Where in US do many FSUW not want to live?

[Larry1]

Recently one of the FSUW here made an interesting point that likely affects many guys' search:

... But what's the point to move from one "north dakota" to another.

North Dakota is bitterly cold in winter and almost all of the state is rural.  I can see why most FSUW would not be keen to move there, although one member here has a serious girlfriend who will likely move to join him there.

During my search and in my time on these forums I have been exposed to various opinions as to where FSUW do and do not want to live. I live in the suburbs of the city of Detroit. My "city" is small, but it is part of the patchwork of cities that make up Detroit's suburbs.  These cities run together; you often don't know where one stops and another starts.  Girls have googled it and have thought that its small population meant that I lived in a village of sorts, which isn't correct. Detroit is a crime-ridden hellhole, but I very rarely go there. Almost every place I need to go, including the Detroit airport, is located in the suburbs. But if you google Detroit you will find photo sites that feature many abandoned buildings and absolute squalor.  I remember one conversation I had with a FSUW that I later visited about precisely how far I lived from Detroit.

As has been stated many times, few FSUW want to move to a rural area, what they would call a village. Several years ago I was dating a FSUW who had lived in medium-sized to large cities all her life.  She had spent quite some time in the US before returning to FSUW and meeting me.  So she was more familiar with this country than most FSUW are. I had a job interview with a firm where we discussed my opening a Nashville office for the firm. But first I would be working at the firm's office in Tulsa, Oklahoma for 6-9 months.  When I told my girlfriend that she replied in an agitated voice, "Oklahoma, that's like a village!"  While I've never been to Oklahoma, Tulsa has a population of about 400,000, which is the population of the FSU city in which she grew up.

I've had a few discussions with FSUW about Florida, where I used to live.  The state has about one and a half million alligators in the wild.  While most FSUW seem to regard Florida as a good place to live, one or two FSUW with whom I discussed the state were horrified at the thought of the wild alligators.  They do look ferocious, but with a few simple precautions you can almost always stay out of any difficulties with them.  Florida has a number of poisonous snakes too. When I lived there I had to kill several that were in my yard. I didn't want them hanging around there because i had small children and a dog who walked in the yard.  I thought about that when I read this news story from South Florida:

Man busy checking out alligator in Florida bitten by poisonous SNAKE after stepping on it

A man who stepped out of his car in Florida's Alligator Alley to catch a glimpse of one of the deadly reptiles was bitten by a venomous snake.

Broward Sheriff Fire Rescue spokesman Mike Jachles said the 29-year-old man from Boynton Beach was bitten on the foot by a water moccasin Saturday evening after he and his girlfriend made a stop to check out an alligator at mile marker 49 on I-75 eastbound.
The highway is also known as Alligator Alley...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2603485/Man-observing-alligator-Fla-bitten-snake.html#ixzz2ynBMu2cm

Conversely, some FSUW have very specific ideas as to where they want to live.  I have heard and seen profiles that indicate some want to live in Los Angeles, New York City, and the Miami area.

What are your thoughts as to what locations in the US FSUW might prefer or want to avoid?  It might be especially interesting and helpful if you could come up with some observations that haven't been mentioned on the forums hundreds of times before.

[steveboy]

Im not sure so many FSU women even want to live in the US today? If they do the numbers have gone down considerably over the last few years, especially what has been going on over the last few months, I would guess that number has gone down to an all time low?

[Larry1]

Sooner after posting the material about the alligators and poisonous snakes in Florida I came across this account of a woman there being mauled by black bears:

Woman is ambushed and mauled by FIVE bears in her garage after she went to put out the trash

A woman was dragged along her driveway by five bears after catching them digging through her garbage bins in her garage. The 45-year-old was mauled and clawed but managed to escape and ran back inside her house to her husband. They called 911 and she was taken to hospital with wounds to her head, face, legs and torso.

