Russian Cook/Cleaner/Housewife and anything else Western women don't like

[mies]

I am confused. Do I understand right that you believe even if alimony paying parent affords to give better life to his/her child/children, he/she should not be giving more than what is required for basic living cost?

Maybe Slumba is trying to say that a father cares about good grades and success in life of his child only as long as he is married to child's mother? 

[Gator]

Two parents loving of each other are very important for a child's healthy development.   A father's role has some overlap with the mother's role, yet each provides something distinct and valuable.  The roles are far more important than sharing diaper duty, and can be blurred in modern marriages IMO.     

A single parent can bridge the gap, yet it is not easy.   God bless single moms who truly try.  And God bless divorced fathers who do not forget their kids. 

[Елена]

Maybe Slumba is trying to say that a father cares about good grades and success in life of his child only as long as he is married to child's mother? 
Slumba seems to think as majority of Russian men. While they are  married to the mother of the child, they believe that their business - work. (I know people who no spent the night in the house when his wife was pregnant, he told me that he fears for the health of his wife. Suddenly he had a cold and infect his wife!) Or remember in this post men talked about a lot of "work" (playing cards and watching movies), but do not go home to small children. Wife should stay home and raise the child (it should be a good mother!). And when you consider that in Russia it is very expensive to place the child in the garden, or hire a nanny, and discrimination in employment high, if a woman has a baby. Once to me was denied the work, citing the fact that I have a small child (my daughter was then 11 years old). And after the divorce, such people believe that all property belongs to them (they worked, while his wife lounged at home), and alimony paid as little as possible. In Russia there are many opportunities to provide evidence of a small salary. Hundreds of thousands of people do not pay child support (to provide information that they do not work) only after people who do not pay child support stopped allowing travel abroad situtsiya improved. It's amazing how different people in different countries have similar views on life ...Maybe I'm wrong, but very similar ... I think there is no difference, as a man explains that he does not want to pay child support or participate in helping his wife. That it protects the health of his wife or he has a very serious work, he can not sleep at home because the baby cries constantly. Or he has another family and need the money his new children or ex-wife alimony for all spends on himself, or so she earns well. Even the most bad things always have the motivation and justification

[Елена]

 [ God bless single moms who truly try.  And God bless divorced fathers who do not forget their kids. ]
golden words!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mies]

Two parents loving of each other are very important for a child's healthy development.   

A single parent can bridge the gap, yet it is not easy.   God bless single moms who truly try.  And God bless divorced fathers who do not forget their kids.

Agree fully.

[mendeleyev]

 

just wants to have some exotic model-quality girl to give him beautiful babies and cook him borsch and herring under the fur-coat while knitting mountain hiking socks for him with one hand and washing his boxers with another hand.

Mies, I've not met too many fellow Americans who genuinely like сельдь под шубой. I think for most foreign men it is the combination of the herring and the beets. Americans used to eat beets but rarely anymore and so the borsch might not go over so well either. 

Personally, hand over the herring under a fur coat and I'll keep an eye on it for you. Also serve some pickled herring and onions, a bowl of borsch, and a dish of Салат Оливер accompanied with some salmon on blini and I'll follow you around like a lost kitten. But these tastes are kind of like some letters of the Cyrillic alphabet initially, Americans usually must get comfortable around them first.

[mies]

Mies, I've not met too many fellow Americans who genuinely like сельдь под шубой. I think for most foreign men it is the combination of the herring and the beets. Americans used to eat beets but rarely anymore and so the borsch might not go over so well either. 

I know, and agree fully! My comment was trying to draw attention to the fact how little Western men seeking for a cook and cleaner know about the woman they "want" to find and marry.

Personally, hand over the herring under a fur coat and I'll keep an eye on it for you. Also serve some pickled herring and onions, a bowl of borsch, and a dish of Салат Оливер accompanied with some salmon on blini and I'll follow you around like a lost kitten. But these tastes are kind of like some letters of the Cyrillic alphabet initially, Americans usually must get comfortable around them first.

This is wonderful! 

[Pkeel1]

If I knew where to get the proper type of herring...
I would love to make herring under a fur coat.
but then I love to try new dishes.

