Would you get involved with a gal that's "Been here, done this"?

[BC]

From the looks of what I learned, a student visa is waaaaay more costly than a traditional K-1.

jb,

It's not the deed... it's the need for speed

Guys wanting to fast-track might want to pack their 20kg bags and move to Europe.  Now that's would be an 'equal' experience!

[catzenmouse]

Since I'm such a loser and have nothing better to do than hang with the board, I thought I'd try to earn my keep for a change.

jb,

 The rest of us losers still love ya no matter if you earn your keep or not... 

[Killer-B]

At 22 of age she may be willing to get married just to get out of Kazakhstan and take life as it comes. Then somewhere between 25 and 30 she will re-evaluate her life and if you are a good guy you will never know that she did.

Hey Shadow - This comment was of interest to me.... Care to elaborate a little as to this "process"? This was definitely new news to me... IYO does this apply to just RW or women on the whole? Is this "a reason" you think to not consider this gal (let alone anyone under 30 y.o.?) Just curious.. 

Thanks-

KB

[Shadow]

KB there is something that has been disputed a lot already, so do not take my word for it. However I have noticed that midlife crisis is not only for men, but for women as well. The difference is that women go through it at an earlier stage.

What is midlife crisis to begin with ? At some point in your life you begin to look back. You see the dreams and hopes of your youth and what you have achieved. If this looks bad you consider changes and start exploring. This is the time most divorces happen. You realise you will not be considered young much longer and if there is going to be a big change, it has to be now.

For men this time comes between 35 and 45 years of age, average 40.
But for women the turning point in their lives comes between 25 and 35, average 30. The reason is that they realise that once they reach 40 they will probably not have ay children, there for the midlife crisis is set at an earlier stage by biological reasons.
When you look at profiles you will see many divorced women of 25-30. They married young (19-20) and once they got in to the midlife crisis they get the feeling they missed out on things in life. Things like going to clubs, exploring different men, all the things their single friends did and do. If their life is boring, and the husband is caught in daily life without a lot of future expectations, they might decide to pack their bags and get a divorce. Then they start exploring what they missed.
In some time they discover that this wild life is not as attractive as they thought, and they want to go back to family life and go to find another man they can love (more or less) and stay the rest of their lives with. they will not easily leave this man, as the past experience showed them that the grass outside marriage is not greener.

Now once your wife gets in to her midlife crisis she may find that you, her husband, is not the worst compared to those of her friends. If you don't forget that your wife is the most important woman in your life (after your mother) and continue to show her that you still like her, chances are that she decides not to explore the wild life. It also depends on her character and feeling of responsibility.
and the same goes for the men.

KB, this theory is so far not supported by any scientific research as far as I know, it is just from my observations. In real life, ask a woman like Elen and she will tell you that women of under 25 are 'not serious'. Men never get 'serious' because by the time they do the women have already developed enough 'sclerosis' to forget  about the past. 

[tim 360]

A really excellent post Shadow, your insight and observations I have seen many times before in women. It is another reason why men can't understand women very well at times when they go through these pivotal and defining moments. They will metamorphasize rapidly into a different person. I think it is strongly motivated by their thoughs that they have missed something or that something important in life has passed them by. And then 3-5 years later the woman will simply reverse course. Tim360

[jb]

From BC:

jb,
It's not the deed... it's the need for speed

It's not necessarily any faster, in fact it could be much longer, since the I-20 still has to be run through the U.S. Embassy in the girl's country to get the actual student visa issued, the background name checks still have to be done etc., etc., etc. 

It's still a big hassle and will prove to be ultimately far more costly than simply doing the traditional K-1 visa.

[KenC]

jb,
I will preface what I say with the fact that what I did in regard to the student visa was pre 9-11 so things may have changed since then. The student visa was not a long process nor was it an expensive one. Lena went to the embassy with documents in hand and left with her visa. At the time there was no detailed background checks or even any medical approvals needed. It was simple, fast and cheap.

Shadow,
Interesting post. Women also face another critical time in their lives: when their children grow to the age of being self sufficeint. When the kids get into their mid teens, they spend more and more time away from their Moms. The Mother then suddenly has an excessive amount of time on her hands. It is at this time that she does a re-evaluation of her own wants and needs. Of course her marriage also comes under much scrutiny.

