D-i-v-o-r-c-e

[mendeleyev]

Last week when Vladimir and Lyudmila Putina slipped out after the first act of a Kremlin ballet performance, one quickly realized that the waiting television crew was there to take part in a staged event.

There in front of a Kremlin-friendly television crew the Putin's announced the end to a 30 year marriage. The sneaking off to Sochi to spend time with a young woman and children who might, or might not be his, was over. For Lyudmila, apparently I wasn't the only one who saw a smile on her face for the first time in ages and I believe TV entertainer/socialite/opposition protestor/Putin family friend Kseniya Sobchak who says that Lyudmila was the driving force behind this decision and that the achievement of 30 years was a milestone which the couple could both hold yet at the same time gently release as a gift to each other and their daughters.

One of the most painful decisions of this separation will be what happens to  Koni, Yume and Buffy--their dogs. Both are animal lovers, especially dog lovers, and this will not be an easy decision but in the end I'm betting that the dogs will remain at Novo-Ogaryovo.

Koni is the oldest and clearly she is Vladimir's dog. Nobody questions that and only Koni is allowed into high level meetings to sit at the president's side as he absentmindedly scratches her ears while carrying on discussions with world leaders. Buffy is the second ranking among Russia's "first dogs" and his name came from a nationwide contest by schoolchildren across Russia. Buffy however is barely three years old and thus has little to say in the matter. Yume, a Akita Inu breed native to Japan, will stay also. Yume was one year old in April and gets along well with the other two.

Aside from the marriage having gone to the dogs, you may not realize it but this was the first public marriage breakup of a "royal" family in Russia since Peter the Great. There is something to learn about attitudes towards marriage and divorce in a recent article by current acting editor of the Moscow Times, Natalia Antonova.

Divorce is never a happy occasion – except when it is.

Moan about traditional values all you like, but the truth is, the announcement that Vladimir Putin and his wife, Lyudmila, were separating was a win for both family and common sense.Despite Putin’s carefully scripted public persona, it has been obvious for years that the first couple was no longer a couple per se.

It wasn’t even tabloid rumors of extramarital dalliances that were so disconcerting, it was the sheer awkwardness of seeing a man and woman forced to pretend they were still husband and wife. It reminded one of the waning years of Charles and Diana, minus the tiaras and paparazzi chases.

The Putins’ decision to divorce is extraordinary for Russia. Not since Peter the Great has a Russian leader decided to publicly admit that he and his wife were separating. The Romanovs slogged on in unhappy marriages. The Soviets slogged on. It was done for decorum, for politics, for duty. In that sense, a “civilized divorce,” as Lyudmila herself put it, is quite new and refreshing.

All the information about Lyudmila Putina that could be found in the public domain strongly hinted that she was not the kind of woman who had strong ambitions to be First Lady – that for her the role was a tremendous burden. Many Russian observers noted that during the televised divorce announcement, Lyudmila for the first time looked happy to be in the spotlight. She looked confident. She looked relieved.

Despite looking officious and reserved, Vladimir Putin also displayed a new, rare kind of emotion. In those few minutes, he appeared to let his guard down and become a man who can display genuine emotion for his wife in a public setting – who can allow himself a single, blink-and-you-will-miss-it moment of vulnerability.There was affection in his face, and weariness, and relief.

Even though the television interview had obviously been staged, there was something going on between the first couple that could not be faked. They were finally moving on with their lives, whatever arguments they had seemed to be over. Whatever resentments still existed suddenly seemed redundant. Naturally, the move will also score political points for the Russian president. Even his fiercest critics are likely to find little fault with his decision to separate from his wife.

Russians, in general, tend to have a philosophical view of divorce. It’s rarely seen as a devastating failure, more like a chance to move on with your life. The people who invite scorn and pity are the ones who stick it out in unhappy marriages, while the ones who divorce are frequently held up as just a little more courageous.

It’s not that divorce is romanticized in Russia. Rather, marriage is not romanticized.There are many different reasons for this distinct lack of the marriage myth, the kind that dictates that your wedding should be “the best day of your life” and so on. Both the lack of an enormous wedding industry and various devastating wars play a major role here.

When you’re living an unpredictable existence in a nation used to major social upheaval, you try not to plan too far ahead. As such, most Russians allow themselves to be cautiously optimistic about marriage, and certainly tend to admire couples that manage to work it out, i.e. stay together and be relatively happy about it.

A lot of these people are going to look at Putin’s divorce and believe that it has humanized him. It has made him just one of the guys. His kids are grown. He loves his dogs. He has a lot of work to get lost in, now that his marriage is officially over and there is no point in pretending.

It’s at once a clever political trick and a genuine step forward – a rare moment of when the personal and political collide to create something worth quietly cheering for.

Natalia Antonova is acting editor-in-chief at The Moscow News. This article was published in RIA Novosti and Russia Beyond the Headlines.


Any thoughts?

