The secret language of photo albums

[Gef]

Recently I learned something interesting while talking to a female Russian acquaintance, something  that I would like to share with others here that, like myself, think photo albums are merely a social tool in which to pass a pleasant hour or so with your hosts. Maybe, but not always. In February I met with a nice girl in Russia that I am still corresponding with now. It was while sitting with her and her parents and looking at various photo albums that I came across a professional type photo of a pleasant, well dressed man posing by a tree. It was clear to me that he was an American, and it looked out of place. She mentioned something about a penpal. I did not react nor did I comment because I felt it was none of my business since we have not yet made a commitment to each other. My Russian acquaintance disagreed. She thought it may be a case where the girl was wanting to see how I would react, and maybe express some concern or jealousy. This has happened to me on previous trips too and now it kind of makes sense, well except for a situation with the girl in Kharkov 3 years ago. She always seemed rather angry about something and smiled briefly only once during our visit despite my best efforts to cheer her up. Nothing at all like our correspondence, and so I assumed that she was just disappointed with me. Then one day while sitting in her bedroom, of her parents apartment, she brought out her photo album. It was the usual stuff until I came to a dozen or so photos of her in that very same bedroom posing in some very sexy, revealing underwear. I was at a loss for words but she merely sat there frowning at me.

[Shadow]

And you never came to the idea of telling her you would like to see her in those clothes in reality ? No wonder she was frowning.

[Gef]

Seeing her in those undies first hand would have been a delight, but by then I was counting the minutes before my time to leave. She was a sad and strange woman.

[Rim]

Seeing her in those undies first hand would have been a delight, but by then I was counting the minutes before my time to leave. She was a sad and strange woman.

Your point is that Russian women will show men photos of other men to see if they become jealous, and you feel that being jealous is the response that they expect and want?

I think you're right about these women testing us in many different ways, just like we test them, but I doubt that jealousy is what they're hoping to find.

[Shadow]

Gef, being shy and not quick to draw myself I hope you will understand what I say. If a girl invites you to meet parents and friends she does not do this to show her penpal. She does this because she wants to show a man she is thinking about marrying.  Especially if such a meeting went well she would not disagree on being intimate with you.

RW are often confused if the guy that travels around the world to meet them does not even try to kiss them. It makes them feel unwanted, as they are used to men responding quickly to signals. (made that mistake ).

If you know the 'photo album test' might happen, be prepared for it. You can make a comment without jealousy. A sense of humour is in such cases a big help.

[jb]

Hummmmm,,,,, very mixed signals here.

My reaction to the very sexy photos would be to think she might be showing you a glimpse of what is in store for the future if the relationship developed that far.

The constant glumness of her demeamor might be attributed to nervousness when confroned with the reality of a serious come-all-the-way-around-the-world suitor, but if she made you that uncomfortable, then a coupling was probably not in the cards anyway.

[Albert]

Recently I learned something interesting while talking to a female Russian acquaintance, something  that I would like to share with others here that, like myself, think photo albums are merely a social tool in which to pass a pleasant hour or so with your hosts. Maybe, but not always. In February I met with a nice girl in Russia that I am still corresponding with now. It was while sitting with her and her parents and looking at various photo albums that I came across a professional type photo of a pleasant, well dressed man posing by a tree. It was clear to me that he was an American, and it looked out of place. She mentioned something about a penpal. I did not react nor did I comment because I felt it was none of my business since we have not yet made a commitment to each other. My Russian acquaintance disagreed. She thought it may be a case where the girl was wanting to see how I would react, and maybe express some concern or jealousy. This has happened to me on previous trips too and now it kind of makes sense, well except for a situation with the girl in Kharkov 3 years ago. She always seemed rather angry about something and smiled briefly only once during our visit despite my best efforts to cheer her up. Nothing at all like our correspondence, and so I assumed that she was just disappointed with me. Then one day while sitting in her bedroom, of her parents apartment, she brought out her photo album. It was the usual stuff until I came to a dozen or so photos of her in that very same bedroom posing in some very sexy, revealing underwear. I was at a loss for words but she merely sat there frowning at me.

I am glad you 'learned something interesting.'  But after reading your posting, I learned nothing.  I did not understand anything about this posting, and certainly did not see any connect between your descriptions and any conclusion that you or others could reach.

[Gef]

 am glad you 'learned something interesting.'  But after reading your posting, I learned nothing.  I did not understand anything about this posting, and certainly did not see any connect between your descriptions and any conclusion that you or others could reach.


Well if you put the same effort into reading it as you did into writing your cute reply then maybe you would learn have learned something.

