Friends for your FSUW once married? (live in a medium size city)

[salsa_tino]

Been thinking this through for a while & realizing how difficult of an emotional move this would be for a FSUW to uproot her life from her country, and move overseas if that's the plan.  Apart from extended phone bills & Skype usage to maintain sanity due to lonliness in a new country, how would she start making friends with other females for the first few years?

I live in a medium sized city with little to no FSU folks around, so I wonder what would help her in establishing a support line of friends?  In other words, people tend to gravitate to what they're familiar with when traveling in a different country, region, or state.  For a new FSU bride living in a medium size city, how would that happen? 

Perhaps I'm asking questions most newbies have already asked before.  Just trying to find ways to answer these for myself because if I can't adjust these for myself given the same scenario, I can imagine how difficult it would be for someone else.

Thx.

[Gator]

You are planning too far ahead for now.  Before this, you need to find a few RW with mutual interest and let the drama unfold.
 
My opinion is that there  are FSU in any medium-sized community.  Just make sure she is adventurous (most are if they are willing to emigrate), sociable, bright and speaks excellent English.  She will do fine after an adjustment period.

[salsa_tino]

Good point.

[mendeleyev]

Salsa, don't make the mistake of trying to make friends for her. Allow that to develop naturally.

There will be Russian people in any size city but they make not make the best friends for your wife. Just as with any group of people, there will be good influences and bad influences and this cannot be determined just because you meet someone in the supermarket who speaks Russian.

It seems that the more "safe" places seems to be social clubs (Russian Clubs, etc) which tend to meet at libraries, community colleges, etc. Another potentially good place is at Orthodox churches. You can still find bad influences at either of those but the chances of meeting potential positive friends in the big picture are better at those kinds of places.

Put yourself in her shoes: You might at first be happy to meet someone else who spoke English but it wouldn't take long to figure out that just because you share a language doesn't mean you have reason to build a friendship with a person. Life experiences, shared philosophical views and educational background will end up being more important than just a shared language.

Hanging out with the wrong Russian speakers is much worse than having no Russian speaking friends at all.

[Lily]

Been thinking this through for a while & realizing how difficult of an emotional move this would be for a FSUW to uproot her life from her country, and move overseas if that's the plan.  Apart from extended phone bills & Skype usage to maintain sanity due to lonliness in a new country, how would she start making friends with other females for the first few years?

I live in a medium sized city with little to no FSU folks around, so I wonder what would help her in establishing a support line of friends?  In other words, people tend to gravitate to what they're familiar with when traveling in a different country, region, or state.  For a new FSU bride living in a medium size city, how would that happen? 

Perhaps I'm asking questions most newbies have already asked before.  Just trying to find ways to answer these for myself because if I can't adjust these for myself given the same scenario, I can imagine how difficult it would be for someone else.

Thx.

For God's sake - what phone bills are you talking about when there is Skype with a webcam???
 
During my 3 years in Canada, I only had to do a handful of the phone calls to the two particular elderly relatives back in Russia, who happen not to use Skype. For this purpose, I buy the prepaid phone cards. There is a good selection of them in the market.
 
Regarding her finding friends - it all depends on her level of English as well as on her individual capabilities to communicate. Some people are very good at it even with a moderate English!
 
Other than that, I'd say it depends on her individual (again!) interests and her level of energy and curiousity. An active woman will soon discover her local communities, groups of interest at the local church (something that does not exist in Russia!), local meetups that she can browse online and register for a meeting in real, etc, etc. She will notice different people, and decide whether she wants to be friends with them or not. She will find out which company to join, and which to avoid. She will find out what volunteering (again, a non-existent concept in Russia!) is. She will tell you her opinions, and possibly discovers a while new world for you, something that you 'd never thought of otherwise.
 
Do I really need to continue    ?

[Muzh]

Been thinking this through for a while & realizing how difficult of an emotional move this would be for a FSUW to uproot her life from her country, and move overseas if that's the plan.  Apart from extended phone bills & Skype usage to maintain sanity due to lonliness in a new country, how would she start making friends with other females for the first few years?

I live in a medium sized city with little to no FSU folks around, so I wonder what would help her in establishing a support line of friends?  In other words, people tend to gravitate to what they're familiar with when traveling in a different country, region, or state.  For a new FSU bride living in a medium size city, how would that happen? 

Perhaps I'm asking questions most newbies have already asked before.  Just trying to find ways to answer these for myself because if I can't adjust these for myself given the same scenario, I can imagine how difficult it would be for someone else.

Thx.

Unless she is a socially inept person, she should be able to do this on her own.

Show her around. Teach her how to drive. Let her move around independent from you. She'll be fine.

[Faux Pas]

All good advice so far, take heed.

Your cart is well before the horse. All of your concerns you mention will be overcome if you get that far into the race. Providing, you have picked the right woman and she does love or grows to love you.

You'll be her best friend. Let her make her friends and you just support her whether she makes friends or not. Don't press it or push it. She'll find and make them when she's ready. She won't need the added pressure from you. There are most likely many FSU folks around you have no idea about.