[Muzh]

A Sarkozy he is not. And he tried to be a Berlusconi but failed miserably.

[mendeleyev]

152 views and only Muzh commented. Are we afraid to face the article? Is Ms. Antonova correct when she writes that:

Russians, in general, tend to have a philosophical view of divorce. It’s rarely seen as a devastating failure, more like a chance to move on with your life. The people who invite scorn and pity are the ones who stick it out in unhappy marriages, while the ones who divorce are frequently held up as just a little more courageous.

It’s not that divorce is romanticized in Russia. Rather, marriage is not romanticized.

I agree on her first point but disagree on the second. What about you?

[Chicagoguy]

Maybe people are too busy keeping up with the the shenanigans of the truly famous people in the entertainment industry to care about the leader of the second or third most important country in the world.
If it isn't headline news in the National Enquirer it isn't news.   
I had been following the rumors for a long time and believed they were true but could not get my wife to believe it. Now it just seems ho - hum to her.
 
 

[ghost of moon goddess]

De-romanticizing turning into a way of excuse, IMO

[mendeleyev]

Frankly, the Putin story isn't the focus, rather the author of the article used the story to introduce two ideas she felt important. If she is correct then this could have important implications for Western men seeking to marry an FSU lady. She makes two assertions and so do you think either is correct.


Russians, in general, tend to have a philosophical view of divorce. It’s rarely seen as a devastating failure, more like a chance to move on with your life. The people who invite scorn and pity are the ones who stick it out in unhappy marriages, while the ones who divorce are frequently held up as just a little more courageous.

It’s not that divorce is romanticized in Russia. Rather, marriage is not romanticized.

[vwrw]

In Russia, marriage is more of necessity than in US. It is cheaper to leave with somebody than alone. So many of the married Russians  may be unhappy and willing to divorce, but they stay married because they cannot afford to live alone for some reason.  They are less pron to scorn those who getting divorced because they understand. Even in US, during the last recession, the number of divorces decreased, according to  news because people doubted they could afford independent living. 

[BC]

152 views and only Muzh commented. Are we afraid to face the article? Is Ms. Antonova correct when she writes that:

I agree on her first point but disagree on the second. What about you?

Reading this, the words that popped into mind were 'pragmatic' and 'secular'....  nothing wrong with that imho.

pragmatic secularism anyone?....  I would think it's more par for the course for many if not most in this venture.

[Muzh]

Frankly, the Putin story isn't the focus, rather the author of the article used the story to introduce two ideas she felt important. If she is correct then this could have important implications for Western men seeking to marry an FSU lady. She makes two assertions and so do you think either is correct.


Russians, in general, tend to have a philosophical view of divorce. It’s rarely seen as a devastating failure, more like a chance to move on with your life. The people who invite scorn and pity are the ones who stick it out in unhappy marriages, while the ones who divorce are frequently held up as just a little more courageous.

It’s not that divorce is romanticized in Russia. Rather, marriage is not romanticized.

 
Actually Mendy, I thought the next paragraph was more telling than what you mentioned above.
 

When you’re living an unpredictable existence in a nation used to major social upheaval, you try not to plan too far ahead. As such, most Russians allow themselves to be cautiously optimistic about marriage, and certainly tend to admire couples that manage to work it out, i.e. stay together and be relatively happy about it.

It has been my experience that this bolded statement is prevalent with many a person who grew up in the former Soyuz.
 
Marriage? Meh. We'll see how it is tomorrow if tomorrow gets here.
 
Of course, an exageration but not too far from what I've seen.
 
Rent money? Meh. Today we party. Tomorrow we think about rent.

[Gator]

152 views and only Muzh commented.

Mendy, keep in mind that you are a highly respected authority on Russian culture, so we read what you post.  However, who are we to challenge your observations.   

Are we afraid to face the article? Is Ms. Antonova correct when she writes....


I agree on her first point but disagree on the second. What about you?

"Russians, in general, tend to have a philosophical view of divorce. It’s rarely seen as a devastating failure, more like a chance to move on with your life."

AGREE.    People and circumstances change, especially over a long time.  However, I consider it a major failure when the couple has young children. 
 
It’s not that divorce is romanticized in Russia. Rather, marriage is not romanticized.
 
DISAGREE (partially).   To use Ghost's term, marriage is de-romantized by men, not by women based on my experience.
 
______________________________________________________
Some disconnected thoughts:
 
1.  Essentially all of the FSUW   I dated had been through a divorce.  Yet, the women still believed in marriage.  Most seemed to have given much effort to preserve their marriages.   Commitment to marriage was an important criterion for me, and I went to much effort to  understand a woman's degree of commitment.

2.  A few times a RW decided I was her man,  and each time I felt as if I had been staked and claimed as her personal property.  They cared for their property and they guarded it from intruders.  In discussing it, they claimed they were raised this way by their mothers and grandmothers (when women outnumbered "good men" after WWII).  This would suggest a high commitment to her man and marriage.
 
