First Trip and I was wondering about your experiences and if you might havesom advice

[ecr844]

Hi All,

 

 

   As a relative "newbie," to the process I was wondering if some of the experienced members here might be able to offer some advice. As you may have read from my 'trip report' here; my trip is about 2 weeks away. As it approaches I have been wondering about the following things and how others have handled them when they took their trips to the FSU. As others may have the same questions and may not have asked them I will on purpose ask them as if I am completely ignorant, and hope to get a full range of helpful responses.

 

1.)    What signs would one expect an RW give to, or should I be on the look out for to 'get the hint' things are going well, and she's interested and not just being polite because I just flew 10k miles to visit? (Lets say this particular RW is 'shy')

2.)     Are there any subtle "red flags" I should be on the look out for besides the ones most often discussed here?

3.)    How were you able to put your visit 'into perspective' in both a non-emotional way and emotional way to decide how to proceed and whether there may be a 'future' between you? Did you keep a journal or notes? Did you take time to yourself and go over everything, or did you just plan sit down and bluntly discuss things with her?

4.)    When you brought your gifts, did you give them all to her at once, or did you space 'giving' them out over the duration of your trip? Did you notice any difference in her reaction in one way vs. the other? Any insight or advice to offer with this? Did you notice whether she seemed 'overwhelmed-under whelmed' if you gave her a bunch of gifts at once??

5.)    I've read here and else where that most suffer from a 'post trip high' and that it took them a bit to sit down and really think about 'how things went' how long on average did this last for you? After it passed how did this change your perspective on your trip?

6.)    Any other advice you might offer to someone making their first trip?

 

Thanks for all your help,
Ecr844

  "Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart!  Else it may be their miserable fortune, when some mightier touch than their own may have awakened all her sensibilities, to be reproached even for the calm content, the marble image of happiness, which they will have imposed upon her as the warm reality."

 
 

"Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching out for
what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are."

[Jay Patches]

Excellent question.  I wish more would ask this kind of question.

1.)    What would you look for at home?  Let's say you were writing a girl across town for 1 month and decided to meet.  What would you expect on that first date, or the 5th date?

2.) Seems like everything is discussed here. Just don't ignore the obvious things you would not ignore at home.

3.) RW are great at being direct (usually).  Just don't overthink this.  Take some time to reflect, both while you are there and when you get back.  Do what feels natural and do not force things.  However, if at the end of your trip, you really want to know what she thinks, ask her!!

4.) Don't give a bunch of gifts at once.  Don't look like you are trying to buy her. A few simple, yet thoughtful, things go over very well.  It's the thought that counts.  Special things from your home town go over very very well.

5.) Great observation.  It depends, sometimes it was a week.  Call her.  Talk to her about post-trip thoughts and feelings.  If you miss her, tell her.  Talk about the next time you will be coming to see her (helps to focus on the positive).

6.) Relax, if you can, and enjoy the trip.  Enjoy the experience and be yourself.

[BC]

Welcome erc,

Have no experience with MOB but if I were in your shoes:

1.  Dating 101 applies.
2.  'Too good to be true'
3.  Don't harbor expectations.. before, during or after your trip.
4.  You are erc, not Santa Claus.  Buy 'love' in suitable establishments.
5.  Read answer to 3. over and over. Plan on a few trips. Always remember you are dating.
6.  Get out and enjoy the sights and wonders of the country you are visiting.. not just the back room of some agency.  Enjoy the adventure regardless of dating results.

all FWIW.. YMMV

[Charles]

Just a few thoughts:

1.       Since it is your first trip, and if you are only visiting one lady, let her plan the itenerary.   Even for multiple meetings, it may be best to let them show you around.
2.       If you are serious, and if she is serious, you should meet her family and friends.
3.       If you're interested and serious after a few days, I would suggest discussing her feelings with you before you depart rather than waiting until you return and set a timetable for future events.   If you don't know in your gut how you feel about the lady, chances are it is not going to work out.    RW are very anxious ladies -- they tend to expect the worst but hope for the best.  It is very important to keep them in the loop on your thoughts.   Keeping their mind at ease is very important and being honest and up front with someone will go a long way for you.