[Slumba]

Slumba, when you talk about spouses roles in the family, you are saying that mother is most important in child's life, - that this is proven by a millennium of western civilization and by religion and by all experience, and any claim that father is equally important is merely an aberration of the last 55 years.
You state that the mother should stay at home and cook and clean for her husband and take care of the child, and she should not work, whereas the husband should be able to work and earn $$$$.

When you are talking about couples with children who decided to split, you sound quite upset that the wife gets sole custody, because in your opinion the parents have equal rights and the wife should not be treated as the most important person in child's life. You also are upset that men are made to pay alimony, and you are concerned that the ex-wife may use a few cents here and there to buy herself an ibuprofen or that when she does grocery with alimony money - she not only feeds her child with this food, but also consumes it herself. And she should not be doing this because she should be self-sufficient and earn for her own needs, not use money from her ex. I presume you are saying that in this case the ex-wife SHOULD work.

So basically, to sum up about 5-6 of your posts in the last week on this topic, you are saying that:
1) if the woman is married - she should not work and should not build professional career/develop professionally. She also is the most important person in child's life and father's role is not equal. Father's task is to provide for his child and his wife financially (and only financially - since you didn't mention anything else).

2) if the woman divorced her husband, she suddenly no longer is the most important person in child's life, and instantly after the moment of divorce the father becomes equally important and should have 50/50 custody. At the same time, the woman now SHOULD work, and it doesn't matter that she will be spending less time with a child or that this will affect child's grades. You also claim that once couple is divorced, men should not be paying child-support to children (or pay only the very basic minimal amount, anything more than minimal - upon his voluntary discretion) because this is an unjust system and this money are too much anyway for a child, and some portion of this money are used by the woman for her own needs.

Please, elaborate on this topic.
Why do you think that if a child lives in a family mother is mainly important and father's task is to bring money, but when a couple is divorced you think that now both parents are equally important and ideally father should not be required to give any money? Are we talking about same child?

Why do you think that when couple is married the wife should not work because she is taking time away from their child and this will affect child's performance and success in life, but once the couple is divorced, the wife should work and should not expect any financial support from her ex-husband neither for herself nor for their child because she didn't deserve it, and "it's her child anyway, she delivered the baby" and then her work does not affect the success of their child. Are we talking about same child?

I would think that if you were to defend (truly) child's interests, your opinion would not fluctuate so drastically. Please, share your thoughts on this topic.

What I wrote/said was, that the mother is most important during the first 5 years of the child's life...  reply #59: "At least for the first 5 years of the child's life, the mother is more important, quite frankly.."  As children get older, the influence of the father becomes more important, in my view. 

Where did I say, that I would not spend any time with the children, as you seem to think in your other post?

I did not say, that she should not work - but the successful raising of children is more important than earning more money.   

Realistically, if a woman from Russia comes over to a Western country, the man should have enough money saved, or be earning enough (or both) to be able to support the family without any money being earned by the woman.  What a horrible feeling that would be, for the woman to feel that she has to get a job right away or they will be in financial trouble...

A note:  alimony is "what the ex-wife receives, for herself" and child support is "money that is given with the expectation that it will pay for expenses of raising the children".  You seem to use both words, but, they are not the same. 

When did I say that the ex-wife should not receive any financial support if raising the children? 

What I pointed out, was that the court simply looks at income and makes a percentage of income, the amount that is child support; and that no accounting of that money is required, at all.

And (it depends on which state in USA) in many states alimony is not used; instead, assets are added up and then divided between the man and woman and then the divorce is final.

[mies]

A note:  alimony is "what the ex-wife receives, for herself" and child support is "money that is given with the expectation that it will pay for expenses of raising the children".  You seem to use both words, but, they are not the same. 

When did I say that the ex-wife should not receive any financial support if raising the children? 

What I pointed out, was that the court simply looks at income and makes a percentage of income, the amount that is child support; and that no accounting of that money is required, at all.

And (it depends on which state in USA) in many states alimony is not used; instead, assets are added up and then divided between the man and woman and then the divorce is final.

