Newbie advice

[ukthesis]

Thanks for the advice on eastern dating sites, especially the recommendations about those in which you only pay once for the contact details of the women.

I got stuck on Tau2, which is a pay per contact address (per email) service that was recommended, and I ended up paying over £100 (about $150) for the emails of just several women.  This made me VERY nervous about contacting any of the others, even if they could have been great companions, simply because of the high cost involved.  Now, I am only looking for services that don't require subscribers to pay per message or pay for the contact details of the women.

Secondly, I very strongly advise those who are not already on Skype to go there.  It is the ONLY way you will have an accurate way of knowing what she is like and whether you in fact will like her if you met.  Don't forget that all this traveling is very expensive and you don't want to spend a few thousand bucks only to find that the ravishing beauty of her profile is actually overweight and not very nice in her personality.  That she hasn't much interest in you and only wants you as an escape route from poverty to the west.  In other words, using Skype is a brilliant way of deciding if she is worth a visit, and infinitely better than simply exchanging emails.

If she says she doesn't do Skype, be very careful.  I recently met on Tau2 a woman who said that she preferred to meet people the "natural" way, face to face.  She didn't believe in Skype, she said.  So I went to Cyprus to meet her on this basis.  But she was little like her photos in the flesh, and she expressed hardly any interest in me.  Much of the time was spend listening to her complaining about her former husband.  She did ask about the size of my house, which tells you the way she was thinking.  If I'd have insisted she first use Skype, I could have determined this without going there.

Next, don't forget that most of the women on these dating forums are working girls.  This means that they don't have time, often, to spend let's say a week from work to escort you around the place.  In addition, if the place or region she lives in hasn't much in the way of attractions, spending a whole week there is too much.

I would say that spending 2-3 nights in her home town is sufficient to gauge if you two want to meet again for a longer period.  I think most people can tell after this period of time if they are actually attracted to each other enough that the investment of more money is worthwhile.  And if you don't really get on with her, spending 2-3 nights isn't a hassle and she can pass the time with you showing you around whatever they have there without it getting very awkward for both of you, and wishing it would end and you could just fly home.

In addition, a quite common complaint is that the western men simply don't take the step of going over there to meet the women.  This seems to have made some quite cynical and suspicious.  This creates problems for those guys, like me, who are actually prepared to meet them.  To give one example, the woman in Cyprus told me I was the first man from Tau2 to actually meet her in the two years she's been a member on there.

Finally, for those without a Smartphone, I suggest you buy one.  The women I know are all quite familiar with these cellphones and most of the time expect the man to have one.  I've gone for years just with a first generation cellphone that doesn't for example, take Viber and this is something that can cause practical problems.

[BlondeSeeker]

I think best piece of advise is to ignore people like Mendeleyev if they look on here. (I honestly haven't written here for months because he was so rude) Decide for yourself! Many are very pessimistic on this site because they are 40+ and looking for an 18 year old. You're wife is younger than your daughter.... cool bro

I had a big actually insightful post with a pic of me with my fiance I met on EM that has been approved for a Visa, etc. and everything but figured Mende would just be an A-hole again after looking at it...

[lordtiberius]

I think best piece of advise is to ignore people like Mendeleyev  . . .

 like Mendeleyev? 

Not the guy I know, if you want a complete, accurate and up to date troll list, pm me.  Mendeleyev ain't on it.

[BlondeSeeker]

like Mendeleyev? 

Not the guy I know, if you want a complete, accurate and up to date troll list, pm me.  Mendeleyev ain't on it.

I don't care who trolled other people. Always remember who was mean to you though right? see attached screenshot...

I was successful in finding a Russian girl so you'd think a forum like this would want my input but obviously some members don't respect my right to think the way that I do or accept how my experience was. Ok, I was lying? why? no reason to.. I was supposed to love going through museums and BS? I'm freaken 28 and have no interest in such things but Mr. Almighty art connoisseur wanted to be a prick. I gave an honest and thorough description that got Trolled on so I left this board.

I'd actually like help others find a good girl if they search there. What is Mr. married 10+ years and still trolling doing here? Isn't anything he says outdated anyways? "the guy that dated my daughter said"

[JayH]

I think best piece of advise is to ignore people like Mendeleyev if they look on here.  . and everything but figured Mende would just be an A-hole again after looking at it...

Hey BS -- Mende is a gentleman and very respected by most on the forum. You need to show me where Mende was disrespectful to you for me to believe it. vary rare for him to post anything that could be construed that way.
So BS--over to you.

