Lost in Translation....

[audionote]

Hello, Sure this has been asked in some way before and I did search it and there was some good info. I just wanted to get some current ideas on the subject and I'm also new and wanted to say hello to everyone...
    In Jan of 2014 I started communicating with a woman from Donetsk Ukraine. At first we only send a few letters and had a few chats on line after inviting each other to chats on the site. well to fast forward to this week...she is planning to fly here for a 10 day stay with me in mid July...we have written about 400 letters between us. We have discussed a huge amount of personal information and my communication with her has been wonderful..she is funny super intelligent and pretty easy on the eyes too. My dilemma is this...So far we have only communicated on the web site, and  though I have called her dozens of times On the phone.... it was not easy for us to understand each other...Here is my question....when she fly's to me we are not really going to be able to talk much. and so I've started using the google translator engine it is actually pretty neat technology.. it will read entire paragraphs in Russian of the exact paragraph or sentence you write...
   So here it is....am I being Naive to think that I will be able to communicate well enough with some computer software and the little English she knows...or am I setting myself up for tragedy...I really like this woman and would like to develop my relationship with her so I want this first meeting to go well.
   I was surprised about one thing and that was when I offered to help her with the $1600.00 airfare from Ukraine to Atlanta,GA she declined my offer saying she didnt need the money...later she explained that shes knows there will be expense for me to absorb when I visit her...Its very important for her that I meet her family and that is something I plan on doing...
    I guess I'm just wondering what to expect and if there are any obvious cultural issues that may need explaining.....
Any ideas, comments....musings would be most appreciated.

Best,
JC

[Shadow]

If she has never visited the US there will be lots of things to explain.
Even if she already declined for now, be careful sending money to someone you never met. There have been more than enough men standing on the airport waiting for someone who never arrived.
However is she does manage, know that she does not come just for sightseeing. Show her your life, family and friends so she gets to know who you are and how she would be living when she moved permanently. Of course seeing some sights will be appreciated, but just being a tour guide is not enough.
When it goes well, go to meet her and her family as soon as possible and also concentrate on them.

Just remember that people there are going through a rough time now, and they may look for an escape plan. So do not put bad behaviour away as cultural differences.

[Anotherkiwi]

Firstly,  audionote!  I hope that your time here will be productive.

Although you may not need one, I would suggest that you line up an interpreter, perhaps just for the first day to see how everything goes.  Atlanta is a big city, and there are plenty of interpreters living there.  An alternative would be to get one of the local Russian University students, who I'm sure would be happy to collect some extra spending money.

No matter how much travelling she may have done around Europe, crossing an ocean is a whole different experience, and she's going to be overwhelmed when she arrives (even with you there to greet her).  A friendly face speaking her native language should help relieve some of the tension.

Good luck - keep us posted!

[Gator]

JC

           

I hope you enjoy your time with RWD.

I deem it better to meet a RW for the first time in her country because becoming immersed in her culture helps to understand her.   Nevertheless, this is a great opportunity for the both of you.  The mere fact that she did not want any help with the $1600 airfare is a very good sign. 
 

On the phone.... it was not easy for us to understand each other....when she fly's to me we are not really going to be able to talk much.

It is possible that her English is better than you think.  Talking on the phone is not easy for some people.   I have experienced a few RW whom I had trouble understanding on the phone only to be able to have serious conversations in person. 

   So here it is....am I being Naive to think that I will be able to communicate well enough with some computer software and the little English she knows...or am I setting myself up for tragedy...I really like this woman and would like to develop my relationship with her so I want this first meeting to go well.

Let us assume her English in person is as weak as you have experienced on the phone.  You can still have a great time, and at the conclusion of her visit you will intuitively know whether to continue the relationship including meeting her in Donetsk.  Its all about feelings.