Slumba, thank you for the correction. It's my imperfect English. In FSU after divorce the money that husband is ordered to pay to ex-wife are the child support money, and they are called alimony. Here in USA there are two different financial support types: for wife, called alimony, and for children - called child support. In all my posts when I used the word "alimony", child support was meant. I think this is the case with the posts from Miss A.'s posts as well.
Otherwise, thank you for your response.
The reason why I thought you meant that mother is more important in development of child was because you mentioned school grades. And the child doesn't go to school at the age of 2, or 4 (I mean regular primary school). And the grades reflect how much time parents can give to a child to develop intellectually. So if you are talking about child's grades and are telling that mom should not work so that child would have good grades - this implies that you don't want your wife to work until your child graduates from high-school. And by then - your wife would already miss 99% of chances for any serious career. So if you two will divorce, you will have to both pay child support AND alimony, and it would be fair.

My mom, an engineer, taught me how to use professional engineer's rulers and do geometry, and how to select the pencil and sharpen it, how to draw design schemes, how to use perspective in drawings, anything related to calculus, and so on and so force. She spent with me several hours every evening after her regular job teaching me all these things. As a result - I was the best in class in math, geometry and sketching simple engineering designs (it was part of obligatory program in USSR high schools). When I was born - my mom was a student, and then worked. I spent my early months with a nanny and was sent to kindergarten at 9mo because my mom started working. Despite this - she managed to teach me to read before I was 4, and since I had much time on my hands staying at home alone (when I was not sent to kindergarten), by roughly 7 I read all books from lower shelves in my parents' and grandparents' libraries. At around 7 my mom took me to the nearest/biggest city library and signed me up for membership card there. Since then all my summer vacations up until I was 14 or so, I was spending mostly in the library. Generally I had very happy childhood. And I was very proud by both my father and my mother. My mom, for example, had several patents and was receiving financial rewards for various QI recommendations she was always inventing. I remember how proud I was of her that I can ask her anything and she knows the answer, and that she knew not only how to cook a meal, but also so much more about the world. If you asked me back when I was a kid, or now - I would not want to have a stay-at-home mom. I would want my mom to be somebody, to make something of her life. My dad was always working a lot and had very successful career. He, probably like you, thought that his main function for young children is provide financially. By the time he discovered it can be fun to have intellectual discussions with me, I was no longer interested in it. Luckily for me, my maternal grandfather absolutely adored me, and was also spending with me all his free time. He also had engineering education and profession, at that time he was managing a large engineering unit but enjoyed doing "hands on" work just for fun, as a hobby - always fixing and improving engines, watches, radios, TVs and anything he can lay his hands on. He used to discuss with me books I read, taught me things he knew, explained how to disassemble various mechanisms and how do they work, took me to his work. He basically substituted the "father" figure for me while my father was "earning XXXX" in the office. I think if you don't spend time with your child from day 1, after 5 years it may be too late for you to build true connection with them.

(P.S. on unrelated topic, my keyboard gets too old and I've noticed that K letter sometimes get stuck. So if you notice the word "thin" where "think" should be - don't be surprised. It must have been the stuck key, which I've missed in the text.)

[southernX]

just being kind of curoius here ,

  how many of you posters have actually been divorced and have not only lost your relationship ,  & had your family and home broken up around you ,  also had your children go to live with your ex partner ? & had to pay out child support for the next ? years, to that partner , with absolutly no right of say in how that money is spent ?, with the mandatory legality that the more you earn the more you pay , ?

walk in those shoes for a while, see how they fit you 
reality is the game changer on individuals perspectives of this
SX

[lonedrake]

Here is an interesting article about a fathers role.



Father's day highlights that dad's love may be as much or even more important to kids: research

Though the prevailing Father’s Day question is what to get Dad, a new study suggests the more pressing issue is what dads can give in return.

In a long-term analysis of 36 international studies of nearly 11,000 parents and children, researchers have found that a father’s love contributes as much — and sometimes more — to a child’s development as that of a mother, while perceived rejection creates a larger ripple on personality than any other type of experience.

The power of paternal rejection or acceptance is especially strong in cases where the father is seen by his child as having heightened prestige in the family, as this tends to boost his influence.

“In our half-century of international research, we’ve not found any other class of experience that has as strong and consistent an effect on personality as does the experience of rejection — especially by parents in childhood,” says co-author Ronald Rohner, whose study appears in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Review.



“In many instances, fathers are as important developmentally as mothers. In some instances, they turn out to be even more important developmentally than mothers. And what we find extraordinary is that, sometimes, a mother’s influence drops out altogether.”