She will miss home but, there is nothing you can do but, help and support her. Skype, internet phone, phone cards whatever doesn't matter. Provide her all the means to communicate with those back home that she wishes to communicate with. Do what you need to do in both countries to make sure that happens.

It's difficult for anyone to move to a new country with a new language. Be her best friend and support her. Provide her whatever she needs (within reason of course) to make her transition as seamless as possible. Make her as comfortable as possible.

She will require your help is some of the very basic things that you take for granted as well as the major ones. Have lots of patience or forget the entire ordeal right now. 

[Turboguy]

If it is a medium sized city then there are likely far more RW living there than you realize.  Usually meeting the first one is the difficult part.  Once she meets the first then she will meet others through them.  We live in a small town and my wife has found a half dozen RW she is friends with.  Enrolling her in free ESL classes might be a good way to find the first one.  I do agree that she needs to find and make her own friends.  There will be some that she won't want to have as friends and others that she will. 


I also agree with the others that you are worrying about something far in the future and finding the right one should be your area of concentration right now.

[ML]

I live in a medium sized city with little to no FSU folks around, so I wonder what would help her in establishing a support line of friends?  In other words, people tend to gravitate to what they're familiar with when traveling in a different country, region, or state.  For a new FSU bride living in a medium size city, how would that happen?

I have a mid 40s aged Ukrainian gal living with me on a student visa and enrolled in graduate school.

She has met a few FSU folks here and there casually at parties, picnics, etc.  Sometimes they exchange phone numbers, etc.

But in actuality . . . she has never followed up with them.

No real interest in them just because they are from FSU.

She likes her student friends, our neighbors, my long time friends, etc.

She has never experienced any serious home sickness.

But, people can be different in how they adapt to a new living location.

I have seen situations where someone has trouble adapting when they move to the next nearby town.

[Voyager36]

I live in a medium sized city with little to no FSU folks around, so I wonder what would help her in establishing a support line of friends?  In other words, people tend to gravitate to what they're familiar with when traveling in a different country, region, or state.  For a new FSU bride living in a medium size city, how would that happen? 

If her English is limited it may help to find some products & services in Russian.
If there is a Russian (or Eastern European) food store or restaurant this is often a good place to meet others from the FSU. You will also often find free Russian language newspapers there, with adverts for services provided in Russian, if she needs them.
Look online for local Illinois Russian language services, there is one for Chicago and likely something for Illinois as well. http://www.russianchicago.com/

[OlgaH]

Salsa, don't make the mistake of trying to make friends for her. Allow that to develop naturally.

There will be Russian people in any size city but they make not make the best friends for your wife. Just as with any group of people, there will be good influences and bad influences and this cannot be determined just because you meet someone in the supermarket who speaks Russian.

It seems that the more "safe" places seems to be social clubs (Russian Clubs, etc) which tend to meet at libraries, community colleges, etc. Another potentially good place is at Orthodox churches. You can still find bad influences at either of those but the chances of meeting potential positive friends in the big picture are better at those kinds of places.

Put yourself in her shoes: You might at first be happy to meet someone else who spoke English but it wouldn't take long to figure out that just because you share a language doesn't mean you have reason to build a friendship with a person. Life experiences, shared philosophical views and educational background will end up being more important than just a shared language.

Hanging out with the wrong Russian speakers is much worse than having no Russian speaking friends at all.

Very good advice and point, Mendeleyev.

Personally I have never had any Russian TV channels and never wanted, and I have never been looking  for Russian speaking friends purposefully. Internet and skype helps be in touch with my relatives and friends in Russia. I always considered myself to be blessed with my American friends who have positively challenged me. Not long time ago we were invited to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my friend's parents of Indian (Hindu) origin . What a party it was with traditional Indian cuisine and dances! I need to get a nice sari and/or churidar kurta for such occasions.
Last time when we had a party with our friends I thought how it was wonderful; four women of German, Polish, Italian and Russian origins in one kitchen cooking, joking, laughing, talking about life, art, literature and everything else 

[Ooooops]

I don't believe that sharing common language is good enough reason for becoming friends, so I never went to look for the "FSU Mothership" in my numerous locations around the States.  But at the same time I've spent quite a lot of time in Russian speaking Internet forums (especially the second time around in US) and made few friends through them after chatting first for a long time and seeing that they are my cup of tea and I'm theirs.   

[OlgaH]

I don't believe that sharing common language is good enough reason for becoming friends...

absolutely agree.
___________________

I remember a few years ago Robert and I met by chance an AM-RW couple living in our area, after we met them at the grocery stores and I was very glad for her business success she was sharing with me during our short chats. She was a masseuse and had her own massage business. Was it my luck or "Providence" that I was very busy every time when she asked me to go out with her. Later I got to know she divorced her American husband and had to close her business down moving to a different county. She became too "famous" for her additional services of sexual nature.

[ML]

She became too "famous" for her additional services of sexual nature.

Did you happen to keep her phone number??

[cc3]

You are planning too far ahead for now.  Before this, you need to find a few RW with mutual interest and let the drama unfold.
 

Definitely +1!