[BlondeSeeker]

Hey BS -- Mende is a gentleman and very respected by most on the forum. You need to show me where Mende was disrespectful to you for me to believe it. vary rare for him to post anything that could be construed that way.
So BS--over to you.

look at the attachment dude (couple posts up)

I need brain surgery according to him^

Can we keep this post on topic instead of Mende followers trying to protect an A-hole (why you lose good information on this forum)

[calmissile]

look at the attachment dude (couple posts up)

I need brain surgery according to him^

Can we keep this post on topic instead of Mende followers trying to protect an A-hole (why you lose good information on this forum)

No doubt his humorous post was a result of how you portrayed your behavior.  Mendy is probably the most respected member on this forum.  Neither he, nor many of us would appreciate your adolescence comments that showed you have no appreciation for the arts.  To be fair, it's not my cup of tea either, but I certainly showed an interest in my finace/wife's culture enough to endure the trips that would not have been my first choice.   I guess your juvenile behavior is typical of your generation....... the ME, ME, ME, generation.   Now you can be pissed off at two of us!     

[BlondeSeeker]

No doubt his humorous post was a result of how you portrayed your behavior.  Mendy is probably the most respected member on this forum.  Neither he, nor many of us would appreciate your adolescence comments that showed you have no appreciation for the arts.  To be fair, it's not my cup of tea either, but I certainly showed an interest in my finace/wife's culture enough to endure the trips that would not have been my first choice.   I guess your juvenile behavior is typical of your generation....... the ME, ME, ME, generation.   Now you can be pissed off at two of us!     

OK. You guys can lose yet another member that SUCCEEDED and not 10 years ago, he did it recently. Why because can't respect my views. I never attacked anyone on this site other than calling out an A-hole for being such and with that I will leave you guys to play with yourselves... you are worthless for advice... how would I know? I came here looking for it! You are a bunch of failures or antiques telling the younger generation how to find something when the game has changed oldtimer... I'm here trying to give REAL advice... what is your agenda?

[lordtiberius]

Miscommunications happen all the time.  And miscommunications can turn into flame wars.  There are quite a few people on this board and in the community who are small minded and are very personal.  Try to avoid talking to or giving much weight to such people.  The ignore button is a good option.  If you feel you have to engage the target to neutralize it, try a less direct approach.  Frontal assaults have went out in the way of the 18th century.  Ask the target to clarify inflammatory rhetoric.  Try killing them with kindness.  Also try using humor.  The purpose in engaging a troll is not to hurt, damage or disrupt the target but to alienate him from his friends and allies.  This requires not only an exposure of bad behavior, but also not engaging in it yourself, convincing others you are right and lastly affording the target to apologize or save face.

These rules do not apply if you are in a community of trolls.  These communities exist to humiliate new people like you.  Those forums exist in our community IMHO though I have had my differences with folks here, this place isn't one of them.

Wishing you well and a merry Christmas

[JayH]

Hey BS-- you have your nose out of joint over that? LOL  Keep posting and see how you get on with some of the forum degenerate trolls.

[jone]

Blondeseeker,

There is a great difference between someone having a little fun with your posts and someone who is there to constantly yank your chain.  I hope you hang around long enough to discover the difference.

A forum is designed to offer differing points of view.  While you may have some valuable insights into how you met and dated the woman that you are with, my guess is that you still have only touched the tip of the iceberg.  Relationship with an FSU woman takes a great deal of patience and understanding.  These are attributes that you have yet to demonstrate.  Were I to venture a guess, I would say that you will self destruct your relationship in a short period of time. 

Hell, I know I did that to mine and it wasn't even my fault. We were just victims of circumstances. 

The first day I was on these forums, I blasted just about everyone who was posting at me.  Then a couple of guys took me under their wing and let me know that 'even though I knew everything' I could learn a lot if I took a more patient and understanding approach. 

Quite honestly, it is up to you.  The outcome will be determined if we see you here in a month or two.

Good luck on your hunt.

[mendeleyev]

Blondeseeker, as I recall you were relating how some Russians you'd met had never seen charcoal before. Is that right?

I'd love to see your advice if it is helpful and respectful but when you bash the country of your future wife, is she going to join in the refrain or will you offend a decent young lady? Politeness and respect for other cultures isn't about who has been married the longest or shortest, but about maturity and human decency.

I'm in my 50s and have three lovely daughters and nieces and nephews almost your age. I don't measure SUCCESS by just finding a lady to marry, I judge success by a long-term relationship that has seen great times, endured painful moments in which we've clung together while it seemed the rest of the world was in free fall including the death of a newborn, and lately we've been blessed with more relaxed and comfortable times. Same beautiful lady, 3 daughters off on their own in which two were married in Russian weddings, and we still "court/date" each other.