[happiness]

1) My advice is to kiss her on the cheek the first time you meet, if you weren't already planning on that.  Then plan for a hello and goodbye kiss every time after that.  You will know if she is not comfortable or romantically interested in you.  If she introduces you to her family and friends, then things are going well.  If she doesn't, then she is just being polite.

2) Show her pictures of your family, house, car and general life in America.  Be very observant of the pictures she holds the longest and the questions she asks about her potential life with you in America.

3) I kept a journal, and wrote in it constantly.  Of course I was on a WMVM trip, so I would review my notes at the end of each day.  It's a bit different if you are on a WOVO trip, but still it is a good idea to keep notes.

4) Space them out and make them personal to things she likes.  A good perfume and chocolate are always a hit.  Also things they don't have in Russia like peanut butter, maple syrup and marshmellows are interesting.

5) Definitely call her as soon as you get back home.  Setup a schedule of call times.  You will have a good perspective after two weeks.

6) Have a backup plan.  Better yet, have several backup plans.  Be ready to take action if things aren't going the way you planned.  Be generous and polite, even in a worst case scenario.  Your most precious resource on your first trip is time.  Don't waste it!

[PeeWee]

I placed my thoughts after each of your questions.  peewee

1. look out for to 'get the hint' things are going well, and she's interested and not just being polite because I just flew 10k miles to visit? (Lets say this particular RW is 'shy')   

Women are women. Most RW are direct and to the point. I have always said they are quicker to come to the plate (a baseball term) than their American counter parts are.

2.)     Are there any subtle "red flags" I should be on the look out for besides the ones most often discussed here? 

If she looks like a whore then she probable is a whore. Just look at her. If she looks like an accident waiting to happen then she probably is just that. Where did you meet her has something to do with it. If in a club owed by the mafia then expect what you get. If you meet her through an agency social event then better for you. If she is a friend of someone you already know then that might be good too.

3.)    How were you able to put your visit 'into perspective' in both a non-emotional way and emotional way to decide how to proceed and whether there may be a 'future' between you? Did you keep a journal or notes? Did you take time to yourself and go over everything, or did you just plan sit down and bluntly discuss things with her?

Your time is short. She will appreciate it if you cut to the chase. Russians seem to be irriated by the way we Americans beat around the bush. Not George but the plant variety. Just get to it. Get yourself mentally up to their speed. Notes? Are you going bird watching or are you looking for a mate? 

4.)    When you brought your gifts, did you give them all to her at once, or did you space 'giving' them out over the duration of your trip? Did you notice any difference in her reaction in one way vs. the other? Any insight or advice to offer with this? Did you notice whether she seemed 'overwhelmed-under whelmed' if you gave her a bunch of gifts at once??

too many gifts all at once suggests more to come later. RW love gifts but why shoot your wad all at once?

5.)    I've read here and else where that most suffer from a 'post trip high' and that it took them a bit to sit down and really think about 'how things went' how long on average did this last for you? After it passed how did this change your perspective on your trip?

Plato was a thinker. You are not he. I have never had a post trip high or low. You did not take a drug you took a vacation. For me I am an in and out kind of guy. I do something and then I move on. I don't reflect all that much on it but if you must think about it then let me ask  you this. How long is the flight home?

6.)    Any other advice you might offer to someone making their first trip

Enjoy yourself and try not to over think this. It is a vacation. It is an adventure. It is a life time experience. It is fun. It is educational. What will happen will happen. You may find the woman of your dreams or come you may come home with a burning desire to return next your to further  your quest.

[Ste]

How's her English/your Russian? Have you spoken to her on the phone?

I ask becuase in my view communication is paramount!

