Two sorry tales

[rambler]

 I know of two women originally from a medium sized city in Russia. They had lived together in Moscow for several years. Both women met guys in the UK on EM. One declared that she would marry the first guy who asked her. She had been dating online for over 8 years.
Both married within a few months of meeting the 2 guys. One refused to to come to the UK unless married first. Both limited or refused sex soon after marriage. One had initiated contact with the  guy who was over 100 lbs overweight for his height. The other was a large age gap.  One got pregnant on the only occasion she ever had sex with her husband.
Both left their husbands weeks after getting their visa to remain in the UK, 2-3 years after entering the UK. The mother refuses her husband access to his child. One had her husband arrested twice on false charges of actual bodily harm, but as no proof existed the guy was not charged. Both guys lost several years and a lot of money. Both women came from broken homes. One had never had a long term relationship lasting over a year.
So this might seem like a bit of a game, but make sure you understand the rules…. To some people there aren't any.

[Daz0187]

WOW that sucks, I feel for the guys in this story.

[ML]

WOW that sucks, I feel for the guys in this story.

But apparently the women wouldn't.

[Daz0187]

LOL true that

[tfcrew]

There's always another side to every story.

[jazztropy]

Wow

[CanadaMan]

There's always another side to every story.

True, but this is the women's side!
Can you imagine what the men's side would be like? 

[Daveman]

...  One got pregnant on the only occasion she ever had sex with her husband.

eeeeeyeah...

[Daz0187]

There's always another side to every story.


Very true but still its not a good way to end things especially with kids involved.
I would hate it to happen to me
I wouldn't wish it on anyone

[jone]

This story brings to mind a fairly heavyweight friend of ours who we used to tease about his weight.  We'd always ask him:  "Hey, how much do you weigh?"  He'd get kind of a dreamy look in his eyes and say:  "I don't know.  You'd have to ask my wife!"

[LAman]

What really sticks out in my eyes is this:

'Both married within a few months of meeting the 2 guys.'


2 wrongs don't make a right???

[mendeleyev]

So-called scams often reveal men for our lack of common sense. So, it is time for some levitation:

If only those evil Russia women would stop scamming everybody in sight our Western men could get on with the job of marrying girls half our ages and a tenth of our weight.

Another scam is how these women continue to remember Russian long after their arrival to our countries! Instead of settling in and assimilating in the first 30 days, it's as if these britches expect men to learn some words/phrases and take an interest in their background and culture. Damn it, we provide a freezer full of meat and an annual membership to SAM's club, yet they refuse to erase all memories of that third world continent and have to go on pretending to be homesick. Like they need to call home every six months or once a year around Christmas. Don't fall for it! It is a ruse to separate you from your hard earned chewing tobacco money!

Here are two more common scams:

- The get pregnant scam. She already has a kid but tricked the man into having sex one time. Dang it, she up and got pregnant just before hunting season! That is a scam, my friends. That child is nothing more than child support and alimony bait just waitin' to happen. Don't be fooled by all that talk about "our baby" as you probably had nuthin' to do with it no matter what the lab report says.

- The don't get pregnant scam. She already has a kid and tricked the man into having sex one time. Dang it, she was wearing a diagram (pun intended) the night of the big event and now refuses to work in the kitchen barefoot. Hell, she doesn't even recognize a pressure cooker.


Watch out for this common scam:

- By now you've no doubt heard of the "I don't want to learn to drive using your old riding lawnmower" scam. You just know that she is itchin' to get her paws on your F150. No way! A sure way to keep the local boys at bay when you're not around is to send her off to the grocery story on your old riding lawnmower. If she wants to drive, start her off on a bushwhacker...since Lord knows your days of whacking some bush are over!


Next, as a public service we present this health advisory:

Several semi-alert readers have reported this very dangerous health related scam. We first heard about it from Satchel Steinfeld down yonder a ways in Choctaw. Satchel sent us a telegram as soon as it happened. Seems ole Satchel traveled over to the Kazakhstan where he bought himself a young bride from a itinerary family living in one of the Yogurts or Yurts or whatever they're called. He reckons they was kind of like Chinese Gypsies with camels. They have those kinda folks over there in the Kazakhstan, you know.

Well anyways, Satchel was sleeping one night and woke up because it was gettin' harder and harder. No, dumbass, not that kind of hard! He couldn't breathe, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Well it turns out that his new bride, not being used to modern ways and all, had shut down his oxygen tank. She claimed that it made a sound like wind blowing and she didn't want him to catch cold. Damn Russian superstitions! Well, Satchel says sure nuff there was some wind blowing but it wasn't from his oxygen machine if you catch his drift. Them beans can do a number on a fellar.


We end this report with news of an un-scam:

You undoubtedly remember the recent trip report from Dick Littlebone, our fine natural American member on the forum. Everyone here loves Dick and wants to have him as their "wing man" when traveling to the Soviet Union.