There was one sentence that you posted that I thought was curious:
"If you don't forget that your wife is the most important woman in your life (after your mother)"
Even in light that Sunday is Mother's Day, I have to strongly disagree with this comment. If a man puts his Mother ahead of his wife, he is in trouble.
KenC

[catzenmouse]

There was one sentence that you posted that I thought was curious:
"If you don't forget that your wife is the most important woman in your life (after your mother)"
Even in light that Sunday is Mother's Day, I have to strongly disagree with this comment. If a man puts his Mother ahead of his wife, he is in trouble.
KenC

Gotta agree with on that one KenC, big time! Mom is most important for the first 15 - 20 years then you have to put your wife and children above and beyond any other committments. They are your life from that point on.

Ken

[Maxx2]

Gotta agree with on that one KenC, big time!
Ken

Me too. A mother has to be in a very secondary position behind the the wife and the children. Both yours and hers.

RM have got a reputation as being Mama's boys and their wives do not like it one bit. Untrue stereotype?


Maxx

[Charles]

It's been awhile since I have been here.  I will only wade in with the following regarding KillerB's situation.   My wife had a similar experience with a European man, returned to her country, and started the process again.   Certainly it has not affected my situation, as we just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.

[Daknack]

However I have noticed that midlife crisis is not only for men, but for women as well. The difference is that women go through it at an earlier stage.

For men this time comes between 35 and 45 years of age, average 40.
But for women the turning point in their lives comes between 25 and 35, average 30. The reason is that they realise that once they reach 40 they will probably not have ay children, there for the midlife crisis is set at an earlier stage by biological reasons.
When you look at profiles you will see many divorced women of 25-30. They married young (19-20) and once they got in to the midlife crisis they get the feeling they missed out on things in life. Things like going to clubs, exploring different men, all the things their single friends did and do. If their life is boring, and the husband is caught in daily life without a lot of future expectations, they might decide to pack their bags and get a divorce. Then they start exploring what they missed.
In some time they discover that this wild life is not as attractive as they thought, and they want to go back to family life and go to find another man they can love (more or less) and stay the rest of their lives with. they will not easily leave this man, as the past experience showed them that the grass outside marriage is not greener.

This is ten thousand percent true.  A very young woman I would worry about.

Now once your wife gets in to her midlife crisis she may find that you, her husband, is not the worst compared to those of her friends. If you don't forget that your wife is the most important woman in your life (after your mother) and continue to show her that you still like her, chances are that she decides not to explore the wild life. It also depends on her character and feeling of responsibility.
and the same goes for the men.

Im not sure I agree with this.  A damn lot of women dont care if your a nice guy.  They get restless and want out.  I do agree that it depends greatly on her charactor and responsibility.

[Daknack]

There was one sentence that you posted that I thought was curious:
"If you don't forget that your wife is the most important woman in your life (after your mother)"
Even in light that Sunday is Mother's Day, I have to strongly disagree with this comment. If a man puts his Mother ahead of his wife, he is in trouble.
KenC

I agree with KenC on this.  If you put someone over your wife your getting a divorce later on down the road.

[Killer-B]

....This is something that has been disputed a lot already, so do not take my word for it. However I have noticed that "midlife crisis" is not only for men, but for women as well. The difference is that women go through it at an earlier stage....

....womens turning point in their lives comes between 25 and 35, average 30.

....Now once your wife gets in to her midlife crisis she may find that you, her husband, is not the worst compared to those of her friends. If you don't forget that your wife is the most important woman in your life (after your mother) and continue to show her that you still like her, chances are that she decides not to explore the wild life.

...In real life, ask a woman like Elena and she will tell you that women of under 25 are 'not serious'.

Hey Shadow... Great response... Thanks!

Am still kinda chewing on all you said - The jury is still out on this one IMHO -

As to a woman reaching "midlife crises" (if at all?) let alone at age "30" - well this is a new concept for me to get my head around... I'm not saying that I disagree with your assessment - for you stated your position clearly - and it would seem to make some sense... I just don't know how true this really is? - OR - if it applies to just FSU women (due to cultural and social-economic "differences")? Hmmmm - Would really love it if some RW would chime in here... Might be good to get a female perspective? (Guys - your wives?)...

I was really not wanting to turn this question into the old battle about "age difference"... and I think you hypothosized outside of that realm fairly well - Though I understand it is a "factor"... But think this also deals with the overall "maturity" (both men and women) - for I've met allot of immature 40 year olds!! (and some pretty sharp 24 year olds as well!)