Ste

[ecr844]

Ste,


 Yes we have spoken on the phone many times, usually via a translator. Her english is about a 2 on the 5 scale. I just started learning Russian over the last 6-8 mos or so and I have been using Pimsleur and some other means to learn Russian. As I'm doing that mostly on my own it has been tough, but I am learning. So I'd say my Russian is basic at best. Although we will have available to us (during our trip) an impartial translator via a friend we both share who is happily married, and speaks English fluently.
Hope this helps,
ECR844
__________________________________________________________________________ __

"Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart!  Else it may be their miserable fortune, when some mightier touch than their own may have awakened all her sensibilities, to be reproached even for the calm content, the marble image of happiness, which they will have imposed upon her as the warm reality."  ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
 
 Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching out for
what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are.
    -- Calvin

[Jack]

Hello Eric,

I hope you will let us know how your trip went when you return.

I'm not aware of the official book out there on how to do this, unless one considers "Want to marry a Russian woman like me", and I think for most guys the answer to that is nyet. But most guys who have made at least a few trips probably have in their mind their own little book of do's and don't.  In my little book your doing a lot of things I consider a mistake so this means you'll probably meet her, she will be wonderful for you, you two will marry and live happily ever after which essentially means forget what anyone tells you, this whole process is a learning experience, each of us is different, we learn from our mistakes and we improve our individual process for seeking the best Russian bride for ourselves from the experience we learned with each trip.

It seems to me you pretty much decided on going to one part of Russia to find your bride. To me one looks everywhere, writes women he is attracted to all over the FSU, he markets himself widely, throws a wide net and when he finds a few ladies, NOW he has found an area or two of the FSU where he has interest. Now he begins to market himself hard in this area and tries to find at least a few other ladies of real interest. You seemed to right away target one area, your future wife was coming from this one area. Forget all Russian women east of the Urals, all ladies from Ukraine, Belarus, St. Petersburg, north or west of Moscow, your future wife was coming from this one area period.  You only write two women, one of those falls by the way side so now your down to one and your about to travel half way around the world and spend 10 days with one woman. A woman whom you have never met but have already sent money to.

And if this woman speaks a 2 on a scale of 5, why do you need an interpreter? Just curious, if, when, I find a lady who can speak 2 on a scale of 5 I'm pretty happy and damn sure not bringing in the third wheel interpreter.

Eric please let us know how things went, I wish you the best of luck.

[ecr844]

Hello Eric,

I hope you will let us know how your trip went when you return.

I'm not aware of the official book out there on how to do this, unless one considers "Want to marry a Russian woman like me", and I think for most guys the answer to that is nyet. But most guys who have made at least a few trips probably have in their mind their own little book of do's and don't.¦nbsp; In my little book your doing a lot of things I consider a mistake so this means you'll probably meet her, she will be wonderful for you, you two will marry and live happily ever after which essentially means forget what anyone tells you, this whole process is a learning experience, each of us is different, we learn from our mistakes and we improve our individual process for seeking the best Russian bride for ourselves from the experience we learned with each trip.

It seems to me you pretty much decided on going to one part of Russia to find your bride. To me one looks everywhere, writes women he is attracted to all over the FSU, he markets himself widely, throws a wide net and when he finds a few ladies, NOW he has found an area or two of the FSU where he has interest. Now he begins to market himself hard in this area and tries to find at least a few other ladies of real interest. You seemed to right away target one area, your future wife was coming from this one area. Forget all Russian women east of the Urals, all ladies from Ukraine, Belarus, St. Petersburg, north or west of Moscow, your future wife was coming from this one area period.¦nbsp; You only write two women, one of those falls by the way side so now your down to one and your about to travel half way around the world and spend 10 days with one woman. A woman whom you have never met but have already sent money to.

And if this woman speaks a 2 on a scale of 5, why do you need an interpreter? Just curious, if, when, I find a lady who can speak 2 on a scale of 5 I'm pretty happy and damn sure not bringing in the third wheel interpreter.

Eric please let us know how things went, I wish you the best of luck.