Even if you both have strong feelings for each other, the road for developing the relationship will be difficult if her English is weak.   The two of you will have many misunderstandings and each of you  will become frustrated frequently.  To overcome this, you need the following:

1.  Tons of patience.
2.  Mutual commitment to the relationship (e. g.,  giving the other the "benefit of the doubt").
3.  Intensive English lessons.
4.  Several meetings over at least two years.


And  if you marry, a bigger problem emerges.  The language barrier will inhibit her adjustment and assimilation, making the first 6-12 months very difficult for her. 

I speak from experience.   My wife had little understanding of English when we first met.  It is not a path I would recommend, and in fact I would advise men not to pursue such women.   Upon meeting her the first time, I knew she was phenomenal in many, many ways, a real Russian thoroughbred.  So I started the long, arduous journey.   Today I am so glad that I did not give up, and so is she.  Best woman ever in my long life!!!!

[Wayne]

What experience did she have in obtaining the visa to USA?

[Faux Pas]

audionote
Please explain your situation a bit more. You've only communicated through the agency website? You've written 400 letters? You've called her dozens of times and couldn't understand her? How do you know it's her on the phone? Has she ever called you? Now she want's to visit you, a man she's never met and you've never been to Ukraine? I hate to break it to you chap but, the whole thing stinks to high heaven. With the crap going on in Eastern Ukraine, even moreso.

Why haven't you been to visit her?

[LAman]

audionote
Please explain your situation a bit more. You've only communicated through the agency website? You've written 400 letters? You've called her dozens of times and couldn't understand her? How do you know it's her on the phone? Has she ever called you? Now she want's to visit you, a man she's never met and you've never been to Ukraine? I hate to break it to you chap but, the whole thing stinks to high heaven. With the crap going on in Eastern Ukraine, even moreso.

Why haven't you been to visit her?

Got  to agree with you FP. after reading OP it brings up nothing but questions.
Don't be so sure about flight ticket, it is usually close to flight date when asked to pay for fare when a sudden shortage gets revealed. Would be interesting for more info on how this girl obtained a visa, was it through her agency and who brought up the idea to visit USA. OP said she is planning to fly in July, well, did she actually buy the ticket already? Maybe she can send info to you with her visa info, just let her know it may be is 'required' for your state!!! A little underhanded , yes but these things should show you her intentions better. For better communication, a electronic vibrator, err, translator can help!!!!

My best advice is using the 3 C's-  Cautious, Careful and in Control!!!!

[GQBlues]

....Any ideas, comments....musings would be most appreciated....

Yeah.

You've average 2.5 to 3 correspondence/day (albeit only through their website) everyday since you laid your eyes on a picture of someone you don't know. The question that comes to mind is: what website and how much did you have to pay for the correspondence and the phone chat?

Have you ever tried dating a deaf/mute and trying to learn sign languages just so you can communicate? That's rather tempting only if the gal is cute and sexy, no? English is prevalent the world over, including Ukraine. I'll go out on a limb and say that the chances of you meeting anyone, especially those listed in international marriage agencies, who can at the very least speak passable English is so much better than meeting one who cannot.

A *scam* isn't a scam unless you willingly departed with your money in exchange for the fantasy flavor of the month. If you haven't reached that stage, then you haven't gotten tagged yet. While your situation may have a remote chance of defying the odds and the prospect of sexing up a cute woman who don't speak your language is too hard to pass up (be honest with yourself, that is really ALL you're caught up with right now. This ain't about *intelligence, culture, poems, angels, summer blooms, and making love in the rain* your mind is wheeling and dealing with right now), then hold on tight to your wallet for a while. Creative minds and fat wallet isn't always a great combination, so be careful..

In the end, if this *relationship* hit a dead end someday...try to communicate with someone you share a common language with. The sex with one who speaks English is just as incredible - trust me.

[BillyB]

   I was surprised about one thing and that was when I offered to help her with the $1600.00 airfare from Ukraine to Atlanta,GA she declined my offer saying she didnt need the money...