The attack in Lake Mary, Florida happened just 10 miles from another bear mauling where a woman was jumped upon whilst walking her dogs home. Wildlife officials said that at this time of year bears were more likely to be scavenging for food and that residents should be on the lookout.

In the latest incident, Seminole County Sheriff Lt. Pete Brenenstuhl said that the woman, who has not been identified, was set upon by five bears ‘of various sizes’, suggesting it was a family of the animals. He said the bears pounced on her the moment they saw her and ‘dragged her from inside the garage out into her driveway’.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2603681/Woman-dragged-garage-FIVE-bears-went-trash.html

The incidence of alligator or bear attacks on humans in Florida is very low, probably not more than several a year.  And the population of Florida is nearly 20 million people.  Driving is much more hazardous.  And, as I pointed out above regarding alligators, you can minimize your risk of being attacked.

To my mind this very slight risk is a fair trade to live in America's paradise: the land of sunshine, warm weather, and beaches.

I forgot to add one thing to my original post above.  I know one guy who lives in an area of the US where there are fairly frequent tornadoes.  Not long after his FSU wife moved to join him a tornado hit their area.  There was minimal damage to their buildings but it really spooked her.  Soon after that she returned to FSU.  I haven't talked to him lately. I don't know whether she came back.

[Maxx2]

My ex (RW) said Minnesota was too much like Siberia. We lived in Minneapolis which along with it's sister city Saint Paul and the suburbs a total of 3 million people. The "City of Lakes" with beautiful parks and a skyline of skyscrapers the largest being 55 stories high was a "little city." From what I understood only New York city Manhattan actually, Chicago (Russians love "Shi-ca-ga) , Washington DC, Florida and California are considered cool places to live. They feel pressure from their Russian friends to be able to say they live in a cool place. Everything else is fly over country. The suburbs are considered "country" which is a slur. A long gone poster here Scott Jay once wrote a RW that he lived on a ranch in Malibu and had a couple of horses that he used in hunting. His RW wrote back and said he should sell his horses and buy an apartment in the city. Yes there is a fear of alligators. Now of course everything I just written does NOT apply to all RW just some.

[Daveman]

Most with whom I communicated preferred living some place warm.  "Big" city came second, third, or last.  However, I wasn't pursuing big city ladies in the first place.  I like down-to-earth-blue-jean girls who enjoy dressing up or down with the situation at hand.    They're not that difficult to find in the FSU. 

My wife loves living just outside of Atlanta.  Hot summers, mild winters but still notable season changes (AC battlezone here -- she likes the thermostat set on 80 in the summer.. WTF?)

I never communicated with one who wanted to live in a sparsely populated area though.

[GregfromGa]

The thing about a RW/UW moving to any city here is that wherever she moves to there will always be somewhere else that would be better.

[alex330]

Im not sure so many FSU women even want to live in the US today?

Like Larry and Maxx say, the big three are still very sought after for living. We have a large number of Russians moving into the area paying cash for new condos.

one or two FSUW with whom I discussed the state were horrified at the thought of the wild alligators. 

don't get started with the sharks 

The suburbs being viewed as a village has always been interesting one for me.

[ML]

The suburbs being viewed as a village has always been interesting one for me.

This whole idea of favoring large cities is due to the experience in FSU. 

Outside of the major cities in FSU, there can be a distinct lack of services, conveniences, shopping, medical, entertainment, culture, etc.

The FSU folk transfer this outlook to other countries, despite fact that the same is not true in the west, particularly in USA.

Here there are many small towns (especially college towns) that have virtually everything that can be found in the largest cities, except for the crime and congestion.

But the FSU folks will never believe it, so it is pretty much a waste of time to try to convince someone who has a negative outlook about this from the beginning.

[CDW]

The ladies should really love you for what you are - not for where you are!

[Daveman]

The ladies should really love you for what you are - not for where you are!

In theory, I concur. In practice, desired living locale is just another piece of the overall compatibility puzzle. 

