What makes you go 'all in' with a foreign man?

[mroz87]

You are a lady aged in the late twenties. You met a foreign man during his visit. He's not the hottest guy in town. He looks average, but at least he seems good as a husband material. You have some chemistry with him based on eye contacts and body language. He appears honest, steady, and has the financial means to do what he is doing (based on his airfares, hotel and restaurant choices). He claimed to have a good job, and he also claimed to have bought his own house (with mortgage though). You saw a photo of this house, it looks good. Most importantly, your age and his age matches (little age gap). He is coming for a second visit in a few months time. He shows you his flight itinerary so it is all confirmed. You volunteer to help him find an apartment and rent a car. Meanwhile, you and him keep communicating in emails.

Fast forward a few months: you see him at the airport. So from this point onwards, what should the man do, and how much else does he need to do, so that it is enough to convince you that he is the real deal such that you go all exclusive on him, with almost 99.9% certainty of leading to a marriage?

• As a lady, would you feel any need to verify his statement (like what is his job, what he owns, etc...)?
• How would you do that? Would you test him by checking whether he is opened to paying some expensive things (commensurate with the salary you think he gets based on what he told you about his job)?
• If you do that, are you not afraid he might think you are a pro-dater?
• He lives in the apartment you selected for him. He hinted it would be nice if he could have your company overnight. Would you give in? Why and why not?

[jazztropy]

There were discussions of this nature in the archives.

[Turboguy]

From a guys point of view to the best of my knowledge I never had a woman check up on me to verify the information I was providing was correct.  I did always try to be fairly open and honest with the women I visited.


If a woman tested my by asking for lots of nice gifts commensurate with the income she thought I had I would probably have considered her a pro dater and moved on without much hesitation.  That doesn't mean I would be turned off by some requests but they would need to be reasonable.


I would think by the end of the second trip there should be some discussion about a possible future together if they are hitting it off.  I think if every day ended with a peck on the cheek at the end of my second visit I would think she was not into me and move on.  That doesn't mean that there would be any firm benchmarks as far as the romantic side of the visit but romance is a part of marriage and too little affection would have me thinking of moving on. 

[I/O]

So from this point onwards, what should the man do, and how much else does he need to do, so that it is enough to convince you that he is the real deal such that you go all exclusive on him, with almost 99.9% certainty of leading to a marriage?

Pass the "mother in law" test - if that's already done, she is simply waiting......

[CDW]

I don't like when women asking me her first questions (too many) talking about my job, my salary etc

[mroz87]

From a guys point of view to the best of my knowledge I never had a woman check up on me to verify the information I was providing was correct.  I did always try to be fairly open and honest with the women I visited.


If a woman tested my by asking for lots of nice gifts commensurate with the income she thought I had I would probably have considered her a pro dater and moved on without much hesitation.  That doesn't mean I would be turned off by some requests but they would need to be reasonable.


I would think by the end of the second trip there should be some discussion about a possible future together if they are hitting it off.  I think if every day ended with a peck on the cheek at the end of my second visit I would think she was not into me and move on.  That doesn't mean that there would be any firm benchmarks as far as the romantic side of the visit but romance is a part of marriage and too little affection would have me thinking of moving on.

Thanks. These are the answers I am looking for, though I still hope some FSUW will chip in.

I have similar thoughts about gift buying. On another note, smarter ladies might use a more advanced financial wellbeing test that does not involve gift buying. For example, the woman may volunteer to help the man to rent an apartment and a car, but will recommend these at a certain luxury level. The man's choice may be used as a guideline to estimate his salary. This is where it gets difficult trying to determine whether the woman is testing you, or she is simply callous with money. What is your thought about this?

I fully agree with your thought about romance and intimacy. You gave me that validation so I know I am not the only one who think that way. During a two week visit of the second visit, I think the first few days will be crucial to see if any intimacy is involved. After all, not seeing each other for months should have the passion fired up rather strongly if genuine physical attraction is present. Lacking of intimacy, then it is probably a good idea to move on, and seek better potentials while the trip is still ongoing.