As to AM/WM hitting "midlife crises" - I don't know how it is in the UK - but seems here in America, that usually doesn't hit till one approaches 50+ LOL... then you see the divorces and the yellow Corvettes and trophy wife/arm candy gals appear

As to "Mom vs. Wife"... Talk about a loaded question! -- but would suggest maybe inserting words like "respect" and "priority" into the mix - For as Mother's Day approaches, I think it's fairly safe to say that we all respect our mothers, and appreciate what they've done for us in our lives.... However, when one does "marry", it is time to cut the apron strings and merge with your wife... Your (new) priorities and focus should indeed be on your lifetime partner... Your wife! Then your children, "family", friends, extended family, work and so on... (YMMV)  "Mom" is deserving of your love and respect and is one of your priorities - but you're sleeping and experiencing life DAILY with your wife - So definitely, your attention needs to be towards her - always. (stepping off box)

FWIW - I'm 42 - and I won't give that old tired song and dance that I look 35 and act "young" (though I *do!* LOL!) - Hell, I'm AM tired! LOL - But no Corvettes just yet... But that Porsche Boxer is looking pretty good! 

Cheers!

KB

[PeeWee]

I turned 50 recently and didn't even think about it the next day. There will be no mid life crisis for me because I constantly forget how old I am. I am reminded at by annual birthday anniversary and then I again forget about it the very next day. As far as I am concerned age is realtive anyway. I have seen guys who appear as 50 that are but 35 and the reverse. It's all mental. 

Peewee

[Elen]

I turned 50 recently and didn't even think about it the next day. There will be no mid life crisis for me because I constantly forget how old I am.
Peewee

One of the signs of life crisis is when males "forget" how old  they are and start to chase girls out of their cthegory  thinking that it's all "mental" and they are "young in hearts"



As for my thgoughts about such situation then my first concern would be not a fact itself that she already " been there done this"  but that she did this when whe was 19 years old Such ages is some far from "teens" in a matter of transfering all blame on 40 y.o. partner for what that "teennager" is doing
but it's too young to seacrh for husbands at all ( and for foreigner husbands especially) For me it's obviouse that such girls have already some sides of their characters ( wich I don't appreciate at all though it''s only my personal opinion) which would not change with their ages .

[Killer-B]

For me it's obvious that such girls have already some sides of their characters which would not change with their ages .

Privet Elen - I was hoping you would jump in and offer your thoughts  - Thanks!!

Can you elaborate about "some sides"? I mean, give examples as to each side, and what you think the problem is with this? I'm sincerely trying to understand the female mind here!!!!

Many thanks!

KB

[Elen]

some sides

- fixation on material side in relationship

  Whatever would be told here that she "just felt in love with him" I don't buy it For me a top-priority idea in all these searchings husbands abroad in 90% cases - is that "better life style."
 Well I can understand ( more or less) women who spent some time trying to improve that "life style" here ( by their own struggles) and who just failed and were tired to death about that But 19 years olds ( as well as 22 ) who have done almost nothing in that matter ( except searching for male with money , though even in this case they did not bother themselves with studying language) are something "another"
I can understand women who were married to RM and just gave up on them after that ( even if they are not "right" in their rejection all Russian males just because they are the same nationality with their "bad experience")
I can understand women who are "too old" in their 30+ for Russian males

But 19 years old brides raise in me only "suspects" but not understanding

- I don't know how to name that she was married with such big age difference and  in such  short period - infantilism or calculation ( not correct calculation in addition as she failed)  - because I don't believe in "love" in such cases. Anyway in both cases to my mind that's not what would pass with time  ( because 19 is not 15, and those who in their 19 are searching for husband abroad are far from naive little girls) Such sides of character like not thinking where your actions could bring you or thinking that somebody else would solve your problems in majority cases will be in character forever ( in one or another variant depending on age and life situation of course but will be anyway)

[catzenmouse]

I'm sincerely trying to understand the female mind here!!!!

 ...Scene: Killer B trying to understand the female mind - Take 1...

 Zoom in on KB holding his head in both hands. His head is quickly turning purple and blowing up like a balloon. Screams: "Must Stop! Can't Handle It!" Head Explodes!

 Fade to black...

[Shadow]

It seems the remark 'after your mother' was misunderstood by some of the 'real me'.
But I think most of them would classify at some point in their life their moteh as most important woman, and at a later stage in life their wife was the most important woman.