3.  Although FSUW want an exclusive relationship, FSUW possess this great sense of pride, prompting the equivalent of  "You can't fire me because I quit!"  So I am not 100% sold on their commitment, even given the legacy of the Decembrist wives.
 
4.  Psychologists state that humans are hardwired to live as couples.  I am exactly that way.  However, I wonder if  new internal hardwiring has evolved in modern life? 

[mendeleyev]

Muzh and Gator, good points!


BC, in regards to your thought about 'pragmatic' and 'secular', last week Mr. Putin was in a round table interview on RT and there were journalists from several networks participating. When the topic came to his divorce announcement one of the panel asked about his standing with the Patriarch after the announcement.

The look on the reporter's face was one of surprise when he revealed that their marriage had been a ZAGS wedding only, not consecrated in a church ceremony. Given his age and KGB status, and their 30 long marriage, I'd have been surprised if there had been a church wedding back then as such was not something a KGB agent would have normally done.

To the young reporter however, raised in the post-Soviet era where many couples do have both ceremonies, you could see the announcement was stunning. As you probably know, a church wedding is a sacrament and while some set it aside easily, other couples feel it to be a very binding factor in their married status.

[dsbean]

So, bottom line, Lyudmila is back on the market?!

[calmissile]

Quote
When you’re living an unpredictable existence in a nation used to major social upheaval, you try not to plan too far ahead.

My experience matches the comments made by Muzh.

It goes even farther than what was mentioned.  It seems that most Ukrainians do not trust banks and therefore do not save cash.  It appears to me that extra money is often invested in additional apartments and dachas.

I once asked my interpreter about making a deposit in her bank account.  She laughed and said 'What bank account?   It is all spent before I could get to the bank'.

The mother of my former fiance' had all of their bank savings stolen by the Ukraine government many years ago.   I don't remember the event that caused it but apparently it was widespread.  No wonder they do not trust banks.     

Also, when trying to discuss wills and inheritance topics with a FSUW seems almost like a no-no.  Way to far ahead to plan and may bring bad luck.   Go figure!       

[Boethius]

Ukrainians don't save cash because there have been several instances where their savings became worthless virtually overnight. 

[mendeleyev]

I can't say that Lyudmila is back on the market, but it is certain that she feels liberated/free in the sense that burdens of playing a role has been lifted.

Vladimir promised her prior to marriage that he'd stay out of the KGB and in no time after the wedding they were headed to East Germany where he would oversee the East German security services. Since that time he has been in government and she just wanted a normal life, not to be in the continual spotlight as wife of a Prime Minister, then President, then Prime Minister, and now again President.

To his credit, you'd never hear a bad work spoken about her and I think that a part of him loves her still. He just has a thing for mistresses and Mother Russia is and has always been mistress number one. Lyudmila always knew her place and that ate at her for years and I think they discussed and planned this for some time. A 30th anniversary is a milestone that two friends can always cherish with their daughters.

Kseniya Sobchak, not only a prominent member of the frequently jailed protest movement but someone who has been part of the Putin inside circle for years due to her father mentoring Putin back in the Leningrad early years, says that Lyudmila pressed for the announcement as she wanted to close this chapter of her life while she and Vladimir were still friends.

[ML]

I can't say that Lyudmila is back on the market, but it is certain that she feels liberated/free in the sense that burdens of playing a role has been lifted.  . . . Lyudmila pressed for the announcement as she wanted to close this chapter of her life while she and Vladimir were still friends.

I don't really understand this.  Quite likely she will never marry  again.  Quite likely she will be given one (or maybe several houses) in various cities.

As they both said, they were hardly ever together.  So I don't see that she had much of a burden compared to say a high official's wife who attended several social functions each week, carried out a program on her own, etc.

If I were her, I would be content with just carrying on as she has been doing.  Still a lot of prestige and privileges that come from being spouse of high ranking official.

Hillary had a firm grasp of the great advantages that come from being a president's wife and then the wife of an ex-president.

But, of course, it's possible that Lyudmila had little to say about this split.

[mendeleyev]

But, of course, it's possible that Lyudmila had little to say about this split.

Sure, but they both looked relieved at the announcement. Being that she knows where the skeletons are hidden, I think had she wanted the arrangement to continue it would have. The 30 year mark was important to both of them.

There is no doubt that they had grown in different directions. Each time a foreign dignitary visited, if a spouse was present then she dutifully put in her appearance and no doubt knew that the visiting spouse knew it was a charade yet one that had to be maintained for the sake of appearances.

ML, no matter what happened she will get 3 squares a day and all utilities will be paid. 

The next question is whether Mr. Putin keeps a certain household in Sochi under wraps or will at some point he start taking walks in the park with a young gymnast and two children. Being that he has kept two grown daughters under wraps for decades I'm going to guess that he will continue to fly under the radar on this issue as well.