I doubt I could ever adjust, much less be happy, living in an apartment/condo inside a major city - anywhere.  Just don't care for it - and that attitude would have an effect on my desire to have a relationship with a girl who "must live in a big city". 

So, the reverse "He should really love her for what she is, not where she is", in theory, should be true as well.  It's not.  Too many others more compatible are available to try to force such square peg.  Both should be able to feel happy and content at home, wherever that is. 

[Slumba]

This whole idea of favoring large cities is due to the experience in FSU. 

Outside of the major cities in FSU, there can be a distinct lack of services, conveniences, shopping, medical, entertainment, culture, etc.

The FSU folk transfer this outlook to other countries, despite fact that the same is not true in the west, particularly in USA.

Basically what happened in FSU and Europe is the opposite of the USA:

All the smart people and people with drive, moved to the city.  I met a guy here in Denver, he grew up in Ufa, but when he got accepted to (I think) MSU in Moscow, he never went back anymore to work, and then he was able to move to the USA after that.

So there is a bias that anyone from a village is dumber or has less drive to succeed.

Meanwhile in the USA, because we can spread out due to the large amount of arable land and the westward drive of homesteading/ranching plus the Gold Rush and other moves that resulted in people going West, there is less bias against place - after all Philo T. Farnsworth was living on a farm when he invented TV...

Further, much of the ingenuity came from needing to solve real-world problems, such as the cotton gin, various mechanical equipment for farming, etc. which led to businesses springing up to make such things.  So engineering talent was spread out much more across the country and not centralized.

As well there was propaganda from early Soviet times for the women to leave the countryside and "do better" in the city.

Mendy might know of a Soviet-era poster about that - from memory, it showed a farm woman in the middle - on the left side was a farmer by his fields who wanted her to come with him, while the more attractive city guy , better dressed and with a book in his hand, was leading her towards the city ...

My personal view is that aside from the Boston tech/science scene (MIT/Harvard/Olin etc.), pretty much the entire Northeast USA is quite ossified - anything new or innovative in the USA is coming from somewhere else.

[Larry1]

The ladies should really love you for what you are - not for where you are!

In theory, I concur. In practice, desired living locale is just another piece of the overall compatibility puzzle.

I agree with this.  Every FSUW I've been in a relationship with has been interested in where I live.  That's understandable because that would be where she would be moving to when/if we got married.  They could view the place on Google Earth and I also drove around to various parks, restaurants, and stores in my vicinity and took photos of them in order to give the girls some idea as to what is around here. (My first FSU girlfriend used to make fun of me because I drove to the grocery store that was less than one kilometer from me)  And I also took them on a skype tour of my home so they could see what the living situation would be like.

I can still remember some of our conversations:

Olga: is it usual for Americans to have cars without tires sitting on concrete blocks in their driveways?
me: in many places it is

Oksana: what is that apparatus with all the pipes and vats in your backyard?
me: that's a still where I make corn liquor
Oksana: is that legal in the US? 
me: well, strictly speaking, no
Oksana, what does it look like?
me: here's some (shows mason jar)
Oksana: it looks just like vodka. Why do you put it in pickle jars?
me: that's traditional in my region

[Gator]

FSUW love the sea. 

[CanadaMan]

 The vast majority of men who embark on this FSU adventure do so with the intention of bringing back home a FSUW to live with them.
It is almost expected that the FSUW will leave her family, friends and way of life in order to be with her new mate.


In light of this and all the sacrifices a FSUW must make in leaving her native country, I think a much more telling question would be “Would you be ready and willing to move to another city in the U.S. if your FSU wife wished to do so?"
 

[Maxx2]

I think a much more telling question would be “Would you be ready and willing to move to another city in the U.S. if your FSU wife wished to do so?"

I'd live in Ukraine if future woman wanted me too. In fact I'm planning on it.

