Looking for a reputable marraige agency

[Turboguy]

I have done three of the big agency tours and think they are about the longest shot at meeting a good girl you could want.   As far as recommendations I think if they were furnished by the agency, no matter how bad they are they churn enough people they can always find a few happy people.   To me the best way of finding good agencies is looking through the posts here.  Bad or good, it will come out here sooner or later.

Right at this point I would also agree that there are some good small agency tours.  I am signed up for four cities on Jack's next tour along with my son.  I have to say from just what I have seen so far, I am totally impressed.  Jack's methods are totally different than the big agency's do and give you a chance to reach a lot of high quality ladies that are exactly what you are looking for.  I had some posts a while back where Jack's system did not make sense to me.  Now that I really see how he does it I have to say it makes total sense.  I am sure some of the other small agencies have good tours.  Finding which do and which don't is a little harder.

I have to agree with the other things posted as well.  You can waste a lot of time and money dong things in the wrong way.  I am an expert on that.

[Doug S]

Reputable marraige agency

Good marriage agency

Honest marriage agency

Abundant poverty

Accurate estimate

Airline food

Almost finished

Amicable divorce

Amtrak schedule

Anxious patient

Assistant supervisor

Assisted suicide

Awfully pretty

....all oxymora in my book.

Caveat: This is not an attack on the agency owners who belong to this group. The very essence of oxymora is that the subject does not realize it is conflicted and thus goes about its business in ignorant bliss, happy and smiling. "Conflict? What conflict? I don't see any conflict (looks back over shoulder)."

If I get drawn into a discussion on why I beleive this, I will get into trouble here. It's happened before. So I will try to avoid doing so. Let's just say this is my very firm beleif. And my answer to the original poster's question. I am passionate about it, and hold them to blame for much of what is wrong with "Russian mail order brides." But again, I caveat this with "most of them don't even realize it," hence aren't deliberately malicious.

"Go your own way" I say. (John or Christine McVie? I wonder)

Don't use 'em. You don't need 'em.

And in the end, when you finally step up to the altar with your Slavic princess, you will be better off and less aggravated without 'em.

DS 

[Admin]

If I get drawn into a discussion on why I beleive this, I will get into trouble here. It's happened before. So I will try to avoid doing so. Let's just say this is my very firm beleif. And my answer to the original poster's question. I am passionate about it, and hold them to blame for much of what is wrong with "Russian mail order brides." But again, I caveat this with "most of them don't even realize it," hence aren't deliberately malicious.

Doug,

Your post serves to illustrate nicely one of the most difficult parts of running a board like this.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and all are encouraged to share those opinions. Your opinion is that agencies are unnecessary, and that they are somehow to blame for some (or many) of the problems in the "Russian MOB" endeavor.

Clearly, there are others here at RWD who are equally "passionate" about their contrary beliefs.

Left to its natural course, it is likely a heated debate will erupt. As you state in your message - it has happened before.

So what to do..... allow things to take their natural course - or intervene to prevent the inevitable ??

Obviously, I have elected to intervene, hence, this message. Now the additional question - what level if intervention?

So here is what I, and the Mods, will do in this topic - and wherever else this may erupt on the board..... Nothing.

If the flames get out of hand, the topic - or a portion of it - will be moved to the NHB section and possibly closed. No other intervention.

- Dan

[catzenmouse]

Doug,

 We've got quite a few agency owners on RWD here and I know a few of them personally so I'll just say that it would probably be better on both sides of the issue to not instigate something that the other will likely find offensive. If an agency owner wrote about how dumb it was to not use an agency it would piss off plenty of guys who did not use this service. Just trying to keep a balance to the topic at hand. I understand your perspective as I do theirs and I feel that we have a very fair and balanced community here with enough room for both sides.

Ken

[catzenmouse]

I mean... yeah what he said...

[PeeWee]

Have any success stories been posted by guys who have had successes that resulted from contacts that they have made during an agency tour? I keep reading the opposite.

I think the term "Mail Order Bride" is grossly inaccurate. There is probably no such thing. When the term is used it is used improperly. One hundred and fifty years ago a settler living in the western part of the us could order an Eastern woman from a catalog. That was a mail order bride.

Let's say that I have met three women via Match.com. I am an American living on the west coast of the US. One woman lives on the east coast, one lives in Canada, and one lives in Russia. Are any of the three women "Mail order Brides"? I met all three via the Internet. Is the US woman exempt from this title because we live in the same country? I think that all three women are the same. Not to be concidered "mail order brides." All were met as a result of a profile posted on the Internet via a service that matches men with women.

