RW: Do you want men to push the sexual envelope on a first meet?

[Ooooops]

If you are unattractive - it doesn't matter whether you act hot or cold.

Now we just have to agree on term "attractive" and all problems will be solved for the whole mankind!   

[mies]

I would like to hear an answer from an actual Russian woman, since that's who this is directed at, but I suspect that it's a lot different than dating someone locally.  The thing is, these women are putting a lot of trust in a guy who's coming all the way across the ocean to meet them.  The tendency is to think he's some horny guy looking for a sex tour, and if you immediately have sex with her you probably are going to confirm that in her mind.  Maybe not right away, but maybe weeks after you go back home that thought will be sitting in the back of her mind.  And for me, if I go all the way over there, and a girl is that trusting to do me right away, I'm going to think she's using sex to lock me in, so it goes both ways.  I personally have never done it, not with the woman I ended up marrying (and divorcing 6 years later), or the woman I am currently involved with.  Not that I would have been able to anyway, the first time I stayed at her grandmother's house, this time I stayed at a hostel and Alina has a 3 year old daughter who was with us most of the time, so it wasn't really ideal conditions for that sort of thing.  I could see things being different if I spent the whole time with her in a hotel room, maybe sparks would have occurred by the end of my stay?  But really it wasn't the first thing on my mind, I just wanted to get to know everything about her, how she lived, how her family was, etc...  Kicking the tires wasn't at the top of my to do list.  I realize with some guys that's their biggest priority, but it's not mine and I'm glad to be with someone who feels the same way.

The answer from an actual FSU woman is that it is unfair to make unsuspecting and nice girl fall for the guy who isn't over his first love. It is also unfair to "have casual sex" with a woman who is specifically looking for marriage and not a casual sex.
On the text in bold - remembering myself back at home years ago, yes, that what I would think. I wouldn't have sex on a first date, and I would have a second thought about the guy who offers me sex on a first date. I probably would stop taking this guy seriously until he proven himself worthy and regained my trust. What's the hurry? Is the plane leaving tomorrow and this is the only chance to have sex? And if the plane leaves tomorrow, then what's the point of this sex anyway, it won't be enough time to truly get to know each other, and it's highly unlikely this sex will develop into a long-term and meaningful relationship.

[mies]

Now we just have to agree on term "attractive" and all problems will be solved for the whole mankind!   

There are degrees. There are guys who would be found attractive by 99% of females in a crowded room, and there are guys who would be found attractive by 1% of females in the room. And then there are guys who will be found attractive by roughly 50% of females in the room if they get a chance to speak and get to know each other with these women. If YoungBuck is in the first group and 99% of females find him physically/sexually attractive - he can basically do anything he wants on a first date: offer sex (even if the girl rejects it, she will take it as a compliment), don't offer sex (the girl will take it as a compliment that he wants to get to know her before sex and that he is not only hot but also a romantic). If YoungBuck is in the second group, and only liked by 1%, he will need to find this 1% first, offering sex to 99% of the rest will be a turnoff for them.
If he is in the third group - I think he can benefit from maybe not rushing things too much, maybe wait until second date, or third, or 20th, be friendly but not pushy.

[Ooooops]

There are degrees.

There are sure a lot of them.   But the main sexual organ is usually between the ears, not the legs.   Well, for me, at least. 

[JayH]

There are sure a lot of them.   But the main sexual organ is usually between the ears, not the legs.   Well, for me, at least.

Gotta be something I can say--- just can't think of how to say it!!    lol

[mies]

There are sure a lot of them.   But the main sexual organ is usually between the ears, not the legs.   Well, for me, at least.

There are degrees to it too. Generally, people get wiser with age, and know how to tell the right things and stimulate this most sexual organ between our ears. And yet, despite the fact that there are many people with "high-altitude" sexual stimulation center, we do not see many couples with age difference over 30 years. We don't even see too many couples with age difference of 20 years. So there has to be something else that attracts two people, in addition to connection of two beautiful minds.We can, of course, hypothesize that after a certain age people start getting senile, and this prevents the quality mind contact/attraction. 