[START2]

Gef,

I have to agree with Albert on this one. I read the post 3 times and I'm a bit confused as well as to the point you're trying to make. No offense, but what did I miss? Maybe I had my head stuck in the magnet to long today. C'mon jb, help us out!!  Sounds like there's a story from 3 yrs ago. Care to enlighten us?

[Oosik]

When I was in Russia last year, the now wife of a guy I met there showed me her photo album. Included were pix of her now-17 daughter pregnant, in panties, with breasts barely covered. Edit: Her daughter was in the room, we had spent an hour talking.

This was not unusual to her to show me this. They appreciate that men have Benny Hill humor (or is it humour) and tastes. If they are men.

If you are not man enough to be a little bit impudent with your date (timing always counts), assuming that you like her, she will not be impressed by you. They also recognize that a little jealousy is a good thing, it means you care.

If you react like a Mr. Sensitive Wuss to either scenaro, you go home alone. Don't act like you are trying to impress a UC Berkely women's studies major. If you cannot help yourself, don't bother with the FSU.

[jb]

C'mon jb, help us out!!

Who me?

This one is over my head.  I married a simple physicist from Moscow, she didn't play these head games on me.  I just asked her if she wanted to get together and combine a few molecules.  She said yes, we did, and the rest is history.

[START2]

Touche' jb. Mine was the same way. I married a simple civil/building engineer. My male end fit her female end, we added a little glue and now we're stuck for life:D

[PeeWee]

[user=297]START2[/user] wrote:

Touche' jb. Mine was the same way. I married a simple civil/building engineer. My male end fit her female end, we added a little glue and now we're stuck for life:D

 The two of you built a model airplane did you? Did you by chance think to use Super Glue?

 

Peewee

[Gef]

If you are not man enough to be a little bit impudent with your date (timing always counts), assuming that you like her, she will not be impressed by you. They also recognize that a little jealousy is a good thing, it means you care.

If you react like a Mr. Sensitive Wuss to either scenario, you go home alone. Don't act like you are trying to impress a UC Berkely women's studies major. If you cannot help yourself, don't bother with the FSU.


Unlike some macho guys, I won't throw temper tantrums if the girl looks at other men etc. I don't play head games nor will I go along with one. The whole point was that sometimes there is more to the eye than meets it. I was only saying that a friend explained to me that a girl will sometimes do something to elicit jealousy or some other kind of attention in a subtle way. I did menton we had no serious committment yet, right? (we do now) A photo album just never occured to me, macho guy. FYI we did very well, all of us living together in one apt. and her parents loved me, thank you very much, so the photo trick was un-needed IF that was what it was. I did mention we are still corresponding didn't I? Also we are meeting in St. Petersburg this Summer. Do you now want to know about the sex too? This was just a small incident that I wanted share, no big deal. Too much was made of it, sorry I brought it up. As sorry as meeting that screwball in Kharkiv.

[Shadow]

Still corresponding does not cut it Gef.

If you are serious about her, make a move. If you keep lagging she will find someone who does not, either at home or foreign. Of all the couples I have seen here there are not many who stayed on 'friends' level for years.

I am not saying you should rush in and propose on a first date or even first meeting. But I am telling you that when you are meeting a woman once a year, you shoud not have high hopes of her marrying you after three years or so. As you are not jealous you probably do not mind that an attractive girl in Russia will not stay alone for such a time. Nothing special it is just sex (with Albert ??).

 

[Gef]

Still corresponding does not cut it Gef.


Well, I certainly agree with your points Shadow.  But, I  did mention in my previous postings that I had met with her once and we have already made plans to meet in St. Petersburg this Summer - (early July). The unfortunate comment about "sex" was only made out of frustration due to comments made about my masculinity from the safety of a particular person's keyboard. I'm not a sex tourist. As to your other point, jealousy, until I have decided about my feelings toward any particular woman, I do not indulge in this volatile emotion. But it has been awhile since our meeting and we have since decided to take our relationship to the next level and spend a wonderful holiday together in St. Petersburg  discussing the details of the future. Affairs of the heart I cannot rush. Better to risk losing out in the beginning than at the end, ie. divorce. Speaking of jealousy, this girl has a wholesome way about her that would make the most insecure of us feel at ease.  I really didn't want to go into this topic so deeply but, there it is.

 As a side comment, St. Petersburg should be avoided during the last 2 weeks of next July due to a large political convention taking place there, making it rather inconvenient for regular tourists. Just a thought.