[ML]

The gal should run a Dun and Bradstreet check on the guy.

At the very minimum, check out his FICO score.

[Gator]

A FSUW should obtain his residential address and Google it.  Google maps may show photos of his house.  Further research will indicate whether he owns the property, his taxes paid, etc. 

[BorisS]

I don't like when women asking me her first questions (too many) talking about my job, my salary etc

I had a meeting once in Kharkov where the first question I was asked was "Do you drive a Mercedes?" ....NEXT...:-))))

[ML]

I had a meeting once in Kharkov where the first question I was asked was "Do you drive a Mercedes?" ....NEXT...:-))))

You missed a great 'come back.'

No . . . but my driver does.

[BorisS]

You missed a great 'come back.'

No . . . but my driver does.

I couldn't think that quick. I was too mesmerized by her er, er, eyes...:-)

[Anotherkiwi]

I had a meeting once in Kharkov where the first question I was asked was "Do you drive a Mercedes?" ....NEXT...:-))))

I feel your pain - I had to answer "No, just a BMW!"

[Lily]

Fast forward a few months: you see him at the airport. So from this point onwards, what should the man do, and how much else does he need to do, so that it is enough to convince you that he is the real deal such that you go all exclusive on him, with almost 99.9% certainty of leading to a marriage?

• As a lady, would you feel any need to verify his statement (like what is his job, what he owns, etc...)?
• How would you do that? Would you test him by checking whether he is opened to paying some expensive things (commensurate with the salary you think he gets based on what he told you about his job)?
• If you do that, are you not afraid he might think you are a pro-dater?
• He lives in the apartment you selected for him. He hinted it would be nice if he could have your company overnight. Would you give in? Why and why not?

Thanks for an entertaining question. Here is something from a FSUW

He does not have to do anything in order to convince me that he is the real deal. He just has to be himself. We are attracted not to what the man is doing, but what the man actually is. We are attracted to the personality. Just be yourself and I will see, and will be able to tell whether I continue with the man or not.

1. Verifying what he actually is and where does he stand in his life. Well yes, I'd probably be interested in knowing that.

2.My means to find it out are, however, limited. Mostly I would rely on what he tells me about himself. Any independent searches would depend on his country of residence. Canada, for example, has stringent privacy laws. On a general note, a FSUW would pay attention on his level of education that is often demonstrative by the man's speech, vocabulary, choice of words, and the general manner to carry himself. And yes it would be good to see his LinkedIn profile

Regarding his alleged spending on me - no I wouldn't see it as indicator of his financial status.

3. A woman who wants to know more about the man's life is a pro-dater? Not sure that I understand the connection as well as the meaning of the word 'pro-dater'.

4. Tough question. Really. Men are sexual beings, but at the same time, there are just too many cases when sex is the only thing that the man wants from the woman. This may smell like a sex tourist, under the circumstances.

[AC]

You missed a great 'come back.'

No . . . but my driver does.

Why stop there?  Mercedes is rather pedestrian.  My driver drives a Bentley would have been better.   

[AC]

2.My means to find it out are, however, limited. Mostly I would rely on what he tells me about himself. Any independent searches would depend on his country of residence. Canada, for example, has stringent privacy laws. On a general note, a FSUW would pay attention on his level of education that is often demonstrative by the man's speech, vocabulary, choice of words, and the general manner to carry himself. And yes it would be good to see his LinkedIn profile

Regarding his alleged spending on me - no I wouldn't see it as indicator of his financial status.

What if he is independently wealthy?  Then he would likely not have a LinkedIn profile. 

Then his spending on you might be a very good indicator of his financial status.

[Photo Guy]

Thanks for an entertaining question. Here is something from a FSUW

He does not have to do anything in order to convince me that he is the real deal. He just has to be himself. We are attracted not to what the man is doing, but what the man actually is. We are attracted to the personality. Just be yourself and I will see, and will be able to tell whether I continue with the man or not.