You were lucky. Most men who offer money end up getting scammed. Never offer money to somebody you never met. Also it turns off sincere women. They know you wouldn't be offering that money to men so they get the feeling you're trying to buy that thing between their legs. Scammers have been known to reject money before only to ask for it later saying their stuck at the airport and need you to wire money. Don't do it.

we have written about 400 letters between us. We have discussed a huge amount of personal information and my communication with her has been wonderful..

she is funny super intelligent and pretty easy on the eyes too. My dilemma is this...So far we have only communicated on the web site,

She invested a lot of time writing you and you are attracted to her intelligence and personality. Too bad you weren't writing to her personal email account instead of an account you had to pay for. Some guys have been known to trade love letters with agency employees only to learn upon a first meeting the woman they're meeting is completely the opposite of the woman they been writing too.

   ...I really like this woman and would like to develop my relationship with her so I want this first meeting to go well.

Don't be paranoid about our cautions. She's visiting you. Assume this is real until proven otherwise. Date her like you'd date a woman at home. Don't assume she's a scammer but observe her behavior to learn if it's something you can live all your life with or not.

[Shadow]

The sex with one who speaks English is just as incredible - trust me.

Provided she shuts up in time 

[Gator]

Many of the respondents smell a rat.     

I assumed JC's  "website" was a free dating site or at least a minimal monthly fee.  If the site were Anastasia or some other "pay by the letter" agency, this does stink and is probably a swindle   If a free site as I assumed, I do not see a problem in at least meeting her. 

Frankly, I can not imagine a scammer writing 400 messages in 5-6 months, even if brief, one-paragraph messages.  It sounds as if the messages were not canned but direct responses to direct questions.  Has anyone else ever heard of a scammer writing 400 messages?

If she shows up in Atlanta, splendid!    That is all JC has to risk - a ride to the airport.   If she asks for money at the last moment, only an idiot would send her money, and JC does not impress me as an idiot.

JC, the questions about her visa are appropriate because many single UW are denied a visa.  With the current situation around Donetsk, the State Dept may easily assume she is seeking to emigrate from Ukraine and not planning a brief visit.  And if she mentioned she was visiting you, the State Dept would most likely deny her visa as romantic trips are handled through the K-1 fiancée visa.  So to get a visa she had to claim she was meeting a friend, relative, etc. in America.   


I do not believe one should be "underhanded."  Instead just ask her directly.  No RW ever asked me to show her my Russian visa or air tix.

I strongly suggest you arrange a couple of 3-way phone calls using a translator.   This is necessary for important details such as how to navigate through the Atlanta airport, what to expect at immigration, where to meet, what she wants to see, etc.

[GQBlues]

...Has anyone else ever heard of a scammer writing 400 messages?...

It's 400 messages between them since meeting back on January 2014. A little over one letter exchange/day, maybe 2. If he's paying for her letters as well, even for a dollar/letter or a monthly credit, etc. with +/- 5 American Romeos...can equate for a good supplemental income for someone for 5+ months running.

[audionote]

   Hello to all and thanks for all the great advice and ideas. I have been working some long hours lately and have waited till had some time to reply. To answer a few questions I'll start my saying that I have had several skype calls from her over the past few months....
     And yes she has called me directly and the phone number that the agency provided me has shown up on my phone statement.
Regarding the VISA...she has obtained a tourist Visa....though it took 6 weeks to get...She has told me that she owns her own business and has several employees and some people that have helped her travel on business in the past...also the the site I met her on has closed circuit camera where we have chatted many times though it is expensive to use their service...I havent traveled to Ukraine yet because I just started a new job and I can't very well be traveling for at least a week to see her there at this time....She did ask me to come visit her but after I explained my situation she decided that she would come here...later this fall I will be able to take some time off and will travel to Donetsk...
    I have decided to look into finding an interpreter and I also found a Russian tutor...she has been attending English classes at a local college where she lives and I have noticed some improvements in her english when she called me today...I have approached this entire thing with skepticism...especially for the first few months...but things have developed into a much easier routine these days...we genuinely like each other and we are both divorced and both have children....We have no illusions that this will be easy...I have attached a few current pictures....of her and myself.
When the time comes closer for her flight I will update how things are going...Again thanks to all who have offered ideas and support.
Best,

JC

[audionote]

   Hello forgot to mention that last week we stopped using the website we met on to communicate. we do now send e-mail to each other directly...though she is just starting to get the hang of using the google translator...seems to be OK....though she says she will also get an interpreter. Shes a pretty smart women so I have confidence she will figure it out...