[Maxx2]

  However, I wasn't pursuing big city ladies in the first place. 

What size city population wise is considered not a big city? Anyone? What about Poltava with it's 300,000 people?

[Larry1]

The vast majority of men who embark on this FSU adventure do so with the intention of bringing back home a FSUW to live with them.
It is almost expected that the FSUW will leave her family, friends and way of life in order to be with her new mate.


In light of this and all the sacrifices a FSUW must make in leaving her native country, I think a much more telling question would be “Would you be ready and willing to move to another city in the U.S. if your FSU wife wished to do so?"

Moving to another state would mean that I would rarely get to see my kids.  I don't think I would move until they were out of high school.  Likewise, I wouldn't dream of asking her to live apart from any young children she had.  Although it may be hard to believe, the last FSUW I went to visit had a previous boyfriend who asked her to move to his country to be with him but leave her 10-11 year old child behind in FSU.

After my kids got out of high school, however, I would move, assuming I could get a job that would enable me to support our family.  I would also seriously explore the possibility of living in FSU if my future wife very much wanted to do so.

[Maxx2]

I would also seriously explore the possibility of living in FSU if my future wife very much wanted to do so.

If you/we could cope with the culture shock and homesickness it has some real strong pluses. Lower cost of living being one of them. I have noticed quite a few FSUW desiring to stay if they could. This is especially true of older women with grown children and grandchildren. Middle of next year I can retire and I am looking forward to it.

[Chicagoguy]

Just after my wife arrived here we were on our suburban commuter platform and she commented that our small Tudor downtown looked just like the pictures. All though I had sent several hundred photos I had not sent any of these. She had searched it out herself. Probably worried because one man who had visited lived on a station in Australia.

[jmana]

I think the big thing for most of these women is public transportation.  If they move from a place that has it (very likely) to a place that doesn't, it's going to cause issues.  They might think it won't, but after a while they will get tired of not being able to go where they want, when they want.  I'm running into that issue.  Even though I'm only 25 minutes from the state capital, there are no buses here.  And she thinks that she can just get a driver's license and take a car and go wherever she wants, but it isn't that easy for someone pushing 30 who's never driven to learn to drive. 

[ML]

but it isn't that easy for someone pushing 30 who's never driven to learn to drive.

What??

Are you shitting me??

Every year at graduation time in my university town, there are write-ups about graduates in their 80s and 90s.

[Ade]

I think the big thing for most of these women is public transportation.  If they move from a place that has it (very likely) to a place that doesn't, it's going to cause issues.  They might think it won't, but after a while they will get tired of not being able to go where they want, when they want.  I'm running into that issue.  Even though I'm only 25 minutes from the state capital, there are no buses here.  And she thinks that she can just get a driver's license and take a car and go wherever she wants, but it isn't that easy for someone pushing 30 who's never driven to learn to drive.

But of course it's not that difficult to learn either. It costs some money though and then you have to buy another car for her. Is that your problem perhaps?

[Daveman]

What size city population wise is considered not a big city? Anyone? What about Poltava with it's 300,000 people?

IMO, it's more of an attitude of "big city" rather than a city size or population. 

[PBRstreetg]

My father, who drove me to the airport on the first trip over and asked me point blank "are you gonna come back home son?

I said dad I'm coming back for sure.

I've had some time to think about that. All he meant was are you positive about what you're doing. I feel like the woman can be afforded the same.

The vast majority of men who embark on this FSU adventure do so with the intention of bringing back home a FSUW to live with them.
It is almost expected that the FSUW will leave her family, friends and way of life in order to be with her new mate.


In light of this and all the sacrifices a FSUW must make in leaving her native country, I think a much more telling question would be “Would you be ready and willing to move to another city in the U.S. if your FSU wife wished to do so?"

Nyet

[Maxx2]

IMO, it's more of an attitude of "big city" rather than a city size or population.

Thanks Dave. It's how much of a big city girl she is.