[Ooooops]

So there has to be something else that attracts two people, in addition to connection of two beautiful minds.

Mind controls everything.  Looks, smells and sounds are all filtered through it.  But then again - everybody's mind works in different ways and thanks to Universe for that!   

[mies]

Mind controls everything.  Looks, smells and sounds are all filtered through it.  But then again - everybody's mind works in different ways and thanks to Universe for that!   

And there are degrees to it too. If a person is blind, mind cannot control what this person will see, it can control what the person will imagine, but if the person was blind from birth than even this imagination will be limited and solely based on other senses (hearing, smell, taste, tactile, etc.)
Or, if a person has some dysfunctional organs and over or underproduction of hormones, due to external impacts for example, and unrelated to brain activity - this can in fact lead to the malfunction of the mind.

So, in a way, yes, mind controls everything... but not really everything.There are limitations.

[Ooooops]

If a person is blind, mind cannot control what this person will see, it can control what the person will imagine, but if the person was blind from birth than even this imagination will be limited and solely based on other senses (hearing, smell, taste, tactile, etc.)

There is another Russian joke I'm sure you are familiar with "Дедушка ослеп, не не охуел"     I believe that there are smart blind people out there.   Which confirms my theory about the brain power.

[mies]

There is another Russian joke I'm sure you are familiar with "Дедушка ослеп, не не охуел"     I believe that there are smart blind people out there.   Which confirms my theory about the brain power.

Пошла искать анекдот, потому как незнаком, и нашла другой - как раз в тему МолодомуБаксу:
"- Моня, шо Вы думаете о сексе?
 - Ой, Абраша, не морочьте мне голову! У меня 16 человек детей –  и мене некогда заниматься теорией.    "
YoungBuck - apply google translate and learn from the wisdom of Odessa folks.

А вот и другой, в тему о способностях человеческих, не анекдоты а просто праздник какой-то :-)))
"- Хаим, наш сын станет скрипачом.
 - Но у него же нет слуха!
 - А причем тут слух? Он будет играть. Слушать будут другие."

[Ooooops]

А вот и другой, в тему о способностях человеческих, не анекдоты а просто праздник какой-то :-)))
"- Хаим, наш сын станет скрипачом.
 - Но у него же нет слуха!
 - А причем тут слух? Он будет играть. Слушать будут другие."

Love it!!!   

[Ooooops]

BTW, just judging on the writing here on this board I would marry a couple of guys out of the rest.  That is they'd marry me, of course.   

[Anotherkiwi]

Пошла искать анекдот, потому как незнаком, и нашла другой - как раз в тему МолодомуБаксу:
"- Моня, шо Вы думаете о сексе?
 - Ой, Абраша, не морочьте мне голову! У меня 16 человек детей –  и мене некогда заниматься теорией.    "
YoungBuck - apply google translate and learn from the wisdom of Odessa folks.

А вот и другой, в тему о способностях человеческих, не анекдоты а просто праздник какой-то :-)))
"- Хаим, наш сын станет скрипачом.
 - Но у него же нет слуха!
 - А причем тут слух? Он будет играть. Слушать будут другие."

Mies, Google Translate comes up with utter rubbish!  Please put us out of our misery and give us the proper translation. 

[Lily]

Ladies. may I ask you to express yourselves in English please. People may misunderstand you, especially if and when they resort to the automated translator.
 
I love the last joke about the ear for music    It should be well translatable!

[mies]

Mies, Google Translate comes up with utter rubbish!  Please put us out of our misery and give us the proper translation. 

My apologies :-)

"-Mike, what do you think about sex?
- Abraam, do not waste my time with useless questions, I have 16 children and do not have time for theory."


and second one:
"- Darling, our son will be a violinist.
- But he doesn't have an ear/hearing for music!
- What does an ear for music have to do with it? He will play. Other people will listen."