Jack,

¦nbsp; Thanks for the info. but just to clarify soemthing for you. I HAVE NEVER SENT ANY $$ TO HER PERIOD, (So I'm not sure where that came from??) and she has never asked for money, or financial support in any shape or form. We have not declared love our love for one another, we both realize and aknowledge that we are 'basically 'pen pals', yet wish to meet and try to see if there is a more 'realistic' connenction and chemistry in person; and we both plan on there being multiple trips in the future. In addition, another reason I am making my first trip is because on many levels it seems as if we connect and see in the other for that which we both are searching. Next, I promised to visit her and I ALWAYS keep my promises. I have "looked elsewhere" and in my search I seemed to get the best response from this area. Admittedly though It was only for a short time though, as once I found 'what I was looking for' and got a positive response there I decided to concentrate my efforts there. In addition, I chose to go the agency route for a number of reasons and after alot of searching I found one which was honest, trustworthy and helpful ( this has further bourne out to be true over time). As always YMMV.. Also as far as the interpreter I plan on using one as little as possible but I think that one will be utilized when we 'discuss' some of the more serious issues to limit the possibility of a misunderstanding, also this person lives there as well and will be available "As needed".¦nbsp; I guess I personally believe that although this is very much an individual experience, I also noticed over the last year reading various posts and Trip reports that I was able to 'learn' alot from them and there seemed to be some good advice and tips in the posts. Next I think there is a wealth of knowledge here on this board in the for of MAXX, JOOKY, Donaz, and lots of others...I personally thought that perhaps by posting these questions I may be able to learn from others, especially those who have 'been there'. Thus learning and getting some good tips as I have recieved here. Perhaps as you mentioned I did make some grave errors, and perhaps you may be correct in surmising that I will be 'unlucky' ( or whatever term you prefer). In which case I will be honest about it in my trip report posts to come. It seems to me that this endeavor like alot of things in life is a progressive learning experience. I do my best everyday, stay honest to myself and others and keep my word. I try to learn as much as I can everyday about life, my profession, etc.., ad nauseaum.

Thanks everyone for your help, please keep the responses coming.. .
Ecr844¦nbsp;

[ecr844]

sorry repeat post

[Bruce]

"1.)    What signs would one expect an RW give to, or should I be on the look out for to 'get the hint' things are going well, and she's interested and not just being polite because I just flew 10k miles to visit? (Lets say this particular RW is 'shy')

2.)     Are there any subtle "red flags" I should be on the look out for besides the ones most often discussed here?

3.)    How were you able to put your visit 'into perspective' in both a non-emotional way and emotional way to decide how to proceed and whether there may be a 'future' between you? Did you keep a journal or notes? Did you take time to yourself and go over everything, or did you just plan sit down and bluntly discuss things with her?

4.)    When you brought your gifts, did you give them all to her at once, or did you space 'giving' them out over the duration of your trip? Did you notice any difference in her reaction in one way vs. the other? Any insight or advice to offer with this? Did you notice whether she seemed 'overwhelmed-under whelmed' if you gave her a bunch of gifts at once??

5.)    I've read here and else where that most suffer from a 'post trip high' and that it took them a bit to sit down and really think about 'how things went' how long on average did this last for you? After it passed how did this change your perspective on your trip?

6.)    Any other advice you might offer to someone making their first trip?"

My view:

 Â I assume you are meeting one woman which I believe is a mistake.  That being said up front I'll give you my views on one through six which should help you with your one and in the event you meet others down the line, like chances are you will be doing.

1.  Russian women are more direct than their American counterparts.  There is no beating around the proverbial bush.  If there is a hint of beating she is looking to take you for a ride on the money train to see how much drops from you as she speeds you down the track or has some serious issues with you, most likely that she just can not stomach your appearance.  The language issue may also scare and frustrate her a bit.  My advice, forget about her - its about you.  If she does not look you in the eye, smile, grab your hand, introduce you to everyone you know, show you off arm in arm or hand in hand and give you all the attentiion you deserve, the answer is next................Money and presents spent on her means little to nothing.  Not sounding sincere, honest and direct with her will cause a negative reaction to a girl who likes you so I hope you talk the talk and walk the walk or it will come back to haunt you.

