother is also (or mainly) about bringing up and putting a considerable amount of work and effort into happiness of her kid(s)

Please see new information above.

The majority of women (regardless of their nationality, I believe) view coming in Motherhood as an absolutely essential part of their lives, so no rational reasoning can outweigh the power of women's maternal instincts.

She had been a mother for 14 years at the time she became
pregnant. So motherhood was not new to her.

(Sorry I didn't have this info when I made my OP)

[Doll]

The fact that the woman in question has already given birth to a child itself doesn't make her a Mother

Russians say," One child is half child, two children makes A child".
Being a mother of 2 sons I agree 100%.
Like a said, the age gap between my kids is 14 years and I am glad I had my younger.

[CanadaMan]

Another reason for this woman can be- she will try to immigrate and before she will prove that this man is her child's father. Or just have the child support.
I said- CAN BE.

I just found out that the father of the child is not mentioned anywhere in the official birth documents.
There has been zero contact with the man since the 10-day meeting.
I don't think the above 'reason' is likely.   

[Doll]

Then she just wants another kid- that's all.
Her existing kid is 14? Another 4-5 years and she will be living alone.
Rasing a child alone is TIMES better then empty nest when you are barely 40.
I know what I am saying- have been there, done this.
Never regreted.
My boys whom I raised almost alone.

16 years after I was "not so smart"
 

[CanadaMan]

Great looking sons Doll! 

Then she just wants another kid- that's all.
Her existing kid is 14? Another 4-5 years and she will be living alone.

Her daughter is now 17.5 and has been living with dad for 1 year.
So her daughter is now out of the picture. She just has a 3 year old son now with her. She is in contact every day with her daughter of course.

16 years after I was "not so smart"

How so?