Different situation. I meet a Russian woman now living in the US via A Foreign Affair and and a RW living in Russia. Is one to be considered a mail order bride and not the other? Both were met via the Internet. My question is, why are some women whom we meet via the Internet considered to be "mail order brides" and not others?

Peewee

[Turboguy]

I have to agree with you totally PeeWee.  I think the MOB (sorry Wiz) term is totally in error.  I also agree that in the west in the gold mining era based on movies I have seen there were true MOB's.   I think it exists in the world today to a limited extent but it is not at all appropraite for what we do.  I did see something about some things going on today beween Japaneese men and girls from Thailand that seems like a true MOB.  It has been a while but the fathers of the gals post thier photo's and the japaneese guy either bid on them or buy them and that is essentially how it works.  Not quite sure if it more MOB or more White slavery.

[Doug S]

Fair enough.

I thought I was clear that his is just MY opinion. I have refrained from giving details or supporting evidence as to WHY. That would be inflammatory. Just trying to add a counter-point. That's what discussion boards are all about, right? Guy asked a question. I gave my opinion.

Good pro-active moderation, Dan. That's how moderation is supposed to work, by the way. Not after the fact. You should se some of the inflammatory stuff that gets sent in to Olga's group. Fortunately, she's got all incoming posts on "moderator" status, which means she can reject or approve them. I realize that is impossible on a board like this. I guess that's the big challenge.

About the term "mail order bride." Remember "Here Come the Brides" with Bobby Sherman?

But seriously, Turbo and Pee Wee, you are obviously not married to a Russian woman yet. If and when you finally do, you will come to realize that no matter what you think, and no matter what is technically correct, people are going to brand your wife a "mail order bride." Mostly behind your back, but sometimes to your face. I recommend you learn to accept it with a grain of salt, and some humor.

It's just one of those phrases that has been indelibly coined into our American culture. I used to work for a "consulting" firm in Washington D.C. People referred to us a "Beltway Bandits" behind our backs. At first I took it personally. Later I found it easier to describe ourselves as just that, rather than give the long, technically-correct version. Your protesting or rejecting "MOB" is only going to make you look even more guilty of breaking an American social taboo. Vigorous denial almost always arouses suspicion.

"Mail Oder Bride" is no longer technically correct, but it is an accepted term that approximates the act of reaching out from your own country to search for, meet, and marry a woman from another country, usually a country (and hence a bride) that is economically disadvantaged. These are the bare facts we have to face. It's important not to be in denial about what we're doing.

Olga and I were interviewed by a Channel 4 newsteam a couple of years ago. Hispanic investigative reporter getting to the bottom of the "Secret World of Internet Mail Oder Brides." We really surprised them. We were too normal. Olga charmed and impressed everybody in the room with her beauty, poise, intelligence,  but most of all her dignity. The reporter did everything he could to find a chink in our relationship, but could find nothing other than a 20-year age gap. But even then, we make a very credible couple when photographed (or in this case, filmed) together. Exasperated, they zoomed in on Olga close-up and very pointedly asked "so what does it feel like to be a mail order bride." Olga did not even flinch. She smiled sweetly right at the camera and said "I was not for sale. Doug did not order me. We met each other through the Internet, that's all." After that they gave up and our 3-minute portion of their 5-minute spot was referred to as one of the "few successes," "with a big "But" tagged on to the end of it and then something about that guy up in Seattle who strangled his MOB with a necktie, and then a fire-spitting Filipino MOB-rights activist-spokeswoman making all of us American husbands out to be monsters.

After the shoot was over, the camera-man asked Olga is she had any friends back in Ukraine "like her" she could set him up with. They did the spot at our house, in our living room. And they shot some footage of us walking our dog together out in front. The Mrs. Cravits-type neighbors got their panties all in a wad. I pointed out to the camera-guy that there were a lot of eyes on us, from upstairs windows - the neighbors had always wondered about Olga, her nice figure, spiked heels, and funny accent.  He thought that was funny and said "let's give them this , then..." And they loaded up all of their cameras and floodlights and microphones into their van (which was un-marked), and he slammed the back doors and said very loudly "Great Money Shot, Doug!" gave me a wink and off they went.