As you know, Dick traveled over to the Siberia and imported (well, technically he exported her from there but imported her to here) a pretty young thing. You probably remember her too, pretty little Annalana, sweetly known as Lyuba. Well no sooner had she arrived than the troubles began, but to his credit Dick put up with her for four long weeks. Meanwhile she was going around town, and to be sure Litterbox, Texas is a very small town, but this little girl was telling anyone who would listen "no Dick!" The townspeople expected the worst upon hearing that Annalana didn't want Dick.

All of us here on the forum thought for sure they were finished. Yet another quickie and then over. Hey, I meant divorce boys; get your mind out of the gutter! Not wishing to squander his investment from the Siberia, Dick decided to make one more try of things. Pulling himself erect, he stood up and dialed up Skype on the computer. After connecting with a translator he and his lovely Annalana had a three-way during which they discovered their true compatibility, a real congenial combination of mutual interests. See, all that time it was just a little language issue!

As it turns out, Annalana does want Dick. But, well that probably shouldn't be explained any further. Some things do need a translator.

[Faux Pas]

 

[jazztropy]

Mr. Mendeleyev, it seems you have no sympathy for the 2 supposed victims in the above story.

Mr. Rambler, how did you come across this tale?  Are you acquainted with the 2 ladies?

[mendeleyev]

Mr. Mendeleyev, it seems you have no sympathy for the 2 supposed victims in the above story.

I have no sympathy for a continuing stream of losers who do no research, learning nothing before they go to a foreign country and culture in which they are fish out of water, yet make really dumb assumptions about things being the same and about "rescuing" women who supposedly want a visa, and then when they catch the wrong fish because they used the wrong bait, cry like babies about it.

the story...

One had initiated contact with the  guy who was over 100 lbs overweight for his height. The other was a large age gap

Jazz, surely you posses enough intelligence to see the obvious in the above statements? If the grossly overweight dude can't get a date at home, then he made some really dumb assumptions about the motivation of the hot babe who contacted him. Do we need to draw the dude a picture? Are guys in the UK really that gullible? (I don't think so.)


As for the age gap, and I really don't mean to offend my friends over this, but if a guy is 60, thinks in his mind that he looks/acts/feels 40, and he marries a 25 year old, then if it doesn't work out I have no sympathy. The guy may as well married his granddaughter. They have little in common and did he really expect her to stick around to change his adult diapers and wipe the drool while he nodded off on the balcony? I think Jazz, that you are more intelligent than the guys in this story. The obvious doesn't require brain surgery.

Rather than cry with the boys, I think it time that we guys pull up our big boy pants and think like MEN. We were gifted with brains but in this venture often leave them at home. You have guys carrying over engagement rings (something not a part of her culture) on their way to propose to a girl they've never met. You have guys who are going to bring home a little sister that his kids are expected to call "Mom" and you have guys who open up the photo albums and show the ladies their houses and cars and swimming pools as if they were glorified real estate agents instead of using their brains to first visit and see if he and she have anything in common to build a solid relationship.

Sympathy? I save that for the newby who pays to write letters to Oleg, thinking it is Olga. But the really stupid stuff should be labeled for what it is. We do men no service by offering group hugs and buying them a beer when we should be kicking them in the arse.

Other than that, I also possess a sense of humour. I use it.

[Boethius]

mendy, I understand what you are saying.  We can see such "unequal yokings" in pairings on the forums, as well.  Many have predicted which couplings would fail, and those predictions have been prescient.   However, in each case, even when sympathy is not really warranted, I am sympathetic to the pain each party is going through.  Loneliness, coupled with the hope for love, are strong factors in choosing a mate, and they usually outweigh logic and reality. 

So, I do have sympathy for men who have made bad choices, for usually, they have done so with the intention of having some form of family life, even if they were unrealistic in their choices.  I will say, however, that my sympathy wanes when the ink is barely dry on the divorce papers, and the man is off looking for the next wife.

In the facts as presented here, I would question whether the child of the one man is his, assuming his story is accurate and, if so, why he isn't doing more to enforce his rights to see his child.

[mendeleyev]

Thank goodness for someone like you, Bo, to remind us that each is human. I do have sympathy for broken dreams and I have no sympathy for the ladies who also act in what is sometimes criminal fashion. But what I said it true about men using common sense and taking responsibility for our own rushed and clouded judgments. You are right in the human element and so I see your very valid point.

Years ago Mrs. M and I were approached by a very attractive lady was looking for a way to get to the USA. Her ex-husband had moved there to take a high tech job, with their school aged son, and the two were talking of getting back together and it seemed like the husband had no legal status to file for his ex-wife to obtain a visa. She wanted me to help her find a man. Requirements: specific city and she had income targets that she wanted the man to possess. I quickly gathered that this woman intended to rekindle with her ex on the side, manage the two year adjustment period, and then leave with assets. That is criminal and of course we had nothing to do with her scheme.