My mother in law and I nearly declared nuclear war on each other some years back and I learned a lot about myself, about Russian family culture, and about respecting others during that stormy time. I don't sense that a suave guy like you would ever have family problems, but some will and I know more than a little about navigating those kinds of waters.

Of course you'll have experiences to share but you don't yet have a track record.

Still, I wish you good luck as you begin with the hope that your experience will be as long and rewarding many of us who are here.

[BlondeSeeker]

Blondeseeker, as I recall you were relating how some Russians you'd met had never seen charcoal before. Is that right?

Said they hadn't used it before. They threw it away because it only smoldered instead of making a fire.

I'd love to see your advice if it is helpful and respectful but when you bash the country of your future wife, is she going to join in the refrain or will you offend a decent young lady?

I don't think I say anything that would offend her... Sounds like the whole family is trying to leave Russia... Some conversation that I didn't write with them: (take offense and be rude if want but the below is from the mouth of a Russian)

" I hate the government. I permanently face with not justice on the attitude towards me or my wife. The law here doesn't work if at you aren't the police or simple person."

"I called an ambulance, but it arrived through an hour and a half."

"I don't have anything except the machine. Believe me, in Russia everything is worse than you can think. )) Even tourists don't go to Russia))"

"Yes, I know that there are countries worse than Russia. But _______, we have huge inventories of oil, gas. We have a huge military power. My parents remember the Soviet Union and check, the USSR was the good country. You were in the house of parents. In the settlement where there live parents there was a school, there was a small hospital. There was a movie theater. Now there fields and dirt. There were buses, there was a big plant where the disorganized houses. Now all of us in the credits in old houses, everything collapses and we are plundered by the government. All our politicians live in your country."

"Our press always says lies about America. To our president of pasture that we would think that Russia the greatest country. But we garbage can."

"I live in Russia 27 years and from 20 years I here only and I do that I adapt. Russians live in Russia as emigrants. There is no money there is nothing. I am ready to work. I here only also do that I work. Huge taxes, police... I want to try to change the life. Russia as Baghdad."

and lastly, yeah... why would the government block a site like this? Blocking a website that translates women's documents for them so they can leave the country.... Interesting...

[TomT]

Blondeseeker,


Beware of people who offer to identify the forum trolls for you. They are insulting your intelligence by making the presumption that you can't decide for yourself and are biased as a consequence of being frequently taken to task for their ignorance and stupidity.

[flitabout62]

Said they hadn't used it before. They threw it away because it only smoldered instead of making a fire.

I don't think I say anything that would offend her... Sounds like the whole family is trying to leave Russia... Some conversation that I didn't write with them: (take offense and be rude if want but the below is from the mouth of a Russian)

" I hate the government. I permanently face with not justice on the attitude towards me or my wife. The law here doesn't work if at you aren't the police or simple person."

"I called an ambulance, but it arrived through an hour and a half."

"I don't have anything except the machine. Believe me, in Russia everything is worse than you can think. )) Even tourists don't go to Russia))"

"Yes, I know that there are countries worse than Russia. But _______, we have huge inventories of oil, gas. We have a huge military power. My parents remember the Soviet Union and check, the USSR was the good country. You were in the house of parents. In the settlement where there live parents there was a school, there was a small hospital. There was a movie theater. Now there fields and dirt. There were buses, there was a big plant where the disorganized houses. Now all of us in the credits in old houses, everything collapses and we are plundered by the government. All our politicians live in your country."

"Our press always says lies about America. To our president of pasture that we would think that Russia the greatest country. But we garbage can."

"I live in Russia 27 years and from 20 years I here only and I do that I adapt. Russians live in Russia as emigrants. There is no money there is nothing. I am ready to work. I here only also do that I work. Huge taxes, police... I want to try to change the life. Russia as Baghdad."

and lastly, yeah... why would the government block a site like this? Blocking a website that translates women's documents for them so they can leave the country.... Interesting...

Yes Blondseeker, I've heard these as well from my gal... and I believe many of the criticisms are true, especially farther away from the major cities like Moscow and St P.  But I see it more as frustrated criticism of the annoying qualities of their country.  But how you understand these comments might be much stronger than is meant by the native Russian.  I think there's a difference between criticizing these difficulties and actually hating the country they and their families live in,  and who they are... a Russian. 
 
Also, just my opinion, but I think that there will come a time when the proud Russian inside your woman will appear.  It took developing a more comfortable closeness that came with time together (and being comfortable to argue from time to time)  before I began to see the Russian in A, then some of the characteristics I'd only read about became clear to me in her.  Of course every one is different, but I'm sure you'll see her pride in who she is as time goes.      