JC

[calmissile]

   Hello forgot to mention that last week we stopped using the website we met on to communicate. we do now send e-mail to each other directly...though she is just starting to get the hang of using the google translator...seems to be OK....though she says she will also get an interpreter. Shes a pretty smart women so I have confidence she will figure it out...

JC

You might want to install Clownfish for your Skype chats.  You only need to install it on your end and it translates in both directions.There are a lot of translation errors,  but if you are patient and ask to rephrase misunderstood parts, it works well enough.  Good luck.

[Shadow]

A tip for using Google and other translators.
Use short sentences. They translate better.
Never use slang or expressions.
Literal translation will not work on those.
Whenever something reads funny, ask for another word.

[CDW]

Frankly, I can not imagine a scammer writing 400 messages in 5-6 months, even if brief, one-paragraph messages.  It sounds as if the messages were not canned but direct responses to direct questions.  Has anyone else ever heard of a scammer writing 400 messages?

Yes, it is possible that scammer writing 400 messages, depending on what services men are using.  If the men pay, for example, $100 a month for an unlimited letters, then she is still a potential scammer.

Let look at the possible scernio.  400 messages since January - that's at least 5 months - 120 messages a month - 4 messages a day -  IS SHE UNEMPLOYED ??????

With the $100 a month, she earns $50 a month just from a man.   10 men writing to her monthly, she will earn $500 a month which is a good salary in Ukraine.

[Gator]

JC,

The two of you look good together and compatible with regard to looks and age.   She is probably very interested in you as someone who would accept and grow to love not only her but her child as well. 

Most FSUW listed with agencies are in the low to modest income category.  Some are desperate.  Very few own successful businesses.   I met two FSUW in my six years of searching who owned a business with several employees (paper company and business consulting firm).  Both were very busy, and I did not see how we could take the time to build a relationship unless I moved to the FSU.

In contrast, your woman is taking the time necessary to build a relationship, in a language not familiar to her.  RW typically do that only when they really like the man.  They focus on just him. 

Your new information suggests you should not concern yourself with the sincerity of the woman (unless her business is swindling AM wanting to meet RW  ).  In fact, it seems you have found a special woman.   Even better, she likes you. Congratulations!   Be nice to her.   

You have much to talk about when you meet (such as disposition of her business if everything progresses well with you).  I hope everything goes well.  Meanwhile, I suggest you ask us some more questions so as to learn more about your woman's culture.

[Faux Pas]

   Hello forgot to mention that last week we stopped using the website we met on to communicate. we do now send e-mail to each other directly...though she is just starting to get the hang of using the google translator...seems to be OK....though she says she will also get an interpreter. Shes a pretty smart women so I have confidence she will figure it out...

JC

audio
The info you have provided so far points to this woman not being sincere. That's not to say that she isn't sincere or that she isn't coming to visit you on her own dime. It has happened before but the odds are literally 1-100. As pointed out earlier without being accusatory, I would question her thoroughly on her logistics. You have a language barrier, you've until recently only communicated through the agency. Add that with her volunteering to come to you all reeks of something nefarious.