Across decades of studies, with a total 10,943 adults and children, perceived paternal acceptance was significantly linked to less hostility; independence; healthy self-esteem; feelings of adequacy; emotional stability and responsiveness; and a positive world view.

By contrast, perceived paternal rejection was significantly linked to problems with anger or aggression; lower self-esteem; feelings of inadequacy; emotional instability and unresponsiveness; and a dim world view.

“There’s a very consistent worldwide effect of impaired psychologically adjustment wherever kids perceive themselves to be rejected by Mom or Dad. And that effect shows up more significantly for dads than for moms,” says Rohner, professor emeritus of family studies at the University of Connecticut.

To wit, a father’s rejection more strongly predicted four classes of child behaviour than a mother’s: behavioural problems, substance abuse, depression and overall maladjustment.

A father’s love, meanwhile, more strongly predicted satisfaction and well-being, and acted as a better buffer against substance abuse and depression.

“We’ve assumed for years that all kids need for normal, healthy development is a loving relationship with Mom, and that dads are primarily there as financial supports for the family,” says Rohner. “We now see how fundamentally wrong that is.”

Gary Direnfeld, a social worker from Dundas, Ont., said he hopes the study will help quell the cultural tendency to treat mothers as both sole hero and villain in a child’s life — alternating between bashing and enshrining them, depending on the youngster’s behaviour.

“We all want well-rounded children. Well, children are a product of two parents and both should be meaningfully involved wherever possible,” says Direnfeld, an expert on family life.

Neil Campbell, executive director of the Canadian fatherhood initiative DadsCan, says the key is not to expect fathers to parent like mothers. He notes that men hold babies differently, play with toddlers differently and ultimately forge bonds with kids differently, but “different” doesn’t mean wrong.

“Men have their own way … and a child thrives on that,” says Campbell, who teaches at Western University in Ontario. “The message (to dads) is to be there and be involved. You can do it.”

Postmedia News

[lonedrake]

Since I am not a father or plan on being one.....I was not in-tune with a fathers role as much as parents are.

Here is another article.


Stay-at-home dad
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"House husband" redirects here. For the Australian television drama series, see House Husbands.

The examples and perspective in this article deal primarily with the United States and do not represent a worldwide view of the subject. Please improve this article and discuss the issue on the talk page. (April 2010)

A stay-at-home dad with his children
A stay-at-home dad (alternatively, stay at home father, house dad, SAHD, househusband, or house-spouse) is a father who is the main caregiver of the children and is the homemaker of the household. As families have evolved, the practice of being a stay-at-home dad has become more common.
Pre-industrialisation, the family worked together as a unit and was self-sufficient.[1] Beginning with the Industrial Revolution, large-scale production replaced home manufacturing; this shift, coupled with prevailing norms governing sex or gender roles, dictated that the father become the breadwinner and the mother the caregiver.[2] When affection-based marriages emerged in the 1830s, parents began devoting more attention to children and family relationships became more open.[3] Beginning during World War II, many women entering the workforce out of necessity; women reassumed the caregiver position after the war, but their new-found sense of independence changed the traditional family structure together with cultural shifts leading to the feminist movement and advances in birth control. Some women opted to return to the care giver role. Others chose to pursue careers. When women chose to work outside of the home, alternative childcare became a necessity. If childcare options were too costly, unavailable, or undesirable, the stay-at-home dad became a viable option.
The number of stay-at-home dads began gradually increasing in the late 20th century, especially in developed Western nations. Though the role is subject to many stereotypes, and men may have difficulties accessing parenting benefits, communities, and services targeted at mothers, it became more socially acceptable by the 2000s.[4] The stay-at-home dad was more regularly portrayed in the media by the 2000s, especially in the United States. However, in some regions of the world the stay-at-home dad remains culturally unacceptable.
Contents  [hide]
1 Evolution of family roles
1.1 Pre-industrialisation
1.2 Industrialization (1800–1900)
1.3 Transition to modern family (1900–present)
2 Increase in popularity in the 21st century
3 Disadvantages
4 Advantages
4.1 For the child
4.2 For the mother
4.3 For the father
5 Prevalence
5.1 Australia
5.2 Canada
5.3 China
5.4 North Korea
5.5 East Asia
5.6 India
5.7 United Kingdom
5.8 United States
6 Notable Stay-at-home dads
7 See also
8 References
9 External links
Evolution of family roles[edit]