She was hot with a body like that I wouldn't be surprised if some dude wasn't on a plane, engagement stone at the ready, in a matter of months if not sooner. She was also a heartless criminal in my view but even so, a man rushing in without thinking, researching and exploring must take a share of the responsibility. We perform due diligence in most things and that is what makes us successful enough to attract some of the shady ladies. We need to do even more due diligence when it comes to marriage, especially under cross cultural and long distance circumstances.

[rambler]

Of course the girls have lots of complaints too.
The cultural differences are huge already.
Russians may look like they are from the same ethnic backgrounds as Americans or English,
but their psyche has been moulded by a history so brutal in comparison to ours that there is very little similarity in many cases.
A guy can be condemned for cultural reasons that he cannot fathom. To add more differences like age and looks is just jumping on already very thin ice. If a guy cannot attract and keep the girl of his dreams in his own country, it is very unlikely that going abroad is going to help.
I hope these real life tales stop anyone with stars in their eyes from treading the same path.
It is very sad that the child and father will be separated. But it seems quite common for women to have a child just because they want a child and have very little intention of living with the father. Of course the child has the fathers citizenship and the mother is guaranteed an income from the father and permanent residence.
In Russia she was often not being paid at the end of the month. It is just survival instincts; get out of the country at any cost.
 The guys don't want sympathy but they don't want to be mocked either.

[mendeleyev]

Rambler, I agree with everything you wrote for the most part right up to the last two lines. The days of ladies getting out of the country at any cost are long gone. That economic landscape has changed, which does make it more difficult for guys and you are seeing evidence of that in various trip reports of men coming back empty handed. Simply getting on a plane and showing up is no longer a sure fire guarantee of bringing home a bride.

As to the guys not wanting sympathy, I disagree. Often they're angry, frustrated and show that mood by posting a gal's info all over the net. But when the stories begin of how they were supposedly scammed, or how they traveled but the girl was unresponsive, etc, they do want sympathy. I can dole out all the sympathy in the world but unless men learn to court smart and travel intelligently, our sympathy is wasted. Frankly, some of the guys who travel don't really belong is the category of "married" and while we shouldn't be cold-hearted about it, in some cases we should breathe a sigh of relief that the well being of an innocent lady was spared.

[Doll]

Of course the girls have lots of complaints too.
The cultural differences are huge already.
Russians may look like they are from the same ethnic backgrounds as Americans or English,
but their psyche has been moulded by a history so brutal in comparison to ours that there is very little similarity in many cases.
   

Easy!
Here are  the guys married to FSU women with THIS mentality.
As for the "two sorry stories'- they happen every day between people of same "nation".
Watch what you're saying.

[Doll]

Two sorry tales?
I can tell you twenty two of the same kind- all happened to people with the "blessed mentality".
I work in school and EVERY day see the kids from these families. Horrible!

[rambler]

With all due respect, the key event was the two women, inseparable friends until recently,  both left their husbands once they knew their visa was safe. I think it was their plan for years.  This cannot happen between couples of the same nation.


You highlighted moulded:
When i say molded/moulded by their history I mean formed, influenced by, not the mould that grows on wet walls. I mean that people are hardened by their experiences or softened by them.
That's how it is in relationships between different nationals,  you have taken offence when none was intended. It happens all the time in my own marriage. I was being quite careful to be factual. What your nation has experienced in the last 100 years is astonishing to us. The stories I have heard first hand from Russians express an inevitability regarding turning to crime and corruption as almost the only means to get ahead in Russia. It is not me saying that it is Russians. And the western men are being targeted by men and women with these plans. The men will be defrauded of their name, their assets and their children and their ability to remarry and support a genuine wife.


 

[Doll]

Never heard of this RESPECTED sourse like Russian Express.
Again- leave alone our mentality.

[Gator]

Rambler, I criticize all four,  the two men and the two women, particularly the woman who had a child in a loveless marriage.

My criticism of the men echoes from what Mendy wrote. 

As to the guys not wanting sympathy, I disagree. Often they're angry, frustrated and show that mood by posting a gal's info all over the net. But when the stories begin of how they were supposedly scammed, or how they traveled but the girl was unresponsive, etc, they do want sympathy. I can dole out all the sympathy in the world but unless men learn to court smart and travel intelligently, our sympathy is wasted.

Both men should have realized that their marriages had high risks for divorce.  A reasonable man entering a high-risk marriage should be prepared to accept the consequences of failure. Wanting sympathy and showing anger do not constitute acceptance of consequences.  Thus, they are not reasonable; they are not well adjusted, strong, mature men.  This is what I criticize in such men. 

[rambler]

Doll- it is my bad use of English. I meant:
I heard from Russian people who said to me ...


That is what Russians told me.  Express means ... to express ones self, give (express) their opinion.
Typical cultural, language based misunderstanding, like I said a man can get condemned and never understand why.