DaKnack I did not say the man has to be a nice guy. I said that he should not be the worst husband compared to those of friends. Not being the worst husband does not mean he has to be the nicest person. There is hope for you still 

[PeeWee]

One of the signs of life crisis is when males "forget" how old  they are and start to chase girls out of their cthegory  thinking that it's all "mental" and they are "young in hearts"



As for my thgoughts about such situation then my first concern would be not a fact itself that she already " been there done this"  but that she did this when whe was 19 years old Such ages is some far from "teens" in a matter of transfering all blame on 40 y.o. partner for what that "teennager" is doing
but it's too young to seacrh for husbands at all ( and for foreigner husbands especially) For me it's obviouse that such girls have already some sides of their characters ( wich I don't appreciate at all though it''s only my personal opinion) which would not change with their ages .

Oh oh...I'm one half of the way there then. Should I one day find a woman who is out of my catagory then I will have reached the dreaded mid life crisis. At that point I rush down to my local Chevy dealer and buy that red Corvett after first stopping by my hairstylist for the weekly comb-over.

Peewee

[Killer-B]

HIS Midlife Crisis! Will Your Relationship Survive?

by Pat Gaudette, founder of The Midlife Club

You are in a committed relationship, married or involved on an exclusive basis. You thought everything was glorious. Or, at least as glorious as it gets—all relationships have some rough spots.

It seems that you are always fighting. Or he just doesn't act like himself anymore. He doesn't like his job. He wants to sell the house and get a little place in the mountains or a sailboat and sail to the islands. You're too fat or too thin or too short or too tall. He doesn't like being home. He wants a sportier car. He changes his hair style, starts a diet and joins the local gym. He says his clothes are too old for him. He says you and he have grown apart. He needs time to think about 'things.' He wants space. He wants something but he doesn't know what. He wants a divorce.

If he's between the ages of 40 and 60 (give or take a few years), your man is blazing a trail through male midlife — he's having a crisis.

We're not talking about the man who has always been a womanizer, a schemer or generally not the nicest person in the world. We are talking about the man who has up to this point assumed responsibility and been the person you could depend upon in time of need.

What you must keep in mind is that he really doesn't understand what he's doing, he isn't deliberately hurting you he just knows that something is wrong in his life and he's searching for the answers.

Of course you're sitting there saying, "Whoa! I'm supposed to just be quiet and tolerate his forays into other-woman-land and let's-junk-it-all-and-sail-around-the-world-land or ditch-the-station-wagon-I-need-a-red-sports-car-land?" Well, yes. Of course you do have options here. You can rage and make demands that he clean up his act. And probably shortly thereafter you'll find yourself in divorce-land.

You see, men don't plan on turning unpredictable. It happens when they look in the mirror or in the eyes of their grandchildren and see themselves as old men. They have, up to this point, believed they were 25-year-old boys. One mid-50's midlife graduate says it made him a better person. He remains with his original wife and their relationship has been redefined to better meet his needs. He has his space and a home in the country that allows him to "entertain" when he feels the need and she has her space and their home in the city that allows her a place to pound on the walls and scream when she feels the urge. Another mid-50's graduate traded the pressures of family, home and business to drive a camper cross country supporting himself by doing odd jobs. The wife of a mid-60's executive still waits for a long term affair with his much younger mistress to end but with each passing year she cares less and her community involvement grows.

The Crisis

Male midlife crisis devours relationships. It may be devouring yours. What you must understand and believe is that no matter what you do, or don't do, the outcome will be the same. You do not have control over him, only yourself.

He might not be alone on this search, but you probably weren't invited, and you probably wouldn't have been regardless of the circumstances. You may be part of the problem as he sees it. You don't understand, how could you? He may have met someone else who seems to understand him perfectly, or reaffirms his youthfulness (as with the mid-60's executive, above). But how could anyone understand him when he doesn't understand himself? He's in an emotional storm that will test the patience and endurance of all those who love him as he comes to grips with the fact that he is no longer 25. He will hurt you. He doesn't mean to hurt you, but he will hurt you.

It's a punch right between the eyes when he suddenly realizes that he is getting older. There's so much he hasn't done. Time is running out. He can't keep up this stress of being husband, father, breadwinner! He's getting older — his hair is thinning, his waist is thickening, his muscles are flabby, his face is wrinkling, he has a t-shirt with little hand prints and 'we love you, gramps' in childish scrawl. He is feeling emotions he's never felt before. And occasionally he is impotent. It's just too much!! He can't handle it! He doesn't want to be an old man!! Sometimes referred to as 'male menopause,' male midlife crisis is not nice for any of the players involved. It is difficult to say who hurts more, him or you.