Make no mistake, nobody here is accusing this woman of being a scam artist, road whore or anything else. You are the only one that truly knows something "anything" about her. Our judgement is based on the information you provided, nothing else. That information raises flags and suspicions to many here because many of us have literally seen it all. Your situation as described is not unique but it is very rare. We all hope it works out for you as you've pictured and it might but, your word of the day for today is "caution"

Good Luck

[Shadow]

   Hello to all and thanks for all the great advice and ideas. I have been working some long hours lately and have waited till had some time to reply. To answer a few questions I'll start my saying that I have had several skype calls from her over the past few months....
     And yes she has called me directly and the phone number that the agency provided me has shown up on my phone statement.
Regarding the VISA...she has obtained a tourist Visa....though it took 6 weeks to get...She has told me that she owns her own business and has several employees and some people that have helped her travel on business in the past...also the the site I met her on has closed circuit camera where we have chatted many times though it is expensive to use their service...I havent traveled to Ukraine yet because I just started a new job and I can't very well be traveling for at least a week to see her there at this time....She did ask me to come visit her but after I explained my situation she decided that she would come here...later this fall I will be able to take some time off and will travel to Donetsk...
    I have decided to look into finding an interpreter and I also found a Russian tutor...she has been attending English classes at a local college where she lives and I have noticed some improvements in her english when she called me today...I have approached this entire thing with skepticism...especially for the first few months...but things have developed into a much easier routine these days...we genuinely like each other and we are both divorced and both have children....We have no illusions that this will be easy...I have attached a few current pictures....of her and myself.
When the time comes closer for her flight I will update how things are going...Again thanks to all who have offered ideas and support.
Best,

JC

After pulling the pictures through Google I doubt either of you is real....

[CanadaMan]

audio
The info you have provided so far points to this woman not being sincere. ... Add that with her volunteering to come to you all reeks of something nefarious.

... We all hope it works out for you as you've pictured and it might but, your word of the day for today is "caution"

Good Luck

+1

[CanadaMan]

After pulling the pictures through Google I doubt either of you is real....

I haven't even bothered to check through Google, but you are more than likely correct.

[audionote]

I assure you sir we are real..stop by my house south of Atlanta GA USA if you are in doubt I live at 6015 Buchanan Circle in McDonough, GA my name is Jon Conarton. I take offense to your post and I only want information that will help me not oppose me.
JC

[Shadow]

I assure you sir we are real..stop by my house south of Atlanta GA USA if you are in doubt I live at 6015 Buchanan Circle in McDonough, GA my name is Jon Conarton. I take offense to your post and I only want information that will help me not oppose me.
JC

Perhaps not post your picture on porn sites would help. Apart from that the picture was taken about 25 years ago 

[GQBlues]

   Hello to all and thanks for all the great advice and ideas. I have been working some long hours lately and have waited till had some time to reply. To answer a few questions I'll start my saying that I have had several skype calls from her over the past few months....
     And yes she has called me directly and the phone number that the agency provided me has shown up on my phone statement.
Regarding the VISA...she has obtained a tourist Visa....though it took 6 weeks to get...She has told me that she owns her own business and has several employees and some people that have helped her travel on business in the past...also the the site I met her on has closed circuit camera where we have chatted many times though it is expensive to use their service...I havent traveled to Ukraine yet because I just started a new job and I can't very well be traveling for at least a week to see her there at this time....She did ask me to come visit her but after I explained my situation she decided that she would come here...later this fall I will be able to take some time off and will travel to Donetsk...
    I have decided to look into finding an interpreter and I also found a Russian tutor...she has been attending English classes at a local college where she lives and I have noticed some improvements in her english when she called me today...I have approached this entire thing with skepticism...especially for the first few months...but things have developed into a much easier routine these days...we genuinely like each other and we are both divorced and both have children....We have no illusions that this will be easy...I have attached a few current pictures....of her and myself.
When the time comes closer for her flight I will update how things are going...Again thanks to all who have offered ideas and support.
Best,

JC

Dude-

Was that picture of you taken before the war? The first one...

But yes....send her money as much as she wants. Put her in your living trust, too while you're at it. Hell, maybe name your neighbor's dog after her if it isn't too late...

Life must suck if you have to troll in the internet. Worst if someone put you up to it and you actually willingly did it. Georgia is such a nice state, too.