The segment aired on the evening news all over Los Angeles about two weeks later. The next day I got phone calls from people I hadn't seen since high school. The most memorable was from Jeff, the drummer from our old band, shouting into the phone - hey Doug! Duuuude! Way to Go! That's a hot Mail Order Bride you got from Romania or wherever! Can you get me one of those, too?" (I later got togeher with Jeff, he's still got the same hair down to the middle of his back we had when we were in Little Rock (the band, except he's now got a big bald spot on the top of his head. His teeth are worse than my Russian in-laws. And his brain is completely fried. He's a carpet installer. Unemployed at that time, but his Dad had recently passed away leaving him only $40,000, which he spent on three drum sets that he crammed into his tiny apartment. Channel 4 news blaring in the background. It was an interesting re-union)

 DS     

[Maxx2]

Nice post Doug and what a cute daughter you have.

Maxx

[Maxx2]

Let's say that I have met three women via Match.com. I am an American living on the west coast of the US. One woman lives on the east coast, one lives in Canada, and one lives in Russia. Are any of the three women "Mail order Brides"? I met all three via the Internet. Is the US woman exempt from this title because we live in the same country? I think that all three women are the same. Not to be concidered "mail order brides." All were met as a result of a profile posted on the Internet via a service that matches men with women.
Peewee

PeeWee, this is perhaps the best explanation I have seen that dispels the notion of a "Mail Order Bride". Gary in my one thread in Scams did just what you wrote. He joined Match.com and met women in Sioux City, Iowa and Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Only problem was his town of Hull was 60 - 70 miles away and marriage was considered impractical by these women as they had roots (children, jobs, family) in their cities. Russian women expect to relocate and start a new life. But getting back to your point, should a woman from Russia be called a MOB and women from Sioux City/Falls not?

Maxx

[Doug S]

Hi Maxx,

Thanks. Yes, Lana is super-cute, just as Olga's Mom's gypsy palm-reader predicted. And she's got a real sweet disposition, and damn smart, too. In fact its scaring me. If her brain continues to develop at the rate it has been, she will pass right by me when she is three or four. She's just now starting to talk, and she's doing it in both English and Russian. And its not just with Olga. I'm conversing with her in both languages as well. Should I have expected anything else, in looks, temperament, and brains, given the mother? It's about time my luck finally started kicking in. Olga was my first big lucky break. Had to wait till I was 4o for that one. Lana is my second, at 47. If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I'd go out happy.

Maxx, I think you,  having raised a couple of daughters yourself. will appreciate the two photos I am attempting to attached to this post. Yes, I cropped the little bastard out and pretend it didn't happen. Me, the guy who regularly lambastes other on the topic of "denial." I use the cropped version. Stay away from my daughter. Olga uses the uncropped version, she liked the little boy.

He is the kid of some good friends of ours from Southern California - an American man-American woman couple. Old surfing buddy of mine. They came by to visit the other day. Olga had seen photos of the boy via email and exclaimed that he "is very cute." He brought Lana a gift of Princess Lego-things. She followed him all around our backyard like his shadow, gave him a lot of MY favorite blue/berry flavor Otter Pops. The kid was really well-behaved. A perfect little gentleman. Olga and his Mom thought it all the greatest. The uncropped photo was immediately emailed back to Babula in Ukraine (Olga's Mom, now Grandma ("Babula is the Russian affectionate for that status), who wrote back that she also approved of this little guy. I used to be Mom's favorite American man. I am old news now.

Doug

[PeeWee]

PeeWee, this is perhaps the best explanation I have seen that dispels the notion of a "Mail Order Bride". Gary in my one thread in Scams did just what you wrote. He joined Match.com and met women in Sioux City, Iowa and Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Only problem was his town of Hull was 60 - 70 miles away and marriage was considered impractical by these women as they had roots (children, jobs, family) in their cities. Russian women expect to relocate and start a new life. But getting back to your point, should a woman from Russia be called a MOB and women from Sioux City/Falls not?

Maxx

Hmmm...it would seem, Maxx, that if both women were met via the same introduction then both would be either MOB or not. Unless the fact that they do not live in the same country would distinquish the two. Further, if a man living in the UK met a woman who lived in Germany via Match.com then would she be considered to be a MOB? Further, let's say that I posted my profile with Elena, I living in the US, but the lady living in Romania contacts me as a result, since she contacted me, am I then a MOH? In all cases, in my opinion, there is no such thing anymore as a "mail order bride".

If I recall the original mail order brides were women who posted their profiles into a catalog. A lonely pioneer found it, wrote to her, and then she was send, or traveled, to meet and marry him. If that is somehow the same as what is now occuring on the Internet then I will submit that the woman who lives not more than 10 miles from the man is also to be considered a "mail order bride", should they eventually marry.

Peewee