What Now?
Should you try to wait for this crisis to end, for your lives to return to where they used to be? It might take the patience of Job and the result may still not be the one you want. He will do what he must do when he must do it. Once he has made his passage he will not be the same. He is at a major turning point in his life, a normal part of the male maturing process that, should he be successful in navigating through the storms, will help him lead a fuller and more satisfying life, accepting the normal limitations inherent with the aging process.

Some men aren't successful in the passage. Suicide rates increase for men as they age. Suicide offers the promise of release from seemingly unbearable emotional pain. Women know how to express their emotions, whereas men are taught to hold their emotions back, to 'act like a man!' For some, suicide is the only way to suppress the emotional pain associated with the midlife passage.

His Crisis — Your Problem

You need to be aware of what's happening to your man. Being aware will make you less apt to blame yourself for the things going wrong. He will be blaming you as it is, because he knows he's not at fault.

There's not much you can do to speed up his passage through this crisis in your lives. He probably doesn't want to talk about it, at least not to you. He may believe that you're the whole reason he feels the way he does. It's not true.

You need to understand that this is his problem, it will have to be his solution—what he's going through is normal and you are not responsible. You can't change it or fix it because you didn't break it.

You will have to step back and let him whirl around in his search to find himself. He has a need to blame someone for the bad feelings he has, for the terrible way he's acting, for the lousy way he feels. Don't believe it if he says everything wrong in his life is because of you. And don't try to explain his feelings to him because you can't and he won't listen.

Men Are From Pluto
Women Are From Macy's

There's no doubt men and women are quite different in how they handle emotional situations and midlife is one of the most notable examples.

As a female, you have been trained to take care of other people, to be responsible for their well-being, to make things run smoothly. You have been taught when relationships don't go well it is your responsibility to correct the situation. You look inside yourself for the answers. In the case of his midlife crisis, you won't be able to correct the situation—the answers must come from him. You cannot change his behavior, he must. If you think you can change his behavior by changing yourself, you are in for a lot of anger and disappointment. This issue is not about you, it is all about him.

Men are expected to hide their emotions but that doesn't mean the emotions don't exist—they're buried deep in the recesses of how 'real men' act. Men and women are from the same planet, no matter how alien the male of the species seems when he's plowing through his midlife crisis. When you get angry it is okay for you to express that anger but "society" says he must be in control no matter the situation. Because he appears in control of his emotions it is easy to believe that he is unfeeling but even the most grown-up men sometimes have a need to cry. Unfortunately, it's just not allowed.

His Financial Image
Society measures the worth and success of a man by how much money he has and makes. If he isn't making the kind of money he thinks he should, he will be angry at the obstacles he believes are standing in his way. He may believe his family responsibilities are holding him back.

He needs more affection now and may reach out to you. If you respond with surprise or rejection because you don't understand this new behavior, he may find the affection and affirmation of his desirability in the arms of a girlfriend. Nothing personal, you understand, he doesn't know what he's doing. And he certainly doesn't mean to hurt you. During midlife crisis a man will do many things he wouldn't have done before.

He's scared of dying. His friends may be developing illnesses, some may have already died. He's afraid. He's resentful, frustrated and depressed. He feels trapped by his responsibility to provide for his family. He's locked into a job or career that he no longer enjoys because he must keep the kids in college and make payments on the house and car.

If he's like most men, he may be in responsibility overload and desperately in need of a break from financial responsibilities and the daily demands of work that he's probably had since he got out of school. He may resent the fact he cannot make the choices that so many women can as far as choosing whether or not they want to work and at what. He needs a long break from responsibility but he knows that is an impossibility. If he stops, he loses everything he has worked so hard for, but, if he doesn't stop, there is a good chance he will lose it anyway. He's trapped. How he reacts to this extreme pressure cannot be predicted. Rest assured, though, he will react.

What Can You Do?

The crisis will not end in a week or two. It may take years to get resolved. You will need patience to let him learn to cope with the new feelings and emotions that are occurring in his life. You cannot do this for him nor can you demand that he seek counseling or talk the problem through with you. You may suggest it but you cannot demand it. It will do no good. It's important that you understand and accept the fact that it is his problem, not your fault. Don't take the responsibility for his pain and suffering.