2.  Appearing to listen to you, go out with you but not giving anything but a peck on the side of your cheek by the end of the third date.  If that occurs the answer is next.  Not showing up on time.  Not meeting her friends, relatives etc.  Not doing exactly what she says she is going to do consistently................the answer is next.  Asking you to buy her anything.................the answer is next.  Being pouty or upset with the restaurant or locale you take her to (unless it is a place that is just too noisy to talk / properly get to know each other) the answer is ......................next.

3.   I always kept a journal / notes to look back how my relationship was going.  The first few trips over are such a whirlwind...................just take it as a learning experience and nothing more.  Come home, sit back for a few weeks, look at your notes of where you had been, what you had done and how you had interacted etc. and seriously think about how you want to pursue things in the future.  Do not discuss long term plans etc. with her unless you are face to face or after alot of face time and you communicate effectively by phone.

4.  Initially you should get a pleasant reaction.  Once she knows you she should be positively thrilled every time you get her anything.  Anything other without serious reason is..................next.  The "whatever" toy bear / tin of cookies / photo should be prominently displayed in her flat / parents flat etc. or, you got it.........next!

5.  Post trip retrospective will help you iron things out.  It will not be until you establish a FSU learning curve until you can sort things out in real time ie. in my case it took at least five trips before I could understand the majority of what was going on both around me and with girls in real time.  The one trip wonders are usually delusional or in denial - they also end up in a heap of trouble once they get to the USA.

6.  Relax, have a back up plan, enjoy the language, restaurants, culture, sights.  Most importantly, do what you want to do.

[Bruce]

NBSP was just a board glitch that came when I posted my response.  Please ignore it.

[ecr844]

NBSP was just a board glitch that came when I posted my response.  Please ignore it.

No problem, Thanks for the insight and advice
Eric

[Jack]

ooooopps   , my mistake about sending her money Eric. I thought when you said you did what you could to support her, followed by getting two new job's, I assumed you had sent money. My bad.


I learned in late Dec. that RW 1's Dad had been murdered. I was sad to hear about this and did what I could to support her and her family. In the first week of Jan I got myself 2 new jobs, which I worked concurrently to try to make this trip happen and also get my finances under control.



And I also apologize for budding into your thread without reading more of your story. I am the last one you want to listen to with any advice about pen-pal relationships.


we both realize and aknowledge that we are 'basically 'pen pals'

[ecr844]

ooooopps ¦nbsp; , my mistake about sending her money Eric. I thought when you said you did what you could to support her, followed by getting two new job's, I assumed you had sent money. My bad.


I learned in late Dec. that RW 1's Dad had been murdered. I was sad to hear about this and did what I could to support her and her family. In the first week of Jan I got myself 2 new jobs, which I worked concurrently to try to make this trip happen and also get my finances under control.



And I also apologize for budding into your thread without reading more of your story. I am the last one you want to listen to with any advice about pen-pal relationships.


we both realize and aknowledge that we are 'basically 'pen pals'

Jack,

¦nbsp; ¦nbsp; ¦nbsp;I'm not attacking you, and I apologize if thats the way it came across. I was merely trying to explain and be more clear in case I had been vague in some way previously. I understand now re-reading it how that statement could have been misconstrued. Yes, I gave her Emotional support which is all I was willing to do as I had learned via the forums that to provide $$'s was a mistake, and a red flag. I did however send flowers and a card as a way of 'offering' my condolences for a very tragic loss of someone who meant alot to her. Seemed like common courtesy to me, I also did sent some gifts for New Years. But at no time did I provide $$ or other 'money type' support. Nor would she have accepted it if I had offered or tried to do that. Next the two jobs I worked at the time was a means to allow me to quickly get capital so that i could make my trip there as soon as she was ready.