1. Verifying what he actually is and where does he stand in his life. Well yes, I'd probably be interested in knowing that.

2.My means to find it out are, however, limited. Mostly I would rely on what he tells me about himself. Any independent searches would depend on his country of residence. Canada, for example, has stringent privacy laws. On a general note, a FSUW would pay attention on his level of education that is often demonstrative by the man's speech, vocabulary, choice of words, and the general manner to carry himself. And yes it would be good to see his LinkedIn profile

Regarding his alleged spending on me - no I wouldn't see it as indicator of his financial status.

3. A woman who wants to know more about the man's life is a pro-dater? Not sure that I understand the connection as well as the meaning of the word 'pro-dater'.

4. Tough question. Really. Men are sexual beings, but at the same time, there are just too many cases when sex is the only thing that the man wants from the woman. This may smell like a sex tourist, under the circumstances.

Good to read a sensible response. As far as sex goes, I remember one UW who had her creamy thighs wrapped around my ears. Yeah that's special, but up to that point everything pointed to her message: 'I really would like to live in Germany like my sister', or 'Maybe even the USA with you'. My point- sex can be used as a manipulative tool. Just as nice cars can be used as a shallow luring tool. I'd recommend developing your bullsh%t meter to the point where you can read people- like Lily says, read their body language, read her ability to be kind, or unkind, crude or refined, wise, or unwise, etc. Do they have a sense of humor?   

[Boethius]

On a general note, a FSUW would pay attention on his level of education that is often demonstrative by the man's speech, vocabulary, choice of words, and the general manner to carry himself.

I think this is a mistake in North America.  Some educated individuals do not speak, or write, well.  Furthermore, intellect cannot always be judged by vocabulary.

[JayH]

I think this is a mistake in North America.  Some educated individuals do not speak, or write, well.  Furthermore, intellect cannot always be judged by vocabulary.

What are you saying Mrs B--  that I should concentrate on horizontal "auditions"? "

[Lily]

What if he is independently wealthy?  Then he would likely not have a LinkedIn profile. 

Then his spending on you might be a very good indicator of his financial status.

With a FSUW, it is rather unlikely that she would be aware of an opportunity for a person to became undependently wealthy. For most of us, good financial standing is earned, and goes hand by hand with good professional establishment that results from superior education. Even I who lives in the West,  familiar with how things are done here, and what opportunities do people have here, have little understanding of the ways to earn a good living outside a profession. As Boethius said, this could be wrong for people who live in Northern America.

For many RW, including your truly, the concept of an independent wealth is new and little known. I think that it would be good for you guys to make a thread about what are the independently wealthy people, and what would be the typical avenues for them to build their wealth independently. Hope you don't mean getting inheritance or some kind of a windfall. 

At the same time, due to this lack of information, as soon as the man starts explaining that he is independently wealthy, the RW may start thinking that he is nothing else but a con artist.    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostap_Bender

As far as spending on a woman goes - my thinking would be that with spending on me, he merely tries to 'buy' my affection. Usually men of quality attract by their personality. If he wants to add money to the equation, he is basically signing that his money would be his best part (((

[AC]

For many RW, including your truly, the concept of an independent wealth is new and little known. I think that it would be good for you guys to make a thread about what are the independently wealthy people, and what would be the typical avenues for them to build their wealth independently. Hope you don't mean getting inheritance or some kind of a windfall. 

As far as spending on a woman goes - my thinking would be that with spending on me, he merely tries to 'buy' my affection. Usually men of quality attract by their personality. If he wants to add money to the equation, he is basically signing that his money would be his best part (((

As far as being "independently wealthy" I would say the number one way more people become millionaires in the USA has always been through wise real estate investments.  If you don't know how to meet such guys you might be possibly limiting your options.