Pre-industrialisation[edit]
In the colonial United States the nuclear family was the most common family form.[1] Typical families consisted of five or more children initially; because of high infant mortality rates, only a few children survived adolescence.[1] Colonial families existed to serve six main functions: self-sufficient business, school, vocational institute, church, house of correction, and welfare institution.[5]
The first African-Americans to reach America were initially brought over as indentured servants, but instead became slaves. By the 19th century, slave trading was a thriving business.[6] Typical slave families consisted of one or two children. Women were primarily the head of the families, either because the fathers had died or had been separated from the family.[6] African-American women experienced what came to be known as the "double day," a full day of domestic chores plus a full day of work outside the home.[7]
Industrialization (1800–1900)[edit]
The Industrial Revolution led to extensive mechanization, resulting in a shift from home manufacturing to large-scale factory production. As this rapid transition took place, families lost many of their production functions. Instead, family members had to work outside the home to support their families.[2] As a result, husbands and wives began operating in separate spheres of activity. The husband became the "breadwinner" by going out and working, while the wife stayed home and took care of the family.[2]
Transition to modern family (1900–present)[edit]
The modern family is commonly thought to have originated in the 1830s: courtship became more open, marriages were often based on affection, and parents devoted more attention to children.[3] At the beginning of the 20th century, married couples began to emphasize the importance of sexual attraction and compatibility in their relationships. This led to more intimate and open relationships along with more adolescent freedom.[3] The transition of the family was influenced by the Great Depression, which forced many women into the workplace in order to compensate for lack of financial stability.[3] In 1932, a federal executive order stated that only one spouse could work for the federal government. This resulted in many women being forced to resign allowing their husbands to continue working.[8]
World War II had a significant impact on changing family roles. Because of the draft, workers were scarce in many industries and employers began to fill jobs with women, mainly in nontraditional positions. This increase in working women became one of the few times in history where women were praised for work outside the home.[9] Divorce rates also reached a new high during this period. Not only had many women found a new sense of independence, but cultural shifts were underway, including the rise of feminism and the development of reliable methods of birth control. Such changes caused some women to decide to end their unhappy marriages.[10]
The 1950s saw a "baby boom" in America. This period was also called the "Golden '50s". This was credited to families trying to make up lost time after the war. As a result, many families moved to the suburbs instead of residing in the city, the number of two-income families began to increase, and grown children began to remain at home longer because of financial difficulties.[11] Gradually, women began re-entering the workforce. This progression away from the traditional view of the woman as the homemaker led to the creation of the role of the stay-at-home dad.
Increase in popularity in the 21st century[edit]

Stay-at-home dads have been seen in increasing numbers in Western culture, especially in Canada, the UK and the United States since the late 20th century. In developed East Asian nations such as Japan and South Korea, this practice is less common.[12]
There are several reasons why some families feel that it would be more beneficial for the father to be the primary caregiver while the mother works outside of the home. The decision to use a stay-at-home dad arrangement is most commonly due to economic reasons. At the same time, women are progressing into higher-paying jobs. There are now financial ramifications in deciding whether the mother or father should become the stay-at-home parent. In cases where the woman is the higher-paid parent, it makes more economic sense for her to continue to work while the man takes on the caregiver role.[13][14] At times the mother's job offers health benefits for the family whereas the father's does not.[13]
With the growth of telecommuting, many men are also able to work from home.[13] In this regard, he is contributing financially to the family while also acting as the primary caregiver of the family's children.[13] Differences in parent's schedules can also account for some of the stay-at-home dads. Sometimes the father works odd work shifts while the mother has a typical nine-to-five work schedule.[13]
Fixed gender roles began to become less prominent in the Western world starting in the late 20th century, allowing men to make their own choice of career without regard to traditional gender-based roles.[12] Some men who choose this role may do so because they enjoy being an active part of their children's lives, while in other families, the mother wants to pursue her career.[13] For example, of the 187 participants at Fortune Magazine's Most Powerful Women in the Business Summit, one third of the women's husbands were stay-at-home dads.[15] Families vary widely in terms of how household chores are divided.[13] Some retired males who marry a younger woman decide to become stay-at-home dads while their wives work because they want a "second chance" to watch a child grow up in a second or third marriage.[15] Additionally, more career and lifestyle options are accepted and prevalent in Western society.[13] There are also fewer restrictions on what constitutes a family.[13]
Disadvantages[edit]