[Shadow]

Don't rush in to any thing unless you are comfortable with it. But do realise that you need a long time to build the same level of comfort that you can when dating local. It requires a certain level of snap decision making, and the best test of all is to make it reality.

A woman who is writing for a period of time, even when meeting you at certain times, might still consider it a dream that probably will not happen. When it does she suddenly gets the shock that she really has to say goodbye to her life, family and friends for this foreigner. Sometimes the shock goes without noticing. But especially when she is brought in to a comfort zone for a long time (writing, occasional meetings, gifts) this shock can make her reconsider the whole thing.

You would not be the first to spend three years on a woman only to discover she changes her mind when she has the visa and stays in Russia.

 

[PeeWee]

Don't rush in to any thing unless you are comfortable with it. But do realise that you need a long time to build the same level of comfort that you can when dating local. It requires a certain level of snap decision making, and the best test of all is to make it reality.

A woman who is writing for a period of time, even when meeting you at certain times, might still consider it a dream that probably will not happen. When it does she suddenly gets the shock that she really has to say goodbye to her life, family and friends for this foreigner. Sometimes the shock goes without noticing. But especially when she is brought in to a comfort zone for a long time (writing, occasional meetings, gifts) this shock can make her reconsider the whole thing.

You would not be the first to spend three years on a woman only to discover she changes her mind when she has the visa and stays in Russia.

 

That happened to a friend of mine. After trips to Russia and several years of communication the K-1 was approved and as she was about to leave Russia she suddenly changed her mind. Brokenhearted he began his search a new. You can be too quick or you can be too slow. There is no meter. I tried the 3 year route also and she married another American. This time I am going in to it with a lot of communication, one visit, and then decide my next move. If she seems to be the one the, with her agreement, I will begin the process and then use the 90 days that has been granted my fullest advantage. She can always go back home.

Peewee

[Todd]

My only comment about this is that Russian women are on an accelerated timetable in comparison to American women.  Most feel a great deal of pressure to be married and have children earlier than American women.  For example, I would estimate that a 25 year old woman in Russia has a similar perspective to a 30 or even 32 year old woman in the US. 

Do other people have a similar sense or is this more of a Belarusian and not FSU wide phenomenon?

In any case, I wish you the best of luck Gef,

Todd

[jb]

Yes, Todd, I get the sense that a 30 y.o. RW, unmarried and without children, is considered to be akin to an old maid and has little in the way of prospects for a husband.  Most RWs marry before they are 25.

[PeeWee]

My only comment about this is that Russian women are on an accelerated timetable in comparison to American women.  Most feel a great deal of pressure to be married and have children earlier than American women.  For example, I would estimate that a 25 year old woman in Russia has a similar perspective to a 30 or even 32 year old woman in the US. 

Do other people have a similar sense or is this more of a Belarusian and not FSU wide phenomenon?

In any case, I wish you the best of luck Gef,

Todd

I agree that RW are on a faster track than their Western counterparts. In most cases after just a few emails or phone calls they are ready to cut bait and fish or move on. Most I have communicated with want to meet me within a few months of first contact and most of them tell me that they will only email someone a few times before they decide to continue or to end the letter. I like that about RW.

Peewee

[groovlstk]

I can also say the same for Russian women living in US. I'm in contact with a number of them and within a few days they happily turn over a phone #.

It's a relief not to go through the silly dance that American women all require: If you want to court an AW, you have to first prove you're not a homicidal maniac before she'll hand out such personal info.

[ConnerVT]

If you want to court an AW, you have to first prove you're not a homicidal maniac before she'll hand out such personal info.

Just how does one prove that, anyway?  Many serial killers seem to live quiet lives, are close to their mother, own their own homes (basements make good hiding places), and are good cooks (would you like some fava beans with that?...). 

[Shadow]

If you want to court an AW, you have to first prove you're not a homicidal maniac before she'll hand out such personal info.

Just how does one prove that, anyway?  Many serial killers seem to live quiet lives, are close to their mother, own their own homes (basements make good hiding places), and are good cooks (would you like some fava beans with that?...). 
[/quote]That is me

[PeeWee]

I can also say the same for Russian women living in US. I'm in contact with a number of them and within a few days they happily turn over a phone #.

It's a relief not to go through the silly dance that American women all require: If you want to court an AW, you have to first prove you're not a homicidal maniac before she'll hand out such personal info.

Also, do you feel more confident that you can ask a RW "Shall we have sex?"  and have her give you a yes or no answer and not feel like you will get slapped with a sexual harrasment or rape charge like you might with an AW?

 

Peewee