As far as a guy trying to "buy" your affection, I think again you might be limiting your options.  Every guy who is really interested in you will try to "buy" your affection, it's just that the currency involved will be different with each person.  It might be that a guy mostly showing affection with gifts is simply shy and doesn't know how to properly impress you.  Perhaps if you gave him a chance the better parts of his personality would show; or perhaps your suspicions would come true.  Might not hurt to keep an open mind though.

[Lily]

Thank you AC. I heard at least about one person who made a living for his family through the real estate investments about 40 years ago. Just a brief mention of this. This business allowed them to send both children to an expensive private school, and to buy a large nice house in a good area, at least. That's what I know of it so far. Must be a way to earn a living.

Unfortunately, in Canada, I never met anyone from that business in person. Even little idea that they exist at all! Like, for example, we know that the wolves co-exist with us, but in real life our paths just don't cross, unless we go into some wild forest.

The thread is however about a regular FSUW. As previously mentioned, as far as I know, good income for them would mostly be a result of good education and good career. Investments as a way to make a living would be an alien concept for many of FSUW.

Would you perhaps shed me some light on what are those guys and where to meet them?

[ML]

As far as being "independently wealthy" I would say the number one way more people become millionaires in the USA has always been through wise real estate investments.

I think it is through starting a small business, growing it, and being frugal with your money for several years while reinvesting in the business.

Also, keep in mind that being a millionaire is not such a big deal these days.

Probably need 10 million or more to be in the same boat as a millionaire in 1940s, etc.

[ML]

I remember one UW who had her creamy thighs wrapped around my ears.

What on earth were you doing at the time?

[AC]

I think it is through starting a small business, growing it, and being frugal with your money for several years while reinvesting in the business.

Also, keep in mind that being a millionaire is not such a big deal these days.

Probably need 10 million or more to be in the same boat as a millionaire in 1940s, etc.

You are on the right track.  The precise figure for a millionaire in 1956 for example would be 8.5 Million dollars today.  Obviously because of inflation.  However this does not tell the whole story.  Because of disinflation (negative inflation) many products such as electronics cost much less.  So a person with a million dollars today can have a very high standard of living provided they are not reckless with their money.


1956                                                                  2014
1 Million Dollars                    equals                      8,500,000 Dollars

[AC]

Thank you AC. I heard at least about one person who made a living for his family through the real estate investments about 40 years ago. Just a brief mention of this. This business allowed them to send both children to an expensive private school, and to buy a large nice house in a good area, at least. That's what I know of it so far. Must be a way to earn a living.

Unfortunately, in Canada, I never met anyone from that business in person. Even little idea that they exist at all! Like, for example, we know that the wolves co-exist with us, but in real life our paths just don't cross, unless we go into some wild forest.

The thread is however about a regular FSUW. As previously mentioned, as far as I know, good income for them would mostly be a result of good education and good career. Investments as a way to make a living would be an alien concept for many of FSUW.

Would you perhaps shed me some light on what are those guys and where to meet them?

I think you are right that there might be some men who feel their money allows them to "sleep around" just because they give you a few gifts.  So obviously those are the type of men you would want to avoid and I suspect they are easy to spot.

OTOH there might be some quality men who want a quality woman.  A quality FSUW apparently has certain attributes which are in much shorter supply amongst her Western counterparts.  The fact that you put a high emphasis on your education is likely very appealing.  Of course there is also the possibility a WM wants a more "traditional" woman in the way she dresses, etc.  The definition of such is open to wild interpretation.

I'm not an expert on meeting such people as I don't run in their circles but I found this website which looks interesting.  It doesn't mean that the only quality you look for in a man is financial, it's just a possible way to expand your dating pool beyond a LinkedIn profile or other such; I hope it might be helpful.  A more expensive way to meet such persons might be a membership in a yacht club or exclusive golf club.  In the USA an attractive single woman who joins the Republican party and volunteers for "get out the vote drives" or goes to fundraising lunches and dinners would meet a lot of successful single men.

http://www.millionairematch.com/


This link is for single Republicans (I don't know if your politics run conservative)

http://www.republicanpeoplemeet.com/