Depending on the country or region, a stay-at-home dad might find more or less social support for his decision. In regions where traditional roles prevail, a stay-at-home dad might be shunned by stay-at-home mom's peer group.[16] In order to find support for their choice, these men have created and joined many support networks.[16]
Still, many men struggle to find acceptance within the role of stay-at-home dad despite the many gains that have been made. Many worry about losing business skills and their "professional place in line".[15] There is a common misconception that stay-at-home dads cannot get a job and therefore must rewrite the typical family roles, forcing the wife into the workforce.[13] Carrying the financial burden and dealing with children's attachment to the dad can be difficult on a working mother.[17]
One 2002 study by the American Heart Association suggested stay-at-home dads may face a higher risk of heart disease.[18] The reasons for the health risk are not specified.
The role of stay-at-home dad may be difficult for men who feel as though they had no option. It is hard for these men to adapt from being a financial provider in the family to being a homemaker.[15] Men who willingly choose to become a stay-at-home dad are much more satisfied with their role in the family.[15]
Advantages[edit]

For the child[edit]
There have been many studies done which suggest the importance of the paternal role in a child's life and benefits of the stay-at-home dad.[12]
A study conducted by Dr. Kyle D. Pruett found that infants between 7 and 30 months respond more favorably to being picked up by their fathers.[13] Pruett also found that a father's parenting style is beneficial for a child's physical, cognitive, emotional and behavioral development.[19] Mothers reassure toddlers when they become frustrated while fathers encourage them to manage their frustration. This helps the children learn to deal with stress and frustration.[19] A long-term study Pruett conducted proved that a father's active involvement with his children, from birth to adolescence, promotes greater emotional balance, stronger curiosity and a stronger sense of self-assurance in the child.[19]
Additional studies show that during the first five years of a child's life, the father's role is more influential than the mother's in how the child learns to manage his or her body, navigate social circumstances, and play.[12] Furthermore, a 1996 study by McGill University found that the "single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is paternal involvement in childcare".[13] The study further concluded that fathers who spent time alone bonding with their children more than twice per week brought up the most compassionate adults.[13]
Robert Frank, a professor of child development at Oakton Community College in Illinois, conducted a study comparing households with a stay-at-home dad and households with a stay-at-home mom.[20] His study concluded that women were still able to form a strong bond with their children despite working full-time outside of the home.[21] Also, women working full-time were often more engaged with their children on a day-to-day basis than their male counterparts.[21] His study concluded that in a family with a stay-at-home dad arrangement, the maternal and paternal influences are equally strong.[21] This contrasts with the more traditional family structure where the father works outside of the home and the mother stays home with the children. In this type of arrangement, the mother's influence is extremely strong, whereas the father's is relatively insignificant. The study found that both parents play an equal role in a child's development, but the stay-at-home dad arrangement is the most beneficial for the child.[21]
For the mother[edit]
The stay-at-home dad arrangement allows the mother to work without having to use a daycare or a nanny. This arrangement prevents the mother from having to deal with the stress of finding acceptable childcare, checking backgrounds, and paying for care.[13] This arrangement also can help ensure that the family's values are being upheld and instilled in the children. Free from the stress of childcare, the working mother is able to actively pursue their career. This allows for a more relaxed working environment for the mother and allows her to focus on her career. If the mother has a higher paying job, this extra income will allow for savings to be made for the children, these savings could help the mother later on pay for university for the child and/or children. Thus, she can advance her career and provide more money for the family.[13] It puts a sound mind for the mother knowing that the child/children are at a safe place. The father having also the same safety and values as the mother in most cases.
For the father[edit]
It is becoming more important and more advantageous for men to establish fulfilling relationships with their children. They are beginning to value these relationships over financial gains. A survey conducted by Minnesota's Department for Families and Children's Services shows that men consider child care to be far more important than a paycheck. Of 600 dads surveyed, a majority said their most important role was to "show love and affection" to kids. "Safety and protection" came next, followed by "moral guidance," "taking time to play," and "teaching and encouraging." "Financial care" finished last. Many men are now becoming more involved in their children's lives, and because of that many men now have a better understanding of what life is like for their child growing up in modern society. Because fathers are immersed in their children's lives, many of the stereotypically "manly" attitudes and activities historically prescribed for children may be circumscribed due to a more gender-neutral parenting approach that focuses on promoting independence and emotional well being. This allows children, especially male children, to grow up with a greater capacity for empathy and less rigidity in attitudes pertaining to gender roles than would perhaps be the case in more traditionally-structured households.[22]
Prevalence[edit]