¦nbsp; ¦nbsp; ¦nbsp;As far as the 'pen-pals' statement I will say this. We both feel that it is unrealistic to consider 'correspondence without meeting' to be a real adult relationship. Yes, you can get to know someone and build a foundation for the future. But we both believe that you also need to meet and date and o all of the other things a 'couple' does in a normal relationship. We both also recognize and feel that it is 'a first step'¦nbsp; in this process of building a relationship. We are both seriously searching for a mate and someone who is in-line with what we both seek in a partner for marriage. Again, I apologize if I phrased this in an ambiguous way, or made it seem like either of us aren't serious in this endeavor or if I am merely searching for penetration..That is not the case
Hope this helps,
Eric

[ecr844]

Thanks Everyone for the advice and the different perspectives and viewpoints you all posted. I will do my best to keep them in mind. Well I leave on Tues. and it seems that the next couple of days can't pass quick enough!!
Thanks again,
ECR844

[PeeWee]

Thanks Everyone for the advice and the different perspectives and viewpoints you all posted. I will do my best to keep them in mind. Well I leave on Tues. and it seems that the next couple of days can't pass quick enough!!
Thanks again,
ECR844

Best of luck to you, lad. Please revise here after you return and reflect for our mutual benefits. If you leave here as a boy...you will return as a man.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

Best of luck to you, lad. Please revise here after you return and reflect for our mutual benefits. If you leave here as a boy...you will return as a man.

I was thinking just now of a few of the signals that I have gotten when with an RW for the first meeting. 

1. You make eye contact from across the room and get a wink from her.
2. As stupid as this sound. If she sticks her tongue out at you.
3. When she passes near you she lightly strokes your back or pats  your arm.
4. She grabs your package. On the other hand I got kneed in the package once by a RW who as mifted at me so I recommend that you protect your package at all costs because you never can anticipate what they are going to do with your package.
5. She will kiss your lips if she likes you and turn her head if not.
6. Meeting her partents is a good sign.

Beware the scammer. They will act much the same way.


Peewee

[2tallbill]

Hi All,





   As a relative "newbie," to the process I was wondering if some of the experienced members here might be able to offer some advice. As you may have read from my 'trip report' here; my trip is about 2 weeks away. As it approaches I have been wondering about the following things and how others have handled them when they took their trips to the FSU. As others may have the same questions and may not have asked them I will on purpose ask them as if I am completely ignorant, and hope to get a full range of helpful responses.



1.)    What signs would one expect an RW give to, or should I be on the look out for to 'get the hint' things are going well, and she's interested and not just being polite because I just flew 10k miles to visit? (Lets say this particular RW is 'shy')

2.)    Are there any subtle "red flags" I should be on the look out for besides the ones most often discussed here?

3.)    How were you able to put your visit 'into perspective' in both a non-emotional way and emotional way to decide how to proceed and whether there may be a 'future' between you? Did you keep a journal or notes? Did you take time to yourself and go over everything, or did you just plan sit down and bluntly discuss things with her?

4.)    When you brought your gifts, did you give them all to her at once, or did you space 'giving' them out over the duration of your trip? Did you notice any difference in her reaction in one way vs. the other? Any insight or advice to offer with this? Did you notice whether she seemed 'overwhelmed-under whelmed' if you gave her a bunch of gifts at once??

5.)    I've read here and else where that most suffer from a 'post trip high' and that it took them a bit to sit down and really think about 'how things went' how long on average did this last for you? After it passed how did this change your perspective on your trip?

6.)    Any other advice you might offer to someone making their first trip?



Thanks for all your help,
Ecr844

If an FSUW is romantically interested in you, you will not need to read signs, tea leaves
or ask us about it. You will know it. If you don't know for an absolute fact that she is
interested, then for sure she's not.

Udachi!

Bill

[ML]

Just grab her by the ******.  She will either like it or not; you can then proceed from there.