[SANDRO43]

Mind controls everything.  Looks, smells and sounds are all filtered through it.

Yes, but mostly through that oldest part of the brain - the "reptilian" brain - over which we have very little conscious control, if any at all .

You cannot MAKE yourself find attractive someone who isn't, if it doesn't agree at that deeper, non-conscious level .

[Faux Pas]

Yes, but mostly through that oldest part of the brain - the "reptilian" brain - over which we have very little conscious control, if any at all .

You cannot MAKE yourself find attractive someone who isn't, if it doesn't agree at that deeper, non-conscious level .

But, the parameters that determine what one finds attractive constantly change and evolve. Sometimes over time, sometimes instantly.

[SANDRO43]

But, the parameters that determine what one finds attractive constantly change and evolve. Sometimes over time, sometimes instantly.

However, if you scroll back through time and consider whom you found attractive in your life, I bet you'll discover some consistent pattern in your past choices . At least I do, with only a few exceptions.   

[Faux Pas]

However, if you scroll back through time and consider whom you found attractive in your life, I bet you'll discover some consistent pattern in your past choices . At least I do, with only a few exceptions.   

Certainly I do but, I also find some feature attractive now that use to turn me off and vice-versa. I've met women before that I found visibly unattractive and months or even years later, found them quite attractive. For me anyway, there is no hard and fast rules of attraction.

That said, I've known some friends (men and women) my whole life and I could pick out who they'd be attracted to with a high degree of success. Yet they could not do the same for me. I also know others that could do it for me. It's all fluid

[Gator]

However, if you scroll back through time and consider whom you found attractive in your life, I bet you'll discover some consistent pattern in your past choices . At least I do, with only a few exceptions.   

True.
 
A psychiatrist told a friend long ago not to divorce her husband because she end up marrying someone just like him.  That was about personality not physical features. 
 
A distant friend I have known since university days wanted to see a photo of my wife.   We are very close and he has seen me with many different women over 50 years and of course all of my wives.  So I sent him a photo of my raven haired Cossack wife.  He writes back, "I was expecting blond."      

[mies]

I agree with Sandro's points. Attraction is often intangible, and very quick - before I get a chance to speak to person in depth I often know whether I like them or not, and so far my "gut feeling" has never failed me - it hasn't happened that I liked someone while seeing them and then I started disliking them once I got to know them better. And also true that I have a particular "type" of people, not physically but personality wise - absolutely yes.

[Faux Pas]

I agree with Sandro's points. Attraction is often intangible, and very quick - before I get a chance to speak to person in depth I often know whether I like them or not, and so far my "gut feeling" has never failed me - it hasn't happened that I liked someone while seeing them and then I started disliking them once I got to know them better. And also true that I have a particular "type" of people, not physically but personality wise - absolutely yes.

So you either have instant attraction or none, ever?

[Lily]

Faux Pas, it can vary. It highly depend on the personality. There are passionate women who know what they want, who are unable to to act like they are in love where they are not. On the other hand, there are also women who have little preferences for themselves and who might be able to consider any good man who seems to be decent and caring husband material.
 
I believe however, that if the attraction is going to emerge, it will be apparent rather quickly. If it is not there soon, it will never be there.

[ML]

My strong preference for long legs and slender thighs only developed after my age 45 or so.  It is now more important to me than a beautiful face.  Previously, it was the other way around.

I have always had a great aversion to overweight persons, even as a pre-teenager.  I will go to great lengths to avoid even being in their close proximity; and would never invite such into my home or accept an invitation to go to their home.

[GQBlues]

Exactly what defines 'overweight' anyway?

My wife thinks she's overweight but in my eyes, she's slim. If anything, she can use to gain a few more pounds.

The women I most attracted to can well be defined as 'overweight' by other people. I think there's sexiness in this. When I say overweight, I'm thinking the likes of Katherine Heigl, Jennifer Aniston, Virginia Madsen, etc...