Australia[edit]
Stay-at-home dads make up a very small portion of the Australian population. The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates that less than 1% of fathers are stay-at-home dads, even though women make up 45% of the workforce.[23] Because of this, there are few role models or resources that can help Australian fathers with the stay-at-home dad role.[23]
Canada[edit]
Over a 20-year period during the late 20th century, there was an increase in the number of women in the workforce in Canada.[24] This shift increased father participation in family tasks that used to primarily be the responsibility of the mother.[24] Beginning in the late 20th century, parental roles began to become less traditional, and the stay-at-home dad arrangement began to become more common.[24] The number of stay-at-home dads increased by three percent points between 1976 and 1998,[24] and the average age of a stay-at-home dad in Canada is forty-two.[24] A bill was passed in by the Canadian government in October 1990 which granted paid leave for fathers for the purpose of primary caregiving.[24]
China[edit]
Beginning in the 2000s, the stay-at-home dad began to emerge as a role in China, though some remain uncomfortable with the way the role changes traditional family dynamics.[25] Customs in China suggest that men must be the heads of their households. Stereotyping is an issue for stay-at-home dads, who sometimes prefer not to tell others about their family arrangement.[25] Traditional ideas promote criticism of "woman-like" men, and many[who?] feel that they would face humiliation and criticism for being stay-at-home dads. Others[who?] suppose they would be looked at as having a wife that is "too strong".[25]
North Korea[edit]
Until around 1990, the North Korean state required every able-bodied male to be employed by some state enterprise. However, some 30% of married women of working age were allowed to stay at home as full-time housewives.(less than some countries in the same region like South Korean \Japan and Taiwan, more than Soviet Union\China Mainland or Nordic countries like Sweden,about the same as Today's USA).[26])In the early 1990s, an estimated 600,000-900,000 people perished in the famine, which was largely a product of the North Korean government's unwillingness to reform the economy,the old system began to fall apart.In some cases women began by selling household items they could do without or homemade food.Today at least three-quarters of North Korean market vendors are women.A joke making the rounds in Pyongyang goes: 'What do a husband and a pet dog have in common?' Answer: 'Neither works nor earns money, but both are cute, stay at home and can scare away burglars.'[27]
East Asia[edit]
Stay-at-home dads are not prevalent in East Asian countries, which generally have strict traditional gender roles. However, a survey conducted in 2008 in Japan suggested that nearly one third of married men would accept the role.[28] The Japanese government passed a law in April 1992 allowing time off following the birth of a child for both male and female employees.[29] In 1996, 0.16% of Japanese fathers took time off of work to raise children.[29] In South Korea, about 5,000 men were stay-at-home dads in 2007.[30] Even so, stay-at-home dads face discrimination from stay-at-home mothers, and are often ostracized.[30]
India[edit]
The role of the stay-at-home dad is not traditional in India, but it is socially accepted in urban areas. According to one sociologist's study in 2006, as much as three percent of all urban working fathers in India are stay-at-home dads,[31] and twelve percent of unmarried Indian men would consider being a stay-at-home dad according to a survey conducted by Business Today.[32] One sociologist Sushma Tulzhapurkar called this a shift in Indian society, saying that a decade ago, "it was an unheard concept and not to mention socially unacceptable for men to give up their jobs and remain at home."[31] However, only 22.7 percent of Indian women are part of the labor force, compared to 51.6 percent of men; thus, women are more likely to be caregivers because most do not work outside the home.[33]
United Kingdom[edit]
According to an article by the Daily Mail, the number of stay-at-home dads in 2007 had increased by 83 percent since 1993.[34] According to the same paper, in 2007, recent figures from the Office for National Statistics showed more than 200,000 fathers chose to stay at home and be the primary caregiver for their children.[34]
In an interview published in the Radio Times in May 2013 Karren Brady made it plain she "could never be a housewife". While she maintains a business career in London her husband Paul Peschisolido has the role of house-husband though Brady collaborates in tasks at home to a certain extent.[35]
United States[edit]
In 2008, an estimated 140,000 married fathers worked in the home as their children's primary caregivers while their wives worked outside of the home to provide for the family. This number is less than the previous two years according to the US Census Bureau.[36] In 2007, stay-at-home dads made up approximately 2.7% of the nation's stay-at-home parents. This is triple the percentage from 1997, and has been consistently higher each year since 2005.[37] In 2006, stay-at-home dads were caring for approximately 245,000 children; 63% of stay-at-home dads had two or more children.[36] These statistics only account for married stay-at-home dads; there are other children being cared for by single fathers or gay couples.[36] Also, it is difficult to ascertain how many of these stay-at-home dads have accepted the role voluntarily, and how many have been forced into it by the economic crisis of the late 2000s and early 2010s during which a great number of mostly-male blue-collar industries suffered significant losses and many previously employed men entered periods of prolonged unemployment.
Notable Stay-at-home dads