[southernX]

blond seeker

you will be the the harvester of that which you sow , it is already evident in how you write here

small point , but it is an important one you would do well to remember ime

your good lady and her family and all other russians & ukrainians you might know or run across may well criticise their own home country in all manner of things
 but you should never do it if you want a long and harmonius relationship into the future

do so at your peril imho 
SX

[lordtiberius]

I think he is giving medeleyev a raw deal, but what he said about Russia is true.  I hear the same things from my friends in Ukraine.  It's why hundreds of thousands of them are in the streets of Kiev tonight.

[JayH]

I think he is giving medeleyev a raw deal, but what he said about Russia is true.  I hear the same things from my friends in Ukraine.  It's why hundreds of thousands of them are in the streets of Kiev tonight.

LT-- I think the point being made is that criticsizing one's own country is ok-- but outsiders doing it is an another issue altogether-it is disrespectful. That is certainly true of Australians-- ok for us to bag everything unmercifully -- but god help anyone from anywhere else that dares to offer any negative !!
If I offered my criticism of the USA here on forum--it would create a riot-- but would not necessarily reflect my attitude accurately .
On Mende-- the guy is getting it all wrong-- from reading Mendes posts I see both humour and frustration with the ignorance being expressed.If the BS can hang around long enough to get a sense of humour about himself he will see the merit of Mende and his contribution to the forum.

[southernX]

LT
while im not disagreeing with the sentiment expressed by the above posters on the issues within the FSU , i still would not be expressing it to them as such about their homeland ,


edit , jay has nailed it above
SX

[lordtiberius]

1) As an American, we would benefit from any criticism where ever it came from if it were true - especially now

2) Whether the speaker is couth sans an actual meeting it's hard to say.  We don't have to sleep with him.

[Daveman]

OK. You guys can lose yet another member that SUCCEEDED and not 10 years ago, he did it recently. Why because can't respect my views. I never attacked anyone on this site other than calling out an A-hole for being such and with that I will leave you guys to play with yourselves... you are worthless for advice... how would I know? I came here looking for it! You are a bunch of failures or antiques telling the younger generation how to find something when the game has changed oldtimer... I'm here trying to give REAL advice... what is your agenda?

Someone may have mentioned this already, but I read to this point and burst out laughing...


You haven't succeeded at much of anything other than taking a trip, meeting a lady, and having your teeth repaired thus far.  You're way ahead of yourself at this time though it's entirely possible you may have also succeeded at offending some Russian people, but who knows.


So here is some real advice:  slow down and make another trip or two if you can.  The fast track will usually bite you on the ass on one cheek or the other.

[Muzh]

You haven't succeeded at much of anything other than taking a trip, meeting a lady, and having your teeth repaired thus far. 

Yeah, what about that. The man's teeth were all about to fall off.
 
Was the decision to fix them was before or after you decided to knock her up?

[The Natural]

your good lady and her family and all other russians & ukrainians you might know or run across may well criticise their own home country in all manner of things
 but you should never do it if you want a long and harmonius relationship into the future

do so at your peril imho 
SX

That is very true. My wife criticise different aspects of life in Ukraine from time to time, but when I do so, usually in a humouristic way, she sometimes gives me that look and other times burst out in laughter.
But what she doesn't find funny at all, is that more often than not when they make movies in the west that has characters of Russian origin, they are portrayed either as fools or criminals.
 
 

LT-- I think the point being made is that criticsizing one's own country is ok-- but outsiders doing it is an another issue altogether-it is disrespectful. That is certainly true of Australians-- ok for us to bag everything unmercifully -- but god help anyone from anywhere else that dares to offer any negative !!

I guess that's true in all countries, really.
 

[ML]

But what she doesn't find funny at all, is that more often than not when they make movies in the west that has characters of Russian origin, they are portrayed either as fools or criminals.

I haven't seen FSU folks portrayed as fools . . . but criminals, yes.

However, it is true that the  FSU folks do control a large and growing portion of organized crime in USA, and perhaps other countries.  They do seem to have a talent for this sort of thing.

The Italians are probably happy for this turn of events.

For 50 years or more; the mobster mafia movies portrayed Italians in the feature roles.  I remember the protests from Italian folks about this; but the answer always was . . . these are true portrayals.

[The Natural]

I haven't seen FSU folks portrayed as fools . . . but criminals, yes.

My wife and I saw one yesterday, "The Terminal" with Tom Hanks. I really love this movie, it's funny and my wife think so too, but she didn't find funny the scene in which the Russian traveler was held up for bringing medicine without papers and acted like a hysterical teenage girl, hehe.