Give him space. No matter how insecure you're feeling, don't cling, berate, belittle or try to push him in a direction he doesn't want to go. If he wants more time than usual to be by himself or with his fishing or golfing buddies, don't complain about how little time he's spending with you. He's trying to think his problems through and he'll find a way regardless of what you say or do.

Now is the time you must develop yourself as an independent person. You must take responsibility for yourself and your happiness without depending on him for the closeness and intimacy that he probably is unable to give right now. Plan things without him. Depend upon yourself, not him. Allow him to do the same.

Do things by yourself and with friends. Make a life for yourself without waiting for him to participate. He may refuse to go to counseling but that doesn't mean you shouldn't in order to better cope with your feelings during this difficult time.

Continue to treat him and all men kindly. This may sound like a silly statement, but your confusion and resentment about his current situation may cause you to "male bash." "Dumb men" jokes may seem funny at the time, but they will be painful and hurtful to a man in crisis and to men in general.

Reaffirm your love for him, your desire for him, your attraction to him. Tell him and show him that he is the most important person in your life. Do it without smothering, clinging or demanding that he reciprocate the feelings to you.

If you make the decision to demand that he straighten up, to demand that he stop his erratic behavior, to demand that he return to the person you're most comfortable with, you'll be making a mistake.

If you make the decision to nag and whine, you'll be making a mistake.

If you think you can make the choices for him or tell him what he should do to feel better or get his life in order, you'll be making a mistake.

If you make idle threats about what you will do if he doesn't change, you'll be making a mistake.

You are not to blame for the feelings that are guiding his life at this time, however, your actions will help to influence the choices he makes.

As hard as it may be to stand back and watch him self-destruct, that is the role you will have to take. Your number one priority as he whirls through his midlife crisis should be you and your needs. You must protect yourself. Your beliefs will be tested, your faith will be stretched, your love will be bruised and perhaps torn beyond repair.

Like so many women before you you'll discover incredible strengths of you own and you will come out of this journey amazed to find that his crisis may have opened a world of amazing opportunities for you — whether or not your relationship remains intact.

Coping with male midlife crisis is not easy. Not every relationship will survive the strain.

PeeWee below?? 

[PeeWee]

Does anyone really like the Corvette? After 1965 they got butt ugly and then stayed that way. I was  thinking, however, if the guy has the bucks to buy a Corvette then he must have done something right for himself financially. Sadly the crisis has not hit Peewee yet. I'm still a stud and think I will be for at least another 6 or so years. Then who knows. Where is this thread headed? Back to it, lads.

Peewee

[Killer-B]

Ok ok ok - Peewee - Nuff joking around - Will get back to topic at hand...

Corvette's are butt ugly IMHO - Saw a Boxer today with the top down - and caught my eye.. hence the comment - but will stick with my gas guzzling SUV for now

Oh yeah, back on topic.... This whole midlife crises thing prolly deserves it's own thread (or a spot on Oprah!) but frankly speaking, I divorced 5 years ago at age 37 and felt MANY of those things (being "boxed in" by family rubbish) - Not sure if I'd chalk all that up to "midlife crises" or just a pain-in-the-ass ex from hell!?  But thought allot of that was pretty spot on IMO.

Cheers -

KB

[PeeWee]

Ok ok ok - Peewee - Nuff joking around - Will get back to topic at hand...

Corvette's are butt ugly IMHO - Saw a Boxer today with the top down - and caught my eye.. hence the comment - but will stick with my gas guzzling SUV for now

Oh yeah, back on topic.... This whole midlife crises thing prolly deserves it's own thread (or a spot on Oprah!) but frankly speaking, I divorced 5 years ago at age 37 and felt MANY of those things (being "boxed in" by family rubbish) - Not sure if I'd chalk all that up to "midlife crises" or just a pain-in-the-ass ex from hell!?  But thought allot of that was pretty spot on IMO.

Cheers -

KB

Seems that you are about 12 or more years away from mid life. One thing I do know is that time is short, life is too short. If you have some things or dreams that you would like to do or see then now is the time for it, not later. Car, travel, whatever. The time to be frugal has passed for me.

Peewee

[Son of Clyde]

I am fond of the '56 BelAir or maybe a '68 Mustang.

Killer-B, I would see where this all leads and if she still has the same sweetness and decency after 6 months of correspondence and several dozen phone calls I would think you will be wanting to meeting her in person. If it is to be, take some time (maybe a month, if necessary) to spend with her.
 
Having a good backup plan, you could always use it to meet some of the others if this does not work out.