[Ade]

Yes, if Slumba read as much as he pretends to perhaps he would have come across some of this research. Although, on second thoughts, being a blinkered Neanderthal yearning for a 1950s type of relationship he probably would have deliberately overlooked it anyway.

[Muzh]

What I wrote/said was, that the mother is most important during the first 5 years of the child's life...  reply #59: "At least for the first 5 years of the child's life, the mother is more important, quite frankly.."  As children get older, the influence of the father becomes more important, in my view. 

How many children do you have? I have three and I say that is bullshevik.
 
Especially with my older two.
 
Actually, my older bro, who happens to be an ultraright evangelical will also tell you that is bullshevik.
 
 

[Muzh]

Yes, if Slumba read as much as he pretends to perhaps he would have come across some of this research. Although, on second thoughts, being a blinkered Neanderthal yearning for a 1950s type of relationship he probably would have deliberately overlooked it anyway.

Ade, I don't think Slumba is a blinkered Neanderthal yearning for a 1950s type of relationship.
 
He just feels that women belong in a certain place and can only achieve certain things.

[Slumba]

Ade, I don't think Slumba is a blinkered Neanderthal yearning for a 1950s type of relationship.
 
He just feels that women belong in a certain place and can only achieve certain things.

If you want "X"  you have to make it your focus; you might know of women who are 37 and say "oh yeah, I really love kids and want to have them" - the fact that she has been able to have kids for 16+ years and hasn't yet, shows it was not her focus.  Women, generally know what it takes to get pregnant

What I am against, is the unrealistic "I can have it all" thinking, and with that, the pressure on women that if they don't have a long checklist of items owned and accomplishments done before having kids, that they are somehow failures. 

You see this in the snide comments about "only a housewife, raising her 3 kids" in some cases ... as if it is somehow dishonorable.
 

[Muzh]

If you want "X"  you have to make it your focus; you might know of women who are 37 and say "oh yeah, I really love kids and want to have them" - the fact that she has been able to have kids for 16+ years and hasn't yet, shows it was not her focus.  Women, generally know what it takes to get pregnant

What I am against, is the unrealistic "I can have it all" thinking, and with that, the pressure on women that if they don't have a long checklist of items owned and accomplishments done before having kids, that they are somehow failures. 

You see this in the snide comments about "only a housewife, raising her 3 kids" in some cases ... as if it is somehow dishonorable.

I'll ask you, do you aspire to have it all?

[Muzh]

You see this in the snide comments about "only a housewife, raising her 3 kids" in some cases ... as if it is somehow dishonorable.

Where do you see the snide comments?
 
From my POV, you'll see the snide comments from those who have bought into this unsustainable consumerism that is prevalent in most of the industrialized world.
 
 

[fathertime]

I think judging whether a mother or father is 'more important' in the first 5 years on a broad basis is an exercise in futility..it varies from household to household...and what difference is it if a woman is say 55% important and a man 45% or vice versa ? 


If it comes to the courtroom the judge will decide based on the two individuals involved.



Fathertime!